Chapter 18
With my necklace back where it belongs against my skin, I wait for Kaden on my bed.
A part of me whispers I should stop antagonizing him, stop being in his face like this. But the other side, the hurt, the filled with longing part of me, prefers his attention. It’s warped and brings me more misery, but I can’t deny my craving. I am addicted to the few moments of pure bliss before the pain kicks in.
The door opens, and I sigh. Here we go again. I have to expel him out of me so I can breathe and focus on what I have to do.
You’re killing me, Kaden.
Even though he’s tiptoeing, I am so attuned to him that even when he is being all stealthy, I know exactly where he is. He approaches the bed, and my breath hitches. I yearn to affect him like he does me. There are times when I feel him burning for me. All the love and promises are scattered around us in a pile of brokenness at our feet.
He lowers to me, and his finger grazes along my collarbone, awakening goose bumps from my neck to my toes. He hooks his finger through the necklace, and my hand flies to his neck. My intention is obvious yet he grins.
“All prepared for me?” he taunts me.
It makes me feel all kinds of hot. His cockiness, those mesmerizing blue eyes swallowing me into their depths, are my downfall.
I give a little squeeze. “Careful, Kaden, you don’t want to anger the person who could snap your neck.”
Testing me, he dips his head. He whispers, “You broke my heart… that hurt the worst. Go ahead.”
“You don’t have one.”
“True. It’s yours.”
Yeah, right.
He grinds his cock against my core which throbs with a need only he can soothe. I squirm, wanting more.
His finger brushes the side of my face. “What does this say about us, that we’re both a hot mess?”
It’s a sweet, sad moment. The air charges with a heavy tension, crackling with electricity. One spark and our passion would light up this planet.
His dick strains his jeans, and I am so wet I might drench the sheets.
He traces the pendant almost reverently. “Will you wear it?”
“Yes.”
“You should have always worn it.”
“Where is yours?”
Anger burns in his eyes. “I don’t fucking have it any longer.”
“You lost it?” I gasp.
He grips my wrist, his jaw tensing.
“And you ruined our place.”
“You have no fucking idea, Celine.”
“Because you won’t tell me.”
“Do you deserve to know?”
I wiggle under him, but the fight dies in me. He doesn’t care. What more evidence do I need?
“I don’t like that look.”
I roll to the side and say, “Please, leave.”
“Oh, even a please.” He tilts my head to the side and our eyes lock.
Palming my cheek, his thumb caresses me.
“Stop thinking whatever you’re thinking.”
“How do you know what I am thinking about?”
“Because everything in me responds to everything in you.”
I look out the window. Sadness and loneliness cage me in––that’s nothing new. They’ve been my prison for years. I can’t escape it even when I am surrounded by people.
“I’m lonely too, Sky. And the only moments it feels bearable is when I am with you.”
“Fighting with me calms you?”
“I would do anything to make you feel better.”
“Then why are you engaged to Abi? Why are you planning to marry her, hmm?”
He gets out of the bed and cups his neck. Torment is clear in his stiff position.
I crawl off the mattress and dig my finger into his chest. “I deserve to know if my love was one-sided.”
He steps back as if I slapped him.
“Was? So you don’t love me anymore, Celine?”
My name out of his mouth sounds broken, ending in despair.
“Why would I?”
“It’s a lie,”my soul screams. In an instant, he’s in my face, snatching the necklace away and ripping it from the safety of my neck.
Kaden flies down the stairs and gets in his car. Wearing only shorts and a tank top, I race after him and climb into the passenger seat.
He speeds away, tires screeching. Tension radiates off of him, scorching me.
When we reach the forest, he parks, not even cutting off the engine.
“Kaden, what are you doing?”
His silence wrecks my sanity, leaving me alone in my mind, poisoned with darkness.
“Kaden?”
“They couldn’t break me, but they were right that you’re my weakness.”
“What? Kaden, what does that mean?” But I know what he wants to do, and he can’t.
