Love Me Wild

Prologue

ELLA

THREE YEARS AGO

“No, no, no.”

My hands shake and I stare down at the two pink lines glaring back at me.

This can’t be real. Life must have mixed my cards up with someone else’s. We buried my parents a few hours ago and I thought that was the worst thing that could ever happen, but here I am facing the one thing I’ve tried to prevent. My worst fear. The cruelest of jokes.

I’m pregnant by a man who doesn’t love me.

A man who could never love anyone more than he loves himself.

“What does it say, El?” My best friend Remi’s voice comes from the other side of the door.

My mind shifts into overdrive, running wild with a million possibilities. The man I’m married to isn’t the man I fell in love with and we’re already on the brink of a separation. The timing of a child could not be worse and now, here I am, pregnant with his child.

“Oh my gosh, Remi.”

The test falls from my fingers in a rush, clattering on the floor as I bury my face in my hands.

The tears fall from my eyes without any warning and my body begins to shake as my sobs fill the bathroom.

He’s gone on another business trip for the weekend.

My period has been late for a week now, but I waited until he was gone since I was already fearing the worst.

And this is it.

“Oh, El,” Remi murmurs softly, remorse hanging in her voice as she slips into the bathroom. She comes over and wraps her arms around me. “It’s going to be okay. It’s not the end of the world. There are always options, you know?”

A shiver ripples down my spine and my stomach feels empty. Fear floods me, dripping into my veins. I know immediately in my heart, I can’t get an abortion. It may be the right solution for some people, but I don’t think I would ever be able to forgive myself for it.

“I can’t do that, Remi. It’s not the baby’s fault. It didn’t ask for any of this.”

She’s silent for a moment. “Okay.” She lets out a breath. “We will figure this out.”

“I have to leave him now,” I half whisper the words, the decision weighing heavily on my chest. “I can’t stay in a failing, loveless marriage just because I’m pregnant with his child.”

“I agree with you,” she says, her voice a soft embrace as we break apart. Her hands cup the sides of my face and she swipes the tears away. “You know how I feel about Jacob and the things he has done. You deserve better, Ella.”

I swallow roughly, holding back my emotion. “I know I do.”

Collecting myself, I rise to my feet, moving away from her as I brush the tears away from my face in a haste. My heart pounds erratically in my chest, the panic settling inside as my flight instincts begin to consume me.

I had already planned on moving out when the timing was right, although I didn’t anticipate it happening like this.

Jacob has been trying to convince me to stay, even though he’s the one who’s had a foot out the door for years.

He didn’t fly back to Silverspur Springs with me for my parents’ service.

He insisted that his work trip was more important, which gives me the perfect opportunity.

Lifting my hand to my stomach, I flatten my palm over my belly button.

This is mine. The only thing that is mine.

“What’s the plan, El?” Remi says, her voice breaking through my thoughts. “Do you want to come home with me?”

“No, I’ll be okay,” I say in a rush, shaking my head. “I’m flying home tomorrow, but Jacob won’t be back for a few days. That gives me enough time to file the divorce papers, pack my things, and return here.”

Remi’s eyes are soft as they slowly search mine. “How can I help?”

“I don’t know yet,” I say, my voice cracking around the words. “But I’ll let you know when I figure it out.”

I glance down at my ring finger, sadness encapsulating me as I stare at the symbolism of the commitment I made to Jacob Evans.

I met Jacob two years ago, right after I turned eighteen.

He was charismatic and handsome and I was captivated by him when I ran into him at a bar one night.

He was passing through town on a business trip and I didn’t hesitate when he asked me to dinner.

Three months later, I flew out of the only town I had ever known with nothing more than a suitcase filled with my belongings.

I moved in with Jacob on a whim and a hope.

A dream of being with someone who valued me for me.

I didn’t know at the time how wrong I could be.

I chose to leave with Jacob instead of staying with the friends and family I knew.

And it was the biggest mistake I had ever made.

Tears fill my eyes and I slide the rings from my fingers, setting them on my nightstand. Even though the love is lost, all of this still hurts.

“I think I just need to be alone, Rem,” I say to my best friend, tears burning the corners of my eyes as I stare at her from across the bathroom.

Remi’s lips tug downwards into a frown, her eyebrows tugging close together as sympathy washes over her expression. “Okay, girl. I love you so much and I am here. Whatever you need, whenever you need it, okay?”

I close the distance between us, letting her pull me in against her chest. My arms wrap around her tightly and I cling to her for a moment, waves of emotion flowing over me. Releasing her, I take a step back. “Okay. I love you too.”

Remi kisses the side of my head before she slowly heads out of the bathroom. She pauses by the door, her eyes finding mine once more. “We’ll get you through this, babe.”

“I know.”

I wait until Remi leaves before I wander out of the house with my thoughts running wild as they chase after me.

I walk and walk until the soles of my feet are sore.

The lake is just off in the distance and I don’t stop until I’m stepping onto one of the public docks, walking until I reach the end and sit down.

My mind is in absolute shambles. Between losing my parents and having to bury them today, and this mess I’ve gotten myself into with Jacob, I can’t think straight.

Things with him weren’t always bad. He worked a lot, which left me lonely and secluded, but I tried to think of the alone time as a positive and poured myself into my art.

Our relationship moved quickly and within a year and a half after moving in with him, we got married. I don’t know where things went wrong, but the first time Jacob cheated on me was right before the wedding. He fed me lies about it never happening again and I chose to believe him. I chose to stay.

Little did I know, it wasn’t the first time and it wouldn’t be the last.

