Chapter Fourteen
I watch my come leak from her, teeth snapping together as I immediately want to do it again. Fuck, seeing her full of me has something inside of me rearing up, a need to be there always, to keep her filled with me. I want to mark her from every angle, from every depth.
Gently, I lower her leg to the ground and wrap an arm around her waist, keeping her upright as her spine thumps against my chest. She’s limp and damp with sweat, chest moving fast with her breaths.
I wasn’t messing around when I told her to fuck the schedule. There is no way I can do that. While this lasts, she is mine. I just haven’t told her that yet.
“You’re entirely too good at that,” she breathes, resting her weight on me.
“What were you saying?” I tease.
Her shoulders move a little on a silent laugh as she rights herself and shakes her head before she walks, completely naked through the apartment and closes the door to the bathroom. I hear the shower turn on a moment later.
I right my clothes having not even managed to get them all the way off and pull out my cell to order us food. When Sidney finally returns, skin flushed from the shower and in a fresh pair of pajamas, the Thai food is on the way, and I have a fresh glass of wine poured.
“We have a gala in three weeks,” I stretch my arm across the back of the couch, my fingers an inch away from her hair and I can’t help but reach for a strand, curling it around one of them.
“Do we?” She tucks herself into the couch, cradling her wine glass.
“Do you need me to arrange a dress fitting?”
“What’s this one for?”
“We’re raising money for the local children’s hospital, and my company is matching the donation.”
Her eyes soften, “I can wear one I already have.”
“You sure?” I tug that strand of hair once before I let it go, gesturing for my lap.
She knows what to do immediately, uncurling her legs from beneath her to stretch them out and rest her feet in my lap.
We’ve sat like this hundreds of times before, watched movies, talked until the early hours of the morning in this exact same position, but this time feels different.
I don’t know if it’s simply because we’ve crossed that line and going into territory that feels more intimate or because the way she is looking at me has changed.
I’ve looked at this woman every day for years.
I notice the subtle differences, even if she doesn’t, and that look… It’s making my heart skip a damn beat.
No one warns you of the pain of not being loved back.
It’s worse than heartbreak because at least with heartbreak you had that one thing you craved, even if you lost it in the end.
But loving someone who doesn’t see you the same way forces a piece of your soul to crack.
Causes a fissure that continues to open; it grows, and it grows until you can’t fucking stand it.
“What’s the color scheme?” She asks, resting her head on the back of the couch as she looks at me softly, her cheeks still pink, eyes blinking lazily.
“Which one is your favorite?” My thumb presses into the soft spot below her ankle bone and gently massages.
“The gold.”
“We’ll go gold then,” I tell her. “I have the tie that matches.”
“Works for me,” she mumbles sleepily.
“No sleep for you yet,” I pat her shin, “I need to feed you first.”
She pouts in that adorable way of hers, but lifts her feet to allow me to grab the food from the door and then dish it up, making sure to give her the most of the ones she loves, and I just have whatever is left.
She never notices, but then the woman barely remembers to feed herself throughout the day, and by the time dinner comes around, she’s like a starved animal.
She devours half her plate in record time, only pausing a few times to tell me about the projects she’s working on.
She has a real fondness for peonies and tulips, so whenever she gets to work with them, she lights up like a kid on Christmas.
This new job though, seems like it will be a lot of work.
Sidney is one of the most capable people I know, smart and efficient with her work, but I also know her schedule.
She’ll sooner run herself into the ground than let someone down.
I make a mental note to keep a closer eye on her. It wouldn’t be the first time I’ve had to step in to make sure she was taking care of herself, and I have no issues doing it again. She’ll be grumpy about it for a while, but she knows I only ever have her best interest at heart.
She clears up the takeout containers and our plates once we’re finished, and I can see the tiredness on her. I need to call our evening short even though this has been the highlight of my entire day.
Standing up from the couch, I stretch out my back and pluck my keys from the table.
“Are you going?” She frowns.
“Early meeting,” I lie.
“Oh,” her arms wrap around her, “Okay.”
“Text you later, okay?” I press my lips to her forehead and head to the door, my steps weighted.
