27. Hayworth
TWENTY-SEVEN
HAYWORTH
“Is there L-O-V-E brewing in Maplewood?”
That’s the question of the day, according to Maplewood Matters . Because apparently the several self-proclaimed love haters were reported making out and being super affectionate at the latest Anti-Valentine event. Of course, I was the first one to be mentioned by name and they even got Felix’s name this time around.
“No there isn’t,” I tell Mom for what feels like the hundredth time but she’s also asked once.
But when it feels as if all eyes and ears are on you, it’s no surprise that I feel as if the world is hanging on my every move waiting for me to slip up.
And I almost did. Last night. When it was just Felix and me and nobody else in the world. When it felt as if we were connecting at a deeper level. When we brought pleasure to each other like we never have before and when it felt so different for no apparent reason. None I can explain anyway. None I want to begin to explain.
“Would it be so bad if there was?”
I stare daggers at Mom but she only chuckles in response.
Great. Now even my stares have no effect.
“Has anything Maplewood Matters written ever been right?”
Mom shrugs. “I don’t know. They seem to be on point for most things.”
“Well, they’re not on point about this.”
“Would it be so bad if they were?” Her eyes pierce me with the intensity of all the hints and questions unasked.
“Yes,” I say.
“Really? Why?”
“You know why.”
I refill my cup of coffee and Mom dips a biscuit in her cup then chews it with her unwavering gaze.
And that’s exactly why I hate this fucking blog. Not only does it not care for the truth, it doesn’t care about the effect their lies have on the rest of us. On me.
“So you’re not in love with Felix Spring?”
Isn’t that the question of a lifetime? I want to say no. I need to say no, but it feels like sacrilege thinking it let alone speaking it. It’s as if I can picture his face in front of me, those wonderful green eyes that feel as if they can see all the way into my soul and I can see the disappointment in them, the small, but noticeable pout when I deny anything I feel for him.
This is torture.
This is why love sucks.
Because I shouldn’t be feeling anything close to this after two weeks of knowing this guy.
I drop my shoulders, hold my cup up to my mouth and raise the pitch of my voice.
“OMG Mom. Yes. I’m so in love with the new kid, Felix. I think I’m gonna ask him to the prom!”
“You should. It’ll be fun,” Mom says in a serious tone completely ignoring my sarcasm and I groan in frustration. “Would it really be the end of the world if you were?—”
“Yes! Yes it would be.”
“Walk me through that, honey. How exactly?”
“I’m warning you, Mrs. H. If you keep this up you’ll be lunching alone.”
“Oh no. The horror!” Mom slaps the back of her hand to her forehead and rolls her eyes back as if she’s going to faint but I’m not the least bit amused.
“Fine. If you’re going to be an ass, I’m leaving.” I put my cup down and snatch my jacket from the back of the chair.
“Don’t be so dramatic, Hayworth. There’s a reason I stopped sending you to theater camp. You suck at it.”
I huff and sit back on my chair. “I hate you when you’re like this,” I mutter under my breath.
“I love you too, honey. Now drink up. I’ve got important things to do today and bearing witness to your sulking ain’t one of them.”
I roll my eyes and eat the cake she’s served with it that I know I’ll have to burn at the gym later.
When we finish, I help her clear the table and we both go out together. I drop her off at the Wild Palette, her craft and art store, and I make my way to Sparky’s for some much-needed lunch before my workout.
Despite Valentine’s Day being well and truly in the past, the place is still decked out in themed paraphernalia and I can only hope it’s because it’s too busy to take it down at the weekend and not because they’ve also decided to celebrate love all month long.
But that’s not even the worst of it. Other than all the red and pink decorations making the place look quite tacky if I may say so myself, there’s absolute pandemonium inside. Kids are screaming their lungs out, crying their eyes out or flinging food across the table while their parents are probably regretting not wearing a condom. I try to wait by the counter for a few minutes and read one of the leaflets advertising today’s Parent-Child Date “Night” but when a kid practically renders me deaf by howling in my ear I decide it’s about time I defect to Red’s and get it over with.
“Hayworth!” I hear over all the screaming and despite my best instincts to ignore it, I turn to the source and find two beautiful little girls smiling and waving at me from the other end of the diner.
