Chapter 1 #2
I looked in the mirror as I left the bathroom with one hand on my face and one on my stomach.
My cheeks were round, and my stomach was never fully flat.
I lowered my gaze. My thighs were definitely too big.
I’d always thought feeling insecure about my looks was foolish; there were plenty of other qualities that I longed to have.
But why did I feel so unattractive near a guy?
If James were a woman, the comparison would probably be even more agonizing and the contrast even more unforgiving.
The truth was that I’d never had anything to do with guys that good looking.
After brushing my teeth with my index finger and taking a large swig of mouthwash, I went back to Will’s room hoping James had left enough space for me.
I flung the closet doors open and looked for something to put on.
I didn’t see anything light. I rummaged here and there but only found sweatshirts, jeans, and jerseys.
All of a sudden, I noticed a big basket of dirty clothes next to the closet.
It was overflowing and looked like it had everything in it.
Maybe I’d have to help Will not just with my words but with my actions.
Clearly he needed someone to do his laundry.
“You can use mine, so you at least quit making a mess in there.” I jumped at James’s voice behind me.
“What are you doing here, Hunter?”
He went to sit on the couch at the foot of Will’s bed and turned on the TV.
“What are you doing?” I asked as he pulled his T-shirt over his head and threw it in my face.
“So do you often throw things everywhere?” I asked.
“So you never return things often?”
Caught off guard, I furrowed my brows, but I knew exactly what he was talking about. The hoodie.
“Turn around,” I ordered.
James curled his lips and started laughing. “You’re such a dumbass.”
“And meanwhile you’re still not turning around, or am I wrong?”
“Like I’ve never seen a pair of tits.” He was a lost cause.
Why did I listen to him at all? I went to the bathroom to change.
I left my bra, jeans, and hoodie folded on the windowsill, then looked in the mirror again.
Since when did I start looking at myself once every three minutes?
James’s shirt was long on my hips but a little short on my thighs.
I went back to the room, and luckily he didn’t even deign to look at me again. I sighed.
James sat on the couch shirtless with the white quilt covering his abs. I couldn’t see his underwear, but I hoped he was wearing it.
“You’ll wake him up if you don’t turn it down.”
“A firing cannon wouldn’t wake him up. Do you think this is the first time I’ve stayed with Will?”
I sat down next to James to see how comfortable the couch was, and noticed my eyelids getting heavy.
I just wanted to lie down and think about the day’s events and everything Will had told me. I still hadn’t fully digested it, and having James a few inches away from me could become a not-insignificant distraction.
“I’m uncomfortable. How are we both gonna sleep on a couch?”
He grumbled then threw the quilt to the side. When he stood up, I was relieved to see that he was wearing a pair of boxers.
“Get off your ass.”
“What?”
“You heard me, White.”
I got up, and he gripped under the couch and pulled it up to reveal a sofa bed. A small bed, but a bed.
“Is that better, princess?”
His blue eyes lingered on my mouth for a few moments then moved down to my bare legs.
No, I definitely wasn’t going to sleep here with him.
James took advantage of my momentary confusion and lay down in the middle of the sofa bed. I had just lost the opportunity to lay claim to my space.
“I’d like to sleep there,” I said calmly, pointing at the mattress.
“Then do so,” he urged brazenly.
“But you’re here!”
“Then find somewhere else. I already told you, the living room couch is super-uncomfortable. It’s perfect for you.”
“Enough, you’re driving me nuts.”
I yanked the quilt, lifted it quickly and got under it, and curled up next to him.
“White?” he yelled.
“Shh, don’t scream! What now?”
“I didn’t fucking think you were serious.”
Lit by the glow of the TV, his face turned white in the dim light. He moved so far from me that he almost fell off the bed, pulling the whole quilt away with him.
“What’s your problem?” I stammered, confused.
“I don’t think it’s a good idea for us to sleep together, White.” His reaction seemed a little excessive.
“Of course not, neither do I.”
“I’m going downstairs,” he grumbled as he dragged the quilt with him, lifting my T-shirt up to my belly button. I instinctively pulled it back down.
The embarrassment had become unbearable. Why’d he have to make everything so hard? I preferred when he was an asshole.
“You’re leaving me without a blanket?” I asked, speechless.
James stumbled at first, then got up and stared at me as he ran his fingers through his hair.
“So let me get this straight—you want the bed, the blanket, and what the fuck else do you want now?” He made me feel small. I put my arms over my bare legs.
“I can’t sleep without something covering me, okay?”
