Chapter 6
Then
“I don’t know.
It was just weird,”
I said to Tammy.
It had been a week since the pizza delivery dance with Michael, and we would spend our day at the mall this Saturday.
The homecoming dance was in a week, and even though we didn’t have dates, we were shopping for the dance—new dresses.
“And then he stopped when blow-job eyes walked in?”
“Yep.
Pretty much.”
“So, you think they’re a thing now?”
I answered her and didn’t know why I needed to explain this even to myself.
Michael was ten years older, just a friend of my brother’s, and I was only a senior in high school.
But still, the feeling was that I had just lost the love of my life, and it ached in my heart.
“Well, they had pizza and wine together.
And apparently, she’s been staying at his apartment.”
“April is such a whore,”
Tammy said, and I had to agree.
But that was why she got any guy she wanted.
And maybe I shouldn’t be so jealous.
But I was.
He was nothing special to her and had already grown a place in my heart. Was this just a schoolgirl crush? But I felt it was more profound, even if the dance was meant for me. Something about Michael would change who I was and who I would become.
“Can you believe she acted jealous after I left? I heard her ask Michael why we were dancing.”
Even if it was just a tease, it did elevate my private status with Michael.
She was jealous.
“Hey, let’s stop talking about this.
Let’s get some dresses picked out,”
I said, pointing to the 5.7.9 store.
As I pushed through the rack of dresses, the question was always there.
Would Michael like me in this? I needed to remind myself I was shopping for a high school dance and not a hot date with Michael.
“What about this dress?”
Tammy asked, pulling out a black button-down dress, thigh-length and white pock-a-dots.
It was cute, but I focused on something sexy for Michael.
She could tell by the look on my face that I wasn’t feeling it. “Okay,”
she said and placed it back onto the rack.
I then came across a pink, sleeveless t-shirt dress and showed it to Tammy.
Her eyebrows raised as I put the dress up to me.
“Turn around,”
she said and grabbed the dress.
Pressing the dress on my backside, she said, “barely covers your ass.
Is that what you’re going for?”
“You’re right.
Let me look at the black dress again.”
She pulled it out, and I thought of a way to sex it up.
Fishnet stockings and high heels? Of course, I had never worn fishnet stockings, but the grunge look was coming from Seattle.
Mixing it with black combat boots, we could get away with it.
We both grabbed a dress; I the poke-a-dot one, and Tammy the plain black and headed back to the fitting rooms.
Sharing one room, we stood and assessed our pre-grunge look.
After, we would hop over to the Hot Topic and complete our look with fishnet stockings and combat boots.
Looking in the mirror, I wished I had Tammy’s long, silky, almost black hair.
Mine was just as long but very blonde.
And the summers, living in the sun, didn’t help.
The summer golden-California girl look had passed, and winter dark and gloomy was now the rage.
My long, wavy curls were no longer in style, and there was no way I would ever get that silky, straight look. With my large blue eyes, I could give that darkness with some heavy liner. Everything about me was wrong, and thinking that Michael would be attracted to me was crazy. I was too young, too blonde, and out of his league.
We paid for our dresses, headed to Hot Topic, and found our fishnet stocking and black, shiny combat boots.
After that, we grabbed our favorite Chinese food and sat in the middle of the food court.
“Are we still going stag?”
Tammy asked.
“I plan on it.
It’s a thing now, you know.
Don’t need a date for a dance,”
I tried to justify, but the truth was that neither of us had a date.
But it was still a week away, and the chances of being asked, asked by someone we wanted to go with were probably not going to happen.
“How should we wear our hair?”
she asked, and I thought how perfect her hair was.
“What do you think about me dying my hair black?”
“Why?”
she exclaimed.
“Because I hate it, blonde.
It’s so…80s.
It’s almost 2000, and black hair is in.”
“Since when?”
“Ah, since Nirvana.”
“I believed Kurt Cobain had blond hair.
And didn’t his wife…what’s her name?”
“Courtney Love.”
“Yes, Courtney Love,”
Tammy said and drank her Coke.
“Man, it’s such a shame what happened.
I loved that song.
What was that song?”
I laughed.
“Smells Like Teen Spirit,” I said.
“Yeah.
That song.
What does that even mean?”
“I think it means how our generation will someday be in power,”
I said.
Years later, people learned that the song was dubbed an “anthem for apathetic kids”
of Generation X, and the band grew uncomfortable with the attention it brought them.
As I took a drink of my Coke, Tammy said, “So, would you have sex with Michael?”
I choked.
“What? Why would you ask that?”
Tammy and I had many sex partners…in our minds since we were both still virgins.
David Charvet, Joey Lawrence, John Stamos.
So, for her to bring up Michael as one of them was a fair question and should not have startled me.
But it did.
“Oh.
My.
God.
You have.”
“No!”
“Then why are you so flustered with the question?”
She was right.
It did fluster me.
