Chapter Twenty
Jett stood between Gage and Kace with Lock on the other side of Kace. No one had told them to line up that way near the grave dug for Silver Bell. They had simply found their birth-order spot because they understood each other in a way only brothers who were close could.
Dusk slipped into the blue sky as the sun dipped behind the mountain, taking all the color with it. A cold wind picked up and snuck under his barn coat. With a stern slap, the breeze reminded him of the hurt he swam in. Winter suited his mood lately. Cold. Gray. Empty.
Gage said a few words about Silver Bell and Ajay. Lock placed flowers from the local florist on the mound of dirt. Eventually, the ground would even out, and only the small boulder would be left to show Bell’s final resting spot.
They all walked back to the horses waiting for them. No one spoke. They rode to the ranch in silence, where their mother had made dinner for the family. Jett offered to put the horses away, but his brothers wouldn’t hear of it.
“We take care of each other,” Gage said.
He figured Gage needed to feel useful and didn’t argue. When the horses were tucked in, they followed each other into the house.
Tara and Calista helped Karen set the table as they entered the kitchen. Smells of sauce and warm bread met them. Izzy helped Royce, Tara’s son, with his homework at the island. The kitchen was filled with love and family.
Jett had to pause a minute. Seeing Kace grab Tara from behind and swing her around, both of them laughing and causing a ruckus, made his heart ache. Tara planted a loud kiss on Kace’s lips. The two pressed against each other as if no one else was in the room. His mother swatted Kace’s arm and shook her head. That didn’t stop Kace from whispering something into Tara’s ear that had her cheeks blooming red.
Gage slid behind Calista standing at the sink washing lettuce. He stopped by her side and placed a kiss on her lips. She smiled up at Gage with love written all over her face. Without saying a word, Gage joined her in cleaning the food, their motions in complete sync.
Jett missed Autumn. She would fit in with his family like a good saddle oil.
But then he remembered the slap on his face. He’d deserved it, but that didn’t mean he was in any big hurry to run over to her and let her do it again. He hadn’t seen her since that night. He had wanted to call or text, but each time he tried, he relived that moment and put the phone away. He was being a coward, but that would have to do for now. She didn’t trust him. She was spending time with Markus. She was right. They couldn’t work out their differences. Their differences defined them.
It was high time he let the past go and move on. Find himself another woman to share his life with so he could have what his brothers had. He was tired of being a bachelor. Maybe he’d like to be a father someday if it wasn’t too late for him. Maybe he was just kidding himself.
“Mom, I just remembered some bills that need paying. I’m going to make a plate and take it upstairs.” He grabbed a dish and plopped a kiss on his mom’s head.
“But I thought we were going to have a family dinner tonight. Aren’t we?” Karen turned, staring at him as he scooped and dumped food on his dish.
“The rest of us are here,” Lock said. “Do we really need him?”
“Lockwood, that’s enough. I want to have dinner with all my boys, their loved ones, and my two grandchildren.”
Just like his mom to make Tara’s son part of their family without blinking. Kace gave their mom a nod. Tara rested her head on Kace’s shoulder. Yeah, he’d seen enough.
“Next week. I promise.” He rushed out before anyone could say another thing. He couldn’t watch all that happiness. Not tonight. The pain of losing Bell was too raw. The pain of losing Autumn was as powerful as a blizzard.
He took his plate out back to the firepit. The night was freezing, but the thought of being inside made his insides twitch. One of the employees had lit the pit for the guests, but no one had braved the cold. He didn’t mind. Montana winters were in his blood.
He dropped into one of the chairs and ignored his food. He wasn’t hungry. He had nowhere to go and no one to check in with. He would sit there until the fire burned out, and then he’d go inside, pour himself a beer, and fall asleep on the couch.
Nice life, Ryker. He needed to make changes to his personal life. Working the ranch had consumed him. Normally, he didn’t give it a second thought, but today and recently, he wanted more. A wife. A family of his own.