I am short of begging because it seems I am not getting through to him.
He climbs out and thrusts his arm forward before he curls his hand in a fist. It’s too dark to see where he hurled the necklace. The only thing left of us was now lost in the forest’s thickness, swallowed by the night.
On shaky legs, I get out of the car. Tears flood my eyes.
“What did you do?”
I press my hand against my chest, a futile attempt to heal the hurt he caused with my own palm.
“You don’t love me. You doubted my love. We have nothing left, Celine. Fucking nothing.”
He throws the keys at my feet and turns, leaving me with too many memories for a grieving heart to handle.
With trembling hands, I start the engine and drive back.
I cry the entire drive, and I cry some more when I close the bedroom door behind me.
***
When the sun starts its ascent, I put my hair in a messy bun and change into a pair of jeans, tucking my sweater inside the waistband. Picking a pair of sunglasses on to cover my bloodshot eyes, I square my shoulders.
On campus, I park next to Dane, and he says, “No glasses are big enough to hide that you look awful.”
“Thank you, I appreciate the honesty.”
“What are friends for?”
“They’ve set a date.”
“When?” he asks through a set jaw.
“Spring.”
His entire posture stiffens, and I elbow him. “Wanna crash it?”
“They’re not getting fucking married. I am so fed up with her bullshit.”
Kaden and Abigail appear as if we summoned them, looking like they stepped out of a magazine. We shift our gazes between them to us, and I sigh. “Ugh, it’s like they eat fucking perfection.”
“Yet they are so easily riled by us.”
Side by side, we approach them. Abi’s face twists, her gaze casting down for a moment, and Kaden stares straight ahead.
“Let’s make a bet,” Dane suggests, eyes boring into Abi’s.
“Why would I?” she asks haughtily.
“Afraid of losing?”
“Never,” she says, playing into his hands. That’s the problem with high emotions. They shut off your rationality.
“If I win against you, I will spend a night with you,” Dane says as he continues to look at Abi.
“Keep dreaming.” She gets in his face, taunting him with her mouth, wanting him with her eyes.
“If Kaden wins, I’ll leave. If he loses, you already know what happens.”
It’s clear there’s history between them.
“Fine, deal.”
“Abi,” Kaden says intently. They engage in a silent eye conversation before he shakes his head at her but nods.
It’s the first time I see a sparkle in Dane’s brown eyes.
We walk away, and I say to Dane, “Don’t put your life in danger.”
“Sometimes the pain is worth it. For a few seconds, it feels good.”
Yes, I know that too well.
The day passes in a blur as I move from one class to another, overwhelmed by how much I have to catch up on. I need to get myself together and focus on my studies. I can’t have my grades dropping because I am an emotional mess.
When I get to Mia and Hunter’s place, Abigail’s eating a granola bar in the kitchen.
“You know I should hate you,” she says.
“Why don’t you?”
“You came with more drama than we bargained for, and you fucking almost kissed him.”
Did she just cuss at me? The perfect lady-like Abi?
“I think it’s good to let it all out.”
“You don’t understand. I can’t be with Dane, and it kills me seeing you with him.”
“It’s the same as seeing you with Kaden.”
“You’re stupid, Celine. You’re so damn stupid.”
She grips my elbow, shaking me. “Kaden hasn’t so much as looked at another girl, let alone taken it further. He looks dead, and it’s because of you. He was unbreakable until now. I hope you’re fucking happy.”
My heart rips through my chest. “What?”
“Really? You think if we had something going on I would have let you and Kaden disrespect me by sleeping together? Wake up, Celine. We all have a role to play in this fucked up family.”
“But?”
“But what? Oh, he promised you things? Fuck off. He cut his heart out for you so you would never go through the things we did.”
Terror flashes in her eyes.
I get in her face. “It should have been my choice.”
“Just let him be, already. Go be with your friends. And if you ever get comfortable with Dane again, I will show you how much of a bitch I can be. Don’t mess with me.”
