Chapter 31 Harper
Harper
“So you’re really going to send him a message?” Macy asks calmly, though I can hear the curiosity beneath her words. After school we drove straight to my house and holed up in my bedroom, surrounded by papers, snacks—and the weight of everything I haven’t confessed to my best friend.
She knows nothing about what I’ve actually been up to the past two weeks.
My gaze drifts to the ceiling as I lie flat on my back, tracing the familiar cracks and patterns with my eyes, suddenly finding them way more interesting than anything else in the room. Tightness lingers in my chest, a pressure that’s been building since Macy and I walked through the door.
It’s nearly unbearable.
“I don’t know.” I fiddle with an old teddy bear, playing with his floppy ear. “He can go to prom with anyone he wants. It’s a free country. I should let it go.”
Macy sits cross-legged next to me, her expression patient.
I know she wants to pepper me with a million questions and it’s killing her not to interrupt.
That’s the thing with Macy; she knows when to give me space. Right now I don’t know what I need from her, but I’m grateful she’s here; she was the only person to follow me out of the cafeteria to check on me.
Guilt eats at me.
She doesn’t know—no one knows—the secret I’ve been keeping.
“Macy,” I start, clutching my bear. “There’s something I have to tell you.”
“What is it?” She props herself up on her elbows so she can get a better look at my face. “You’re freaking me out.”
I close my eyes for a moment, trying to find the right way to explain the situation without making myself sound like the worst person in the world. There is no easy way to confess, and when I do, I’m going to sound like an asshole.
“I’ve been blackmailing Easton.” I suck in a breath, unable to look Macy in the eye, hiding my face beneath the pillow. The declaration detonates in the air like a bomb.
Macy’s jaw drops.
“What?” I peek at her as she scrambles into a sitting position. “Blackmailing? What the hell are you talking about?”
“I…I…A couple weeks ago I caught him stealing the Parker Lane mascot.”
Macy’s staring at me, utterly baffled. “The mascot? You mean that stupid rhino costume?”
Clearly Marcus hasn’t told her anything about it.
My head shakes. “I was in my backyard reading in the hammock and heard crunching in the woods. At first I thought it was just some random stranger—he was wearing the head and running and he tripped and fell and…”
“Why was he in your backyard?”
Has she never noticed that my backyard and the Parker Lane football field basically touch?
“It backs up to the Parker Lane field.” I nod, my chest tightening at the memory.
“It was dark out—obviously—and before I could think twice about chasing him down, I had him on the ground. Cornered. I was furious, you know? Like, what the hell was he doing in my freaking yard?” I pause before continuing.
“He was super panicked and I threatened to call the cops…but one thing led to another and we made a deal and…this is the hardest part to say.”
I inhale again.
“The deal was: I wouldn’t turn him in to the school or the cops if he agreed to take me to prom.”
“Holy. Shit.” She has no words.
“I know it sounds terrible,” I rush to say, “because it is, but I didn’t know what else to do! He can’t get in trouble ’cause he can’t lose his offers to play hockey in college, and I needed a date—it felt like the perfect solution to both our problems.”
“This is bonkers.” Macy nibbles on her bottom lip. “Does Marcus know?”
“I think Marcus and the guys know he stole the mascot, but we agreed we wouldn’t tell a soul about the prom stuff.”
I can’t meet her eyes.
The shame is too much.
“It was wrong. I know that.”
“Wrong doesn’t even begin to cover it,” Macy puffs out, sounding so much like my mother. She crosses her arms, brow furrowed. “Let me get this straight—you blackmailed Easton into taking you to prom, and now…” Her words trail off, and her eyes widen. “Now you like him?”
“I think so.” I wince. “Yes.”
I haven’t admitted it to myself yet—let alone said it out loud.
“I could see this coming from a mile away.” My best friend leans forward. “The second the two of you started spending more time together, I knew you were going to like each other.”
“Yes, well—because I’m a shitty person, he is going to prom with someone else,” I snap, immediately regretting my harsh tone. “Sorry. I just—Ugh, this whole thing is a disaster! He probably hates me.”
Macy is quiet for a moment, lips pressed into a thin line. “He doesn’t hate you.”
“You don’t know that.”
“Neither do you.” She frowns. “Does he know you feel this way? ’Cause I’ve seen the way he looks at you when you’re not paying attention.”
My ears prick. How does he look at me when I’m not paying attention?
