Chapter 9
Chapter Nine
Tori slips her hand in mine and leads me away from the bonfire. I don’t miss Theo’s wolfish grin or Noah’s catcall as I let her.
“You played amazing tonight,” Tori says, gazing up at me.
“Thanks.” My voice is thin with nerves. Tori has been to every post-game bonfire on the lake and last week, we kissed, but it’s not like we’re a thing.
I don’t want a girlfriend. Mostly because the idea scares the shit out of me.
I just want to focus on football. And passing my classes.
Who would have thought high school history and English would be so fucking demanding?
At least there’s hope now that I’ve got Charlotte’s help.
We’ve been meeting every Saturday for the past month.
She’s so freaking smart. And patient. Even when I’m being an ass, or I zone out, or I want to quit.
Sometimes we even talk. I found out she plays trumpet in the marching band but actually prefers guitar and violin.
She even makes her own music. When I asked her to sing me something she clammed up, her face going beet red.
It made me want to tease her about it just a little, because fuck if that blush didn’t turn my crank.
Tori pulls me behind a giant sequoia, then slides her hands to my waist. Those same nerves kick up inside me.
After last week, I was sure she’d never kiss me again.
My teeth crashed into hers and I didn’t know what to do with my tongue.
It’s not like I’ve had a lot of practice kissing girls.
Not after living with the McCabes these past three years.
My life was a very loose homeschool program managed by Tasha, broken up by mountain bike rides with Evan, learning wilderness survival skills from Jared, and lots of football.
Tori closes her eyes and I lean down to kiss her. But I must be a slow learner because our teeth crash again. I try to recover by sliding my tongue past her lips. She makes a little whimpering noise and her hand shifts to my belt buckle. Then she glides her palm down the front of my jeans.
I suck in a breath. Fuck, I’m already hard.
But she gives a low hum, like she approves.
So maybe it’s okay?
I’m about to stop her because shit’s getting real and there will be consequences very soon if she keeps rubbing me like that, but she lowers to her knees and slips my belt buckle open.
A shock wave fires down my spine.
Wait, is she…?
Tori glances up at me through her long lashes as she slides my pants and briefs down.
Holy fucking hell. How is this my life right now?
I’ve overheard guys talking about hooking up or fooling around but no way was I expecting it to happen to me.
I reach up to brace against a low tree limb because fuck.
If her goal was to blow my mind, it’s working.
Trying to hold onto my sanity, I gaze up through the sequoia boughs, but it just makes the stars swim through the black sky.
Is she going to want me to reciprocate? I don’t have a clue how but I’m more than willing to offer. It’s only fair, right? Or does she want to fuck?
I’m definitely not ready for that.
Wait, why wouldn’t I be ?
Before I can think how to ask, it’s over, and Tori rocks to her feet with a sly smile. “Let’s go back to the bonfire.”
I mumble my reply and zip up, still a little freaked out by what just happened. Because what kind of girl just drops to her knees in the fucking dirt like that? Especially when I haven’t even asked her out?
The next morning, I walk the few short blocks to school for tutoring.
The air tastes like rain, and for the first time since I moved here, the sky is overcast. If I was back in Alaska, this would be a typical fall day.
That or sideways rain. It’s so dry in Finn River.
Definitely takes some getting used to. It even affected my throw.
At the high school, when I cross the street, a shiny red pickup truck coasts into one of the loading zone spaces in front of the entrance, its souped-up engine rumbling. As I pass, I feel the driver’s eyes on me, so I sneak a glance. The guy at the wheel is flat-out glaring.
What the fuck? I look away, but my insides feel charged.
“Poser,” the guy says to my back.
I spin around. “What did you say?”
“You heard me,” the guy says, jerking his chin. “You’re a fuckin’ poser. You don’t belong.”
Anger flashes under my skin like an electric shock. “Who the fuck are you?”
He laughs, but it’s as gravelly as his engine. “You’ll find out soon enough.”
I shouldn’t let the asshole get to me, but his you don’t belong echoes through my thoughts as I sign Mrs. Hackney’s check-in sheet then scan for Charlie’s table.
She’s facing partly away, wiggling the pencil she’s holding between her index finger and thumb.
