Chapter 16 #2
It’s not fair. Both Emmie and Wren are in relationships, and of course, I’m happy for them, but it just makes me crave something for myself even more.
Is it too much to ask that someone I like likes me back and wants to be with me?
Maybe I’m being dramatic, but it feels like I’ll never have a boyfriend.
Someone who wants to hold my hand in the halls.
Someone who sends me secret notes and plans elaborate dates.
Who kisses me with abandon. Who touches me with tenderness and passion .
After carrying my case to my room, I stare at my closet, my despair making me groan. Why did I say yes to tutoring this year? The answer is already there, underneath it all.
Because of William. Though helping him feeds a potent need inside me, the opportunity to spend time with him is just as powerful.
God, I’m pathetic. And probably destined to be a spinster with twelve cats. I lower to the edge of my bed and put my face in my hands.
Three outfits later, I’m dashing through the kitchen, my steps drowned by the music coming from the basement. They don’t sound too bad, actually. If I can keep them from bickering, maybe we can pull this off.
Dad’s just pulling into the driveway when I step outside.
When I climb into the passenger side, he flashes me his cheek and with a smile at our little ritual, I give it a peck. “How’s rehearsal going?”
“It’s going,” I say with a sigh.
“Finish that new song yet?”
Nerves chew at my tummy. “I have the notes, but the words aren’t quite there.”
“I’m available if you need to brainstorm.”
Dad still plays the piano and writes songs, though he rarely takes time for it. “Where do you get your inspo?”
He gives me a thoughtful glance. “It’s usually rooted in an emotion. Fear, joy, regret. Or it can be a moment that sticks out somehow. A conversation. Something unexpected.”
“You ever write love songs?” The second I say it, I wish I could take it back because he’s looking at me with more curiosity than I like.
“I have, yeah.” He cocks his head. “Something you want to share?”
I laugh this off but the butterflies that have been at rest inside my stomach take flight, tickling up my chest. “No.”
Dad pulls into the school. “Theo can pick you up. One o’clock, right?”
“Right. Thanks for the ride.” I jump out and shut the door, then hurry toward the library. Pasting on a calm expression, I slip inside and force my eyes to meet Mrs. Hackney’s before searching for Will.
He's at our usual table, reading something from his phone which is held just above his lap but out of sight from the staff, though I should let him know that he’s not fooling anyone.
His backpack is on the floor next to his chair, like he just got here.
He’s dressed in his usual jeans and a Finn River Falcons hoodie and his hair looks damp, like he showered right before coming.
Did he sleep in after partying after last night’s game? Who kept him company this time?
Quit it.
“Morning,” I say, keeping my voice low as I pull out the chair next to him.
“Hey,” Will replies, his eyes dark, unreadable.
“Sorry I’m a little late. Practice went on longer than I planned.”
He tucks his phone into his backpack. “Practice?”
A prickly heat rolls up my neck and face. I should have kept my mouth shut. “Side gig.”
“The band?” Curiosity brightens his expression. Could he be excited for me?
“Me and Morgan, yeah.”
His eyebrows arch up. “Wow, that’s great.”
“We’ll see.” I shrug, but the tension stays locked between my shoulder blades. “Right now we can’t even decide on a name, let alone what we’ll perform.”
“You guys already booking gigs, huh?” His smile turns smug.
“Just one, and it’s a gimme because… wait for it …Dad booked us.”
I expect him to tease me about this, but he holds my gaze. “Your dad wouldn’t have you guys playing in his club if he didn’t think you had what it takes.”
Logically this rings true. But what if we suck? What if we blow it the night of the show? Not only will we have let people down, I’ll have failed Dad.
“When’s the show?” William asks.
“November fourth.”
His eyebrows arch up. “Dang. You guys ready?”
“No,” I sigh. “But we’re working on it.”
“Can I come?”
A tendril of heat coils around my insides. I was already nervous, but if William comes, I’ll never get up on that stage. Wait, why would he want to see me play?
“Unless you’re part of the band, you have to be twenty-one to be in the club.”
“What if I was your roadie?” he asks, amusement sparking in his eyes.
“Crosby’s dad already volunteered.”
He frowns. “What’s—” He rubs his chin. “Wait. Crosby’s in the band too?”
“Yeah. He plays guitar and mandolin.”
A look I can’t read plays across William’s face. “Huh. What does Theo think about that?”
From the corner of my eye, I sense Mrs. Hackney’s scowl. So I unpack my laptop and flip open the lid to at least give the appearance that we’re working on school assignments. “What do you mean?”
“He’s cool with you and Crosby?”
I glance over my laptop to meet Will’s serious gaze. His lips are drawn into a tight line, like he’s upset, which makes no sense. “Of course.”
He looks away.
“We’d better get to work.” I tilt my head toward Mrs. Hackney.
“Right,” he sighs.
After school the Thursday of the show, Theo drives Morgan and me to The Limelight for a sound check.
Morgan is practically bouncing in her seat and talking a mile a minute, her cheeks flushed. “I wish we had more than five songs.”
“It’s a miracle we scrambled that many together in time,” I remind her.
“What are you gonna wear?”
Dad said it can get hot up there with the lights and the space filling up with warm bodies. “My jean skirt and my red silk shirt with the fabric buttons, boots.”
She plays with the zipper of her coat. Up, down. Up, down, her eyes glazed. “I’m thinking my ruffly jean skirt and my blue top.”
“The one with spaghetti straps?”
She nods.
It’s pretty on her, and the skirt makes her legs look a mile long. A twinge of nerves shudders inside me. It’s a fine line—dress too slutty and nobody will take us seriously. Dress too conservative and we’ll look like we’re auditioning for an episode of Sunday Hymnals with Pastor Milton.
Theo turns into the alley behind the club, and we’re just climbing out when Dad meets us at the back door.
“Hey, superstars,” he says, ushering us inside. His smile is subdued, but his eyes are bright with a zealous gleam that gives away his excitement.
I wave at Theo, who gives me a wink before cruising down the alley.
“How was school?” Dad asks, closing the door behind us.
“Fine,” Morgan and I say in unison. Morgan’s giggle gets swallowed by a blast of sound from the stage.
Dad leads us down the narrow, dark hallway to the stage door. “Nic’s just finishing up,” he says before pulling it open.
I’m hit by a wall of sound and the cool air of the club. Gooseflesh ripples down my arms. The powerful sound vibrations rattle my bones. Then the music stops, and the band members all start talking at once.
We’re standing at the back of the stage, in the dark open area reserved for the equipment and lighting setup.
Morgan and I have goofed off up here before when the club is closed and we were stuck waiting for Dad, but this feels totally different.
My tummy flips so hard I press a hand to my chest and force a full breath. I will not hurl.
Standing in the center of the stage, his back to us, is a guy in ripped jeans and a black sleeveless T-shirt, one hand on the microphone and the other limp at his side.
His black electric guitar hangs from a strap slung over his right shoulder.
He turns partially away from the empty club to say something to his drummer.
They banter about a technical detail, then the bassist chimes in.
While the drummer and bassist argue, the singer’s gaze drifts to the back of the stage.
Next to me, Morgan sucks in an inhale. She grips my arm. “Holy hell he’s hot,” she says in a low tone only I can hear as the guy’s brown eyes lock with mine.
He flashes a smile that’s disarming, but it doesn’t completely erase the feeling of raw vulnerability. Like I’m a mouse scurrying across the open prairie while a hawk contemplates if I’m worth his precious energy.
I try to stare back like I’m a champion knife thrower who never sleeps. He shifts his gaze to Morgan, and his quick appraisal flushes cold needles down my back.