Chapter 41 #3
“The first step to loving yourself is accepting yourself. Being sure of yourself is the first step to others liking you. When you like yourself, when you feel truly special, then others will be attracted to you as if you truly were. But until then, the only people who can really see you are those who can see beyond the surface.” She stroked her lower lip with the mouthpiece of a vape pen, continuing to gaze at those girls rapt.
“So . . .”
“So there’s nothing wrong with you, June. And if the others think so, it’s their problem, seeing as they don’t even know you.”
The discussion made me reflect, and I understood that that was the exact mistake that I’d made with Tiffany. I’d judged her before I even knew her, thinking she was boring and vapid.
“That’s why you’re not comfortable wearing a bikini, isn’t it?” she guessed, thinking she’d solved the riddle.
The noise in the background distracted both of us.
“Who’s that?” I asked when a tall, dark-haired, tattooed guy got close to James’s ear.
“Scott. Sammy’s new boyfriend.”
The guy repeatedly grazed against James’s chest with his hand while his eyes seemed to be morbidly attracted to his lips. They looked at each other wide eyed, and I was forced to take my eyes off them.
What was the point of staying there watching him flirt with a guy?
James and I were in two worlds that were far apart and had nothing to do with the other.
I was the one who listened to Taylor Swift, liked dogs, and drank hot chocolate even in the summer. That was June White’s worst transgression.
“Can I ask you something, June?”
I nodded at Tiffany, who seemed perplexed.
“Did you and James sleep together?”
“Yeah.”
She raised an eyebrow, stunned by my answer.
“Oh, um, how was it?”
“What? No, what did you think—”
“Did you?”
Tiffany didn’t make any gesture, but it was easy to figure out what she was talking about.
“What? No! Why do you think something silly like that? We never even kissed.” I groaned, overcome by embarrassment.
“Are you kidding? You slept together and didn’t—”
“No, I swear, I’d tell you.”
And if I was honest, Tiffany was clearly incredulous.
“You didn’t even?”
“Nothing,” I revealed, whispering.
Tiffany furrowed her dark brows.
“That’s a little suspicious.”
“What do you mean?”
She didn’t answer, her attention captured by two figures who were going inside.
“Come on, let’s go,” she suggested, taking my hand.
I knew almost nobody at the party; there weren’t many people from my class and not a trace of Amelia, Brian, Ari, Blaze, or Poppy.
Tiffany led the way inside, where a wall of people prevented us from moving forward.
I couldn’t help but notice James’s group had moved into the living room.
“Who’s that?” I asked pointing at a girl sitting on his lap.
“Oh no! Connell’s sister. For Christ’s sake, why does he always have to get into trouble?” I heard her say, concerned.
“And why are you friends with someone like that?”
Tiffany tensed her neck and lifted her head to scan the crowd. She seemed to have caught a glimpse of someone more interesting than me.
“Tiff?” I called.
“James is trustworthy, honest, and smells good,” she answered absentmindedly.
I soon noticed what caught her attention.
It was the sight of a blonder than usual Taylor, who walked past us with a girl.
Tiffany followed her with her eyes, seeming almost confused by the sight of her friend, who didn’t even acknowledge her.
“I’m going to the bathroom.”
She backed away and I stood there, still until I heard other squeals.
“Jamie, no!”
Connell’s sister was still sitting on James’s lap, with a towel barely covering her backside while he talked with Sammy. And he always did it in that intimate and ambiguous way, the same way he’d talked with the tattooed guy, just before.
At some point James got up and grabbed Sammy, carrying her outside on his shoulder. She screamed at the top of her lungs as he threw her into the pool. He smiled smugly then turned around. Right then our gazes met like crazy marbles.
Busted.
Suddenly, I turned around.
What was I looking for? Why couldn’t I stop? Did I want to prove something to myself?
“Do you know what they say about curious girls?”
I crossed my arms when James came up to me.
“And do you know what they say about morons?”
James’s eyes drifted on my T-shirt, the skirt, and the boots.
“I’ll pretend I didn’t hear that. But tell me just one thing, Snow White. Why aren’t you in a swimsuit?”
“Cut the crap.”
“Answer me.”
“It’s full of girls,” I defended myself weakly.
“Fuck. Really? I hadn’t noticed,” he sneered sarcastically.
“Go to them.” And drown in the pool, thank you.