“It’s official. You’re the queen of the pain in the asses,” he spat, flinging himself back on the bed. He threw the quilt toward me, and both of us were covered.
“I swear if I hear another peep out of your fucking mouth, you hear me?” he threatened, turning off the TV.
I moved closer to the edge of the bed when I felt his thigh graze my hip.
I stared at the ceiling, as I sensed his every move. He put his hand behind the nape of his neck and stayed still with his perfect profile facing the ceiling.
He seemed more innocent in that position.
“What the fuck are you looking at?”
I turned to face the other way.
“If you even think about it, James.”
“What?”
“Touching me.”
“I can’t think about it? Oh, what a shame. That’s exactly what I was about to do, fantasize about your gorgeous ass,” he murmured.
“Ew.”
“I’m joking, dumbass.”
“Of course you are.”
“Shut up and go to sleep, please. You’re too much of a pain. I can’t deal with it anymore.”
“I’m not. I’m just making everything clear, Hunter.”
“Do you realize that you always act so childish?”
“Maybe, but getting into the same bed as you is the last thing I wanted to do tonight.”
“You’re sexist. You’re only saying that because I have a penis and you have a vagina. You know that, right?”
I snorted loudly, but didn’t answer.
“You wouldn’t care if I was a girl.”
“I don’t trust you, Hunter.”
“Tell me, what could I do, White?” I heard him laugh.
“Cut it out. I warned you, if you even remotely try . . .”
He turned away to the other side. I noticed it when I felt the heat of his back graze against mine.
“Go to sleep.” I cut him off, irritated.
“How am I supposed to do that? I’m just dying to touch you,” he quipped sarcastically, always wanting the last word.
Deep breath. I’m gonna slap him so hard tomorrow, I thought. Then he finally was quiet. After a long while, I fell asleep.
>> <<
The sun’s rays peeking through the blinds woke me with a start.
I looked down at my bare thighs; the jersey was hiked up to my stomach.
I was still on my side. I turned my head and saw James sleeping on his stomach.
His chin was turned slightly upward, and his lips were parted.
I was captivated by the perfect curve of his nose.
His arms were stretched out as if he wanted to take up all the space, and his hand .
. . his hand was on my hip. On my hip? I felt his warm imprint on my bare skin. Breathe, June.
“James, move your fucking hand,” I whispered, so as not to wake William.
But with the same hand, he pulled on my hip to bring me to his chest, moving me with unsettling ease.
His eyes were still closed, and as soon as his chest clung to my back, I heard him let out a guttural moan.
He squeezed me tighter and squeezed my waist, smothering his face in the nape of my neck. I couldn’t breathe.
“James!”
“Um?”
Confused, he opened his eyes, but when he realized that he was clinging to me, he jerked away.
“Oh shit.”
He turned around and grumbled.
“You said you wouldn’t touch me.”
“I didn’t do it intentionally, trust me,” he mumbled raspily.
I should’ve gotten angry with him, but then I noticed that his messy hair was sticking out everywhere like a duckling’s, and I laughed. He frowned.
“I told you, it’s a reflex. I didn’t do it on purpose.”
“You hug people in your sleep?”
“Look, what the fuck should I tell you? I get cuddly when I sleep. It’s not intentional. Don’t flatter yourself.”
I burst out laughing. “What kind of excuses are you making up?”
“It’s not an excuse. It happens. Even with bitches like you.”
“Bullshit.”
“Don’t bust my balls first thing in the morning.”
I decided to ignore his more-vitriolic-than-usual attitude and sat up. William’s mattress was empty. The bed was unmade and the covers were crumpled.
“But, Will?” I asked James, grazing his arm to get his attention. James jumped out of bed and glared at me furiously.
“Don’t.”
My eyes widened in shock. “What?”
“You heard me.”
I watched him put on a pair of tracksuit pants and leave the bedroom. When I checked the time on my phone, I saw a text from my mom. But the worst thing was something else—it was after seven, and I had to be at school in about an hour.
I left the bedroom and went into the kitchen.
“Hello, Will.”
The sound of my barefoot steps on the tiles caught William’s attention. He was spreading a dollop of jam on a piece of toast.
“Oh.”
The look on his face when he saw me come in threw me off.
“What is it?” I asked, coming closer.
“Nothing,” he murmured, lowering his eyes.
He was smiling, so I asked again.
“What’s going on, Will?”
“You’re beautiful even when you’ve just woken up,” he said, then put the knife on the table and wrapped both hands around my waist.
Our foreheads brushed against each other.