“Damn,” I mutter and before I can help myself I’m walking to their table.
“Hayworth!” they exclaim again and get up from their seats to hug me by the waist and legs.
Is it me, or has Arya grown taller since last week? And what the fuck is wrong with me that I’m even noticing that?
Agh!
“Hey, girls. What are you doing here?” I ask and they both turn to the man across from me who’s studying me with narrowed eyes.
“We took Poppy out on a date!” Arya yells and Felix winces.
“Oh really? I missed the part where you’re paying for all this.” He breaks eye contact to address his youngest and I take the chance to breathe again.
Why does he have to be so breathtaking, even amidst all this chaos?
“You’re silly, Poppy!” Arya chuckles and grabs me by the hand. “Sit with us, Hayworth.”
“Yes. Please sit with us!” Elsa tugs at my other hand and I can’t find it in me to refuse even though I should. Even if I should put as much distance from this…scene as soon as possible and never look back.
“Sure, I’ll sit with you,” I say with a sigh and the two girls cheer, pushing me down to the fourth available chair.
“There, Poppy. Hayworth can pay for us. Can’t you, Hayworth?”
Felix chokes on his soda and it takes some effort to look away from him and stare the girls down with fake indignation.
“Oh is this how it’s going to be, huh? Are you trying to take advantage of me?” I raise my eyebrow comically high and it elicits a giggle from both of them so I count that as a successful acting job.
Take that Mom and theater camp!
“No! Poppy can buy us things too. That’s why it’s good to have two daddies!” Arya says and it’s my turn to choke on nothing.
“Arya!” Felix says and Elsa pats me on the back with the gentlest smile. She looks just like her dad and my heart skips a beat without my consent.
Damn.
Damnity damned damn.
Before I can say anything I might regret later, or anything stupid, Ian stops at the table and thankfully distracts me by taking my order.
“I’ll have the meatloaf and a Diet Coke, thanks.”
“You got it, boss.” The older man taps my shoulder and makes his escape, leaving me alone with Felix, Arya and Elsa.
“I thought you were Team Red’s,” I say.
Felix gasps. “Shhh! Do you want to get me into trouble?” he asks with a grin, looking at the direction Ian went.
“No. Of course not. Never,” I tell him.
And it’s true. I wouldn’t want to get him into trouble. Not even if he’s got me in trouble. A trouble I don’t know how to escape from.
“How are you?” he asks me when I look at him.
Elsa rolls her eyes, audibly, like only children know how to. “You saw each other last night, Poppy. You know how he is,” she says and we both laugh.
From the mouths of babes.
“I’m sorry my little demons dragged you into this. I’m sure you had places to be.”
“I was actually after some lunch before I hit the gym so this is perfect.”
Elsa and Arya gawk at me with huge, innocent smiles and I turn to find Felix beaming at me. My heart can’t take it.
This is so…
Domesticated. Beautiful. Heart-warming.
And most of all, dangerous.
“So what are you going to do after the ‘date’?” I ask them, trying to desperately keep my eyes on the girls and the girls only and not Felix.
I don’t know what I might do, or say, or feel if I keep looking at him.
“We’re going home to make popcorn and watch Disney Princess movies!” Arya screeches, making all of us wince.
I chuckle.
“That sounds fun,” I say and regret it immediately.
“You should come too. Come watch Princess movies with us,” Elsa begs with a whiny voice and I know she won’t be pleased until I accept.
I turn to Felix and he smiles when I ask him for permission.
“That would be great,” he says and I get lost in his beauty.
Damn.
Damn it all.
This is wrong. This is all wrong.
My heart has just started healing from all the bullshit I’ve been through. Why did I have to go and fall in love again? It’s as if I haven’t learned my lesson. As if my heart is begging to be torn apart again.
I don’t know how, but I need to put an end to this, whatever this is. I need to find the strength and courage to walk away before I break his heart. Before I break Elsa’s and Arya’s heart. And before mine is broken beyond repair.
Because I don’t know much but if there’s one thing I know, it’s that no one can get over a man like Felix and I’m no exception.