“Tell me something, White. Why do you always seem to want to kick me in the balls when you talk to me?”
“Because apparently, I know how to express my emotions well.” My exclamation cracked him up.
“June, you’re here too,” Marvin greeted me, passing next to me.
“Yeah, here she is with a nice ponytail, too, today.” James pulled my hair, completely enraging me. I punched his chest, but I must’ve barely made a dent, because he looked at his chest, amused.
“Come on, you can do better than that.”
“You know that well, since I almost broke your nose, right?”
“Always so aggressive.”
He took a step, enough to tower over me with his height.
“I’m asking you again, White. Why aren’t you in a swimsuit?”
I felt that intimate feeling again, like everything around us disappeared. I’d felt it when he tried to put his hands up my skirt.
Even though, given how he moved his fingers, it seemed like he was looking for something.
Unless . . . No, June, you’re paranoid.
“Are you here because you ran out of girls to torture, James?”
My eyes drifted over the tall, tatted guy with Sammy.
“Or guys,” I added.
James came close to me and craned his neck to align his head with mine.
“Maybe you’re my favorite prey, did you ever think of that?”
And he had no problem telling me that so casually.
I wondered where he’d learned to seduce people like that.
And while I was struggling to rack my brain about why he chased me under these circumstances, James turned around, leaving me without a word.
How did the other girls act so confident and disinterested when it came to him?
Nobody seemed to care if James kissed one girl and then another.
But maybe they already knew that the biggest mistake with someone like him was to feel self-important.
Because he was damn good at making them believe it, not by deceiving or lying to them, but by piquing the most secret and narcissistic parts inside.
He fawned over people and they did it in kind, taking his precious affection because that was everything others wanted from him.
Because deep down everyone wanted to feel special.
I made my way through the house, where the lights were dim and the alcohol kept flowing. I stood in the kitchen to find Tiffany and maybe drink a glass of water, but I ended up bumping into the troll at the bridge.
“Look who’s all alone.”
Connell was a good-looking guy, too, with a sporty, athletic body, a square jaw, and deep-set eyes. But when he opened his mouth he made my stomach turn.
“Remember me?”
He was talking to me like I was an idiot.
“What do you want, Corbell?”
“To hear you say my name right, White. That’s what I want.”
“Oh, okay. Sorry, Corbell.”
I tried to deadpan it, but inside I was gloating. I caught Will’s gaze as he leaned his shoulder against the doorjamb.
He seemed to be keeping a close eye on me.
“Want something to drink? Want me to show you the house?”
Connell tried to be polite. I could hear it in the fake polite tone that he used at me; he was thinking he might make me fall in his trap.
“No,” I answered, this time less firmly, because my eyes were captured again by William, who didn’t show signs of taking his eyes off me.
“I’ll get a drink for you, blondie,” insisted Connell, swaggering around the kitchen.
I would’ve preferred to remain invisible like I’d been during my first few days of school, especially when I was reduced to receiving attention from troglodytes like that, but now for some unknown reason, I was on his radar, and the only way out was to hightail it.
I turned around, focused on making myself disappear, when I noticed Will and James chatting at the door. Ignore them. When I passed next to them, someone grabbed my arm.
“It’s a party, and I wanna have fun. I don’t have time to follow you around,” muttered James.
His chest smelled so intense and masculine that it was impossible to ignore him. I quickly tore my eyes from his sculpted chest but his grip on my forearm got tighter right when he noticed I was trying to avoid that situation.
“Can you manage to stay away from Connell, yes or no?”
“And can you manage to leave me alone?” I asked, escaping his grip.
“You should stay away from him, I told you.”
“Not because you’re telling me to,” I retorted.
“June.” William’s soothing voice tried to insert itself between us.
“And, yeah, princess, because I’m telling you to,” retorted James, having the last word.
I didn’t waste time reminding them that I didn’t need them, but walked into the living room full of people, where the hope of getting some fresh air disappeared because I found myself crushed between huddled sweaty bodies.
“But I still don’t understand who you banged.” Connell’s head stood out in the crowd, and he handed me a big red cup.
“No, thank you.” I wrinkled my nose, disgusted at the smell of alcohol.
“Either of them, if you wanna make them jealous, I know a way.”
“I don’t want to. I don’t play those games. Now if you’ll kindly leave me alone—”
He blocked the way. “Will you come up with me?”
He pointed up, and I desperately hoped he wasn’t talking about his room.