What would become of him if his brothers moved on with their own families? Gage had plans to build a house on the far corner of their land. Kace had been itching to get off the ranch. Jett suspected Kace and Tara would announce another child was on the way at some point, and if that happened, they would certainly want to live somewhere other than the employee cottages. Lock’s unexpected conversation about life as something other than a rancher shook Jett to the core. He needed to start thinking about his future in ways that didn’t just include the ranch.
“Jett?” A female voice drifted over to him. And not just any voice.
He pushed out of the chair and faced Autumn. “Howdy.”
She wore that oversized scarf again. It swallowed her up, and he liked how cute it made her look. Her puffy coat went down to her knees. She was so small compared to him, but not weak. Still, he wanted to protect her, keep her safe. When she wasn’t slapping him.
“Am I interrupting anything?” She kept her distance.
“Just having dinner.” He wished she would come closer.
“Out here by yourself?” She searched the area as if someone else might appear.
“Too many people in the kitchen, and I needed some air. What can I help you with?” Her arrival had to be something about the ski lift, or she had finally decided the ski school should practice somewhere else.
“You always liked being outdoors.” Her lips pressed into a thin line.
He wished she didn’t remember so much about him. Her knowledge only made the pain worse. “Why are you here, Autumn?”
“I understand. No small talk. I came to apologize for the other night. I should not have hit you. That was wrong.” She dipped her chin below the scarf.
“I’m sorry too. I shouldn’t have said what I did about you and me.” He wanted to say more, but he clamped his mouth over words of love and long-term promises. At least she didn’t enjoy hitting him. He had wondered about that.
“Thank you. What we shared…it was special to me. I need you to know that.”
“Okay. Was there something else?” He couldn’t hear about how important being with him was if she insisted on pushing him away for reasons that made no sense to him. She wasn’t ready to take the stand she needed to, and she didn’t trust him. How could they be together if there was no trust?
She shifted her feet and shoved her hands into her coat pockets. She looked as if she wanted to say something else but shook her head.
“The other night you said something about Markus not being there for Logan. Did you mean something specific?” she said.
He didn’t remember much of what he’d said during their argument except where he accused her of fucking him and made her sound like a morally questionable person. He would always regret that.
If he had said anything about Markus and Logan, and he probably had, he did have a specific incident in mind. Something he had wanted to talk to Autumn about that night he bumped into her buying dinner for Markus. He wasn’t sure if he should mention Logan and his pregnant girlfriend now.
“Jett? Did you hear me?”
“I did.”
“Well, did you mean something specific about Logan? I’m concerned about him. He’s been acting strange lately.”
“You’re still spending time at Markus’s.” It wasn’t a question. She had no other way of knowing about Logan’s behavior. It wasn’t as if she came to the ski practices. He wished she would, but what would that change? She was here now, though.
“That’s not what’s important. I’m worried about Logan. He’s not been himself. And Markus doesn’t seem to want to get to the bottom of it. What if something is really wrong? I can’t stand by and not do something for him if he needs help.”
“Logan will work it out.” He would keep Logan’s secret, mainly because his athlete trusted him but also because Autumn didn’t.
“So you know what it is?” She sank deeper into her coat.
“We’ve spoken about it.” He hadn’t heard from Logan since that day at the diner. But the kid had shown up at practice each and every time, doing his best. Logan skied with so much intensity Jett wondered if the kid was trying to punish himself.
Logan had been short tempered with his teammates. Jett had hesitated to say much to him, knowing he was under a lot of stress, but the team couldn’t suffer for Logan’s moods. They had a shot of winning their division, and Jett wanted that to happen for them. If Logan was bringing that mood home, Jett might have to say something after all.
“But Markus doesn’t know what Logan’s problem is?” She moved closer to the fire, probably for the warmth.
“I don’t know what Markus knows.” He would gladly grab her a blanket and wrap it around her to keep her warm, but he remained where he stood. She would have to make a move if she wanted his help or attention.
“Can you help Logan?”
“I’ve done all I can.” Not exactly the kind of help he wanted her to ask for.
“Which isn’t much from the sound of it. Are you staying out of it because it’s too emotional for you?” Her voice seemed to tighten as if the words might be an effort to say. Or she was controlling her temper.
