Chapter 26
The worry etched in his eyes twists my insides. Going to him, I lock my arms around his neck, rising on my tiptoes. Brushing my nose against his, I press my lips to his so his mind will focus on something else.
Loving him is my life’s essence; it is invisible yet potent enough to hold everything in me together. Love has its own gravitational pull, and it holds you anchored in place to the person who created these feelings in you.
Kaden gives in to the kiss, and we close our eyes. I lose myself in his soft lips, his hands pulling me closer to his chest with urgency, as if he wants to mold us together. If it were possible, I would do it just to have him like this. Mine. Becoming one.
“I love you so damn much.”
These are simple words and a simple declaration, but nothing is simple in the complexities of my feelings for him. We might live in two bodies, but our hearts are one. We’re one. And that’s true intimacy. His love emboldens me and gives me strength. Nothing is unachievable. Everything is possible together.
“And I love you. You and me, Kaden. Always.”
“I want this over with so…”
All the words remain locked inside me, even though I have the key to it. The time will come when we’ll freely enjoy our love, our future, and our freedom. We just have to overcome the present.
“Let’s just stay in today.”
He locks the door, and we climb into bed. Skin to skin, mouth to mouth, heartbeat to heartbeat––we complete and complement each other. The warmth of his body fuels me. I could never tire of this perfect symbiosis.
He peppers kisses down the valley of my chest. God, his kisses undo me––the perfect combination of an aphrodisiac and drug. No wonder I am so addicted to everything he does. I want to revel in these heavenly sensations because my period is about to start.
I squeeze my eyes shut. I might be fearless, but when it comes to the kind of pain that shackles me to the bed, not so much. A tremor rocks me.
“Hey, what is it?”
“My period is coming. While the pill helps, it doesn’t take away all the pain.”
“Is there anything I can do?”
He can’t, but the knowledge that he would if he could means everything. And I think this is what a real partnership should feel like, just being there when things get rough for each other.
“I think I need another surgery.” That’s the thing with endometriosis. It’s not as if you had one surgery and then you’re good. No, the tissue grows back.
“I hated it then. And I will hate it when I do it again, but it’s the only way.”
“I will be right there with you this time, and Celine, whatever is going through your mind, I love you just how you are. Whether we have kids, you’re in pain, or if you laugh or cry, I love you. You’re strong, but let me hold you when you don’t feel like being strong. You’re my strength, and I just…”
I put my finger on his lips and say, “I know, it’s… I should have told you.”
“Hey, no, no. In case you don’t remember, it wasn’t on my mind either.”
I shift into a sitting position and sigh, “Imagine that when we still have so much to overcome.”
“And we will, together. Just don’t keep me out.”
“I won’t.”
He gets out of bed, but not before placing a tender kiss on my forehead and quickly returns with my laptop.
We watch a movie, his hand on my belly the entire time, the other caressing my head. Nothing compares to being snuggled against your person––safe, cherished, and loved while he gives you what you need.
Kaden’s hands are doing their magic, and everything in me relaxes.
“You’re doing that on purpose,” I say through a yawn.
“I love you too.”
When I wake up, it’s to his gorgeous face, those high cheekbones, sharp jaw, straight nose.
He was beautiful as a kid and even more as a teenager. Now, the man he has become is devastatingly handsome.
He opens one eye, catching me ogling him.
“What? It’s not like I am not your wife or anything?”
He rolls me over and tickles me. I try to swat his hands away through the bouts of laughter.
“Stop it. Oh my god. Kaden, I’ll pee myself.”
He continues to tickle me while I barely hold on to my bladder. I laugh so hard that my vision blurs. Everything else disappears from my mind: all the fear, anxiety, and worry.
If it were possible, I would bottle up this moment. Us together, laughing. Just two ordinary people in love having fun together.
But it’s time to allow reality back in, even though it’s hard to deny Kaden’s sensual kisses. His wicked tongue has a way of making my brain mush.
Pushing him off me, I touch my lips. I’m sure they look the same as his: swollen and glistening.
“I’m coming with you,” he says.
“But?”
“We’ll be careful.”
I don’t know how careful we really are, but I don’t want to say no. He’s my strength too.
During breakfast, I notice Blake looking into space. I take the seat next to him, brushing my arm against his.
“Hey.”
“We need to talk,” he whispers, and an ice cube melts down my spine.
“I’m not sure how long my appointment will take.”
Kaden looks from him to me, and I shrug.
Hunter munches down a boiled egg and says, “Even with the eyes and fingerprints, there are too many things that could go wrong. We should split up. Some of us go through the tunnel while the rest try to get inside the building. That’s if Blake actually comes through and brings us the code from his father.”
Kaden looks at everyone at the table and says, “Blake, get it done already. We’re losing time. We can put the team together later.”
The entrance door opens, and Dane steps inside. I watch Abi staring at her barely touched plate while he looks at her.
“Eat,” Dane says.
She takes a big mouthful, and he relaxes slightly. “Happy?”
“Good, you came. Take him through the plan,” Kaden says.
