Chapter 38
Then
You would think two years would have been enough time for me not to think about Michael and that horrible day when I found him with Cami.
But more importantly, you would think I should be glad he was gone.
And no more worries of distrust and betrayal.
But here’s the thing about suspicion and betrayal.
There’s only one victim, and while one goes onto the next victim, the victim sees everyone as their future reason for distrust and betrayal.
Monica and I decided to add a puppy to our two-person family—mainly her.
She was five now and had started kindergarten.
Michael was now a total void in her life.
Once he came back and settled the divorce, we never saw him again.
The puppy was more of a guilt present, but when I saw its sweet, little face in the window at the mall pet store, I couldn’t resist.
Monica would ask about her father now and then, and at school, she had met little friends who had visitation time with their fathers.
She even asked me once if it was true that some moms and dads live together.
I then realized she hadn’t much of a memory of Michael.
And maybe that was a good thing.
But then she would ask why she didn’t have visitation with her father—like her little friends. I didn’t have an answer for her, so we bought a puppy instead.
Financially, we were okay.
That was the one thing Michael did set up for us.
I’ll never forget that day he walked through the door.
I thought for sure Michael would change his mind.
I stared at him with such loss in my eyes—and a part of me felt he had the same look in his eyes. And damn it, I should have been glad it was over. But that didn’t mean it hurt any less.
“Jill,”
he whispered after standing in the doorway for ten minutes.
“I’m sorry you had to see us.
That’s not how I planned it,” he said.
“Planned it! Who plans a divorce, Michael? How long has it been going on?”
“That’s not important, Jill.”
“Oh, I know.
I’ve never been important to you.
I’ve never been a priority to you.”
“That’s not true.
I’ve stayed with you longer than I planned.”
“Oh, my God, Michael.
Just shut the fuck up.”
He pressed his lips, placed his hands on his hips and looked around the house.
“The house is yours.
I cashed in my Whirlpool shares and paid it off.
So, don’t plan on taking half my pension or retirement.
I’m giving you the house, free and clear.”
“That’s right, Michael.
Just throw money on it.
Make us go away.
That’s where half your paycheck was going, wasn’t it? To your new place…with her.”
“Jill, I’ve never wavered from my responsibilities here with you.”
“You’ve been fucking around, Michael.
So, I say, you have.”
“Financial responsibilities,”
he corrected me.
“Just because you pay the bills, Michael, is not a free card to cheat.
And don’t you forget.
I, too, contribute to this household.”
“And let’s remember who paid for your education.”
“Stop it.
I’m tired of this being nothing but a business arrangement between us.
I’m your wife, Michael.
Not a contract you signed.”
“Jill, you had to know it was coming.
I had to end it now, especially with all your having another baby talk.
That’s when I knew it had to end.
So, you kind of brought this on yourself.”
My jaw dropped.
Michael was unbelievable.
“Then why didn’t you tell me you didn’t want another baby? You said: let’s see what Seattle brings.
Well, I guess that settles it.
Seattle brought you Cami and brought me nothing.”
“That’s not true, Jill.
This house is yours, paid in full.
I’ve set the support for Monica to be automatically deposited into your account.
I even had it set above the standard.
You should be just fine.”
“And my heart?”
He looked around and then back to me.
“Jill, I can’t do this anymore.”
This.
Monica and I were…this thing he couldn’t do.
So, what was Cami? The one? I wanted to scream.
I wanted to scratch his eyes out and then tell him I loved him.
But how do you tell someone you love them when you shouldn’t? And so…I didn’t. I just stared at him. Tears dripped down my cheeks.
He walked to the bedroom, packed the last of his stuff and before he walked out the door, he said, “Take care, Jill.”
That was it.
No…goodbye.
No, I will miss you.
No, I love you.
And deep down, I knew he never did.
I watched his car from the window until it disappeared down the street.
And my stupid, stupid heart thought he would turn around and change his mind.
My eyes began to burn because I was afraid to blink.