“Then why aren’t you with him?”
“Do you think I don’t want to be? It wrecks me. But loving is fucking prohibited unless it’s between me and Kaden.”
“You’re getting married.”
“And until then, we do our best to escape this prison.”
She storms away. There are so many things running wild through my head.
Is it true? It can’t be. No way. But what if it is? Then what?
I ruminate on Abi’s confession. My heart somehow knew that they couldn’t actually be together, but I was too afraid to hope. All afternoon, I try to study but in vain. My attention always swirls back to what she told me.
By the time night replaced day, I had climbed into my car. I reach the cliff, more on instinct, with all the thoughts running through my head, making me lose myself in the dark fog of my brain.
A few more cars are lined around, with people forming groups around them. Music blares from car speakers. Dane looks at Abi so intensely it resembles a mating contest.
I hope he wins. I hope she loses.
Something tells me she wants to be with him tonight.
The first competitors step into their cars. A skinny girl wearing a skirt short enough to see her thong drops the flag to start the race. Then she struts toward Kaden, who leans against the hood of his car, legs crossed at his ankles, and she smiles at him.
I roll my eyes. Girl, he won’t touch you. She whispers something in his ear, turning coy, her eyes sparkling while he doesn’t back away.
I am here, you idiot. I can see you, and I know the truth.
You’re mine, and I don’t know what to do with this knowledge.
I need you to love me through this.
My eyes are glued to the next set of cars lined up. When the flag descends, tires screech, leaving burn marks on the road. Seconds tick by with nervous energy. Abi is an aggressive driver. It’s a close race, but Dane takes control and wins. I know it’s more for show when he blows her a kiss.
She’s so hyped up when she reaches me. “I so lost on purpose. If Kaden wins, I’ll strangle him in his sleep.”
We giggle, and her eyes go from me to Kaden, who is surrounded by girls vying for his attention. “How are you?”
“Is this what you meant by no other girls?”
“Something changed, Celine. He said he was done today.”
They get in the car, and Kaden looks at Abi with a shake of his head.
“He’ll be bitching about this until the day I die.”
“You’re a good team.”
I am not jealous anymore. With the truth came solace.
“I don’t know what you did, but it’s you. For him, it will always be about you.”
“What about what he did?”
“Find your way back. It’s up to you if you let mistakes and hurt control you. Accept and move on. Altered, scarred, and different. But together.”
“You never wrote to me.”
“We had to fight our own demons here, Celine. No one forgot about you. We didn’t exclude you. In a way, it helped to know one of us escaped this. But you being you, you had to come back.”
I suppress a smile and add, “Yes, along with a lot of baggage.”
“Maybe we should all just open our luggage and trust each other.”
The engine revs up, pounding in my ears. The tied race captivates all my attention. Neither of them gives the other an inch. Kaden has the nose upfront, and Abi’s jaw drops in response. “This egocentric asshole. One night. One night.”
She holds her breath. It’s so clear who her heart belongs to. Guilt shoots up through my veins. I am fully on her team. When Dane takes the lead and wins, we both exhale loudly.
Abi fans herself, and I suppress my amusement.
“I look composed, right?”
“You do.”
“Good. We don’t want to make it easy for him.”
Kaden approaches her. She hugs him, and he kisses the top of her head.
“The things I do for you.”
“Shh, he’s coming.”
“Stop looking like you can’t wait.”
“I so can’t wait.”
I bite down a laugh and look at him, begging him to acknowledge me, but he avoids my glance.
Dane yanks Abi to his side. “I am here to collect my prize for the night. I hope you won’t mind me returning her a bit ruffled.”
He tosses her over his shoulder, and my mouth drops. Longing drips from them in rivulets like honey.
I grab Kaden’s hand, needing to talk, but he turns his back on me.
Go after him.
We need to talk, and we will.
I see that girl approaching him again.
Fuck off, that’s my man.
I take off after them.