42. Tristan
FORTY-TWO
TRISTAN
I was fuming and I didn’t know who to direct my anger at. George for not calling right away to inform me about Ryker? Or Ryker for acting like he’s the fucking king of the world?
Since Ryker moved in with me, I never established ground rules or shit like that. I knew he deserved freedom after the life he had and I wasn’t going to act like a father around him since I knew for a fact that was exactly why he wanted to leave New York.
Yet instead of appreciating me for offering him a life I wished I had when I was as young as he was, he kept causing problems I didn’t know how to fix.
I left New York because I wanted to be alone and take my life into my own hands. When he decided to tag along, I didn’t protest. I took him without complaining about it.
All he did was cause problems. Over and over. And I didn’t fucking sign up for this kind of shit. I didn’t want to raise a kid, I didn’t want to worry about anyone, and I didn’t want this kind of responsibility on my shoulders.
Still, I raised a one. I worried about him and the responsibility on my shoulders grew heavier and heavier.
I was fucking tired.
I lifted my wrist and knocked powerfully onto his door. The moans and groans went quiet, but soon after the girls giggled.
“Ryker,” I said with gritted teeth. “Don’t make me fucking take this door off its hinges.”
Nothing. The bed still hit the wall with each thrust, the girls sounded more aroused than ever and I was losing my patience.
I buried my palm into my pocket and fished out the set of keys I had, searching for the one from his room. When I got a copy, I got it for emergencies, but I saw myself needing to use it now.
Once I found it, I didn’t hesitate to throw it open. The girls immediately covered themselves with a blanket, but I didn’t spare them a glance. My eyes were solely focused on my brother.
His face looked unrecognizable. One of his eyes was so bruised he couldn’t even keep it open, his cheeks were cut and blood was flooding out of his lips.
“Out,” was all I said, locking my fists by my side. The girls scurried away, gathering their things before walking out of his room. I didn’t bother closing the door when I walked to his bed.
Ryker had his arms stretched under his head, a cocky grin on his face. I didn’t think. I just grabbed him by his ear and raised him to his feet. He stumbled and cursed under his breath.
“Fuck.”
“If you insist on acting like a child, I’ll treat you like one. What the fuck is wrong with you?” I yelled.
Silence again. It was almost as if he enjoyed the pain and I was sure if I dragged him any harder, I was going to rip his ear off.
I let him go, then took a step back. “Answer me, for fuck’s sake! I’ve had enough of your stupid fucking silent treatment. You have a tongue, use it when I talk to you.”
He shrugged, his left eye trembling. “I prefer to use it in other circumstances.”
Oh. I don’t know how I was able to stop myself from strangling him. On this day, God chose to give me patience and not power, because if it would’ve been the latter, I would’ve killed the son of a bitch.
I nodded, looking down at my feet. “I get it. I’m a fucking clown to you. All right,” I kept nodding.“Grab your stuff and leave.”
Ryker didn’t even flinch. “I’ll give you the money Dad left you and you can do whatever the fuck you want. I don’t give a shit,” I raised my hands in the air, watching him in the eye. “But don’t think I’ll fucking let you disrespect me ever again. I’ve been your goddamn punching bag for too long.”
I was waiting. Waiting to see if he would react in any way. But he just stood there, waiting for me to finish. Unfortunately, I had a lot to say.
“What did I do wrong, huh?” I questioned, squinting my eyes. “I let you come with me even when everything I wanted was to be alone. I gave you freedom, let you live your teenage life without setting stupid curfews, and let you throw parties and skip school even when I knew you weren’t sick. I tried to offer you a great life and you did nothing but disrespect me, cause me problems and terrible headaches,” I said in a breath.
I walked to the door with my back to him and turned before walking out. “You either get it together or pack your shit and leave. Your choice.”
On my way out, I slammed the door after me and took a moment in front of the staircase to calm down. I couldn’t believe I kicked him out. But what was I supposed to do? How else was he going to understand?
If being thrown out of his house wasn’t going to wake him up for good, then it meant Ryker was lost forever.
A hand ravished through my hair and I whooshed all the hair inside my lungs out. I was so over his shit.
Until now, I kept finding excuses for his behavior. Like how he was young, how he was just trying things for the first time, then he’ll never do them again. Or that he was going to wake up one day. Now I was done finding excuses just because he was my brother.
“That was a little tough, don’t you think?” Haelyn asked me at the bottom of the stairs.
Shit. I forgot she was even there.
She had her arms crossed over her chest, her eyes jumping from side to side.
I sighed, then took the last step. “Maybe,” I told her. “Let’s get you home. It’s late.”
