CHAPTER ONE #3
“I don’t wanna talk about it. Ever,” Wolf replied.
“I don’t wanna think about it. I just want to forget, but these fucking dreams keep coming back.
I haven’t had one in months. But they started again.
It happens like that. Months go by and nothing.
Everything’s great. Then one fucking bad dream and it’s like I’m reliving my fucked-up childhood all over again.
Just when I think I’m done with the nightmares, they come back.
” Desperation clouded Wolf’s face and the corners of his mouth bowed down. “They always come back.”
“Are you sure you don’t want to talk to someone? Like a professional. It sounds like you have a lot of trauma that you’re not dealing with.”
Wolf shook his head. “I don’t need a shrink.”
“I didn’t mean—”
“Actually, I do need a shrink,” Wolf said with a pathetic laugh. “But I’m not going. I can deal with it. I always have.” He was quiet for a moment and then repeated, “Will you stay with me tonight?”
“Of course,” Harris replied, realizing he never answered the question the first time Wolf asked. “I’m here for you. Whatever you need, I’m here. Anytime. If you need anything, pick up the phone and call me. Or send a text.”
Wolf nodded, looking down at his lap, and leaned into Harris.
The blankets moved and exposed one of Wolf’s legs, so Harris fixed it.
He rubbed his hand up and down Wolf’s arm and couldn’t believe the guy was still shaking.
“Take it easy, buddy. It’s OK now. I’m here.
I’ll watch you sleep. If you look like you’re having a bad dream, I’ll wake you up right away. ”
Wolf let out a long sigh that seemed to calm him a bit and the shaking slowly subsided.
They sat together quietly, not saying anything, but Harris had so many questions.
He didn’t ask them, though. He teared up as he imagined what Wolf went through as a kid, and he quietly swiped at his eyes.
Wolf had never confided in him or talked about the horrible life he had before he went to live with Ethan and Ethan’s parents.
Harris contemplated asking Wolf if he wanted anything else, maybe something to drink or if he felt better, but he didn’t want to disturb the peace that seemed to finally overcome his friend. So, he stayed silent.
He listened to Wolf’s breathing grow steadily deeper and slower.
When he was sure Wolf was asleep, Harris finally relaxed into the couch cushions.
Wolf stirred a few minutes later, causing Harris to be on high alert and ready to wake the guy.
But Wolf only stretched out on the couch and slid down to rest his head in Harris’ lap.
Relieved, Harris fixed the blanket again so it covered Wolf’s back, first pulling Wolf’s T-shirt down, which got scrunched up and exposed his skin, and he said a silent prayer that Wolf didn’t have another nightmare.
Staring down at his friend, he delicately pushed Wolf’s long hair out of his face and pulled it aside.
It was so soft and shiny. He’d never had the chance to run his fingers through it before but always wanted to play with the long layers, so he did.
It started to feel invasive, since he wouldn’t be touching Wolf’s hair like this if the guy was awake, so he stopped. Instead, he watched his friend sleep.
Why are you so tortured? You deserve the world. Harris had often said a variation of these words to Wolf when he turned to him in times of intense need, but Wolf never knew the truth behind them. One day, he’d tell Wolf exactly how he felt.
Kicking off his tennis shoes, Harris leaned back on the couch to get more comfortable and placed his feet back on the coffee table, taking care not to wake Wolf who still slept in his lap.
This wasn’t the ideal place to spend the night, but he couldn’t exactly ask to move to the bedroom.
A smile pulled at the corner of Harris’ mouth, because he liked that idea.
He clicked off the TV, kissed the tip of his index finger, and touched it to Wolf’s head. “Nite. Sweetest dreams, sweet boy.”
Harris woke up sometime in the early morning hours, and he didn’t know where the hell he was or who the hell he was lying next to on the couch.
He blinked the sleep out of his eyes and recognized Wolf’s home, and last night flooded his memory.
Thankfully, Wolf hadn’t been visited by any more nightmares and slept peacefully throughout the night. They both did.
They were spooning on the couch now and sharing the blankets. Wolf’s back pressed into Harris’ chest, and their bodies were pancaked together. Wolf was a couple of inches taller than Harris, but their bodies fit together perfectly.
Warmth emanated from Wolf’s skin, yet he clutched onto the blanket and tucked it under his chin as if he were cold.
Harris tightened his arms around his friend, protectively, and placed a light kiss on the back of Wolf’s hair.