Today she’s wearing a baggy pink sweater with colorful little fuzzballs sticking to it and jeans, her straight honey-brown hair tucked behind her ears. Her hair is always so shiny .
A pang of guilt tightens my ribcage. Theo’s keep an eye on her for me rings through my thoughts. That obviously means that I should stop imagining kissing her. And it sure as fuck means not asking her out.
“Hey,” I say, pulling out a chair.
Her attention snaps to mine, making her dangly musical note earrings swing. “Hey.”
I pull out my laptop and log in. While Charlotte navigates the online textbook to the Westward Expansion section, I blurt, “Are you going to homecoming?”
I hadn’t planned to go, but the guys have been talking about it a lot. Last night at the bonfire, Tori dropped a hint about going together. If I don’t ask her, will she go with someone else? Then again, do I actually care? I feel like I should, but I just…don’t.
Not having a handle on this stuff makes me feel like a tool. Like I’m playing catch-up to everyone around me. Kids with normal lives.
Charlotte gives me a curious glance, her lips parted. “Not sure yet.” Is her neck turning pink? “Are you?”
“Not sure yet.”
Charlotte gives me a slow nod.
“So no one’s asked you?”
She huffs in annoyance. “No. Wanna rub it in?”
I wince. “Sorry. I didn’t mean it…like that.” I’m not totally clueless about what playing football has done for my social status, but Charlotte’s pretty, and nice. A little sassy sometimes, but it’s kind of hot.
Stop. Theo’s little sister is absolutely not hot.
Charlotte huffs a sigh before turning toward me. “I might go with friends.”
“What’s it like?” I ask to refocus. “I mean, I know there’s the dance, but do you go to dinner and stuff? Who drives you around?”
Her expression softens. “Kids that don’t drive get a limo, or an uber, or their parents drive them. Sometimes people go to dinner first. Especially couples, but groups too. After, you can go to the dance or not.”
“Wait. People skip the dance?”
“Some kids use HoCo as an excuse to party.”
Not that I’m into partying, but I’ve never danced in my life, and the idea of having to do so with a girl I barely know, while everyone watches, sounds like torture. Though I also don’t want to make the wrong move.
From the circulation desk, Mrs. Hackney lifts her gaze to us, scowling.
Charlotte refocuses on my laptop screen. “We’d better get back to work. Have you finished the study guide?”
“Uh.” I click through the class pages until I find the document, but my notes are a mess.
Charlie pulls out some papers from her backpack and slides them to me. It’s a blank copy of our study guide. “Try doing it on paper.”
“Why?”
“So you don’t have to move back and forth between all the tabs.”
I search her face for any sign she’s calling me out, but she’s bitten down on her bottom lip and her hazel eyes have brightened. Is she…excited?
“But I’m supposed to do it online.” I nod at the mostly blank document on the screen.
“Mrs. McGinley said paper is fine,” she replies with a shrug.
My neck heats. “You asked her?”
“Yeah. I thought…it would be easier for you.”
I huff a breath through my nose. “I’m not stupid.”
A little wrinkle forms on her forehead. “Of course you’re not.”
I don’t like the idea of Charlotte talking to Mrs. McGinley behind my back. Suddenly, I don’t like the idea of sitting here either. Before I know what I’m doing, I push back my chair and shove my things into my backpack.
“Where are you going?” Charlotte asks, heat lacing her tone.
“I’ve got some things to do.” It’s lame and though not a lie, saying it out loud stings. Which just makes me want out of here faster. I sling my backpack over my shoulder and head for the door.
Behind me, Charlotte makes a disbelieving grunt.
Outside, I gulp a breath of the cool, thick air.
Maybe it’s that stupid dickhead’s comment—coming right at a time when it’s becoming clear just how much I don’t belong here.
Or maybe it’s the idea that I’m being monitored.
By my fucking tutor. What the hell did she say to Mrs. McGinley?
Does everyone know her assignments put my brain in a blender?
Damn it! How do I fit in when every time I turn around, I do something that makes me stand out? All I want to do is play football. But I can’t without my team, without their acceptance.
It’s fucked, but those are the cards I’ve been dealt.