Chapter 25 #2
“Like waking up on some random person’s couch after a night you don’t remember? Yeah. I don’t miss those moments.”
She scoffs. “No, like for work.” She polishes off her cracker and breaks off a piece of brownie.
“I mean, I questioned what the hell I wanted to do with my life for a while, but that’s normal.”
“You could have worked for the DNR, or the park service.” She sips from her water bottle, then slices a hunk of the cheddar and brings it to her lips. “You could have pursued being a cop. A backcountry ranger. A firefighter.”
I break a brownie in half and savor the rich chocolate on my tongue.
“Being a cop would have meant spending a lot of time dealing with drunk assholes. I’m sure I’ll be dealing with them plenty during hunting season, but it’s different somehow.
” There was a time I thought pretty hard about becoming a cop so I could find my sister, but I didn’t see myself happy long term in that job.
“And wildland firefighting doesn’t provide much stability plus there’s a lot of partying, and even if I’d tried out for a city fire job, it’s totally different.
In between calls you’re stuck in a fire station, and the shift schedule is too similar to the military’s. No thanks.”
“So you chose conservation work out of process of elimination?”
I shake my head. “I’ve always wanted to protect our wildlife and their habitat. But I also wanted to serve a community. Put down roots.” I finish my cracker combo and build another one. “Is that what you’re feeling like? That your job’s not the right fit?”
“I’ve wanted to be a wildlife biologist since I was twelve.” She’s staring at her half-eaten cracker with that deep furrow in her brow. “Maybe it’s too soon to feel like this. It’s barely been a month.”
“Hey,” I say gently. “It’s okay to feel whatever’s going on inside.”
She finishes her bite and licks her lips. “I don’t want to let my family down. They all have their stuff sorted, you know?”
“Doesn’t mean they won’t support you getting yours sorted.
” She’s brought this up before and I want to know what’s driving it.
We’re not built to be perfect right outta the gate.
Didn’t she say this to me regarding her ex?
If you’re not falling, you’re not learning.
Why would she give herself grace when it comes to her relationships, yet be so harsh when it comes to other areas of her life?
She draws a shaky breath. “Most days I feel like quitting.”
I drink up her courage to trust me with something so raw. “Is today one of those days?”
“Yeah.”
“Why would your family care if you quit?”
Her eyes widen in alarm. “Because they’d worry that I wasn’t okay.”
“What’s wrong with not being okay?”
She draws her lower lip between her teeth, her brow furrowed.
“You’re allowed be human, Linnea.”
“What if they’re disappointed?”
“Let me ask you this. Do you think they’d want you stuck in a job you hate?”
She gazes through the windshield at the expansive valley spread below us.
“I guess not. But what if I don’t actually hate it?
What if this is the best I can find given my training and my goals, and I’m the problem?
What if I can’t find a job I love?” She swipes at a tear spilling down her cheek. “What if I don’t fit in anywhere?”
I set the cutting board on the dash and flip back the console, then slide to the center and pull her onto my lap.
The warmth from her thighs is a major distraction, but I take her face in my hands and wait for her troubled eyes to meet mine.
“Just because this job might not be the perfect thing doesn’t mean shit about you. ”
“But it means I’ve failed.”
I wipe under her eyelashes with my thumbs. “Not to burst your bubble, sweetheart, but walking away from a job you’re not excited about is a pretty weak attempt at failure. I know you’re an overachiever and all that, so I’ll let it slide.”
Her eyes soften and her mouth twitches like she might smile, so I cradle the back of her neck and tug her close so I can kiss it to life.
It starts gentle, but the way she caresses my mustache and upper lip with her mouth dials it up to scorching in the time it takes me to catch my breath.
When I finally pull away, a tense, vulnerable edge of desire fills her expression. Does she know how fucking gorgeous she is looking at me like that?
“Take it from someone who has epically failed before that the sun will still rise and your people will still love you.”
She rolls her bottom lip between her teeth. “But it’s so…messy. Imperfect.”
I comb through her silky hair so it cascades down her back. “Doesn’t make the journey any less beautiful.”
Her lashes flutter closed as she leans in to kiss me.
The plush softness of her lips is as intoxicating as her body’s heat and the way her lean, strong thighs hug mine.
I’m beginning to think this is how it’s always going to be with Linnea Whittaker.
The more of her I get, the more I want. The more she shares of herself, the more I’m willing to show her a few imperfect messes of my own.
I caress down her back and cup her ass. She rolls her hips, grinding herself against me.
Thanks to the extra friction from the zipper of my fly and the thin dress pants she’s wearing, every wandering thought gets automatically rerouted to my dick.
I can almost imagine us naked, and maybe it’s the forbidden nature of it all that’s extra hot.
Making out with my coworker in the middle of a workday—in my work truck of all places—isn’t exactly model behavior.
Though just like with anything related to Linnea, I don’t give a fuck about rules.
Her little tongue flicks out, soft and wet.
I slip past her lips, savoring her needy groan and her soft breasts brushing against my chest. I wish I could undress her right here, suck on her perfect tits while she rides me.
Flip her to all fours and make use of this bench seat.
Or lay her on her back and devour her until she comes undone.
“Oh fuck.” I break from her kiss to try to stave off the chain reaction, my shock and embarrassment and desire like a ball of fire inside me.
“Baby,” I grit out right as she gives a slow roll of her hips, snapping that final thread of my control.
I bury my face in her neck and thrust against her, erupting inside the tight confines of my briefs.
She eases back, delight and surprise written all over her face. “Did you just…?”
Resting my head against the seat rest, I blink up at the ceiling. “Come in my pants like a horny teenager? Yes.”
She leans down to kiss my neck. “That’s kind of hot.”
I caress down her silky hair and laugh. It’s that or cry. “I’m glad you think so.”
She kisses up to my ear and gently sucks, and even though I’ve just blown my load, awareness prickles the base of my spine.
“Is that, uh, normal for you?”
“No.” I wrap my arms around her and bury my nose in her hair. “It’s you. That fiery passion of yours. The way you share what’s in your heart. The trust you’re offering me. Do you realize how fucking amazing you are?”
She leans back and kisses me gently. “No, but you make me want to believe it.”
I clean up the best I can in the biting cold next to the truck and put on a new uniform from my gear bag.
When I pull into HQ’s parking lot, kissing her feels risky but I lean over and do it anyway.
“Thanks again for the picnic.” Linnea jumps down before I can hop out and open her door for her, shooting me a cheeky smile before shutting it and heading inside, her long hair blowing in the north wind.
All afternoon while checking limits on the Lower Bitterroot, I can’t stop thinking about her and what a beautiful, imperfect mess we’re making together.