Chapter 13
I say goodbye to Thomas, forcing my composure not to falter and my heart to hold on a bit more in my chest.
Gasping for air, I drive away, my insides crumbling. Agony weaves through my fabric, the tendrils coiling around my heart choking it to death. There’s nothing I can do to resurrect my spirit.
After fumbling with my key, the door to my old home opens.
Home sweet home, while Kaden and Abigail are together in the house next door. Engaged, and worse, by next year, they’ll be married and then starting a family. Betrayal spears my chest, remaining lodged inside of me. The wench looked at me with that glint in her eyes, searching for the weakness rotting my insides. I touch my belly, the memory still so fresh.
“You have stage four endometriosis.”
My periods have always been painful and accompanied by heavy bleeding, but it became so debilitating that my father had to bring me to the hospital. After every possible test, I got the diagnosis. There’s not much that can be done, other than surgery to remove the tissue forming in my pelvic area. Slim chances of getting pregnant naturally. Plus, I’m on the pill.
I dissect every moment that transpired between us, every poisonous kiss, and every time we made love, only to realize how utterly stupid I have been. The pain burns me to the bones, but I take the excruciating torment to anchor myself. Anything to lessen the blows while I teeter on the edge of a meltdown.
This was my home. Until the accident.
Why can’t I remember?
You would think such a traumatic experience would be at the forefront of my mind. Instead, there is blank space and two sides to the story, creating a jigsaw puzzle I do not fully understand.
I flop onto the bed and hold my face in my hands. Rocking myself gently, I try to grasp my sanity while I am tearing apart like an old piece of cloth. Get yourself together, damn it! You can break apart later. Inhaling deeply, I put the lid on my emotions and twist it shut.
Hunter calls. “We’re doing a search of the tunnels tonight. You ready?”
He’s like a dog with a bone. I can’t fault him. I am the same way.
“Give me a few. How is Mia?”
“Locked in her room, reading.”
What is going on with her? I mean, even though she doesn’t like what we do, she was always there, making sure we do our jobs and return safely. She’s our eyes and ears from a distance.
“Did she find anything?”
He exhales a breath ringing of frustration. “Not yet.”
“Something is holding her back.”
“Well, she’s good at stealing physical stuff, but not using someone for information. She’s a romantic like that.”
“I still believe a little psycho lives inside of her.”
He chuckles. “She stabbed me once because I hid her book.”
“She’s sensitive about them.”
“She has hundreds.”
A sigh tumbles from my lips. “You can’t fault us for what we love.”
“I wonder if you said that more for her or for you.”
“You know me so well.”
“Stop being sarcastic. Let’s get to work.”
Smiling and feeling more centered, I change into my black coveralls.
“How is it going with Bailey?”
“Someone should wrap that girl in cotton… she’s exasperating with all that softness. There are fuckers out there who would take advantage of her.”
“Ahh, careful or I might think you’re developing feelings.”
“Shut up, she’s… I just never met someone like her, that’s all.”
“You’re wound up.”
I slip in the earpiece and put on the tech glasses. We check the com and verify that the infrared is working.
I listen to Hunter as he directs me onto the property, staying out of the guards’ sight. He instructs me on my movements—when to move, where to go, and the pace to maintain.
At the end of the property, I push away some leaves and branches and find a metallic door on the ground, hidden in plain sight. I pull at the lock, but it doesn’t give way, so I use a bobby pin to open it.
Turning my flashlight on, the underground tunnel reveals itself. I climb down the steel ladder and land on the cement floor. Dust swirls in the air, and a musty smell lingers heavily around me.
“Do you see this?” Three tunnels. This will take me weeks to cover. “It’s impossible to say which one leads where.”
Something catches my attention from the corner of my eye. I move toward it, removing the tarp, and uncover an ATV.
Sweeping my hand over it, there’s no dust and I don’t see any rust. So, someone used it recently.
“This will take forever,” I mumble.
“Do you have other things to do? Places to be?”
He has a point. “I’ll start with the one on the right.”
Lamps that should light up this place are embedded in the ceiling. After a while of palming the wall, I discover a difference in texture. It’s metallic and has no handle.
“This is a door.”
I scan the frame with my goggles.
My father and Cillian will probably work even harder and longer with this information, sending us on even more missions.
“Can you open it?” Hunter asks.
I touch the surface and find a slit to insert a card.
