12. Shiloh
Chapter 12
Shiloh
I didn’t know what was happening in the line, but Caz had been taking forever. She appeared to be studying Ember, and I wondered if my biggest fear had occurred—she realized how amazing she was and wanted to be with her, too.
I didn’t stand a chance against that competition. Maybe if I went up there, I could break the spell, and she would remember why she was here.
I stood behind her for a minute, but she didn’t acknowledge me. She was so consumed by Ember that it was like no one else was in the room. I tapped her shoulder, but she appeared so angry at the interruption that I cowered down. She did apologize before winking at me, but something was off.
I quickly returned to my table, purposely avoiding any lingering glances in that direction. Not having any information about what was going on made my mind run wild with worst-case scenarios, which only added to my awkwardness.
As I sipped my coffee, I tried to work on my crossword, but I couldn’t even read the clues as everything felt too heavy to function. When I finally gave up, I peeked in Caz’s direction, and she smiled. But it was off—too big—fake. It made me think she felt guilty. I tried not to jump to conclusions, but that was how I got most of my exercise.
When she had her coffee in hand, she joined me, but I pretended to be still engrossed in my puzzle.
“Is this seat taken?” Her voice sounded normal—no nerves or anything.
Maybe I had let my mind run away, and nothing had happened.
“By all means, please.” I waved my hand in front of the chair, and she pulled it out, sitting across from me.
“So, have you gotten any other information that might be useful?” She took a big sip of her coffee before looking like she wanted to throw it up.
It seemed like her throat was fighting her to swallow, but eventually she must have won as she opened her mouth, gasping for air.
“Will you excuse me?” she seethed through gritted teeth, and I nodded, confused. She marched up to the counter, and Ember wore that breathtaking smile. I, again, was juggling assumptions like it was a full-time job.
Was she pretending her drink was disgusting so she could get more time with Ember? It would be an excellent ploy to keep me from being suspicious—if I were someone else. I picked up my book to cover my face, but they were in my direct line of sight.
Ember’s ethereal laugh floated through the air, and I saw Caz place her hand on her forearm. There was no doubt they were flirting, and neither was paying attention to me, so I quietly collected my things and snuck out the door. There was no reason for me to stay here and watch my supposed friend try to secure a date with my dream girl.
None of it mattered. I knew this would happen, and it was time to return to reality. Besides, my lunch break was over, and work was waiting for me.
I was halfway down the block when I heard, “Shy, wait.”
I knew it was Caz’s voice, but I had never heard her call me that. She probably realized she had screwed up her program, and now she’d come to beg for forgiveness. I was tempted to feign ignorance like I didn’t hear her, but I was afraid she would be upset, so I stopped.
“Hey, where are you going?” She reached for me, but I pulled back.
“Sorry, I got a work emergency.” Why couldn’t I have come up with something more believable than that?
“Oh really? What?” I couldn’t tell if she was calling me on my lie or if she was genuinely curious.
The only problem was I didn’t have an answer.
“It’s confidential.” I nodded as if that was completely logical, and now she appeared skeptical.
“A confidential emergency in the meal planning industry?” She put her hand on her chin. “I guess I better let you get to it, then.” The fact that she didn’t stop me further bolstered my conclusions about Ember and her.
If I were gone, it would make it easier for the two of them to chat uninhibitedly.
“Thanks. And I wanted to let you know you’re off the hook for helping me. I don’t think I’m interested in Ember anymore.” Something inside of me felt the need to release her from guilt, even though she broke my heart with what she did.
“Oh? Just because you don’t want Ember doesn’t mean we can’t find someone else.”
She was so quick to dismiss Ember as an option for me that it affirmed what I already knew: she wanted her for herself.
“That’s okay. I’m good on my own. I’m sorry to have wasted your time. Have a good day.” As I turned to leave, her fingers gently grasped my elbow, stopping me in place.
“What’s going on? We were making progress, and now you want to give up? I’m not gonna lie. I could see why you might not want Ember, but there are other people out there for you.” Her eyes searched mine like she was looking for something, but I didn’t know what.
I already gave her permission to go after Ember. What else could she possibly want from me? Did she need me to be with someone to clear her conscience? Or did she need me for the show? Either was a plausible option, but I had learned something from her—stop doing what I didn’t want to do.
“Really. I’m good. But thank you.” This time, I broke free from her grip with a determined tug and confidently strode off.
Leaving her hanging like that felt weird, but what was I supposed to do? Giving in to everyone got me nowhere. I’d already conceded so much by giving her Ember on a platter. Not that she needed me to back down. She could have taken her from me even if I had put up a fight. I told myself that was more out of self-preservation than people-pleasing. Regardless, what I had done seemed selfish, and I thought about turning around, but I stayed firm and got in my car.
As I drove off, I saw her still standing on the sidewalk, and I wondered if she was waiting for me to disappear completely before going back into Java Jive to claim her prize.
When I stepped into Sprout and Sprigs, I was relieved to see Yoni engrossed in a conversation with a customer, allowing me to slip away to my office. I closed the door behind me and sank into one of the folding chairs, trying to make sense of the overwhelming information swirling through my mind. I had already pieced the puzzle together, but the “why” still plagued me.