Because ever since I’d met Michael, my hand had slipped into my panties, getting myself off to his perfect face every night.
“Do you think he would be great?”
He was in my mind every night.
I shrugged, “Probably.”
“You know, we always have these visions of how great it would be with a certain guy just by how he looks.
But what if they weren’t?”
She was right again, but it would be with Michael.
I just knew it.
I laughed again.
“Like we would be great, never having done it before, and to judge how good they would be.
Well, now we sound shallow.”
And we liked to pride ourselves as not.
As I took another bite of my shrimp with lobster sauce, I froze when I saw Michael standing at the Chick-fil-A counter.
Suit bags were draped over his shoulder, secured with one finger, as he reached around to grab his wallet from his back pocket.
Tammy must have noticed the look on my face and swung her head around.
“Oh my God.
Is that him?”
I couldn’t answer because I was still frozen at the moment and watched him return the wallet into the pocket of those perfect jeans on that perfect ass.
“That is him.
Holler at him.”
“No.”
“Why not?”
“I don’t know,”
I said and did my best to hide behind my large cup of Coke.
“You want me to?”
“God, no.”
He turned around with his food tray and was now searching for an open table.
The food court was packed, and we did have room at our table.
But I was still too shy to yell his name.
“Act like you don’t see him,” I said.
“My God.
He affects you tremendously,”
Tammy said, and then, while I could die on the spot, called out his name.
“Michael!”
He looked around but still didn’t see us.
“Over here,”
she yelled again.
He then spotted us.
I straightened up from behind my large Coke and smiled at him.
He looked relieved and began our way.
I was afraid he could hear my thoughts, which was impossible, but it had to be written all over my face.
“Hey, girls.
Thanks for coming to my rescue,”
he said as he laid the suit bags over the extra chair and set his tray on the table.
“No problem,”
I said as casually as I could.
But my insides were screaming, yes, yes, yes.
“Jill,”
he said and then looked at Tammy.
“I’m sorry, I can’t remember if I got your name last time I saw you.”
“Tammy,”
she said and held out her hand.
“Michael.”
He shook her hand, and I watched Tammy’s eyes glisten with a tease to mine.
She darn well knew his name.
But, in my defense, I feigned ignorance.
Michael sat and began unwrapping the foil of his sandwich.
“What are you girls shopping for today?” he asked.
“Dresses for the homecoming dance,”
Tammy said.
“What’s in the bags?”
“Work clothes.
My new job at Whirlpool has a dress code—slacks and ties.
So, I picked up a few suits.”
He was hot in a T-shirt and those jeans, but thinking of Michael in a suit sent alarms down low, and I feared that horny look was all over my face.
I knew Tammy could see it.
“So…homecoming,”
he said right before taking a bite of his Chick-fil-A, then returned to its foil.
As he chewed, I watched his lips move in action.
Michael even made chewing look sexy.
Grabbing a napkin, he wiped his mouth and then replied.
“Wish I could go back to those days.”
Thinking of Michael in high school as a young student played a whole other side of him.
Football star.
Class president.
Most popular.
And then recalling what Scott said about him sleeping with teachers, professors’ wives, and friends’ moms invaded the thought as fast as it came. But was I any different? Fantasizing what it would be like to sleep with him?
“Yeah.
The dance is next week,”
I said, searching for words.
I was now speechless and couldn’t think of a topic.
So, I continued to watch him chew.
He smiled at me through his chewing lips, and of course, I shied away and grabbed my Coke.
“Since you are here, Michael, we were discussing what to do with our hair and could use a guy’s opinion,”
Tammy said.
He wiped his mouth again as he looked her way and took another bite of his sandwich.
“Shoot ‘em,”
he said after.
“Jill wants to color her hair black.
What do you think?”
I panicked as he slowly looked back at me and intently studied my face.
Yeah, I wanted him to notice me but not see every flaw in detail.
His hand smoothed across my cheek and then to my hair, where he placed it behind my ear.
“Do not mess with this perfection.
You have beautiful hair and gorgeous blue eyes.
A natural beauty.”
His words were genuine and honest; they meant more to me than he knew.
Shyly, my eyes blinked while I searched for security at his compliment.
But now, I was more doubtful and confused.
Was he attracted to me? Or was he only being nice to the little sister?
I should have said thank you.
I should have said: You think so? But stupid me only grabbed my fork, picked at a shrimp on my plate, and said, “Oh…I don’t know.”
“It’s always the really pretty ones who think that,”
he said, and maybe that doubt decreased a little.
I went from pretty to really pretty.
“So, that’s a no then?”
I heard Tammy from across the table and was happy for the distraction.
“A definite no! You don’t change a thing, kid.
Stay just the way you are.”
Kid? And just like that, Michael reduced my doubts to irrational thoughts.
For me to think he would be attracted to me as a woman—that was crazier than thinking I was going to marry John Stamos.