Fuck, all I want to do is pull her to bed, curl my body around hers and hold her to me. It’s where she belongs, where we belong.
“Night, Noah,” she wets her lips before she pulls the bottom one between her teeth.
“See you, cricket.”
I stare at my text thread with Sidney, the room around me dark save for the light coming from the screen of my phone.
It’s one a.m. so she’s going to be asleep now, but I’ve been warring with myself since I got home earlier.
I would never usually question texting her, even if we had just been together; our messages date back years.
I rub at my sternum, locking the screen with a groan and drop my cell onto the pillow beside me.
I need to get some damn sleep and stop obsessing over her and this.
The thing is, I can’t tell if anything has changed for her, if feelings have changed.
She’s as she always has been, minus the sex and flirting. But even that feels natural for us.
God, I’m so fucked.
So utterly fucked, I may as well get her name tattooed across my forehead.
Grabbing my cell, I reload the thread and allow my thumbs to fly across the screen.
Me: Remember to eat breakfast, cricket.
Sleep well. Love, Noah.
Running my hand down my face, I lock down the screen and pop it on charge before I throw my head down onto the pillow and stare up at the dark ceiling.
Somewhere in my apartment a clock ticks, and sounds travel up from the city below, despite the late hour.
We’re in one of the busiest cities in the entire world; it never truly sleeps.
My phone pings from the bedside table, and I’m not sure I’ve ever moved quicker. I snatch it from the side, almost dropping the thing but manage to keep a grip on it so I can swipe it open.
Sidney: Can’t sleep?
Me: Something like that.
Why are you awake?
Sidney: I’m not awake by choice.
Me: Tell me what you need.
Three dots appear as she starts to type her reply, and then they disappear again. That happens four times before a response comes through.
Sidney: I’m okay, Noah. Gonna try and get
some sleep. See you tomorrow.
Love you, good night.
Me: Love you too, Sid.
Fuck.
Somehow, I manage to fall asleep, though it was far from restful, and by the time I’m rolling into the office at eight thirty the following morning, I’m sipping on my fourth coffee of the day.
Lauren pops up from behind her computer screen, “Mr. Calahan!”
I think I grunt a good morning, but I can’t be sure.
She follows me into the office, the clip of her heels like a drum inside my head.
Funny thing is, if I opted to stay at Sidney’s, even if I slept on the damn couch, I’d have woken rested.
But it’s getting harder not to climb in beside her, and we are just not ready for that.
If I push too hard, this will all collapse from under me.
“Something you need, Lauren?” I rub my brow, trying to ease the headache forming behind my eyes.
“I was actually just wondering about the gala.” She fidgets from foot to foot, looking from me to the windows and back, her nervousness making her restless.
“What about it?”
“Well, I saw you haven’t arranged a fitting for Sidney like usual, so I was wondering if you needed a date?”
I stare hard at my assistant, “I don’t need a date.”
“Well,” she rolls her lips, “you can’t go alone and I’m free. So maybe we could go together? I’d love to support you in any way I can.”
Shit.
“Lauren,” headache forgotten, I sit up straighter and place my coffee down, wondering how best to approach this.
Lauren is great, a hard worker, reliable and trustworthy, and the last thing I want to do is embarrass her.
“Sidney is still my date as usual. It would be inappropriate for you to accompany me.”
“Oh,” her face falls, “but there’s no fitting. She always gets a new dress.” The way she says that last line has my hackles lifting. It’s said with a slight sneer, tipped in malice and judgement.
“I’m not sure that’s any of your concern.”
“Sorry, you’re right,” she nods quickly. “I just thought that maybe she was busy.”
“She isn’t.”
“Of course,” she starts to back out of the room, a placating smile pulling up her lips, “Let me know if you need anything.”
The door closes behind her, and I slump in my chair, glancing at the clock. Only eight hours to go before I can go ahead and get my daily fix, but until then…
Pulling out my cell, I place an order for coffee and some breakfast pastries for delivery at nine-thirty, and then place my cell face down and on silent. Maybe it’ll help with the obsession, but I doubt it.
When it comes to her, that obsession knows no bounds.