“Don’t start again. You made yourself clear about your feelings for me when you swung at me. I will leave you alone. You can have Markus.” And if she wanted to sell to him too, Jett had no way of stopping the sale unless he upped his offer. That wasn’t even a guarantee.
He might have to richen the pot just to piss Markus off. Markus didn’t deserve Autumn. He had done nothing to prove himself except have a lot of money he flashed around. If he had to bet, he’d say Markus came gunning for Autumn because Markus suspected she was involved somehow with him.
“I don’t want Markus.” She held her hands out to the fire. “You are the most stubborn man I have ever met. You want everything your way. And don’t deny it. You’re used to being in charge and people following your orders, including your brothers—except for Gage. Gage is the only person you’ll listen to.”
She knew him too well. He had made a habit of keeping his emotions close and his words few because he didn’t see the point in spreading either all over the place. What good did it do? Things happened in life. Bad things. He chose to move forward because he couldn’t undo what had been done. But she could read him like a billboard on the interstate. It infuriated him and made him love her more.
“I’m not the only stubborn person here. You want things your way too. Listen, it was very nice of you to come over to ask me about Logan and offer him some help. You don’t have to worry about him. He’ll figure out his problems. He’s resourceful.”
“What kind of trouble is he in?”
Her stubborn streak was a mile long. She wouldn’t leave this topic alone. He dropped back in the chair and let the heat of the fire wash over him. This day had worn him out, and he was tired of fighting with her. He had come outside for some peace and quiet. Instead, he got this determined and obstinate woman who wanted to do right by everyone except herself.
She came and sat beside him, making it hard for him to resist her. He caught a whiff of her sweet scent, and his mouth watered. She had tasted incredible the other night. He hadn’t been able to get enough of her as his tongue roamed over the curves of her body. He shifted in his seat to keep his erection from growing. He embarrassed himself.
“I’m sorry, Jett. I’m so sorry for everything. I’m sorry about Silver Bell, about my mother, about our fight. All of it.” She placed her hand on the arm of his chair but didn’t reach any farther for him.
He kept his gaze on the fire. “Are you sorry we made love?”
“Never,” she said barely loud enough for him to hear her.
He fought the urge to scoop her into his arms and make love to her by the fire until she begged him to stop. She was in his blood, under his skin. He needed to get loose of her somehow. But he didn’t know how. The horse was out of the barn, as that stupid saying went.
He turned to her and held her gaze. He could tell her what he had wanted to talk to her about. He wanted to hear what she would say. They had been in the same predicament all those years ago. She might have new insight on what he should do as a coach and as a man concerned with the choices of the young man he cared about.
“Logan got his girlfriend pregnant, and they want to get married. He asked me to pose as his father and give my consent.”
“Oh my. I hadn’t expected something like that. What did you say?”
“I told him no to the parent thing. I’ve also told him I would support whatever decision he made, but he needed to tell his father. I’m concerned they’re going to go through with the marriage and make some big mistakes they won’t know how to undo.”
“They’re too young to get married and raise a family. They should give that baby up to a set of parents in better circumstances to care for it.”
He expected her to say they should keep the baby. Wait to get married until they were older, but that baby deserved to be with its parents even if the parents were young. She had wanted that for their baby even when he had asked her to consider other options.
“They aren’t much younger than we were.” His life would look very different if nature hadn’t decided the timing was wrong. He might have a slew of kids with Autumn. Or they would be divorced, shuttling kids back and forth between two houses. And arguing over who would get the kids over vacations.
“Those few years make a difference. And honestly, we were too young as well. Sometimes I think Mother Nature knew better than we did.”
“That’s not how you felt back then.”
“I was practically a child myself. So were you. We thought we were in love and wanted to spend our whole lives together. Look how that worked out.”
“And us breaking up was my fault, right?” He could not undo the past, and she refused to let it go. If he could go back, would he make different choices? Maybe. Maybe he’d been too young, even at twenty-three, to be in a committed relationship. He’d had no idea who he was back then or what he wanted.
