Chapter 2 #3
He must have been making some kind of face, because Aspen turned back to the coffee table and grabbed the bag of gummy bears. They opened it and popped one into their mouth, but then grimaced and handed the bag to Leon.
“Yeah, I don’t really like gummy candy either,” Leon said, trying to decline the bag, but Aspen pouted and pushed it into his hand. Leon sighed and put one of the artificially sweet bears in his mouth.
The flavor exploded on his tongue, but again the texture was off–or something. “Where did you get these snacks?” he asked around a mouthful of half-chewed gummy. “‘Cause I think they might both be stale.”
“Maybe. Might as well try the last one,” Aspen said before handing him the bag of marshmallows.
Leon hadn’t eaten marshmallows straight out of the bag since he’d gone camping with one of his buddies in high school. Knowing there was no point in refusing, he reached into the bag and pulled out one of the squishy cylinders.
Just like with the gummy, it seemed way sweeter than he remembered. “Wow,” he said as his teeth easily tore through the pillowy treat. “I forgot how good these are.”
Aspen smirked at him and handed him the bag before grabbing the two cups of soup and walking around Leon into the kitchen. “Have at ‘em then. I’m going to make us lunch. Finish drinking that water down to the noon line.”
Noon? That felt a little preemptive given the fact that it was only–
Leon gasped when he saw the time on his microwave read 11:58. “Holy shit.”
“I know, hon,” Aspen said, suddenly appearing in front of Leon. They placed a hand on his shoulder and gave him a sheepish smile. “I think you just spent three hours researching cat toys.”
“Fuck,” Leon said, running a hand down his face and then, because it couldn’t hurt at this point, he shoved another marshmallow into his mouth.
“Did you feel focused, though?” Aspen asked.
“Clearly, since I somehow lost the entire fucking morning.”
The microwave dinged, and Aspen held up a finger before going to retrieve their food. They brought the steaming cups to the table, then returned to stand before Leon.
“Yeah, I spent my first six hours on meds researching a trip to Paris, even though I have never in my entire life wanted to go to Paris; I just really wanted a croissant.”
Leon set his water, which was still only on the 10:00 am line, down on the table along with the marshmallows. “A croissant sounds good, actually. I don’t know what was up with those chips, but–”
“Yeah, sometimes the meds can make chewing exhausting,” Aspen said, and Leon gaped at them.
“That’s exactly what it is! The fucking chewing!”
Aspen threw their arms around Leon in a hug, but before he could figure out what to do with that, a phone alarm went off.
“Hey, look, time to eat lunch,” Aspen chirped as they skipped across the room to retrieve their phone.
Leon was still far from hungry, but his eating schedule and eating habits had always been a bit off. He would often forget to eat, or, when he remembered, he would get bored halfway through and move on to something else.
He could hear Caden’s voice in his head, saying that was quite possibly due to his ADHD, but he wasn’t in the mood for that. Aspen was offering a solution to his current situation, so he might as well give it a shot.
Leon collapsed into one of his kitchen chairs and took a small sip of the soup. It was immediately clear why this was one of Aspen’s “gifts.” It felt like a revelation not having to chew.
“Okay, so your morning was a bit of a wash, but now we just had lunch, and this is a great time to see how you do with task shifting,” Aspen said, rising from the table to throw away their empty cups after they finished.
Leon shoved another marshmallow in his mouth. “Maybe I should sit out here with you.”
Aspen pointed a finger gun at him. “Now you’re thinking! Body doubling to go along with your meds sounds like a great idea.”
Leon went to retrieve his laptop and sat on the other side of the couch from Aspen. “Do you think if I’m better able to do work now, that’s due to me getting used to the meds, or could it just be the body doubling?”
Aspen shrugged and tossed a chip in their mouth.
“Who knows. I’d say since your morning was a bit rough, let's get you back on track, and I can always come over tomorrow to try it again. Also, if it turns out that you do need body doubling, that’s not the worst thing.
You work in an office building. I’m sure there are ways to make that work. ”
Leon cracked his knuckles and glanced at his phone, which was lying on top of Aspen’s on the table.
Aspen followed his gaze. “I highly suggest you not pick up your phone, but it’s your life.”
Leon sighed and opened his laptop.
Thankfully, the afternoon went a lot better than the morning.
