Chapter 4 Dodie
DODIE
Igrin at the look of awe on my sexy new friend’s face.
“You like it?” I ask, hoping with all my heart that he does.
My home is largely an expression of myself, and if he were to dislike it, I know I’d feel the rejection deeply.
Despite doing my best to hide it, I feel everything deeply around him, and I get the impression that he enjoys catching glimpses of that when the sensory overwhelm sees my protective facade slip.
He allows space for it, as if he too has a great capacity for depth and it’s safe to explore that vastness together.
It’s the most extraordinary feeling, and a little hard to believe after a lifetime of having to shrink or adjust for others who’ve insisted I feel too much.
Hordan takes my hand and presses it to his chest as he looks around and grins.
His heart is pounding, and I caress his velvet with my fingertips.
“I’m glad,” I whisper with a smile before extracting myself to get a clean cloth, put some water over the coals to boil, and gather some herbs.
I put remainder of last night’s stew on to heat too, in case Hordan is hungry like me, and once I have the chamomile steeping, I lead him over to the stream and bid him sit down on a large boulder there.
He quietly obeys my unspoken commands, but watches me like a hawk, apparently fascinated by my behavior.
“I’m going to wash the dirt and blood off first, then bathe it with the chamomile to stave off infection, assist with pain, and promote healing.” I look up at his blank expression and then picture what I said in my mind’s eye.
His eyes light up with understanding and I marvel again at this strange connection between us.
I’ve been able to read energy for as long as I can remember.
It’s how I survived long enough to escape to the woods and rebuild my life as a hermit.
The solitude wasn’t by choice, exactly. It’s not that I longed to be alone.
It’s just that it’s been my only way to feel safe. Until now.
I glance up at Hordan through my lashes as I dip my cloth in the stream. The feelings I have for him are so incredibly strong and passionate I barely know what to do with myself, but there’s no denying them. They exist. For both of us. And that means something. But what?
That we were meant to find each other? This is fated?
I search inside myself for more information.
What is my body telling me? Are we to be friends?
Lovers? I feel suddenly sure I’m not meant to keep merely surviving in this world alone.
Hordan has sparked something new inside me.
Hope for a companion I can trust. How long will we have together? Days? Weeks? An eternity?
A low ache in my core intensifies. Forever lovers. It feels like a truth.
I murmur softly to him as I cleanse the dirt from his wound, and he sits perfectly still.
Stoic. I reach out my energy to feel his vibes, but his mind feels distant and closed off, like he’s blocking me.
He doesn’t want me to know what he’s thinking.
Why? Is he in pain and doesn’t want me to know it? Am I hurting him?
I take care to be even more gentle in my movements, and even though I know he can’t understand what I’m saying, I talk him through the whole process and assure him it’ll all be over soon. It’s quite a nasty cut, and I feel terribly guilty for not having looked where I was dropping my machete.
Hordan grunts, and when I look up, he strokes my chin and gazes into my eyes. He bows down and kisses my forehead with such tenderness, it bring tears to my eyes. I rush to hide my face, and then get up and check on the herbs.
Hordan joins me by the fire, picks me up, and cradles me in a big, rocking bear hug while he croons softly.
I wash of calm floods over me, and out of nowhere, tears start running down my face.
I can’t turn them off. I swipe at them, angry they’re there, and try to fight my way out of his embrace.
At first he holds on, but when I continue to struggle, he drops me — right into my bathing pool.
The cold water shocks me, and when Hordan steps in to join me, his expression is full of concern. He shows me his raised, empty palms and moves so slowly to sit next to me, that seconds feel like hours. He closes his eyes, takes a deep breath, and then… nothing.
He simply sits very still in the water next to me.
And then I feel it.
A thick, warm sensation surrounds me, and it hums with safety and pure love. I’ve never felt anything so beautiful, and I begin to cry again, but I don’t try to fight it this time. I simply turn my face away and let the tears fall.
From the corner of my eye, I see Hordan pick up my homemade soap.
He takes it to his nose, smiles, and soaps my bathing sponge.
The moment he touches my arm, I feel the potent sensation of love even more, but I don’t try to escape it this time.
It’s foreign and scary, but it feels so good, and I want it.
I want him to touch me like this forever. With kindness.
My tears flow faster at the realization that I have never been loved before.
Ever. Not by my parents, my siblings, my friends, or my boyfriends.
Whatever I thought was love in the past was definitely something else, because it wasn’t until right now, that I learned what true love feels like.
From a monster. The same monsters we were told to fear when we were children.
Hordan continues to wash me, calmly and quietly. My arms, my hands, the back of my neck — anywhere my clothes aren’t clinging to me. Unable to bear the thought of not feeling his loving touch literally everywhere on my body, I push away from him and tear my dress off over my head.
He hesitates. For a moment he simply stares, which is when I realize that I’ve rendered myself fully naked. I reach for my dress, but he grabs it first and throws it to the far side of the cave, where the wet fabric slaps against the wall with a loud thwack and sticks there.
For a few awkward breaths, we simply stare at each other, both fighting to subdue the sexual thoughts that threaten to ruin the moment we were having.
Eventually, Hordan soaps up the sponge again and holds it toward me without touching it to my skin.
In my mind I feel him ask if I’d feel safe to turn and let him wash my back.
The tears start again, and I accept his offer of continued reverence for my mind, body, and soul.
He moves closer, and gives me so much adoration and attention that I’m still crying even when he seems done.
He sits back against the rocks and simply waits for me to decide what I’ll do next.
He doesn’t push me or pull me, but I can sense his relief and elation when I move toward him and snuggle close against his soaking pelt.
The water is cold, but he his warm like fire, and if I could affect the temperature of our surroundings with the way I burn for him more with every passing moment, the pool would soon begin to boil.