I think it was getting dark when I finally called Tammy, who stayed with me all night and let me cry myself to sleep.
We named the new puppy Molly, and I had scheduled to get her at a veterinary office that came highly recommended.
Since I never had a dog before, I didn’t know of a good one.
I was shocked when we walked in and saw Drake walking out one of the rooms in a white lab coat.
After the coffee house incident, he left the community college, and I never knew what happened to him.
“Oh, my God. Drake?”
“Jill? Look at you,”
he said and set down the clipboard he was holding as he reached out for me.
“Wait, is Michael going to come storming in?”
he laughed.
“No.
We’re divorced,”
I said, hoping I sounded sad.
“Oh.
Well, sorry to hear that.
But then again, I’m not.”
My face blushed and I forgot about the puppy in my arms and Monica at my side.
“So, you became a vet. Wow.”
“Yes, it took another few years.
But hey, time goes by whether we’re in school or not. Right?”
“Ah…yeah.
It sure does.”
Another moment of perfect silence when he finally spoke again.
“So, what do you have here?”
“This is Molly,”
I said, holding up the little cocker spaniel.
“We just got her, and a friend at the hospital recommended your veterinary clinic.”
I then put two and two together.
The recommendation came from Tammy.
“Wow, is this your little girl…Monica, right?”
he asked, bending down to her level.
She nodded shyly.
“Last time I saw you, you were just a baby…with a muffin all over your face.”
Monica giggled and looked up at me.
She reached for her puppy and petted Molly’s little feet.
“Well, let’s take Molly back and have a look at her,”
Drake said, and we followed him to one of the exam rooms.
I set Molly on the metal table and watched as Drake handled the puppy with such care.
I still couldn’t believe he became a vet.
“She looks very healthy.
Do you have her papers?”
“Yes, here in my purse,”
I said and pulled them out.
Handing them over, Drake looked through her pedigree and was a little concerned that she came from a puppy mill.
“I had no idea.
The puppy’s sweet little face was what sold me.”
“Well, she’ll be much better with you.
I won’t lie to you,”
Drake said, and for some reason, I respected how he said ‘won’t lie to you.’ “Puppies from these mills aren’t always as healthy as those from private breeders.
So, I will check for any lung issues, and I would like to do blood work and check for parasites.”
“Yes, please.
I want to ensure Molly’s healthy enough to be around Monica and in the house.”
“She should be fine,”
he said and got busy with Molly’s shots.
He gave Molly a treat, which she gobbled up and then gave Monica a balloon.
“Here you go, Monica.
You like balloons?”
“Yes,”
she said with her fingers in her mouth—her shy response.
Molly was finished with her shots and physical, and Drake said he’d call when her blood work was done.
“So, are you…dating?”
I bit my lip and smiled like a stupid schoolgirl.
“No. I’m not.”
Was he asking or just curious? I had been out of the dating scene since high school.
In fact, I never even dated.
Michael was my first.
And after two years, I still didn’t know what to call it.
I looked down at his hand and saw no ring.
But then again, Michael never had or wore a ring.
“So, I take it you’re not married?”
“Nope.
Guess I’ve been waiting for you,”
Drake said, staring into my eyes.
I felt something in my chest and realized it was my heart—beating.
“And, adding a few more years to your education helped you pass the time?”
He laughed.
“I guess you could say that.”
He bent down and petted Molly and handed Monica the leash.
He stood and said, “I never stopped thinking about you, Jill.
Or that kiss.”
We both knew what he meant, and to me, it was the kiss that got Michael to notice me.
After all these years, he still remembered that kiss.
“Yeah, that was pretty crazy, right there in front of the coffee shop.
I wonder how many saw us that night from the café window.”
“I was hoping everyone.”
He tilted his head, and his eyes looked so kind, full of something I wished I had seen in Michael’s eyes.
But he wasn’t Michael.
He was better, and I didn’t want to keep comparing.
“Drake, I would love to go out with you, if you’re asking?”