I resist the urge to blurt out the question, keeping my face neutral. Lord forbid I blurt out the words We’ve kissed. A lot. In fact, we almost kissed after you stormed out of the ice rink and I didn’t tell you. And not just sweet kisses; they were so hot and intense and overwhelming and—
I say none of these things.
Instead, I say, “Let’s not get carried away. He’s in love with Maddie Miller, or have you not noticed?”
“Oh please.” Macy huffs. “She is so basic. How he can not like you back when you’ve been sneaking off together is beyond me.
You’re spending every spare second painting and decorating.
It makes total sense that you’d fall in like with him!
Seriously! None of us are blind, you know.
We see what’s going on between the two of you. ”
“Nothing is going on.”
If it were, Easton would have told Maddie no when she asked him to prom.
My friend rolls her eyes so hard I’m surprised they don’t fall out of their sockets. “Maddie Miller is a phase.”
I snort. “Maddie Miller is not a phase, but thank you for saying so. She’s—she’s Maddie Miller.” I groan miserably. “Did you see the crop top she wore to school last week? No one even cared it was against dress code.”
She never gets in trouble!
“She is boring,” Macy fires back. “Stop saying her name so much like she’s the queen of everything.
She wishes she were you! You have layers.
Depth. Maddie is…I don’t know…” She waves her hand as if trying to pluck the right word from the air.
“Sparkly cardboard. Nice to look at, but nothing underneath.”
I want to believe what she’s saying—I really do.
But then I think about Easton’s sickening smile when he looks at her and I want to barf. The way he gave her a ride to school when he doesn’t have a car, when he’s never offered me a ride.
I grab my pillow, moving to sit up. “It’s too late, he’s taking her to prom. This is fate punishing me for blackmailing him.”
My bestie looks like she swallowed a lemon. “So what are we going to do?”
A current of relief goes through me at those words. Even if it feels like the world is against me, Macy is still on my side. I shrug. “I don’t know. Apologize for forcing him into this deal to begin with?”
“Apologize to him?” she echoes, skepticism lacing her tone. “Text him and say, Hey, sorry for blackmailing you, have fun at prom with Maddie? And then what? Pretend none of this happened? Pretend you’re not in love with him?”
“Pretty much.” The ache in my chest confirms how much it hurts to admit that. “It’s the least I can do. I dragged him into this mess. If I tell him in no uncertain terms the deal is over, at least he won’t hate me more than he probably already does.”
Macy stares at me as if I’ve sprouted a second head. “You’re unbelievable, you know that? You spent all this time with him, and because he was too chickenshit to tell her no, you’re giving up?”
Giving up?
What am I supposed to do, fight for him?
As if.
“What do you want me to do?” I snap, the tension high. “Crash his prom and declare my undying feelings in front of everyone? Beg him to pick me instead? I am not a pick-me girl, Macy!”
“No one said you were,” she says slowly. “But you’re acting like you’re the villain in this story. Spoiler alert: You’re not. She is.”
Her words hit me like gut punch.
Is she right? Has Easton been spending time with me not because he has to but because he wants to?
I shake my head, trying to dispel the hope creeping in. And the butterflies.
“He did not tell her no—that’s all that matters. Actions speak louder than words.”
“Well, same goes for you,” she counters. “If you let him go with her, without telling him how you feel, you’ll regret it. Trust me.”
I look down at my hands, twisting the fabric of my pillowcase. Macy’s right—if I don’t say something, I’ll always wonder what could’ve happened. But the thought of putting my heart on the line, knowing he might choose Maddie anyway?
Petrifying.
Macy huffs, grabbing my phone and tossing it into my lap.
“Just text him. Do it.”
The phone feels heavy, like Macy has handed me a grenade instead of a lifeline. I stare at the screen, fingers and thumbs twitching to type something. Right as I begin my message to Easton, there’s a knock on my bedroom door.
We both jump.
“Uh, come in,” I call out, exchanging looks with Macy.
My mom sticks her head in the door and my heart leaps into my throat. I’ve been avoiding her all day, hoping she won’t notice how obviously upset I am, and now here she is. I hope she doesn’t say anything in front of Macy.
The door creaks all the way open.
“Hey, girls.” Mom gazes around the room as if she’s half expecting more people to appear. Boys? From the closet, perhaps?
She clears her throat. “Macy, do you mind if I speak to Harper for a minute?”
She doesn’t step inside, instead waiting in the doorway, arms crossed in that way that makes me feel like I’m back in elementary school being scolded for coloring on the wall behind my bedroom door.