Chapter 38 Amanda has zero filter #2
I swat at her, ducking out of the way of another pillow attack. "Why am I getting hit for this? I thought you'd be happy for me!"
"I am happy for you! I'm also insanely jealous and need more information immediately." She huffs, setting the pillow down but fixing me with an intense stare. "How does he fuck? Is he dominant? He looks dominant. Tell me he's dominant."
I let out a strangled laugh, hiding behind my wine glass like it might somehow shield me from this conversation.
She narrows her eyes, leaning closer. "Izzy."
I know that resistance is futile. Amanda with a mission is like a tsunami—unstoppable, relentless, and impossible to divert.
"We're taking it slow," I finally admit, swirling the remaining wine in my glass, watching the dark liquid create a small whirlpool.
Amanda recoils like I just told her I'm adopting a purely celibate lifestyle and moving to a convent in the mountains. Her face contorts into an expression of such profound disbelief that it would be comical if it weren't directed at me.
"Excuse me?"
I shrug, fighting a smile at her reaction, at the genuine bewilderment written across her features.
"Taking it... slow?" She repeats the words like they're in a foreign language she's struggling to translate. "You and the walking embodiment of masculine perfection are... taking it slow?"
I shrug.
"Why the hell would you take it slow with a man like that? That's like being handed the keys to a Ferrari and deciding to only drive it in parking lots!"
I set my glass down on the coffee table, curling my legs beneath me more comfortably. "It's not really my choice," I admit, a small smile playing at the corners of my lips. "He said he wants to experience our firsts slowly. Savor them."
Amanda melts onto the couch, sliding down until she's practically horizontal, one hand thrown dramatically over her forehead. "Jesus fucking Christ."
I’m unable to contain my amusement at her theatrics.
"You're telling me."
She fans herself with her hand, as if the very thought of Cal's restraint is making her overheat. "Okay, but real talk? That's somehow hotter than if he'd just railed you against a wall. Like, the discipline? The control? The patience? That's some next-level shit."
I let out a laugh, shaking my head at her assessment. "You're actually insane. Genuinely, clinically unstable."
"No, I'm correct. I'm right and you know it.
" She leans in, eyes still practically sparkling with mischief, with fascination.
"So... how long are you going to let him savor you before you demand he put that big dick to work?
Because patience is a virtue, but girl, there's also such a thing as cruel and unusual punishment. "
"You really have no shame, do you?"
She shrugs, the gesture careless and unrepentant. "None. Zero. Zilch. Shame is for people who aren't living their best lives, and I refuse to be one of them."
Honestly?
I have no idea.
I don't know how long I can stand the sweet torture of his restraint, how long I want to exist in this delicious anticipation before it becomes too much.
Part of me wants to savor it, to enjoy the build-up, the tension, the way each touch feels more significant because we're denying ourselves the ultimate release.
Another part of me just wants him, all of him, now, immediately, without any more waiting.
But there's something beautiful about the waiting, too. Something that makes each touch feel more deliberate, more meaningful, more intense.
Somewhere between the fourth glass of wine, our food arriving in a flurry of steaming containers and plastic bags, and me realizing I've lost all feeling in my lips—a sure sign I've crossed from pleasantly buzzed into genuinely drunk territory—Amanda gets a terrible idea.
I can see it form in real time, watch the mischief light up her eyes, the way her lips curve into a smile that can only be described as devious.
"You should bring him to meet your family."
I stare at her like she just suggested I take a casual stroll through an active volcano wearing gasoline-soaked clothes. The thought is so absurd, so completely out of left field, that I wonder if I misheard her.
"Why the fuck would I do that?" The words come out sharper than I intend, tinged with genuine alarm. “You’ve been to Sunday Mandatory Dinner. Are you trying to sabotage me?”
Amanda waves her hand wildly, nearly knocking over the bottle of wine perched precariously on the edge of the coffee table. "Why would you not? This is, like, a thing. A real relationship thing. You have to see if he survives the brother test. It's like... relationship baptism by fire."
I groan, dropping my head back against the couch, staring up at the ceiling as if it might offer some escape from this conversation.
