32. Chapter 32
Chapter 32
Matt
T he living room was full of smirking faces when I returned from hiding in the bathroom to call Riley. I should have known that Emery was trying to stir shit up when she texted me, but I couldn’t fight the flash of panic that went through me. I had to know for myself that’s all it was, that Riley was okay. I had missed her voice all day, our morning phone call never felt like enough anymore. In my panic I had dropped my plate to the floor to sprint to the bathroom. Someone had already cleaned it up.
If I had been lucky my family would have assumed it was diarrhea or something. That would have been less embarrassing.
Oliver clapped a hand on my shoulder once I was seated next to him. “Is Riley okay?” he asked in a low voice only I could hear. I nodded at him.
“Emery is just upset that I let her tell me not to come.”
He snorted, shifting his plate to one hand to pull his phone out of his pocket. “Emery doesn’t have much room to talk,” he said. I snuck a glance at his phone to see an open text message thread with Emery. I jerked my eyes away. I had enough to worry about on my own, I didn’t need to add whatever was happening to those two to that list.
“You two are both idiots,” Ava said from her spot on the floor. Aubrey sat on the couch behind her, Ava’s head resting against her legs.
It was already a tight fit for our family since my sisters had married and started having kids of their own. This year the space was even tighter with the Franklin kids here. It was Shelby’s idea to invite them to join us. I wished they were able to spend the time with their own parents, but I won’t deny the happiness it brought me to have us all together like this, to be surrounded by all the people I loved.
There was just one person missing.
Aubrey leaned across Oliver to pat my leg. “It’s all going to work out, Matty. Ava and I danced around each other for years before we opened our eyes.”
I rubbed my hand down my face with a groan. Years. I felt like my patience was stretched thin already. I didn’t think I had it in me to spend every day with Riley acting like we were something only to deny it whenever the subject came up for years. I promised her I would wait. I promised I wouldn’t be like the others.
Loving her was easy. Falling for her happened so fast it felt inevitable. It made waiting for her to get past this wall she built painful. I wanted to be the soft spot for her to land when she was ready to jump. She loved me, I knew she did. She couldn’t say it, but she showed it every day. She said it in other words.
It could be enough. It had to be enough for now.
***
Riley
Emery hid the pecan pie. She won’t let me save you any.
She keeps saying if you want it you have to come get it.
Matt
Are you saying I can?
I cringed and my skin prickled with anxious sweat as I stared at my phone screen. That was too far. The longer the day lasted the harder it got to be away from her. My dad had turned on A Christmas Story and around me everyone was on the cusp of falling asleep, happy in their post dinner food comas. It felt like a sharp contrast to earlier today when the house had been full of us talking over each other. In past years I would have left by now needing to get to Liz’s family or to get the drive back home started. I couldn’t remember the house ever being this quiet.
The quiet made the ache of missing Riley louder.
I wish I could tell you yes.
What’s stopping you?
I haven’t stopped thinking about how you should be here all day. Or how I should be there with you.
I’m scared, Matt.
I’ve never wanted something this much.
I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you all day either.
I want you, sweetheart. I want us.
What if it isn’t what we think it’s going to be? What if we end up hurting each other?
But what if it is everything we’ve imagined? What if it’s more?
I’m scared.
I’ve got you.
I slammed my phone down on the armrest of the couch, rubbing the heels of my palms against my eyes. It was progress. She was right there on the edge ready to jump with me, but she couldn’t do it. The closer she got to being ready the more frustrating the wait was.