The dock beneath me gently rocks, the water lapping at my calves from the wake of a passing boat in the distance.

My fingers thread through the spaces and I tighten them, wringing them together in my lap.

A sob tears through my body, tightening the muscles in my chest, constricting my lungs.

I clamp my eyes shut, willing away the tears.

I’ve been trying to hold in my emotions all day, mainly for the sake of my brother, but I can’t anymore.

The gaping hole inside my heart continues to weep, the pain washing over me in violent waves.

I’m no match against the sadness that encapsulates me and the tears streak down the sides of my cheeks without my permission.

The last week feels like it’s aged me twenty years and finding out I’m pregnant is only compounding to the myriad of emotions.

It’s like my parents were fine and then they were gone.

I spoke to my mother a few hours before the accident.

I had no idea they would leave for dinner one night, only to be hit head on by a drunk driver.

Life changes in the blink of an eye and this was a change nothing could have prepared me for.

The wooden boards of the dock creak, shifting slightly, most likely from another boat, but I pay it no mind.

My nostrils collapse as I suck in the deepest breath I can to calm myself down.

Their funeral today gave a sense of closure, although it did nothing to fix the hole the loss left in my chest.

The smell of leather and cedar invades my senses and the dock shifts again. A warm, solid leg brushes against mine and I know it’s him before I even open my eyes.

Cole Wild.

The silence settles between us and as I lift my eyelids, I find him sitting with his dress pants rolled up to his knees, his feet tucked beneath the surface of the water. His hands are folded in his lap and the sleeves of his black dress shirt are rolled halfway up his forearms.

“What are you doing out here?” I ask, my voice catching in my throat as I wipe the tears from my face.

Cole slowly turns his head to look at me. His blue eyes land on mine, filled with nothing but sorrow. “Lookin’ for you.”

“Mission accomplished. You found me.” I clear my throat, pulling my gaze from his. I look back out at the crystal-clear lake, not wanting to meet his stare. “I’m fine, Cole.”

Cole lets out a soft breath, his eyes still trained on the side of my face. “Okay, El.”

Tears burn the corners of my eyes and the pressure along my jaw builds.

The heaviness settling inside my chest is crippling.

The weight is far too much for me to take and I know I’m going to break.

I’ve been trying so hard to keep it together all day.

I’ve let myself cry, but I’ve refused to fall apart.

“Please go,” I whisper, my voice cracking around my words.

“No can do.”

“Goddammit, Cole,” I choke out, the pressure building inside my chest. I whip my head to the side, the tears breaking past my lower lids like water crashing through a broken dam. “Just leave.”

The inner corners of his eyebrows dip, his perfect lips tugging downward as he slowly shakes his head at me. “You’re not fine and I’m not leavin’ you like this.”

“What the hell do you know?”

“You,” he says softly, his voice barely above a whisper.

His eyes travel down to my lips, lingering for a second before lifting back to meet my gaze.

He stares directly through mine, into that hollow hole in my chest. “I know you, Ella. You always put on a brave face for everyone else, but you don’t have to keep doin’ that.

No one is askin’ you to be the strong one here. ”

That last word falls from his lips and the levees inside me are cracking apart. If only he knew how messed up things are right now.

His hand lifts and he presses it against my cheek, cupping the side of my face as he catches a tear with his thumb. “Oh, El,” he murmurs. His palm warms my skin, his stare warming my soul. His gaze drifts back down to my mouth before trailing back to my eyes.

I don’t know what the hell I’m doing as my body shifts forward, leaning into him while closing the distance between my face and his. My eyelids flutter shut, my lips seeking his, desperate to feel anything but the pain festering inside my chest, but I never find them.

“Ella, no,” he murmurs, his voice laced with pain, his hand pressing firmly against my cheekbone. My eyes flash open and he gazes at me, his expression unreadable as his eyebrows draw together. “Not like this.”

Time stops. My breath catches in my throat and I pull back. Heat creeps up my neck, spreading across my face.

“Oh my gosh.” I stare at him, eyes wide and face burning from embarrassment. I’m mortified. Why the hell did I think it was okay to kiss him? “I’m so sorry. I don–I don’t know what I did that for.”

My gaze leaves his in a flash and I turn my head against his hand to look anywhere except at him, but he stops me. He turns me back to face him and his eyes slowly search mine.

“Ella,” he says softly, a ragged breath leaving him.

“Stop, El. You’re going through so much right now, it’s normal to be on an emotional roller coaster.

” His throat bobs as he swallows hard. “Don’t shut me out.

I’m right here–here for you. You don’t have to be strong around me.

You don’t have to pretend like you’re okay. ”

A sob catches in my throat and I finally break.

My ribcage cracks wide open and the tears spill from my eyes, blurring my vision.

Cole doesn’t say a single word as he reaches for me, pulling me flush against him as sobs tear through my body.

My hands curl into fists and I tuck my elbows against my ribs, succumbing to the pain.

His hands are soft and comforting as he runs them over my hair, down my back, over and over again, attempting to sooth me. I bury my face against his chest as he wraps his arms around me, holding me tighter. He rests his head against mine, gentling rubbing my back as whispers fall from his lips.

“Shh,” he murmurs into my hair. “I got you. I got you.” He holds me close against his body. “It’s gonna be okay.”

Time ceases to exist and the sun begins to set as he still cradles me against his chest, murmuring those soothing words until they begin to tangle into the fibers of my soul. I know tomorrow he won’t be here, so I hold onto the moment; I hold onto him.

Because I know after he leaves, there will be no one else here to hold me together.