“I’m asking.”
He smiled slyly and wrote down his cell number and handed it to me.
“This Saturday?”
“Yes, Saturday works.
Um…do you want my number…in case things…change.”
“I have it.”
He looked down at Molly’s chart and repeated, “555-6469.”
I threw my head back with embarrassment.
“Of course.
Duh,” I said.
“You’re still so cute, Jill.”
A compliment and I didn’t know what to do with it.
“Um…thank you, I guess.”
He could tell I was becoming uncomfortable and walked us out of the exam room.
“I’ll call you, Jill.
About Saturday,”
he said and grabbed the next dog’s file and headed to the next exam room.
I looked at the receptionist who was smirking at me and tried to ignore her.
“We’re old college friends.”
. . . . .
I was back in high school, roaming through my wardrobe, searching for something to wear.
Nothing seemed right.
It was either too young or too old.
And I was only twenty-two.
I looked at the tiny, black dress I wore to the Christmas party. And then, thinking about Michael and me having sex in the car knocked on my head. Was he ever going to go away?
Unfortunately, the yellow dress hung on me.
Since the divorce, I had lost weight, so I had to go with the black dress from the Christmas party.
“Let’s make a new memory in this dress, “I said aloud.
He picked me up at six and, once again, I was speechless from his compliments.
“I saw these flowers, and they reminded me so much of you.
All the colors and the sweet scent.”
He was holding out a bouquet of painted daisies, and I kissed him on the cheek.
“Thank you, Drake.
It’s been forever since I’ve had flowers.
You look…great.”
Great? He wasn’t an idea or a piece of furniture.
“I mean…God, let me start over.”
“It’s okay, Jill.
Take your time,”
he chuckled.
“Drake, I’ve always thought you were handsome, and…wow, you’re a doctor and…you’re just amazing.
I was so attracted to you in college.
But I was married, and…”
“Don’t stop there,”
he teased and pulled me to him.
“Let’s finish that kiss.”
Setting the daisies on the counter, he pulled me into his arms.
The second his lips touched mine, I felt life inside me push out the dead, and for once, Michael was gone.
. . . . .
“So, I looked at him and said, seriously, ‘There’s a pencil stuck in your dog’s anus?’”
“Oh, my God.
You’re kidding, right?”
“I wish I were,”
Drake said, grabbing my hands from across the table.
He was funny and gorgeous and so easy to talk to.
I couldn’t remember the last time I had been part of a conversation.
The whole night was filled with laughter and jokes, and I couldn’t believe I was a part of it.
Oh, the things I had been missing. Michael never made me laugh like this, nor did he care to involve me in his work or thoughts. Drake told me about his goals and dreams; as he shared them, he never made me feel I wasn’t a part of them. He talked about marriage, family, and the vacations he would take his children on. And he looked me straight in the eye each time he said it. He was talking about me—us. Again, that distrust and betrayal began to chatter inside my head. They were warning me with laughter. Drake was my first date in two years, and it told me not to get too excited. I didn’t want to listen to it. I tried to listen to Drake and focus on something good. Drake was good. He had to be. How could someone become a vet and love animals and not be good?
The magic of the night continued when we left the restaurant and had drinks at a local nightclub.
For only one second did I think of Michael when we walked in.
The place was classy, in that dark, Martini bar way and it felt like a place Michael would pick up women.
But I was here with a good man, and he wanted to be with me.
As we sat in a red velvet booth, tucked away in the dark sipping our dirty Martinis, Drake kissed me, and the moment felt serene.
With so much laughter, I thought I’d lose my voice.
His hand smoothed along my cheek, and we stared into each other’s eyes.
He touched my lips with his thumb and told me how beautiful I was.
I was ready now and all the pain and hurt I went through with Michael was gone. I looked into Drake’s eyes and said, “Drake, would you like to spend the night with me?”
He didn’t answer, but only smiled and then kissed me passionately.
And I took that as a yes.