She stood and stared down at him with fire in her eyes. “You left me. I didn’t leave you.”
He stood too. “You replaced me in minutes. How much did you really love me?”
“You don’t know because you wouldn’t let me in to show you. You kept shutting down every time life got hard. After Ajay, you were impossible to reach.”
“Show me now.”
“Excuse me?”
“Show me now how much you love me.” He was almost positive she still loved him. She had given him doubts, but recently, especially since they had slept together, he was less doubtful about her feelings for him. Autumn didn’t trust her own feelings.
She stepped away and shook her head. “Find someone whose life isn’t a tangled mess like mine. You deserve to be happy. I want you to be happy. But I’m not the person for you anymore. I’m not that young lady who wanted your child more than anything in the world. Logan’s girlfriend probably wants to keep her baby too if she loves Logan half as much as I love you.”
He closed the space between them and gripped her arm. “You said love. You do still love me.”
“Loved. I meant to say I loved you. I don’t feel the same way anymore. We’re wrong for each other. Life is too complicated for us. I’m tired of life being so complicated. I want something to be easy for once.”
He turned, fighting the rage rattling inside him. He would not react again and say something he would regret. She didn’t trust him or her feelings for him. Maybe she was right, and they were wrong for each other. Maybe he had been holding on too hard to something that wasn’t real. Being around her stirred up all the old memories when life had been easier. The past was just that.
“Jett, wait,” she said.
He couldn’t stay and dashed inside without responding. He slammed the door shut, shaking it in its frame, then took the steps to his apartment two at a time. He paced the small space, trying to understand what had happened. She had come to ask him about Logan, and he had misread her. He had been misreading her for weeks. So why sleep with him? What was her goal? And damn it, he had fallen for it. Maybe she did want him to buy her land, and this game playing was all part of her plan.
He stormed into the bathroom, turned on the water, and stripped. He would need ice in his veins to forget the heat she caused. And he would stay under the water until she was long gone from his memory.
****
Autumn didn’t move. The fire burned down to embers. The wind picked up, no match for her coat. She should go home. Jett had walked away from her, thinking she had no real feelings for him. She never lied about how she felt, but she had to deny it. Then she could say she was over him, didn’t think about him, didn’t want him anymore. But none of that was true.
She was freezing, but returning home held no appeal. Quinn wasn’t there, and Autumn didn’t want to spend time with her parents. If she continued to stand on the patio of the Ryker’s main guest building, staring up at Jett’s apartment, someone was bound to come out and ask questions. Her messed-up, confusing life tortured her.
Her phone rang from deep in her coat pocket. She dug it out, hoping it was Jett. Instead, her mother’s name scrolled across the screen. She swiped the screen and walked toward her truck in the parking lot.
“Hi, Mom.”
“Where are you? We got home about thirty minutes ago and expected to find you here.”
“I had a few things to take care of.” And she’d taken care of nothing except upsetting Jett again.
“You aren’t over at the Rykers’, are you?”
“Where I go is my business. I’ll be home soon.” She stopped with her hand on the truck’s door. She had nowhere to go. Her friends had moved on without her. Sitting in a bar alone held no appeal. It was too cold for a long walk. The absence in her life echoed over and over.
“That man is manipulating you, Autumn. He doesn’t care about you. That kindness when he invited you to his house was just guilt talking. He’s trying to get the land. That’s the only thing he cares about.”
“Stop it. I don’t want to talk about Jett anymore.”
“Fine. But don’t say I didn’t warn you. The house is freezing. I think the heater broke again. You have to come home right now and check.” Vera clucked her tongue.
“Where’s Quinn?” Her daughter was her only concern.
“She went to Emily’s. Your father is dropping her off now. It’s too cold for her here, and we didn’t think you’d mind.”
She was actually grateful Quinn wasn’t home at the moment. She would send her a quick text to make sure her daughter was okay and to stay at Emily’s until Autumn came to get her. No one else.
“Mom, hold on a second.”
She switched her phone to the text app and shot off a note to Quinn.
—Are you at Emily’s?—
The writing dots popped up.
