Chapter 24 #3
“Meaning?” My sneer didn’t affect him at all. We were speaking two different languages.
“Wake up! Friendship exists, White.”
James kept blowing whitish smoke out.
“He cares about me like a friend? Should that console me?”
“So what? Are you in love with him?” The pause didn’t last long.
“No.”
“So what? Why should you feel bad? He loves someone else, accept it.”
His blunt declaration punched me right in the gut. I looked down at my knees, while my straight hair lined my face like tears.
“White, I didn’t want—”
“No, you’re right.” I cleared my throat. “It’s the feeling of failure that I can’t stand, and it’s not because of Will. It’s—”
“You’ll get over it,” declared James.
“Yeah, but at what cost?”
“What do you mean?” He looked confused.
“Forget it.”
I got out of the car, and he did the same.
“White.”
“Eh.”
“You don’t need anyone, do you? You’re strong, aren’t you?” he asked while I walked around the car.
I gazed at him attentively. “Yeah, I think so. Do you want it back?”
I pointed at the porch swing where I’d found the teddy bear the night before.
“Huh?”
Obviously he was playing dumb.
“Come on, you know.”
“What?” James hinted at a smile.
Now I was going to punch him.
“I’ll let you have it for another night, White. I think you need it now.” A small smile crossed my lips. Why did he treat me so badly in front of everyone else but could also be so sweet?
He turned to walk away, then suddenly turned back to me.
“Look, I wanted ask you something.”
His dark, gruff voice sounded strangely serious, startling me.
“What?”
With his hands in his pockets, he bore his midnight-blue eyes into mine.
“Do you have some sort of problem?”
“How dare you?” I exclaimed.
“I mean with sleep.”
I tensed up. “What the hell are you talking about, James?”
“Like, I don’t know, a sleep disorder?”
“Cut to the chase! What are you getting at?”
“What the fuck do I know! If I’m asking you, it’s because I don’t know! I saw you, I don’t know—” He shook his head and then mumbled, “Okay, forget I said anything.”
I wasn’t fast enough to answer him, and he kicked a stone on the ground then took out his vape pen.
“I gotta go home, I’m gonna get Jasper from camp tomorrow morning.”
“Tell me something,” I said when I saw him lean his back against the car door.
“What.”
“What were you doing handcuffed to Taylor’s bed?”
James gave me a smug sneer then turned on the vape pen and let the smoke that he took in deep breaths of blow out of his white teeth.
“Yeah, I saw the picture.”
“If you only knew, Snow White.”
I wasn’t sure what to do, and hesitated a little bit before walking into the house.
“Why don’t you go in?” he asked me.
“My mom’s back. She has a breathalyzer for a nose. If she finds out I even had a sip of alcohol, she’ll never let me hear the end of it.”
“Tell her to mind her fucking business.”
“Sure, you tell her.”
James got to the front door so fast that I had to push him away.
“No! Are you crazy?”
I burst out laughing, and put both palms into his soft hoodie. He held the vape pen with one hand and pushed back the hair in front of my forehead with the other, forcing me to look him in the eye with that hypnotic gesture. Then he leaned his head. We were so close . . .
“Will seriously likes you. I don’t think he wants to break up with you.” Why do you always have to do this?
“Why are you talking about him now?”
I bit a corner of my lip, regretting what I’d just whispered.
“What should I be talking about?”
I lifted my chin a bit in front of his imposing figure. I barely came up to his shoulders.
“I don’t know. I thought—”
I felt my words crumble in my mouth. I don’t know what was happening to me, but it was hard to think straight.
“What’d you think?” Without taking his eyes off me, James waited.
“That you could trust me?”
“Up until now you’ve never shown me anything to the contrary, James.”
“No, you don’t really trust me, June.”
I didn’t know if he did it mockingly or not, but the way his rosy, perfect lips pronounced my name made my knees wobble.
“I always trusted you. Otherwise I wouldn’t’ve told you about my brother. Nor would I have gone with you to Austin’s. I knew he wouldn’t hurt me because you were there.”
I saw him part his lips. He seemed disoriented. Maybe he wasn’t used to receiving a thank-you, or even recognition
“Fuck.”
“I just don’t understand why you always end up treating me like crap.”
James sucked in a deep breath.
“Why do you think I do it?”
I shrugged. How could I have known?
“I don’t like you, and you hate me so much that—”
I saw him throw the vape pen on the ground.
A slow shiver drifted down my skin when his forehead gently leaned on mine.
And when I saw him close his eyes, I felt his heart start beating in an unusual rhythm.
“I can’t do that to Will, you know?”
I let myself go then slowly closed my eyes too. I couldn’t think about Will or anyone else. Even the little voice inside my head was quiet. If James wanted to do it, he could.
I licked my lips; I felt them burn with desire to feel his. I struggled to swallow. He backed away. And when I opened my eyes again, James was already disappearing behind the car door.
“Make sure you give it back to me tomorrow,” he spat, before turning the car on and leaving.
I walked back into my house confused. Luckily, my mom didn’t come anywhere near me.
After a little bit, I curled up under my soft blankets and held the teddy bear tight.
James’s scent cradled me as I fell asleep smiling.