“Let’s go,” Hunter says, and Kaden takes my hand.
“Are you out of your mind? I will go with her as her boyfriend. Remember?”
Kaden grits his teeth and I place my hand on his cheek.
“Hunter’s right. I will meet you there.”
Kaden storms away, and Mia says, “You could be more sensitive, brother.”
“And his behavior is compromising. It’s one thing for them to be together here, but we don’t need any suspicion when we’re so close.”
Hunter throws his napkin on the table and says over his shoulder as he opens the front door, “I’ll wait for you in the car.”
Great, now I have the company of two grumpy males.
Yay, it must be my lucky day. But Hunter is right. That’s why I keep my mouth shut.
“You know Hunter gets like this when…”
“When what?” asks Bailey.
Mia takes the plates, leaving me to decide if I tell her.
“I have endometriosis, and since we know everything about each other, he also knows my period is about to start.”
“Ah, and for men, women in pain are kryptonite. It’s actually one of their better qualities; I think that makes them bearable.” Bailey eyes the seat Hunter left behind, and sighs.
At the door, she hugs me and says, “Whatever today reveals, I am here for you.”
“Thank you.” My voice breaks and emotions flood me.
“We’re family.”
I slide intothe passenger seat, and Hunter starts the engine.
“I never asked how things are with Bailey?”
He grinds his teeth. “She’s an innocent lamb and I am a wolf.”
“Grew a conscience, did you?”
“Grew horny?”
“Shut up.”
A few miles in, he’s the first to break the silence. “I always had my sister and my father, and then you came along and it felt complete. But now I have to make room for more people.”
“Oh, the horror.”
“Shut up.”
“You know there is nothing wrong with you.”
“Celine.”
“I know my name. Just saying. Eventually, you’ll have to entertain the idea of a relationship.”
“Chances are slim to none.”
Stubborn male. I won’t tell him he has no control over that.
“She deserves––”
“Stop sabotaging yourself. It’s not for you to say what she deserves. If she wants you and you want her, then there is no problem.”
“Who said I want her?”
“Whatever, just drive.”
“And by the way, I heard your moans. Bleh. I thought crows were being mutilated.”
“You really want me to punch you while you’re driving?”
“I want to bleach my brain to forget how you came with his name out of your mouth.”
When he imitates me in an obviously exaggerated tone, I punch him in the arm, and he winces.
“Ouch, I’m driving.”
“Do that instead of talking.”
“Abi is something else. The Barbie princess is lethal. But why is Bailey so damn soft? It gives you the urge to protect her or some shit.”
I barely suppress my amusement. Oh, when it hits him.
“What did Blake tell you?”
“He wants to talk.”
“Hmm.”
Yes, I feel the same. Maybe Blake trusts me enough and sees me as family.
When we reach the doctor’s office, my heart dips into my stomach. Hunter places his hands on my shoulders.
“I bet my life that day happened differently. You need to know, but whatever it was, you were a child. Even if you don’t want to believe me, my mom always used to tell me. ‘Parents don’t blame their kids.’”
“You never talk about her.”
“And that won’t change either. Now hop out.”
We step inside the building. It looks like an apartment complex from the outside, but my father said Dr. Camden is the best in the business.
We knock and her assistant welcomes us in. I take a seat on the couch, my legs bouncing up and down uncontrollably. Hunter presses his hand on my knee, but I’m too jittery to stop.
The entrance door opens and Kaden steps inside. All my nerves recede. His eyes find mine, and I exhale the breath I was holding.
He takes the seat next to me, intertwining our fingers. I love how he doesn’t fill the space with words. He’s just here with me. Supporting me.
“You can come in,” Dr. Camden, a beautiful and ageless woman, says from her office door.
Both of the guys stand up, flanking me.
The assistant flushes. “You two can’t go inside.”
“Hey, it’s okay,” I say.
“No,” Kaden says resolutely. Hunter takes a warrior-like stance. Good God.
One look at us and Dr. Camden says, “You two can come in if Celine is okay with that. But one word from either of you, even the smallest reaction, and you’re out.”
“Yes, ma’am.”
“Of course, ma’am.”
Look at my guys, intimidated by her and I suppress a smile. Dr. Camden continues as we walk into the room. It’s an inviting space with green walls, and a Chesterfield couch covered in a mustard colored fabric. Her college degrees and accolades hang up on the wall behind her desk while tastefully framed pictures decorate the other walls. Along the window plants rest, soaking up the sun. “What you’re going through will take a toll on you. It might be upsetting.”
“Do not stop, I can take it.”
I already feel Kaden’s disapproval, but he keeps his mouth shut. I guess being here counts more.
“Lay down and make yourself comfortable.”
I do that, my body sinking into the soft sofa.
“Close your eyes. Breathe in and out. Just listen to my voice.” She has an alluring voice lulling me deeper and deeper, and I feel myself drifting further away. Someone should bottle her voice up and sell it as a relaxant.
“You’re in the car with your parents.”