Haelyn nodded and we walked out of the house through the garage, where I started the car and drove out of the garden. She kept fidgeting in her seat, releasing air out of her lungs.
I ignored her the first time, but when she kept going on with it, I decided I had to say something. “If there’s something you want to say, say it.”
She shook her head. “No, it’s not my place to talk. Especially when I don’t know the entire situation.”
“Haelyn,” I pushed. I was curious about what she had to say, but I also wanted to know how things were looking from her perspective.
“I—” she started, then took a deep breath. “I just think the kid is trying to get your attention and everything you do is yell at him. I mean, you didn’t even ask him what happened to him, you just kept telling him what a pain in the ass he is.”
I opened my mouth to talk, but no words came out. She was right. I was so mad at the fact that he screwed it up again that I didn’t even bother to ask why he got into a fight.
Fuck.
“My dad used to tell Mom he was allowing us freedom because he wanted to let us grow naturally, not under rules, and while I was young, I took that as ‘I don’t give a shit about you’. I never truly craved his attention, but Nash, my brother, used to do anything to have his father notice him. He would hide his drinks, stain his clothes, and throw his cigars away.”
I blinked, threading a hand through my hair as I let out a sigh.
Haelyn continued. “It got progressively worse when he didn’t get anything back,” she said in a soft voice, throwing me a glance. “I recognize a desperate kid when I see him, Tristan.”
If until now I thought I played the perfect role of a brother who let his younger sibling have fun and enjoy life, Haelyn broke that idea with a few words.
I needed to get home faster.
The ride home felt as fast as a rumble of thunder. I didn’t even know how I got through the gates without causing an accident. Truth was, I drove like a robot while my mind entered a tornado where a flood of memories hit me.
What Haelyn said made so much sense and while the reality hit hard, I was glad she told me how things were looking from the outside. I now knew I struggled to mold myself after Ryker’s attitude—not much talking, giving him freedom, letting him live without me—when all I had to do was to be myself. I thought that becoming a second version of him would make him feel safe and seen, but it did nothing more than put a bridge between us.
I was the reason Ryker was a rebellious kid. Because every time he did something stupid, I tried to speak his language. All I had to do was be myself and not try to get under his skin by copying his attitude.
I knocked on his door, but he didn’t bother to open it.
“Ryke,” I pleaded. “Open the door so we can talk.” No answer. “I’m sorry. I should’ve never talked to you the way I did.”
Silence still met me from the other side and I banged my head onto the wood. “Ryke, I’m serious. Let’s talk. For real this time. No hiding behind our fingers, just… real truth.”
There was a muffled sound inside, and I took a step back, my eyes growing as I waited for him to show up. He unlocked the door and didn’t spare me a glance as he walked back to his bed and threw himself on it.
I followed him with my shoulders dropped, shame nagging at me. Ryker was facing the ceiling and I took a seat on his desk chair, my lungs sucking in a deep breath of air.
He wasn’t looking at me and I had no idea what to say.
“I’m sorry.” I decided it was a good way to start. “I overreacted and I shouldn’t have yelled at you. You are not a pain in the ass, you are my brother and I care about you. You are just hard to understand and I realize now that I’ve never truly tried to. I only let you be yourself, never questioning your attitude or actions and I’m sorry for that.”
Now his eyes were watching me. Closely. Curious. I had his attention.
“What happened, Ryke? Why did you get in a fight?”
He sucked in a breath, his teeth grazing on top of his bruised bottom lip as he contemplated his reply. Ryker hesitated for a few moments, then dragged himself onto his butt, supporting his back on the wall. He sighed.
“There’s this girl in school,” he started, then threw me a glance. “I’m not interested in her in any way.” At that, I raised my arms in the air. “She was away for a year because she had cancer. Fast forward, some assholes were messing with her and I couldn’t stand to watch. End of story.”
I nodded and the ache in my chest was replaced with pride. I knew my brother hadn’t forgotten what happened to him all these years ago, so I could see why a subject like that could be sensitive to him and why he’d get involved.
“It’s a good thing you protected her,” I said, and didn’t miss the rare surprise flashing in his eyes. “I do have one question though,” I continued and watched the way his eyebrows gave me permission to continue. “How do those assholes look?”
His eyes squinted at me, almost as if he wasn’t sure if this was a trick question or not. I urged him with an incline of my chin, but the squint of his eyes didn’t disappear.
“Not able to fuck two girls at once, that’s for sure.”
Even if I was mad not too long ago, I couldn’t help but laugh. Ryker didn’t join me, but I saw the little tug of his lips. I was going to make sure I was never going to miss it again.
I got up to my feet, and then clapped him on his back. “That’s my brother.” I smiled.