Chapter Three
“Noah,” her voice rattles out of her as her wide, brown eyes stare up at me, framed by thick, long lashes. Splotches of color bloom on her cheeks, her lips parted in shock as her silky, dark hair falls out of the clip that had barely been holding it together. “What are you doing?”
I pull her up from the dip and begin to move us to the music, keeping my hand flat against her spine and bring her other to my chest, her hand so much smaller than mine. She follows my lead, too shocked to do much of anything else.
But I’ll be fucking damned if she thinks she should settle for anything less than extraordinary.
It’s no secret that Sidney doesn’t have the most successful track record when it comes to dating. She never picks the right ones; they’re all fucking morons and dumbasses not deserving of her. So here I am, showing her exactly what she deserves.
“Reminding you,” I tell her, voice low as we dance in the middle of my penthouse. Candlelight flickers, sending shadows over the walls, the warm light kissing her skin.
“Reminding me of what?”
I pull her closer, reveling in the little gasp that pushes her breath against the base of my throat. “That you deserve the world and a partner who will give it to you.”
Her lashes flutter before her plump lips pull into a breathtaking smile, “You’re ridiculous.”
“Is that why you’re blushing?”
“Stop,” she laughs. “You did all of this for me?”
“Of course,” I dip my chin.
Truth is, I’d give the world to Sidney Adams. But she’s always looked at me as her best friend.
The man she can depend on, the one who has seen her through it all, and her, me.
We’ve been inseparable since high school, and had I not been so worried about losing the only person I have ever cared about, I would have pursued what I’ve always wanted with her.
More.
Everything.
She doesn’t know she saved me.
Pulled me out of a dark place when I was just an angry teen with a chip on his shoulder.
I didn’t have the most stable home: a dad who took off when I was just a kid and a mom who was constantly chasing her next high.
I had my uncle, but he had his own life to live in another state, so I didn’t see him much.
I was an only child, and my days were often lonely, until I bumped into Sidney one afternoon and she made the most adorable little chirping sound.
Without her, I wouldn’t have driven myself to be better, to be more, and I have her to thank for everything that has found me. All my success is because she exists.
The idea of losing her has my heart turning to lead in my chest, so I’ve never gone after what I have truly wanted. I’ll take Sidney any way I can get her, and if that means being her best friend, then so be it.
But maybe there’s a smidge of guilt there too… a kernel that forces me to remain in my place.
“Don’t settle, Sid,” I give her hand a squeeze and reluctantly let her go when the song fades out.
She lets out a long sigh and steps away from me, walking to the couch where she picks up a petal and rubs it between her fingers.
“I just want more, Noah.” Her words rush from her as she collapses down onto the couch, head leaning back against the cushions as she watches me move back into the kitchen to finish up dinner for the two of us.
I pull two wineglasses from the cupboard and grab the bottle of vintage I’d left out to air, pouring both of us a glass to set on the table.
“I know you do,” I clear the grit in my throat, something that happens whenever this topic comes up. Eventually she’s going to find the one and there’s going to be nothing I can do about it.
I dish up the food and place her plate in her usual spot, watching her get up to pad her way toward me. She sits with one foot resting on the edge of the seat, her fork stabbing into the noodles I’d prepared.
“Maybe I should just get a couple of cats,” she shovels the food into her mouth, “become the crazy cat lady kids run away from when they see me out sweeping leaves off my porch.”
“You don’t have a porch,” I point out.
“Balcony?” She cocks her head.
“Don’t have one of them either.” No, Sidney lives in a one-bedroom apartment close to her shop. It isn’t big and could use some refurbishment, but it has a view of the park and easy access to her shop, and she loves it.
“That’s right,” she huffs, “just point out all of my shortcomings.”
A laugh rumbles from me, “I have a balcony.”
“Very aware of what you have, Calahan,” she rolls her eyes playfully, “But kids won’t see me sweeping leaves thirty floors in the air. Do you even get leaves up here?”
I think about that and then frown, turning to look at my darkened balcony. “You know what? I have no idea. I’ve never even really looked.”
She plucks up her wine and brings the glass to her nose to inhale the scent before she takes a small sip, groaning when the flavor hits her tongue.
I shift in my seat, molars grinding.
Don’t get a fucking hard on at the table.
It was bad enough seeing her waltzing around in just a towel this morning, water still clinging to her skin from her shower.
I’d had to hide my reaction to her by strategically placing my hands over my cock while telling myself I couldn’t be jealous of water droplets just because they get to touch her when I can’t.
I’ve gotten really good at hiding the way she affects me over the years, and I’d thought it would get easier with time, but no, it’s torture that only gets worse as the years go by.
Sidney is a beautiful woman, all luscious curves and radiant smiles, but it goes deeper than that.
I live to hear her laugh and see her smile.
She’s soft and strong all at the same time, kind and sweet.