Aspen glanced over every once in a while to make sure he wasn’t looking at cat bandanas, which he only did twice more.
He decided to start by pulling up an email to ask his boss to purchase the license.
From there, he was able to check off almost a dozen tasks he’d been putting off for weeks.
It was almost like with meds, his best friend, his cat, and his emotional support bag of marshmallows, he could do anything.
That is, until around four pm, when he began to crash.
It started with a small headache, and he took a big drink of water, bringing him almost to the 4:00 pm line, but that didn’t do much to help. He looked around the apartment, in case maybe it was eye strain, but when he looked back at the screen, it hadn’t helped either.
Then it was as if a physical weight settled around his shoulders. It felt like he was being dragged down into the couch, and he had no choice but to curl up on his side. Once there, he wasn’t sure if he ever wanted to get up.
“You done for today?” Aspen asked, still clicking away on their laptop.
“Dunno,” Leon mumbled.
Yarmen jumped onto the sofa and climbed up the mountain ridge of Leon’s body. His paws tickled Leon’s side, but his body was dead weight, and he couldn’t do anything other than shift his hips a little to encourage Yarmen to settle in the curve of his side.
He lay still for several moments before reaching up with a heavy hand to pet Yarmen’s head. Strangely, his fingertips were numb, so he tried some box breathing, but that didn’t seem to help, and the feeling spread into his knuckles.
He’d never had a panic attack in front of anyone but James before, and he really didn’t want to start now. Besides, what was there to feel anxious about?
Sweat broke out under his arms, and his next few breaths came out as wheezes. Aspen shut their laptop and scrambled onto their knees so they could hover over Leon. “Hey, okay, you’re alright. Talk to me, hon. What are you feeling?”
“Bad,” Leon huffed.
He rolled over to bury his face in the couch, and Yarmen jumped off him with a surprised warble.
“What are your symptoms? Do you feel low all of a sudden? Dizzy? Anxious? Depressed?”
He felt all of that and more, but there was no way he could explain it right now.
His feeble nod must have been enough of an answer, because a moment later, gentle fingers were combing through his hair.
The relief was mild, but instantaneous. His spine loosened just enough that he was able to sink further into the sofa and take a deeper breath in through his nose.
“Alright, hon, I think you’re crashing. It can happen with ADHD meds, and it might just be how new you are to them, or it could be a dosage issue, or that this particular med isn’t right for you.
It’s nothing major, and usually goes away in less than an hour, but there are some things we can do to help. ”
Aspen moved their hand from his hair down to his shoulder and started pulling him up. “Get up, my darling friend, we’re going for a walk.”
Leon tried to push them off, but Aspen was impressively strong. Or maybe Leon was impressively weak right now. All he knew was that he would much rather sink to the floor than stand upright.
“I know, it sucks, but we’re gonna pump you full of some fun water and go for a walk or two around the block. We can bring your marshmallows–or! Even better! We can stop for ice cream or get you a smoothie or something.”
“No,” Leon growled as he fought unsuccessfully to remain on the couch. Aspen managed to get him into an upright position, and they held him up with a hand on his chest.
“Yes,” Aspen said, brushing Leon’s hair back from his forehead.
The gesture was so sweet, it made actual tears come to his eyes.
James and Hailey were the only people he allowed to touch his hair, and Hailey only when she was practicing her haircutting techniques.
The fact that not only was he allowing it but actually enjoying it with Aspen made a tear trickle down his cheek.
Of course, he had no way to put all these feelings into words, and as he opened his mouth to try, he was hit with another crushing wave of emotion.
“I miss James,” he whispered, and that was true and also only the tip of the iceberg, but as a second tear rolled down his cheek, he decided that was probably all he was going to say on the matter. He was so tired. And sad.
“Let’s call him! It’s close to the end of the workday. I’m sure he’s either heading out or getting ready to.”
Aspen somehow managed to keep Leon upright while grabbing his phone.
“I don’t want to,” Leon said, and he tried to fall to the side, but Aspen wrapped their arm around his bicep and hefted him up off the couch.
“Aspen–”
“Hon, I don’t want you to totally crash. Your afternoon was so successful, and I want to show you that it is possible to get through this. Lying on the couch isn’t going to help. If that’s how you handle crashing in the future, that’s your choice, but I’m not letting you do that today.”