30. Chapter 30
Chapter 30
Riley
M att and I pulled the Christmas decorations out of the attic at my house a week later while Emery was out. We hid them in my room and were planning to slowly swap one thing at a time out with the fall decorations over the course of a few days to see how long it would take her to notice.
Matt looked around my room once we brought all the boxes in. “I don’t think I’ve ever been in here,” he said.
“What about in September when I started my period and you got here before me? You had my heating pad ready for me. I thought you had come in here for it.”
He shook his head. “Emery got it for you. I wasn’t coming in here without you telling me I could.”
I sat down on my bed and watched him look at the photos hanging on my wall. Most of them are family photos from through the years. A new frame that didn’t match the others was front and center filled with a collage of some of my favorite photos of me and Matt. “Well, if it makes you feel better, I don’t really care. Growing up with Emery means I don’t really have any boundaries when it comes to my personal spaces. She’ll probably come in here and find the Christmas stuff before she notices we’ve swapped anything.”
“Just because you aren’t used to not having boundaries doesn’t mean you can’t have them,” he said. He pointed to the picture of us in the middle of the frame. It was from the morning we had watched the sunset on the porch of the cabin. I still sat in his lap and held my coffee mug up to hide my face from the camera. He whispered in my ear to make me laugh, the edges of his smile barely visible behind my hair. His eyes were wide open and gazing at me in a way that made my knees get weak every time I looked at it. “This is one of my favorites of us,” he said.
I reached forward and caught his hand pulling him toward me. “You’re allowed to come in here, even when I’m not home if you need to. I guess we just stay in the living room all the time because that’s where the tv is.”
He braced his arms on either side of me and hovered over me. “It makes sticking to the rules easier when we stay there.”
“You’ve slept in a bed with me multiple times and were a perfect gentleman every time.” He looked at me the same way he did in the picture and my whole body felt weak. I knew what he meant. After our weekend trip to Copper Ridge I kept catching myself noticing things about him that I hadn’t before, thinking about things with him that I hadn’t before. Things like the way his clothes hugged his body, what it would take to see him shirtless again. I would catch myself staring at his long fingers wondering how he would touch me. When I felt his stubble against my face during a kiss, I wondered what it could feel like against the inside of my thighs. When I caught him staring at me a little too long, a hungry look in his eyes, I felt need pulse low in me.
The way he crowded above me made me want to lay back, to pull him down over me. My hands clutched his biceps, and I swallowed hard. It didn’t have to be serious; I didn’t have to commit to forever with him. All I had to do was tell him I wanted to give us a chance, to open my heart to the possibilities. That’s all it would take.
“Matt,” I whispered, sliding my hands up over his shoulders.
He rested his forehead against mine. I felt goosebumps rise on his skin as I skated my fingers over his neck until my hands bracketed his face. His arms shook like he was fighting the urge to push me back. His jaw tensed under my palms. The tension between us pressed down on me. I opened my mouth, but the words were stuck in my throat. I dragged my thumb across his lips.
“A man only has so much self-control. I don’t want to do anything that makes either of us feel pressured.” He pulled back, leaving the space around me feeling too empty without him. The tension in the room dissipated, the pit of my stomach feeling hollow from another moment pushed away because I was still so unsure.
I pointed to the boxes. “So… maybe we should get back to swapping decorations.”
Matt stopped at the open basket I kept as my period kit that sat on top of my vanity. I watched as it dawned on him what it was. My period had ended a few days ago, but I had left it out to remind me to restock a couple of things. “Do you need to keep any of this at my apartment? Just in case.”
“No, I keep some in my tote bag.” I don’t add that I won’t need more than that as long as we keep the no sleepover rule in effect, a rule we implemented after our weekend at the cabin. We had been spending more time at his apartment the past few days so we could indulge in Christmas fun since my house was still covered in Emery’s fall décor. My room was the only part of the house that was decorated my way, always had been. Everything else was up to Emery. It was a fact that normally didn’t bother me, but I wanted to let Matt have his extra long Christmas season.
“Okay, well if you change your mind just tell me what you need.” We both knew he would be stocking up on anything he remembered seeing in that basket without me telling him. He opened the top decoration box and started digging around. He held up two small Santa figures. “I’m thinking we swap these for the scarecrows on the bottom shelf of the tv stand.”
***
It took a week for Emery to say something. She had been coming in late every night and leaving early for work every morning. She spent most of the time moving around just by the light of her phone, so she didn’t wake me up. She didn’t know that I stayed awake waiting for her to make it home safe. If it weren’t for the weird hours she had been coming and going she would have noticed much sooner. We had gotten brave and replaced the garland of fall leaves with a Christmas garland. We were both frustrated that she hadn’t noticed yet.
“Riley, what the hell is this?” she said followed by the slam of the front door. Matt and I were in the kitchen making dinner. We heard the ladder for the attic fold out. Matt rubbed his hands together and we moved to the doorway so we could watch her.
She poked her head in the attic and then turned around to us. She narrowed her eyes and scowled at us. I held back a laugh as she closed the attic and then went to my room. She came back out holding the box we had been pulling from. She dropped it at our feet. “It’s not Thanksgiving yet. Put them back.” With that she went to her room.
“That was a little underwhelming,” Matt said.
“I think you’re just not as scared of her as you used to be.”
“Nope, still very scared.” He pointed to the box. “So, what are we doing?”
“I say we keep it up. Will you take that back to my room?” I plucked a decorative tea towel from the box and hung it on the oven handle.
I heard a door open and thought Matt had made it to my room with the box. I tossed the chopped sweet potatoes and broccoli on a sheet pan with olive oil and seasoning. I could hear low voices in the hallway. I put the sheet pan in the oven, listening to try to make out what was being said before giving up and sticking my head out of the kitchen. Emery stood in her doorway with one arm folded over her chest and the other pointing at Matt. He stood there holding the box with a sheepish look on his face.
“Be nice,” I called to Emery.
She raised an eyebrow at me and then turned back to Matt to finish whatever she was saying. I moved back to the kitchen, hiding out of sight as I listened to them.
“Did you know who I was when you made us match?” I heard him ask her. I had been wondering that myself, but there hadn’t been a good moment to ask her. I didn’t know if I wanted to know. Up until that day at the apple festival I thought Matt and I meeting had been all up to chance, something that was just meant to be. Now knowing that Emery had dated his best friend made me wonder if she had orchestrated things even more than we thought.
“Not at first,” Emery answered. I moved back to the counter to resume prepping the food. I didn’t need to hear this conversation.
Matt wrapped his arms around my back and rested his chin on my shoulder once he returned to the kitchen. I leaned back into him but kept seasoning the chicken. “What was that about?” I asked.
He kissed my cheek. “Just my weekly talk from Emery about not hurting you.”
“What?” I sputtered and turned around. “How long has that been happening?”
“Umm, I think the first one was the moment she first saw me and you ran away. Don’t worry, she means well, and she knows there is no way I’m ever going to hurt you.”
I studied his eyes for a minute, not sure what I was looking for. He kissed me and spun me back around to finish what I was doing.
Emery
Did you talk to Riley about Thanksgiving?
Matt
No. She was a little freaked out when she saw us talking.
I’m serious, you need to make her let you come. She isn’t going to invite you if you don’t ask.
You need to let her see how serious you are.
I don’t think she’s ready.
I’ll ask her but I’m not pushing it. If she’s not ready, then she’s not ready.
She’ll never be ready if you don’t push it.
I made a promise to your sister. I’m not going to break it just because you think I should.
I’ve known her for 26 years. I think I know her better than you.
I’m not going to risk pushing her away just to see if you’re right.