Chapter 15 #2
He glances up, his spoon halfway to his lips. “So you studied art?”
I break off a piece of the bread from the same slice he did to give my fingers something to do besides twist in my napkin. “Not formally. My parents urged me to find a career that would give me stability. So I went into graphic design and marketing.”
He cocks his head, frowning. “Not terrible advice, but maybe a little harsh?”
“They meant well, and stability is good.” I sip from my water, the bubbles lighting up my tongue. “It came in handy when my kids were little and my husband lost his job.”
His lips tighten in a grimace. “That sounds tough.”
“We pulled through.” It’s the diplomatic answer, but there’s no need for the longer version.
“How long were you married?” Behind us, the fire in the hearth snaps.
“Too long,” I manage, my laugh taking me by surprise. “We divorced as soon as the kids graduated from high school.”
He studies me for a moment. It’s intense, but being the subject of his curiosity is making me sit up a little straighter. “You stayed together because of them?”
“Not at first. I really believed we’d work things out.
I thought we’d have more children, that our financial situation would improve.
” Regret plucks my heartstrings. “But those things didn’t happen, and financially, a divorce would have been devastating, and I couldn’t hurt the kids like that.
It’s part of the reason I kept painting.
” I glance at the big landscape hanging over the dining room table, a sense of pride creeping in.
For years I painted in secret, because Drew would have made me give it up.
If nothing else because we couldn’t afford the supplies, but deep down, it would have been his insecurities clouding his thinking.
“It was an escape, but I knew someday it would pay off.”
“Looks like it has.”
I risk a glance just in time to catch the look of admiration on his face. “How did you become a conservation officer?”
“As a kid, I wanted to be a Park Ranger. But those jobs, especially back then, were seasonal with measly pay and zero security. Hard enough when you’re single, but brutal on a family.”
“Have you always been so responsible?” I ask just as a beam of sunlight streaks through the window, turning the downy hairs on his corded forearms golden.
I have the urge to dig up my sketch pad and charcoal so I can try to capture it, which takes me by surprise.
When was the last time I sketched just for fun?
“Probably?” Rowdy says with a laugh before spooning up more soup. “I always knew I wanted a family. I didn’t plan to start so young, but it just worked out that way.”
“Are your children close in age?” I only saw his son that night of the film festival, and it was from afar.
“Jesse and Sofie are two years apart. Then an eight-year gap before Linnie.”
I shoot him a curious look. “A surprise?”
“More like my last hope.”
If my uterus wasn’t in the process of closing up shop, I’m sure it would be humping his leg right now. “Being a single dad with your job must have been quite the challenge.”
“Fortunately, Jesse and Sofie helped out a lot. Especially Sofie. She took on a parenting role with Linn.”
The fire pops and a log settles with a whoomph. “Where was your ex?”
His spoon halts on the way to his mouth. “California.”
“So the divorce wasn’t just a parting of ways?”
“You could say she found herself a better deal and took it.”
I stare at him, my jaw hanging open. “As in, she just up and left you all?”
He looks away, his lips tense. “She went to a New Year’s Eve party and never came home.”
I set my spoon on my placemat and press my palm to my heart because it’s beating out of control. “Rowdy, that’s awful. I can’t imagine what that was like for you. And for your children. She just abandoned them.” It’s impossible to even fathom.
But Rowdy surprises me with a thoughtful smile. “We pulled through.”
I can’t help but laugh, and it releases more than just the tension in my shoulders. It adds a little more fuel to the attraction I’m failing to shut down. “You’re rather observant, aren’t you?”
He gives me an exaggerated cringe. “I can dial it back.”
“God no.”
He laughs—a hearty one, like I’ve surprised him in a good way.
Are we sharing something honest here?
“I recall you said Jesse and Sofie live close, what about Linnea?” I ask.
“Now who’s observant?” He winks. “She recently moved home for a job with Idaho Fish and Wildlife.”
I’m still spellbound by that wink. “A conservation officer like you?” I manage. “A chip off the old block?”
“Nope, she’s a biologist. We’ll each contribute to our agency’s projects, but our jobs are actually pretty different.”
“Must be nice to have them all close now.” I wipe my mouth with my napkin and set it aside, then wash everything down with a long sip of my water.
“Definitely. Though I would have never held them back if their passions pulled them away.” He tips his bowl and scoops up the final bite of soup. “You must miss your kids.”
“Like crazy.” That restless emptiness crests inside me.
But I don’t want to breach such a vulnerable and sad topic with him—talk about a mood killer.
“But Micah sometimes breezes through with his tribe between competitions. And many of his races are in the Rockies. I watched one last weekend, actually, at Silver Mountain. And Lily being in San Francisco just gives me another reason to visit my favorite city.”
He cocks his head. “Moving here, not knowing anyone…must have taken some guts.”
“Maybe.” I turn toward him a little on my stool, and our eyes meet. It’s not too bold to drop a little hint, right? “Or I was really ready to enjoy some of the freedom I’d earned.”
He cocks his eyebrow. “Freedom?”
“I was stuck in a marriage with lackluster intimacy for too long, Rowdy. I’m ready to have some fun.”
I can almost see the gears turning in his mind. Does he get it now? I’m not asking for a deep commitment. I’m not even asking for him to change my car’s oil or mend my fences.
“Fun, huh? How’s that working out so far?” The sultry edge to his tone sends a pleasant flash of heat through my belly.
Oh, we’re definitely flirting now.
My gaze drops to his mouth, then I bring it back to his crystalline blue eyes. “Full honesty? It’s been a little rocky.”
His eyebrow quirks. “Oh yeah? Why’s that?”
I can’t hide the hint of mischief in my answer. “Do you know how many guys have tried to pick me up since I moved here?”
“No.” His answer comes out a little testy. Almost like a warning. Which I ignore.
“Then imagine I meet the one guy I might be interested in, and he doesn’t call.”
He gives me that exaggerated cringe again, biting his lip. “Jeez. What an asshole.”
A laugh bursts out of me. “Right? The audacity.”
He reaches out and tucks a stray curl behind my ear. The contact of his fingertips on my skin makes my breath hitch and my heart gallop.
“It’s true,” he says with a nod. “You should really kick that guy to the curb.” Though the look in his eyes is begging me not to.
“I should.” I arch an eyebrow. “But, he’s here now, so...”
“So…” He leans in closer, the tip of his nose gliding past my ear.
That needy coil of heat sinks lower, tightening like a knot. “So maybe you should kiss her.”