37. Chapter 37
Chapter 37
Matt
R iley didn’t text me back. I stared at my phone in my hands, my forehead resting against my apartment door holding my breath waiting for a response. She thought I was going to call everything off just because of a fight. She looked so scared I almost couldn’t bring myself to leave. I should go back. I should stay there until she knows that we’re going to be okay.
“Dude, what the hell?” Oliver ran down the hallway of our apartment building. He pulled the keys from my hand and unlocked the door. “Alright, let’s get you inside.”
All I could do was stare at my phone.
I told her I wasn’t going. I almost typed the words I was dying to say.
Fuck it.
I typed another message into the box.
I love you, sweetheart. I love you and I’m not letting you go over one fight.
I stared at it, my fingering over the button to send it. Then my phone was gone, and I was staring at my empty hand.
“Not doing that. Nope, no way. I did that once and it made everything worse.”
I ran my hands through my hair. Oliver steered me toward the couch, shoving me hard onto the cushions. Cushions that smelled like Riley.
“Alright, let’s start from the beginning. Tell me what happened.” He shuffled around in my kitchen, opening and closing cabinets to pull out baking supplies. I didn’t know he could bake.
“It was about Christmas. I just want her to meet everyone. I’m so sick of this are we or aren’t we. Why can’t she just admit that things between us are serious?” I slumped forward to rest my elbows on my knees and dropped my head into my hands. “I want to marry her, Oliver.” Something clattered in the kitchen and then a crash of something shattering on the floor. I didn’t care enough to look.
“Did you break up?” he asked in a tense voice.
I huffed out a breath. “No, but she thinks we’re going to all because of one fight.”
“Did you tell her you love her and want to marry her?”
I choked on a laugh to hold back the pain swelling in my chest. “No, but I want to.”
“Okay, no, you’re going to be patient. Let her say it first.”
I nodded my head against my hands. I knew that. That’s what I had been waiting for. She had too much history with people barreling forward without checking to see if she was behind them. The only way she was going to feel safe was if I let her lead the way.
“But what do I do?” I sat up and looked behind me toward the kitchen. Oliver had his phone out tapping rapidly on the screen. He rubbed his other hand over his beard and then laid his phone screen side down on the counter.
“Emery said she’s upset at all of us right now.” He rubbed the back of his neck and fought back a smile. There had been more to that message than just talking about Riley. My stomach twisted at the thought of them being happy while things were a mess between Riley and me. I’d been worried about him for months and now that he was finally happy I didn’t like it. What was wrong with me?
“She kept saying she was scared. She really thinks I would leave her.” It felt like arrows burying into my chest to say the words to him. I thought I was showing her that we were going to be okay. I thought she trusted me.
I thought I was her safe place.
“Don’t say that. You and I both know it has nothing to do with you. She has a lot that she’s working through. Tonight you’re going to give her some space.”
“And in the morning? I call her every morning. I can’t remember what it’s like to start my day without hearing her voice.” I didn’t care if I sounded ridiculous. Starting my morning talking to her was a routine I couldn’t let go of. The only thing that would be better would be waking up to her next to me in bed.
That’s the direction we were headed in. I thought we were so close to being there. So much had changed in the past couple of weeks but here we were taking a million steps back.
I had a ring in my drawer.
For the second time in my life, I had a ring in my drawer taunting me while the woman I loved couldn’t commit.
“I’m such an idiot,” I groaned. Something hit the back of my head, bouncing off and then landing on the floor behind me. I turned to see a bag of mini marshmallows on the floor. They were peppermint flavored. Riley picked them out at the grocery store last week for hot chocolate.
“This isn’t a repeat of things with Liz. You guys have known each other - what five months? That’s hardly anything. It's just your first fight.”
“But what if it is? How does this keep happening to me?”
I rubbed my hands through my hair again. I was getting too worked up about this.
I need to be patient with her. I need to let her work this out on her own. We weren’t going to get past this if I kept pushing her before she was ready.