She just is, and we’re all just living in her world, or I am at least. I trace her features; her glossy hair falls in waves around her face, and her eyes are a mix of brown and gold, turning molten when the sun hits them just right.
A gently sloped nose dotted with freckles and dusty pink lips that remind me of the peonies she named her shop after and the ones I had inked into my chest.
She’s the complete package, wrapped up in a bow but never meant to be mine.
“Why are you looking at me like that?” She stares at me, a little line forming between her brows as she frowns at me.
“You have sauce on your cheek,” I lie, dropping my eyes to my plate.
“Lick it off,” she shoves her face close to me, giving me her cheek.
I shake my head and laugh, my hand strangling my fork. “Behave yourself.”
Like a damn dog with a bone, I’m fighting off the temptation to do just that, but I wouldn’t stop at her cheek. I wouldn’t be able to.
“Where’s the fun in that?” She flutters her lashes and snatches up her napkin to wipe at the imaginary sauce on her face. “But really, Noah, what am I meant to do?”
“Wait,” I tell her simply and selfishly.
“I’m not getting any younger, you know,” she huffs, her fork turning heavier as she stabs her food, “I want babies.”
I nearly fucking choke on my wine. It’s not the first time she’s brought up kids; it won’t be the last, and biologically, I know time isn’t on her side when it comes to having them. Of course, there are options, but Sidney wants the entire experience; she has since she was just a kid herself.
“Is that all?” I rub the nape of my neck and place my fork down, my gut churning.
“Well, no, but if I had to pick, then yes. Throw the whole man away and just give me the babies.” I know she’s only joking, but it doesn’t stop the absolutely unhinged idea that forms from it. “I’d be a great mom.”
“You would,” I rasp, pulling at the neck of my shirt.
“Are you okay?” She frowns, leaning over to place her hand on my forearm.
“It’s fucking hot in here,” I growl as I abruptly get up from the table to storm over to the balcony and rip the doors open. A swift, late summer breeze sweeps past as I step out, hands going to the railing. I glance at the immaculate porcelain tiles and see no leaves.
“Noah?” Sidney steps out behind me, her hand running down my spine. “What happened?” My body reacts, skin breaking out in goosebumps, muscles quivering from her touch alone.
I can’t get the stupid fucking crazy idea out of my head. It’s on the tip of my tongue to suggest it, but I’m biting down, hard enough that a metallic taste fills my mouth.
Don’t fucking say it, Noah.
“Was it the baby talk?” Her smile is bright as she forces herself into my field of vision.
Fuck.
“I don’t know what it is about men and babies,” she rolls her eyes, “It’s not like I asked you to father my babies.”
God damn it.
I’m going to throw myself off this balcony; it’s the only thing I can do to stop me from saying the absolutely insane thing I am about to suggest.
“Let me do it,” I blurt.
“Let you do what?” She leans on the balcony and looks down on the city below, at ease, the wind teasing her hair, the lights behind her kissing her skin just right.
“Get you pregnant.” My neck is burning, and no amount of chill is stopping it.
Shit. I said the quiet part out loud.
She whips her head toward me, “That’s not funny, Noah.”
“I’m not joking.”
“Has the wine gone to your head?” She stares at me, “Or did you actually hit your head? Do I need to take you to the hospital?”
“Sidney,” I shift on my feet, curling my fingers into my palms until the tips of my nails bite, “I’m being serious.”
“Why would you say that?” Blotches of color bloom on her cheeks.
“You want a baby; I have the parts to give that to you. I mean, we’ve been friends most of our lives. You trust me.”
“Oh my god, you are serious.”
“Yes, cricket,” I reach for her hand, half expecting her to pull away from me, storm out, and never speak to me again, but she does none of that.
She lets me pull her to me, and I lift my hand, sliding it under her hair to gently massage my fingers into the muscles on her neck.
Her lashes flutter as she stares up at my face.
“Do you even want to be a dad?” She asks me.
I give a simple shrug, “I’m not opposed to the idea.”
She scoffs a loud laugh that’s void of any humor, “Kids aren’t just something you’re opposed to, Noah.
You have to actually think about this. I love you, I do, and I love that you would offer me something like that, but kids are a big deal.
You can’t just go throwing around the offer of fathering my children. ”
“Our children.” I smirk, “We’d make a great team, and you know it.”
“I don’t doubt it,” she shakes her head, pulling her lip between her teeth. A tell that she’s thinking really hard about something.
“You’re thinking about it,” I stare at her mouth.
She releases her lip and narrows her eyes at me, “I am not.”
“Are too.”
“You’re a child,” she laughs for real now and steps away from me, my hand dropping away. My skin immediately feels cold without her warmth pressed against it.
“My offer stands, Sidney,” I say to her back, her body pausing in the doorway. “If you really want children and you don’t want to wait any longer, I will do it for you.”
She shakes her head, shoulders lowering on a sigh, “You and your big heart, Noah Calahan.”