Chapter 44
Then
Monica was now in college, and my days were filled with lonely despair.
If it weren’t for Tammy and her girls, now three, I’d be a hermit.
Molly died the week after Monica left for college, and she blamed herself.
No matter how much I told her Molly died from old age, she was still convinced it was from a broken heart.
But the only broken heart was mine. I worked more than my share at the hospital, working many hours. What else did I have? I had no husband or daughter at home. And no dog, either. I sipped wine and stalked Michael’s Facebook. I never got over Drake, and five years after that day in his vet’s office, I ran into him and his twin boys. I saw everything that could have been mine.
I had just dropped Monica off for her piano lessons.
My parents' neighbor gave lessons and stressed that I must sign Monica up.
She was ten then, but Barb said it was never too early.
I was to have a date that night with a new doctor who had just come on staff at the hospital—another one of Tammy’s fix-ups.
I wasn’t enthusiastic about the date and decided to cancel and stay in.
After dropping Monica off, I thought I would order us a pizza and went to my old high school hangout, Delanie’s.
Walking in, the smell of onions and pizza sauce hit me, and I was transported back to the first dance I shared with Michael—the night I delivered his pizza.
My whole life pivoted on that night.
I sometimes wondered if I would be here now if I had stayed in the kitchen instead of delivering pizzas.
It’s strange how things work out.
As I stood in line waiting to order, the door behind me opened, and I heard a man talking to his children.
“Okay, guys.
What kind of pizza are we getting?”
“I want cheese.
Just cheese on it.”
I turned to smile at the cute little voice, and my eyes stared into Drake’s.
The same eyes that loved me once.
I stared at the mouth that kissed me and called me Peaches.
I looked down at the hands that used to touch and hold me, now holding the hands of two little boys—twins.
“Jill.
Hey, it’s good to see you,”
Drake said.
“Hi, Drake.
Oh my, are these your boys? They’re adorable.”
“Yep.
This is Cody,”
he said holding up his right hand, “And this is Jody.
Boys, Jill is an old friend of Daddy’s.”
The word, old friend, hit like a punch in the gut.
I was downsized from all his pet names to just an old friend.
“Hi there,”
I said, bending down and meeting their faces.
They were at least four or five, with Drake’s brown eyes, and all I could see was what was supposed to be mine.
“Oh, Drake.
They are adorable.
You must be so proud.”
“Yes, I am.
I wasn’t expecting two at once, but I wouldn’t change having my boys for the world.”
He bent down and squeezed both boys into him.
Drake was a father that was so happy to be a father.
Once again, it was something I never had but could of.
If only I wouldn’t have walked out that night.
“How’s Tawny?”
“She’s good.
She’s away on business with her real estate company.
So, the boys and I are roughing it with pizza.”
“Well, that’s what Monica and I are doing tonight.”
“How is she? I bet she’s grown so much.”
“Yes, she has.
She’s currently at her piano lessons.
So, I stopped in to get us a pizza.”
Though I knew it was wrong, and with his wife out of town, I suggested.
“Hey, maybe we could all go to the park and have a pizza party.”
“Yeah!”
one of the boys yelled.
Drake’s brows furrowed, and his smile looked weak.
“Jill, I don’t think that’s wise—with my wife out of town.”
And once again, I fell deeper in love with him.
He may have been breaking my heart, but he was loyal—a good husband.
“You’re right.
I wasn’t suggesting…”
“No, I didn’t think you were.
I just don’t think it’s appropriate for me—as a married man.
And…you? Are you married?”
“No, I’m not.
Guess I haven’t found the one.”
Though I had and let him go.
“Miss, what can I get for you?”
I heard the girl behind the counter ask.
“Hey, it was nice seeing you,”
Drake said, and I suddenly had no appetite for pizza.
“Yeah, you too.
Your boys are gorgeous.”
Just like you.
He smiled and nodded for me to order my pizza as the girl waited.
I turned around, made my order, and left to stay in my car.
Outside, I saw Drake’s big truck parked in the lot and missed everything we had.
He had a perfect family with two perfect boys.
And even though it was what I wanted for him, I couldn’t be happy. And I hated myself every day for it.
I poured myself another glass of wine when my cell phone rang, and Monica’s face smiled at me.
Setting the glass down, I accepted her call.
“Hey, Monica.”
“Hi, Mom.”
She sounded giddy, and I hoped she wasn’t tipsy.
I had a stern talk with her before leaving for college.
And even though she swore she wouldn’t drink and party, I still worried.
I couldn’t say, because I remembered myself at twenty-one.
I was busy being her mother—and living the Michael hell years.
