16. Haelyn
SIXTEEN
HAELYN
“Hi, Mom.” I leaned down on the chair next to her bed as my voice broke, tears were already settling in my eyes the moment they wandered over her limp body. I swallowed the bob in my throat, taking her left hand in mine and rubbing the warm skin with my thumb. “I’m sorry it took me so long to visit.”
My chest ached at the sight of her beautiful curly hair that cascaded over her pale cheeks. Her eyes followed every move I made and I curled up a fist to my heart, hoping to dim the pain. I knew she would’ve liked to ask me something—maybe how my day went or what’s new since we last saw each other—but the glistening in her eyes echoed the hurt of her inability to do so.
I formed a straight line with my lips, caressing the top of her hair as I began to tell her what I knew she wanted to hear. “I changed my job, again,” I said with a small laugh, my nose so runny that I had to lift a hand and pat the skin there. “But this is nothing like my old jobs, Ma. I can finally get you better healthcare.” My palm squeezed on her own, hope blooming in my chest.
Hope was a dangerous feeling, but it was also the single thing we had when we moved from Compton, and since then, I’ve counted on it. I still relived those terrific moments right before our lives changed drastically.
The day before Mom made the decision to take Nash and me and disappear from my father’s life permanently, there had been a long night in front of us. We had no idea that what was about to happen would ruin three lives at the hands of one.
We were all watching a movie when Dad came stumbling into the house. He was missing a shoe, his clothes were covered in dew and beer. He smelled as if he had drank the whole tavern and poured some alcohol on himself to save for later. A scent of urine suggested that he had peed himself on the way home.
Dad laughed as he walked toward us, leaving a trail of liquid behind him. At that moment, no one of us were paying attention to the movie anymore.
“Go and lock yourself in a room,” Mom whispered as her hands pushed us from the couch.
Deja vu and a strange buzzing feeling told me that something bad was about to happen, so I guided Nash to his room and secured him there despite his frightened sobs, then hid myself behind a wall in case Mom needed me.
Even though I knew I wasn’t able to save her, I stood there with my fingernails piercing through the skin of my palms, waiting. It was about to explode at any second, it was just a matter of time.
Dad would always take turns on who to mess with and every time one of us intervened, we’d all be dragged into a long night where the only way the sun would rise was with us covered in bruises.
“Diane,” he murmured. “Where is my food?”
“In the fridge,” she replied with a shaky voice.
His head snapped to her and his fingers latched on her chin. “I need warm food, woman. You can eat that shit in the fridge while you make me something else.”
Mom stepped away from his touch, and I froze in my shoes, praying to God she’d obey him. If she didn’t…
“Fuck you, Will,” Mom spit out in a low tone. I knew she wanted to lash out at him, but held in because we were inside the house.
He got closer, his head tilting to the side as if he couldn’t believe his ears. “What did you say?”
She didn’t hesitate to repeat, this time louder. “Fuck. You. You can make your own damn food.” Mom turned around to leave and when her eyes landed on me, they almost flew out of her head.
I heard Dad grunt and the shadow on the wall transformed into a big monster. My limbs froze as I gasped for air, registering the chair above his head directed at the target in front of him. I stretched a hand in the air, wanting to warn her. I had to use my voice to make her understand, but my tongue was stuck at the rooftop of my mouth when my eyes landed on the sadistic stare on Dad’s face.
Before I could help her, it was too late. The house was enveloped by Ma’s shout of pain, her eyes closing on me.
“Mom!” I screamed from the top of my lungs when the chair’s leg hit her head. I dragged myself to her on my knees when she fell, my heartbeats thumping in my ears. Her temple was flooded with blood and I held my breath. “Mom, wake up.” I moved her face from side to side, but she was unresponding.
“You little cunt.” Dad’s voice got closer and he grabbed me by my hair, throwing me on the floor.
He cascaded his anger over me. I didn’t cry nor try to fight it even if I tasted blood on my tongue. All I could focus on was my mother.
Wake up. Wake up. Wake up. I repeated the words over and over under his fists.
She didn’t open her eyes.
When he fell asleep on the couch, only his hiccups filled the room as I stared at my mother across the floor whose breaths I counted. We stood there on the cold tiles, and I waited for Dad to leave for work, who took Nash with him, before I checked on my mother.
She blinked and I’ve never felt such relief in my life. I hugged her to my chest, tears running down my cheeks as I whispered, “Why did you do that?” I was shaking, rocking her to my chest and ignoring the sharp pain the bruises on my body caused.
“We’ll leave.” Her voice was hoarse, tired. “Where’s Nash?”
“Dad took him,” I whispered.
“We’ll take him from school.”
I packed up everything—which wasn’t more than two bags—and we waited in the parking lot of Nash’s school the entire day so we could take him with us. Time barely passed by and we were starving, yet we somehow both knew that was going to be the case from now on.
Nash walked out of the building, and I was already hot on my heels to go grab him when my mother’s hand circled on my arm. “He’s here.”
Just from the way he was looking everywhere in the parking lot gave me the confirmation that he found out and he knew we’d come after Nash.
Mom froze, gulping at the sight of Dad. She turned to me, placing her hands on my shoulders. “Stay here.”
“No.” I instantly fought her, shaking my head.
“Haelyn, stay here while I get your brother back.”
Ma ran as fast as she could with the injury on her head, but by the time she reached them, they were already driving away.
She fell on her knees, crying until her lungs gave out.
“My baby,” she kept repeating when I got to her.
“Ma?” I tried, not sure what to do. “I think we should call the police.”
Mom looked at me, tears running down her cheeks as she shook my body with her palms. “No.” She stressed the word, wiping her wet skin.
“Why?”
She took a deep breath, looked around, and grabbed my hand. “You’ll understand this when you’re older, but your dad has powerful friends and they’d take you and Nash away from me.”
So we left with sorrow settled deep in our chests, and for the next two weeks, we were on a hunt for apartments filled with guilt. Mom started fainting from one time a day to every hour, horrible headaches attacking her temples with no shame.
And then one day… she fell on the bed with her eyes open, unable to move or to speak.
I smiled down at her escaping my memories, taking one curl away from her beautiful face. “Nash is fine,” I lied. “He’s in Europe, thinking about us.”
Delivering that kind of news to a woman in her state could’ve made everything so much worse. So the care aids advised me to act like nothing happened and because I didn’t want to lose the last person I had, I agreed.
I lied to her every time I came here with a smile on my face, even if the knife in my heart twisted every time I pronounced his name.
“You’re going to get better,” I promised, leaning down to kiss the top of her head, before turning on my heels and exiting her room with one last glance at her face.
When I walked down the hallway, I wiped my tears from my cheeks and threw my back against a wall, my own sobs brushing past my ears. I glanced sideways where the day room was, where sons and daughters spent time with their parents, enjoying their presence.
As much as I loved my mom, it was hard to watch this ghost version of her. I got used to talking alone, but she barely looked like a human, and her state… was nothing but a reminder of that terrible night when life ended for her.
A tall masculine back faced me, his knees bent as he talked with an old woman.His figure was so familiar I was sure I’d seen him before. Maybe we ran into each other when I came to visit my mom or maybe he was a guy I used to work for.
His profile came into view and I froze.
Was that… Mr. Graves?
I lifted my hands to wipe my eyes and when I was done, the man was nowhere to be seen.
Great. Now I was hallucinating.