—Grandpa dropped me off. Grandma said you said OK.—
—Is the heat broken at home?—
—I don’t think so. Can I stay?—
—Yes, have fun. Don’t stay up late. I’ll grab you before the competition tomorrow.—
She didn’t normally approve of a sleepover before a competition because the girls would stay up all night giggling and Quinn wouldn’t get the rest she needed to ski her best, but she wouldn’t let Quinn be hurt by another of her mother’s deceptions.
“Autumn, are you still there?” Vera’s voice scratched through the speaker.
She was done with her mother and her manipulations. “I don’t have time to deal with the heat at the moment. But I do need you to tell me why Dad came back to town.”
She walked back to the patio and craned her neck to see the window of Jett’s living room. A light was on. Her mother would always get in between them, if Autumn allowed her to. Vera would tell story after story if it meant that she could keep Autumn from Jett, and Autumn was not going to put up with it any longer.
“Oh, that. I asked him to come home,” Vera said.
“I know. Why did you do that?”
“Because I want him to buy my land and keep the Rykers away once and for all.”
“Your land? Don’t you mean my land?” Autumn had received the property from her mother before Vera passed because Vera hadn’t wanted to deal with the pressures after Autumn’s dad left. Vera had fallen apart, losing her husband for good, and had been unable to function. She had handed over the land as if it were a nuisance.
“No, sweetheart. It isn’t. Not on paper. On paper it still belongs to me.”
“I don’t understand. You gave me the land when Dad left.”
“Autumn, you never signed anything. I never signed anything. I told you the land was yours because I was in a bad way, but I never made it official. And you’ve been doing a good job taking care of it until the last two years. I had no reason to correct your errors. But since you’ve managed to lose our family’s legacy, I had to step in and take over. That’s why I called your father.”
“Why would you lie to me like that?” The world spun in front of her. Everything she believed was a lie. Her whole life had been built on mistrust and hurt. And she had been dumb enough to send away the only person who had been honest and truthful to her.
“It wasn’t a complete lie. You would’ve inherited the land when I died anyway. What was the harm in letting you think it was yours sooner?”
“Because I’ve been trying to make the mortgage payment alone for the past two years. You haven’t helped at all.”
“How was I going to do that when I had my cancer scare?”
A scare that had ended up not being much of a scare at all, but Vera had milked it for over a year. Autumn dropped into the chair and put her head between her legs. She didn’t care who came outside now and found her sitting uninvited on the patio.
Her mother continued to speak as if this were a regular conversation. “I admit I should’ve stepped in sooner and showed my hand, but I didn’t want to hurt Quinn any further. She had lost her father and found out about his gambling problems all at once. I suppose if I had told you two years ago you didn’t own the land, we could’ve called Ives back sooner to save us.”
“Dad is not going to save us. He doesn’t have that kind of money.”
“He’s doing fine. He’ll be able to get the loan that you can’t. I had hoped you would decide to sell to your father on your own, then you would never have been the wiser about my little indiscretion. But you had to go and get yourself involved with that Ryker boy again. I can’t risk you selling to him.”
“ Boy . He’s a middle-aged man who runs a very successful business and is well respected in this town. He doesn’t lie. He takes care of the people he loves.” Her stomach burned. She had never been able to give him the credit for taking care of his loved ones because he had left her. She had never allowed him to be human and young. She had been the selfish one.
“Whatever, dear. I can’t allow a Ryker to own my property. Not ever. I’d rather die first. I had to get involved. So I called your father. He was more than happy to return.”
“What’s in it for him?”
“Nothing. Except to be around his family. That’s all he wants.”
“He’s lying to you, Mother. If you sell to him, you’ll regret it.”
“I doubt that. I know what I’m doing, Autumn. I fooled you, didn’t I? When are you coming home? You need to fix the heater.”
“I’m not coming home tonight.” She might never return.
“But the heater,” Vera said.
“Fix it yourself.” She ended the call and stole another glance at Jett’s apartment.
The light in the bathroom was on. She needed to do what she should have done earlier and let herself in.