I watch myself as a five-year-old. My mom’s and dad’s facial muscles are strained and they are talking in hushed voices.
“What do you see?”
“My parents are arguing, but I can’t hear what they’re saying.”
“Focus, you’re there with them. Now, hear them.”
I pick up my doll, and Mom says, “It was a mistake. What did we do?”
“We did what we had to do. I don’t want that life for her.”
“They won’t stop searching for us. My mother would never allow that. I am a terrible daughter.”
“That’s their words, not yours.”
She blinks, focused on him. She nods, a small smile parting her lips.
“Daddy, when are we going to be there?”
“Soon, sweetie.”
“Can Kaden come too?”
Mommy turns and says, “I’m sorry, but you won’t see him again.”
“Nooo! Why? He’s my friend.”
“Sweetie, shh, don’t cry.”
But it’s not just the tears. I scream. A desperate shout to go back to him and my friends.
“Celine.” My dad yells at me, and I quiet instantly. He’s never yelled at me before.
“We want what’s best for you, and if that means you won’t see your friends, then that’s it. You’ll make other friends.”
“But, Daddy.”
“Stop the car,” my mom says.
My father stomps on the brakes, and sheer panic looks back at me from the rearview mirror.
“What’s wrong?” my mother asks.
“The brakes. They don’t work.”
“No.” My mother screeches and yanks the seat belt from her body while my father raises his voice, this time at her to stay seated. The cliff stretches along the right side of the car, appearing as an endless loop, encircling the ocean. My mom hops in the back with me.
“I love you the most in this entire world,” she says, kissing my eyelids.
“I love you too, Mommy.”
“I want you to promise me something.”
Oh, I love promising things and she always says I am the best at keeping them. I just want her to never stop loving me.
“Don’t let anyone control you. Fight if you need to.”
“But you said fighting is bad.”
“Not if you do it to survive. Tell your grandmother I was loyal to her as the matriarch. I would have done everything for her until the moment you came into my life.”
“Celine,” my dad says, and my mom wraps me in her arms. “Everything is going to be fine.”
She puts her hands on my ears, but I can still hear muffled sounds.
“They must be near. Fuck.”
“We knew the risk, my love. But Celine has to survive this.”
The therapist’s voice pulls me back to the here and now. My trembling fingers lift to my cheeks, finding wetness. I turn my head noting that Kaden’s body is stiff to the point it might snap, and Hunter braces against the wall.
“Take me back. I need to find out more.”
But I know, don’t I? She sacrificed herself to save me. Since the moment she jumped in the back of the car with me, all Mom did was be my human shield. The pain explodes in my chest, but I must go through with this.
“Sky.”
“I can take it,” I assure him.
I lean back and Dr. Camden’s voice lulls me back in.
My parents exchange a glance.
“I can’t live without you.”
“You can and you will. One of us has to be there for her,” my mom insists.
“We said we’d stay together.”
“My love, it’s okay. We’ll be together someday.”
“How can I live without you, without her?”
“Focus and beat them at their own game.”
“She won’t be the girl you wanted her to be if they find her.”
“My mother wouldn’t hurt my daughter. Celine will grow strong. She’ll have no other choice.”
“What did you see in that psychopath?”
“Felix wasn’t always like this.” My mom sighs. “None of us were, but this family, this legacy, poisons you.”
“I love you.”
“And I love you. You saved me.”
My father’s lips turn down in a small, dejected smile, and my mom kisses him. It’s so intimate I look out the window, where a gigantic tree rises from the ground. I point to it to show them, but my mom says, “You know what you have to do.”
She turns and presses me to her. One second, we’re driving. The next, a deafening screech of metal fills the air. My mom is torn away from me as the force of the impact propels her into the window.
It’s a blur of movement as my dad shatters the windshield and before he’s gone, he says to me, “I am coming back for you.”
I watch the blood seep from her arms, but her eyes find me and she croaks, “My fearless girl.”
A black SUV, followed by several cars, pulls over, and Uncle Felix rushes to the car. When he sees Mom, he curses. He sees me in the backseat. His eyes travel down the cliff.
“You should have followed him.”
He yanks me out of the car and puts me in the SUV.
When we finally stop, we’re in front of a gray building encircled by thick trees. I am rushed inside and immediately surrounded by people I don’t know.
As we walk down multiple long, white corridors, I ask, “Is my mommy okay?”
“Celine.” I rush to Uncle Caleb, but he puts his hand out to stop me, and I remember. No hugs.
“Your mother didn’t survive,” he says and two men drag me away. No, that can’t be. Instantly, I cry, big tears rolling down my face. Sobs rip through me and I am dizzy on my feet. I want my mommy.
Felix grips my hand, jerking me away. I am strapped down into a chair. Something resembling a belt covers my head and keeps my eyes open.
I watch a strange screen, and someone pricks my neck.
“You whined because you wanted to play. Your mother lost control of the car because she tried to comfort you.”
I repeat the words until I’m watching through my own eyes how I play and how my mom turns to look at me and loses control of the car.
“You killed your parents.”
“I killed my parents.”