“Monica, are you drinking? You sound a little silly.”
“No, Mom, I’m not.
I hope you’re home.
Because Jordan and I are in town and coming over.”
I jumped from the couch with excitement.
“Of course.
This is a great surprise.
How far away are you?”
“Um…I’m looking at your garage.
We are just pulling in.”
“Ahhh,”
I screamed and ran to the door.
Jordan’s pickup was just pulling in, and I ran to the drive.
She came running from the truck, and we embraced.
I’d missed her so much and just to have her in my arms again was a blessing.
Last summer, she didn’t come home and traveled for a project to complete her thesis. This was the first I had seen her in almost a year.
“How long are you home for? Are you staying here? Of course, you’ll stay here.
This is your home.”
I was bombarding her with questions and not allowing her time to talk.
But I was so happy to see her.
“Jordan, come here,”
I said, giving him a big bear hug.
He was the perfect boyfriend for my daughter.
They had met her sophomore year in college, and though they had a few hiccups, they managed to work things out and have been happy and together ever since.
“Mom, we have a surprise for you,”
Monica said.
“Yes, I know.
You’re here.”
She held out her hand.
“Jordan asked me to marry him.
I said yes, Mom.”
I stared at the jewel shining on her tiny fingers and couldn’t believe she was not a baby anymore.
We screamed and held each other as we jumped up and down.
We were like two schoolgirls.
“Jill, I wanted to ask for your permission.
May I marry your daughter?”
“Oh, Jordan.
I couldn’t have picked a better man for her.
You have my blessing.”
He smiled big and kissed my cheek as he thanked me.
“I promise that I will be a good husband.
Never worry.”
“I’m not, Jordan.
I’m so happy.”
I grabbed both of their hands.
“Come on in.
I want to hear all the details.
Like where and how he proposed and how you reacted.
Everything. I want it all.”
We went inside, and I opened a new bottle of wine to celebrate.
This was the best news in a long time.
And I couldn’t recall the last time I’d even had good news.
If everything I went through was to put Monica here at this moment, then it was all worth it.
“Who all knows? Can I call Tammy? Oh, my God.
She’ll just be tickled.”
“You’re the first Mom.”
She looked at me, and there was something there.
She then looked at Jordan.
“Well, someone else knows.”
She was still looking at Jordan.
“Jordan’s parents? Well, that’s understandable.
Your parents are wonderful people, Jordan.
Monica is so lucky to be joining your family.”
“Ah, no.
We haven’t told my parents yet,”
Jordan said.
“Mom.
Please don’t be mad.
But Dad knows.”
“Dad? Michael?”
I was shocked.
He had been out of our lives for years.
How could this be? “How would Michael know?”
I couldn’t even bring myself to call him her father.
“He…friended me on Facebook about a year ago.”
I had no idea they were friends.
The many times I stalked his Facebook, it never occurred to me to look at hers.
But, why would I? I saw her post and approved of the ones she posted of us together.
And truthfully, I stopped checking his Facebook about a year ago.
Tammy made me promise to stop and focus on my life, and not Michael’s.
“Mom? Are you mad at me?”
What could I say? I had taught her to love and forgive.
But I was a hypocrite because I didn’t practice what I preached.
“Of course not, Honey.
He’s your father.”
“Well, there’s more.”
More? “What do you mean?”
“Jordan and I want to marry right after we graduate.
That’s three months away.”
“Honey, planning a wedding takes time.”
What was I talking about? My wedding happened in a week.
Though, I would never call it a wedding.
Or a marriage.
“It’s all been arranged and paid for.”
“How?”
“Dad has paid for everything.
The Round Barn, the reception, the dress, food, drinks, and…and the honeymoon.”
“Wow,”
was all I could say.
I couldn’t even feel my glass of wine and feared it would fall from my hand.
“Even the honeymoon?”
“Yes, Paris.
Mom…please tell me you’re not mad.”
“No.
I’m in shock, Monica.
He…he’s paying for the entire wedding?”
“Yes.
And the photographer.
It’s like thirty grand, Mom.”
“Oh, I imagine it is.
One thing.
What’s the catch?”
“Well, you know how we always said Uncle Scott or Grandpa would walk me down the aisle one day?”
“Oh, no.
Don’t tell me.”
“He wants to give me away, Mom.
That’s all he asks.
How do you think Grandma and Grandpa will react?”
I took a deep breath because I knew exactly how they would react.
The same way when I told them I was pregnant.
Michael was coming back, and I had to prepare my parents and Scott.
I picked up the bottle of wine and topped off my glass.
I was going to have to prepare myself.