As soon as he realized what he’d done, he froze, and his heartrate sped up.
It seemed like such a natural thing to do that he hadn’t even thought twice about it. Luckily, Wolf hadn’t stirred.
Harris dozed off again, happy and content.
A couple of hours later, his eyes bolted open when the alarm on his phone started chiming.
He hated to move when Wolf looked so peaceful.
The last thing he wanted to do was disturb him after last night’s meltdown, and because he found comfort holding Wolf in his arms. But his phone was going off, and if he didn’t silence it, Wolf would wake up.
Slowly, Harris loosened his embrace from around the sensitive man who found solace in his arms last night.
Gently, he slipped his arms out from around Wolf’s body and sat up.
Reaching for his phone with one hand, he rubbed his eyes with the other, and silenced the alarm.
A notification popped up and reminded him that he needed to be home in Malibu in an hour to meet the new housekeeper.
Shit. “Wolf,” he called softly. “I gotta run.”
Wolf mumbled something and rolled over to face the back of the couch, bringing the blanket higher up to his chin, still fast asleep.
Harris didn’t want to wake him, but he also didn’t want to walk out and abandon his friend.
He fixed the covers around Wolf’s body, tucked him in as best he could, and paused to stare down at his sleeping friend.
Wolf’s profile was captivating. Those exquisite cheekbones belonged on a runway model, as did that strong jaw.
Those full, rosy lips highlighted his flawless peaches-and-cream complexion.
The only thing that made him more dreamy were those catlike green eyes that were hidden by his slumber. He was so beautiful.
“Wolf, I gotta go. Are you OK?”
“Mm-hmm.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yeah,” Wolf mumbled. “Go. I’m tired.”
“Do you want me to help you get in bed?”
Wolf smiled, but his eyes remained closed, and he didn’t reply.
“I’m serious.”
“M’fine. Go.”
Harris quietly picked up his wallet and keys from the end table, which he’d obviously removed at some time during the night, put on his tennis shoes, and headed toward the door.
On the way, he accidentally bumped into a dining room chair, and a notebook fell from the table.
He realized it wasn’t a notebook when he picked it up.
It was a sketch pad. He didn’t intend to be nosey, but the drawings were amazing, and he flipped through a couple of pages.
They were random and unrelated—a bird in a tree; an arena full of people, drawn from the view on stage looking into the audience; a sunset.
He got the feeling that this was private, and he felt bad for looking at it, even if it was by accident, so he put it back on the table and headed for the front door.
As he reached for the doorknob, he wondered if Wolf might not remember their conversation, since the guy never opened his eyes and sounded groggy.
He contemplated sending a text message, but Wolf might not see it right away, so he returned to the dining room, ripped out an empty page from the back of the sketchpad, and scribbled a few words.
He left the note on the coffee table so Wolf would see it when he woke up.
Wolf stretched languidly, but an ache in his shoulder quickly stifled the relaxing motion and he cringed.
Sitting up with one hand cupping his aching shoulder, he remembered that Harris had not only helped him after one of his night terrors but also stayed with him until the morning.
Relief mixed with trepidation washed over Wolf, causing him to take a deep breath and let it out slowly.
No one besides Ethan had witnessed him in such a vulnerable state, and it was humiliating. Anger quickly washed over him. When are these fucking nightmares going to stop? Was he gonna be plagued by them for the rest of his fucking life?
He stood up and rotated his shoulder to work out the kink, then stretched toward the ceiling, going up on his tippy toes. As he exhaled a long breath and relaxed, he noticed a piece of white paper folded in half on the coffee table with his name on it.
He picked it up and read it: “Wolf – I had to run to an appointment. Tried to wake you but you were out of it. Hope you’re OK. Call me when you get up. We can have breakfast or lunch. Harris.”
A smile spread across Wolf’s face, and a warm feeling filled his chest. Harris was a great friend and always there when he needed to talk, especially during those hard few months when Ethan first met Tyler. Harris helped him realize that what he and Ethan had was long over and one-sided.
“I was such an idiot. So fucking stupid,” Wolf said aloud, regretting his past decisions and some of the things he’d said to Tyler in the beginning.
Mostly, he regretted wasting so many years waiting for Ethan to fall in love with him without ever having the courage to tell the guy how he felt.
But there was no use re-hashing the past. He’d moved on and was moving forward with his life, happier and more content than he’d been in a long time.