22. Chapter 22
Chapter 22
Matt
M y back ached, but the pain faded away as I noticed my bed smelled like Riley’s hair products. Something tickled my nose. My eyes popped open to see messy curls on the pillow in front of me. Last night rushed back to me, talking until she had fallen asleep with her head on my chest. Now I was curled around her, one hand over her side with my fingers brushing her stomach under the fabric of her shirt. Not her shirt, my shirt. It was my marching band shirt from high school, oversized because someone mixed up my size when ordering.
Riley groaned softly and then her body stiffened against me. I stilled my fingers against her warm skin, afraid to move and spook her. She jolted into a sitting position next to me, my arm falling away as she did. Her hands went to her hair, patting it and trying to smooth it down. She flipped her pillow up, looked under it, and then lifted the covers. The scrunchie she had used to twisted her hair into a bun on top of head last night was caught between my shoulder and pillow. I offered it to her. She started to gather her hair into another bun, her face scrunching up as she worked. The curls tangled around her fingers, and she let out a little adorable frustrated noise.
I lifted a hand to her, tugging her arms down. Her face turned to me finally. She had creases on one side of her face from the pillowcase. Her cheeks were blazing red. I looped my arms around her and pulled her back to lay against me.
“Is this real?” she asked.
I shifted us so she was on her back, and I was on my side propped up on one elbow so I could look down at her. I dropped my face to the space between her neck and shoulder, nuzzling against her and smiling against her skin. “I hope so.”
I started to trail my nose up her neck and then across her jaw. Her face tilted away from me and her eyes clenched shut. I lifted a hand to catch her chin, her skin there rough against my fingers, and turned her face back to mine. I kissed her slowly, careful to make it easy for her to move away if she wanted. She settled into the kiss, her body relaxing against mine as I tangled my fingers in her hair. “Good morning, beautiful,” I said against her lips before kissing her deeper. Her hip moved closer to me, settling against my aching hard on.
She broke the kiss, her eyes widening as she noticed. She tried to sit up again. This time I leaned back, the hand in her hair dropping to her neck.
“Please, just stay here and wake up with me for a few minutes.” I shifted away so she wasn’t pressing against me anymore. “Ignore that.”
Panic flashed through her eyes, then her brows scrunched. She rolled her bottom lip between her teeth as she settled back to laying beside me, her hip pressing against me. “What if I don’t want to?” Her hand cupped my jaw as she pulled me in for another kiss.
“I promised you no funny business,” I reminded her. I pulled back enough to see her face.
She pressed back into her pillow and rubbed her eyes with the heels of her palms. She dropped her hands from her face and twisted the sheets around them. “What if I want funny business?” Her tone was teasing, but the look on her face was uncertain. Her eyes jumped from my face to look over my shoulder.
I combed my fingers through her hair slowly, trying not to pull at the tangles. “Look me in the eyes and tell me you want to.”
Her eyes flicked to mine and then back over my shoulder. I rubbed my thumb over her bottom lip, coaxing it out from between her teeth. She opened her mouth to speak but then quickly clamped it closed.
“Sweetheart, I’m not doing anything with you that you aren’t 100 percent sure about,” I reassured her.
She rolled her eyes, then snapped them back to meet mine. “I’m never 100 percent sure about it at first,” she whispered. Her jaw clenched and she blinked rapidly. She turned to stare up at the ceiling.
“Riley?” I swallowed the lump forming in my throat. I knew her exes hadn’t been the best, that they had been impatient with her. But surely that hadn’t forced her into anything she didn’t want.
Next to me Riley sucked in a deep breath, throwing one arm across her eyes. “I like you a lot, you know that right?” she asked. She peeked out from under her arm to see me nod. “And I’m attracted to you,” she added slowly.
I pulled my brows together as I reached her arm, nudging it slightly so I could see her eyes. “Riley, it’s okay if you’re not ready for sex yet. We don’t have to rush into any of that.”
She blew out a breath. “Sometimes it just takes me a while to get to that point.” She paused to chew on her lip again. “And I might want to do other things, but not necessarily want to jump straight into sex.”
“I’m never going to push you for something you’re not ready for, Riley. You tell me what you want or need, and I’ll take care of you.” I dropped down against my own pillow, looking up at the ceiling.
Riley rolled onto her side, this time pushing herself up on her elbow, so she was hovering over me. “What if I change my mind? What if I’m okay with something once and then decide that I’m not ready for that?” Her words were slow as she spoke, like she was struggling to put them together.
“Then we stop or don’t do it again. I’m following your lead with this. Okay?”
She nodded and then shifted to rest her head on my chest. “Okay.”
I pressed a kiss to the top of her head. “This is enough for me,” I said. “Just being with you like this is enough. We can keep all the other things off the table until we’re both sure what we want. We can keep that rule if you want.”
I rubbed small circles on her back with one hand as she hid her face against my chest while the other brushed through her hair. Her hair scrunchie lay abandoned on the bed next to us. I reached for it and stretched it onto my wrist. I went to work on gathering her hair up. I could feel the racing of her heart slow as I worked on her hair, her body relaxing against mine more. “Tell me what you’re thinking,” I whispered softly as I worked a knot loose that had twisted around one of my fingers.
“I think you’re right; we should keep the rule.” Her fingers traced the faded lettering of the t-shirt I wore. “But what is the line we need to cross before we decide it’s no longer in effect?”
I weighed her question as I finished my mission of tying up her hair. When we both wanted it was the obvious answer, but if it was that clear to her, she wouldn’t be asking me. I could tell her we needed to wait until we were in love, but that felt like putting too much pressure on her to get there. Maybe just when she could admit that we were in a relationship? When she was ready to put a label on us? Again, it felt like putting too much pressure on her.
I felt impatient to get to that point with her, I could admit that. I was a hopeless romantic ready to have my happily ever after. The need felt stronger now than it ever had, and I knew it was because I already thought I had it once only to find out I was wrong.
Riley wasn’t Liz. She carried baggage she wasn’t ready to tell me about, we had only known each other a couple of months so it made sense that she wasn’t ready. She was scared and still learning to trust me. How could someone win the trust of someone as sweet and cautious as her only to turn around and leave?
I had been ready to jump in headfirst from the beginning. I knew it was a flaw of mine to be all in so quickly. To hand a stranger my heart without a doubt.
“Matt?” Riley looked up at me through her lashes, her chin and jaw smushed against my torso so I felt more than heard her.
“I don’t think we should set that line just yet. I think when we’re there we’ll both know it.” I smoothed a finger over the lines on her face from the pillowcase. “Let’s not put any pressure on ourselves.”
Emery
What are your intentions with my sister?
Matt
I think that’s a conversation that needs to be between me and her.
Emery
You better not break her heart.
I’ve never seen her like this with anyone else.
Matt
I fully plan to love your sister for the rest of my life, if she’ll let me.
Emery
Don’t let her get scared and break her own heart.