Chapter 39 #2
“Okay. I’ll delete it. But what does that have to do with it? Do you think I called you to jerk me off?”
“James!” she screamed, embarrassed. I smiled, biting my lip. “Besides, could you blame me if I thought that? You act like that!”
She wasn’t stupid. She wanted to know if the reason I called was neutral or not.
“What’s wrong with doing it like that?”
I didn’t know how to answer that. The silence was long.
“I mean, if we both want to.” I sighed and a quiver rushed through my length, which was enclosed in my boxers. “In the extremely rare case.”
She took her time to answer. “Why should we want that?” she asked quietly.
“Because it’s less intimate.”
And most of all because this way, doing it far away, I felt less guilty. Something that instead would happen if I climbed into your bed to bang you every night.
“That would be terrible,” she hissed in an increasingly low voice.
“What?”
“The fact that you don’t want intimacy, James.”
“What the fuck do you know?” I asked, getting angry.
“I don’t know anything, okay, but you always try to make things less special.”
I wasn’t laughing anymore.
“Why do you say that?”
“Because it’s just the opposite for me.”
“I’m listening, White.”
“I don’t like the way that you do things.”
Did June White seriously think I called her so she could insult me?
“Oh, are you saying you don’t want me to call you?”
“I don’t want a call in the middle of the night from someone because they’re trashed and who treats me like one of many and maybe also does it to satisfy their whims. I’m not like that.”
But up until now nobody had complained. I definitely wasn’t changing my habits for an insufferable princess.
“And tell me, who the fuck do you think would call you?” I provoked her without mincing words.
“That’s none of your business. Anyway, anything I do, I know I want to do it with someone who thinks I’m special and vice versa. Not like this.”
An uproar of rage overwhelmed me. What the fuck kind of conversations were these?
“So you’re saying you’re waiting for your knight in shining armor?” I huffed, fed up.
And while you wait, could you keep thinking about me every time that you put your damn hand between your thighs?
“I’m not waiting for my knight in shining armor, you moron!”
“Also because you’d die a virgin, moron,” I teased. She was smiling; I sensed it.
“What do you want, James?” she asked at some point, becoming serious again.
I was looking for something from her, but I still didn’t know what it was.
I had the impression that she realized it.
She realized it the first time she came here to help Jasper with his homework, just like that time when we went to Ethan Austin’s place.
“I don’t know,” I admitted through clenched teeth.
“Maybe, in the end you’re just looking for what you deny yourself in every possible way.” Now she was starting with the bullshit.
“Um, and what would that be, Snow White?”
“Something special.”
Fuck off. I hated her trust in things, her innocence.
“Don’t be romantic with me, princess. Maybe I called you because I wanted to play a little.”
“Good night, James.”
“No, wait.”
“No,” she replied.
“Turn on your video, June.”
This time she didn’t hesitate or pause. Instead she burst into contagious laughter.
“You’re awful!”
“How come you always think bad?” I asked, smiling in spite of myself.
“Me? You just said that—”
“Come on, I like provoking you. How do you act so smart and not understand things that are so simple?”
“I understand that you’re a lost cause. That’s what I understand,” she said right before turning on the video. I wasn’t expecting it, but it felt like I was looking at my reflection in the phone screen. We were both lying down with our cheeks on the pillow.
“Do you sleep on your side?” I asked impulsively.
“Yeah.”
“Me too.”
“Which one?” she murmured, almost embarrassed to look at me.
“Same one that you do.”
“But you don’t know which one that is,” she retorted.
“It doesn’t matter, it would be the same one.” For Christ’s sake, why am I saying this shit now? We gazed at each other for a few moments.
She set her eyes on my bare chest, but then she quickly looked down.
“And so what should we do?”
I could see the bottom of her slim neck from the small screen, surrounded by white fabric. She was probably wearing her pajama T-shirt. “Why not close your eyes?”
She covered her face with her hand. She was embarrassed.
“You’re completely crazy, James.” Maybe.
“Okay, forget I said anything.”
“What did you smoke to say such crazy stuff?” she asked suspiciously.
“Uh, you make such a fuss, but remember, we already slept together, White.”
I was continuing to fiddle with the necklace around my neck. Her big eyes were glued to my movements. She seemed hypnotized by my gestures.
“But that’s different. It’s further away. Can you sleep in front of a phone? It’s like a Japanese fetish thing,” she whispered, cupping her hand in front of her mouth like she didn’t want anyone to hear her.
“You prefer sleeping with me in the flesh, don’t you?” I teased. She jumped.
“No, maybe it’s better this way without you bothering me!”
“I bother you?”
“Would you prefer if I called it hugging me in your sleep?” she murmured, clumsily hiding the tip of her nose with the sheet.
“Says the person who didn’t move an inch.” I burst out laughing.
“Look, I’m tired,” she whined, smiling. I saw her put her phone on the nightstand.
“Sure, when it’s convenient for you, you’re tired.”
“Well? I got sleepy talking to you.” She curled her mouth into a goofy smirk.
“So close your eyes, June.”
My voice came out softer than usual.
She curved her red lips. She didn’t laugh or tease. She just smiled.
Fuck, you really are beautiful.
Then her gaze suddenly became docile, and to my surprise, I saw her close her eyes.
Why was she listening to me? It didn’t make sense.
“James, we still have to talk,” she said, curling up on the pillow.
“I know, but not now.”
And without wanting to, I closed my eyes too. We both drifted into a deep sleep.