The thought of Cal meeting my family—my overprotective brothers, my traditional parents, the entire Russo clan with their opinions and judgments and questions—sends a spike of anxiety through my wine-soaked brain.
"I would like to keep this relationship alive. I would like to keep this man alive. My brothers meeting him is a direct threat to both of those things."
Amanda snickers, taking another gulp of her wine, her lipstick leaving a perfect imprint on the crystal rim. "I dunno. He's a big dude. I think he could take them."
I snort, shaking my head at the mental image of Cal squaring off against my brothers. "Physically? Probably. But my family doesn't attack physically, Amanda. They attack psychologically."
Amanda squints, her brow furrowing as she processes this information through her wine-induced haze.
"They're like... the Mafia, but with guilt instead of weapons. They don't break kneecaps; they break spirits. They don't shoot you; they just make you wish they had."
She points at me, her finger slightly unsteady. "That's the most Catholic thing I've ever heard in my life."
I laugh, rolling my eyes at her assessment. "You're not wrong."
And yet...
As much as I know throwing Cal into that lion's den is a questionable decision at best—there's a small part of me that wonders if she's right.
My brothers are my family.
For all their faults, all their overprotectiveness, all their judgment, they're mine. And their opinion matters, even when I pretend they don’t. Even when I roll my eyes and act like I don't care what they think.
And tomorrow is technically Easter.
It would be... nice. To have someone there with me, someone in my corner, someone who might understand why I tense up around my family even though I love them. Someone who might see me differently than they do.
Even if he doesn't come to Catholic mass at the crack of dawn—which, honestly, I wouldn't even wish on my worst enemy, let alone someone I actually like—he could still come to dinner. Could still meet them, still be part of this aspect of my life.
“Are you coming to dinner tomorrow?” From time to time Amanda invites herself to Sunday dinner.
She claims it’s because being around the chaos that is my family makes herself feel better about her own level of insanity.
But, in reality, I know she likes being around a big, over-the-top family.
And my family, while insane, always has more than enough love to spread around.
They often call Amanda their extra daughter.
“Absolutely not,” she shoots back. “My own monthly dinner is Wednesday, and that’s too much whiplash for one week.”
“Your family dinners can’t be that bad,” I say. “Your parents seem like perfectly normal people.”
Amanda barks out a laugh. “Normal? Baby, they’re uptight.
We sit at the table like we’re in a Victorian séance.
No one talks above a whisper. The wine is always room temperature, which is a crime, and someone inevitably mentions stocks.
” She shudders. “Meanwhile, your family’s trying to feed me to death and Nico is offering me a ride on his Vespa like it’s the eighth deadly sin. ”
I smirk. “You’re just mad he likes you.” “Denied.”
“I dunno,” I tease. “You two did go on a date.”
“That pity date was once, and I only went because I was bored and there was free pasta. The man still texts me memes like I’m gonna fall in love with him because he found the right SpongeBob GIF.
As much as I would love to be your sister-in-law, as well as in spirit, it’s never going to happen.
Besides, Raven is moving across town tomorrow. I promised I’d help her get settled.”
“Your sister?”
“The one and only.”
I’ve met Amanda’s sister once. The two have polar-opposite aesthetics. Whereas everything Amanda owns is pink and loud, Raven dresses mostly in black and has an attitude that could freeze time, space, and the will to live.
“It’s weird you two are related.” “One of us is probably adopted.”
I laugh, tilting my head back against the couch, considering the possibility of Cal meeting my family.
Amanda narrows her eyes, studying my face with surprising focus for someone who's had as much wine as she has. "I see the wheels turning. You're actually thinking about it."
I huff, trying to sound dismissive. "I don't know. It's stupid."
"It's not stupid." She nudges me with her foot, her toenails painted a bright hot pink. I’ve never seen Amanda in anything but hot pink nails. "It's a good idea. You're serious about him, Iz. It makes sense to see how he fits into your world."
I chew on my lip, turning the idea over in my mind.
Yeah.
That's kind of the terrifying part.
I am serious about him. More serious than I've been about anyone in a long time. Maybe ever. And that's terrifying, because it means he has the power to hurt me, to disappoint me, to leave.
But it also means he has the power to surprise me, to stand by me, to be exactly what I need when I need it.