“It has to be Felix’s key card,” I say.
“How do you know?”
“Just a feeling. Tomorrow, we’ll get it.”
“It’s too dangerous.”
“It’s our only chance.”
“Get out of there. We need to make a plan.”
“But…”
“You’ve been there for over an hour,” he insists.
“Fine.”
When I am back home, I freeze. My heart tumbles from one corner of my chest to the other when I sense him.
The air carries his heady scent, every fiber of me vibrating in his presence.
I swallow. “Fuck.”
“But why, Sky?”
“Fucking shit. I’m on my way,” Hunter says.
“No. I have this.”
Kaden cocks his head to the side. His gaze travels up leisurely over my body. When our eyes lock, pure heat and raw intensity reflect in his and my thighs clench.
His teeth jab into his bottom lip. “That looks sexy as fuck on you.”
“Stop drooling. Rub one out if you have trouble focusing.”
“Ah, baby, actually––”
“Don’t you dare.”
He gestures for me to give him the earpiece. I yank it off my ear and shove it at his chest. I can’t believe he caught me. You only do a mission when you are mentally in the right place. This would have never happened if I had ensured he couldn’t enter my house. But I forgot he still has a key. Unlike me, who, after discovering his betrayal, threw away the key to his house in a fit of rage.
“She’ll call you later.”
He disconnects and throws the com on the couch. I get in his face. Anger, resentment, hurt, and confusion battle inside of me, leaving carnage behind.
My phone rings from my room upstairs.
I point my finger at him. “Stay right where you are.”
“Wasn’t planning on going anywhere.”
He smirks and I run up the stairs to my room to answer Hunter.
“I’m in my car.”
“Do not come here.”
“He knows.”
“I can handle him.”
“He’s the enemy.”
“And right now, let’s not make things worse.”
“Fuck, Celine––”
“This is not an extraction. I messed up, and it’s my job to fix this.”
I hang up, only to find Kaden in the doorway, a bottle dangling from one hand and a glass in the other.
“Fancy a drink?”
“You brought a glass for me too? So attentive.”
“Both are for me.”
He stares pointedly at my stomach, and I roll my eyes at him.
“I doubt you have what it takes to get me pregnant.”
“Well, as you didn’t stop me…”
“I was too busy coming.”
“This is not a fucking joke.”
His jaw sets in a hard line. Even when he’s angry, he’s hot.
“If this wonder ever happens, I will take the baby far, far away.”
The vein in his neck throbs. “You would take my child from me?”
“You don’t even want it.”
He slams the glass against the table and says, “Say that fucking again.”
I march over to him and push against his chest. “Stop being all gravelly and shit, you’ll burst a vein.”
“Interesting night?”
“I can’t tell you… because I would have to kill you. So, turn around and pretend you never saw me. I guess your fiancée, and, let’s not forget the mother of your future babies, is still in your bed.”
He drinks from the bottle, his hair falling in disarray on the side. The intensity emanating off him scorches me. He radiates so much strength and power. I back up.
My feet hit the bed, and I drop on it while he trails his lust-filled eyes over every inch of me. My nipples pucker, my core dampens––incapable of controlling myself around him.
The bottle slips from his hand, landing with a soft thud on the carpet.
He crawls on top of me and cages me in. Sporting a crooked grin, that’s equally devastating and sexy, he cocks his head in a secretive look. There’s no escape for me. There never was and never will be. A fact I can deny all I want, but it wouldn’t change the truth.
“I’ve always liked your bed more.”
“Hmm, and here I thought you didn’t need soft things to fuck me on.”
“I have yet to fuck you. What we did on the cliffs was foreplay.”
Why does he say things like that, completely ruining me? I am a captive at the whims of my need for him.
He’s so focused on me. All his attention is directed at me. His beautiful face calls to me, but one moment, I have my hand in the air; the next, I am cuffed to the bed.
He fucking played me. I thrash on the mattress to get loose. Just wait until I get out of these, you jerk.
“Stop being stubborn and difficult. Now, you’re going to tell me everything. And I mean fucking everything.”
The nerve of him. Clamping my mouth shut, I glare at him. He doesn’t deserve my truth.
He stands up wearing a determined look. Legs spread, eyes fixed on me, he taps a finger on his mouth.
“Let’s make a deal.”
I should say no, but I am intrigued.