Why did Caz do this to me? Why did she go after the person she was supposed to help me win over? Caz could have anyone she wanted—so why her?
These thoughts didn’t do me any good, so I flipped up my laptop to start work. My eyes were immediately drawn to Caz's meal plan, and a wave of nausea washed over me. I opened my email to check on other clients, but my phone dinged.
Caz: Hey, I’m sorry about today. Can we talk later and work something out? I hate to see you unhappy.
Wow, that was rich, considering she was the reason for my mood. I wouldn’t typically leave her on read, but I was too overwhelmed to find the right words to respond.
As I worked through my emails and replied to customers, my phone rang. I wanted to ignore it, but it could have been work-related.
“Hello, this is Shiloh. How may I help you?” My tone was harsher than I intended, but I had a sneaky suspicion about who it was.
“Okay, Shy . Why do you sound like your dog just died?” Sonya’s voice rang through the receiver, which was better than Caz's, but I didn’t want to talk to her, either.
After all, she was the one who got me into this mess in the first place. Without her intervention, I could have pretended to remain oblivious that Ember didn't echo my feelings. I would have silently continued to cherish her from the comfort of the coffeehouse. But now that I know she and Caz probably have a thing going on, I had to move on. Not that it was a good idea to be hung up on an unrequited love anyway, but still. I was forced to make that decision instead of coming to that conclusion on my own.
“What do you need, Sonya? I’m at work.” I sighed into the speaker, and she returned the sentiment.
“You need to chill your nips. That attitude is unbecoming.” She laughed, and I rolled my eyes. She was such a juvenile.
“Seriously. Why did you call?”
“Can’t I want to talk to my cuz?” I could hear Devon saying something in the background, which was a sign of trouble.
“You don’t usually call unless you want or need something. So…” I hoped she would stop trying to play it off like she missed me, and this was a catch-up call.
“So, Devon and I thought this new place would be fun to check out, and we wondered if you’d want to go.”
There was more to it than that. I didn’t know what, but there was.
“I appreciate the invite, but I’ll have to pass. It’s been a busy week, and it’s only Tuesday.” I didn’t even have to feel guilty about saying that because it was one hundred percent true.
“Pleaseeeee…” she whined into the phone, and I fought the urge to hang up on her.
“Why? You and Devon will have fun without me.”
“We will have more fun with you.” She was buttering me up. “And if you drive, we’ll pay your way in.”
There it was. They were looking for a DD.
Did I want to do whatever they were planning? No. But did I want them to be safe? Yes. I knew they could get a rideshare, but it was more than that. I didn’t trust that either would look out for the other. When they were drunk or high or both, they made stupid decisions, and the other one was usually the encourager.
“What’s the place?” I conceded.
“You’re going to love it. It’s called Illumi-Links and Drinks.”
“What is it?” Nothing in the name sounded appealing, but I already agreed and didn’t want to disappoint her.
“You’ll see. I promise it will be so much fun! Come to my place when you get off.” She made a kissy noise through the phone. “Bye! Love ya!” She hung up without letting me respond, probably so I didn’t have time to change my mind.
I closed my eyes and breathed out, “Why do I do this to myself?”
A voice replied: “You’re a glutton for punishment.”
My eyes shot open, and I nearly fell out of my seat, but I was alone. Had I imagined that?
“May I come in?” It was Yoni from behind the door.
“Yeah,” I called out, and she sat down before I even offered.
“Hey.” I didn’t ask what she was doing because she would fill me in without prompting.
“Hey, yourself. I wanted to tell you I have a date tonight, so I’ll be leaving early. I realize it probably doesn’t matter because you usually stay late, but I still wanted to tell you.”
This didn’t need to be face-to-face; an email would have been sufficient.
“Okay. I might leave early, too. I have plans tonight.” Sonya had said to come after work, but Yoni didn’t need to know that.
“Oh really? What?” Her disbelieving expression annoyed me, but I couldn’t blame her.
I was more of the stay-at-home type of person. But she didn’t have to act like me doing something was so far removed from reality that it must be a lie.
“I’m going to a new place with some friends.”
“What place? And which friends?” Was she that skeptical, or was she fishing for other information?
I could have made up anyone because we didn’t hang out in the same circle. The chance of her knowing any of my friends was slim, especially considering I only had one and she was a relative.
“I don’t think you know her, and the place is called something and Drinks. I can’t remember the first part.” That wasn’t me being coy. I honestly forgot the nonsensical name.
“Huh.” She cocked her head, and her pink bangs partially concealed her eyes.
“Yeah, I’m excited. It should be a good time.” Something about her cynicism made me want to hype this up.
The evening promised to be more work than play, but Yoni didn’t need to know that.
“That’s great. I’m so happy for you.” Her fake smile made me believe otherwise, but I had done nothing wrong, so I wouldn’t apologize like I normally did.
“Thank you. I’m happy, too. Please have a good evening, and I’ll talk to you later.” I was done with the conversation, and she surprisingly took the hint and left.
Maybe the parts of Caz that I hoped would rub off on me had. The problem was, I couldn’t tell if this was me being assertive or if I was letting my inner bitch out because of the day I’d had; it was a fine line to walk, but it seemed to be getting easier.