“You tell me everything, or I’ll make sure Grandmother does more research about that supposed school you and your friends went to. You’ve already lost a family. Want to lose another one?”
My breath hitches. I knew he could be cruel, but this guy is lethal.
“Maybe it was you loving me or me loving you, so I wanted to show you only the best side of me. Well, after you left…”
“I didn’t fucking leave.” Squirming in my cuffs until they pierce my skin, I hiss.
He bends down, holding my hands in his, letting me see the coldness and darkness in his eyes. For a second, his pain is my pain, and I would do anything to ease it and soothe him.
“They would have never allowed us to be together,” he snaps.
Everything in me stills, and he uncuffs me, gently caressing my wrists.
“Cover them tomorrow.”
He rakes a hand through his hair. “Even now… even fucking now.”
What just happened? He’s at the door when Hunter shoves by him, rushing to my side.
He sees me rubbing my wrists and stalks over to Kaden. Hunter’s back muscles tense, ready to attack, and I get between them.
“I told you I have this.”
“You would have let him go?”
Kaden pushes me to the side and thrusts Hunter into the wall. “Came running to save your girl. Well, you came too late. You should have done that yesterday. Isn’t that right, Celine?”
His low growl and intense look show me that Hunter knows exactly what Kaden’s talking about, which makes everything worse. Everything I have worked for is butchered because I am weak for the one person who doesn’t deserve me.
“Get out.” They both shout at the same time. Right now, I don’t want either of them.
“Both of you leave. Fucking leave.”
I turn my back to them and climb under the covers.
For once, I am exhausted from always fighting. I feel like I’m worthless without it.
When the sound of footsteps disappears, I breathe a sigh of relief. I want to cry in peace, but I feel him come near. Everything in me is aware of him. I could sense him among a hundred million people.
“You too,” I say.
Kaden doesn’t listen. Has he ever?
I hear clothes shuffling, and then he’s in bed with me.
“Come on. Let’s get you undressed. You hate to go to bed in the same clothes you wore all day.”
While he helps me undress, my head drops. “I’m a failure.”
“You’re not a failure. I am your weak spot like you’re mine. Plus, I had eyes on you more than anyone else.”
“Stalking me? Really?”
“What else can I do when you won’t talk to me?”
“Still.”
“Answer me just this one question: Are you here for us or for them?”
“For them.”
He kisses my temple and caresses my stomach. It’s sweet, it’s everything––it’s a lie.
“You should go back to Abigail.”
“I’m right where I want to be. Where I belong.”
He kisses my neck, then my shoulder. It would be so easy to get lost in him, and this lovely dream. But reality always returns with a vengeance, and I don’t know how much my heart can take of these wonderful highs and crushing lows.
“Stop.”
He turns me to him and says, “Let me take you somewhere else.”
“That’s not a good idea.”
“Don’t you want me?”
His deep blue eyes seek mine. Raw emotion flickers in them, and I caress his cheek. I doubt the day will ever come when I wouldn’t want him.
“We can’t fix what’s broken, Kaden.”
I kiss the corner of his mouth, and he wraps his arms around me. In the cocoon of his embrace, I fall asleep.
When I wake up, he’s gone. The indentation of his body next to me on the bed, his scent and warmth linger like a ghost––a shadow of my past forever trapping me, making it impossible to move on. One second, it’s war; the next, we’re calling a truce, only to start all over again––a perpetual hellish cycle sprinkled with bits of heaven in between.
I spend the day in the house, looking at photo albums and trying to remember.
In vain.
Walking through the dense forest, inhaling the fresh scent of leaves and pine, my feet carry me toward our place. I come to an abrupt stop. My hand flies to my mouth. My knees weaken when I see the cabin in shambles. I run to it, but there is nothing left except glass and wood scattered around––the debris, a pretty good analogy to our love. Who did this?
As if my mind conjured him, Kaden appears next to me.
“I did this.”
I whip my head to him, pointing at the ruins. “Why?”
He shoves his balled hands into his pockets, and then he lifts his face, his eyes on the only cloud in the sky. “I want to tell you everything. Then I remember I can’t trust you. Until I know for sure, I prefer you to hate me, to think I am the monster who didn’t love you. When you’re ready to confess, I will be too.”
I am numb as I run back to the house, crushing leaves and branches under my shoes, reminding myself that love is not why I came back. Revenge is.