34. Can We Talk About It?
Can We Talk About It?
BETTY
We played our respective roles. I was supposed to be in awe of a good performance—getting into it with Alia for the sake of fun—when Marit played the song.
Her words hit hard. Did she really think I sat in an ivory tower?
Did she really feel like all we did was fuck?
I didn’t think to ever end up in a song, but this was a hell of one to feature in.
Unfortunately, I found it out surrounded by strangers, Jaz, and a documentary crew I couldn’t wait to ditch.
The set finished after a good number of songs, including a few delightful covers, and an encore of Justice.
Mary shone like the sun—both because she’d been running around the stage for an hour and because she played the show of her life.
The cameras continued to roll as the groups met backstage—off me once they got a reaction. To my dismay, we were thrown in the VIP lounge while Mary and the band headed to their bus with their crew.
“Are we gonna talk about that song?” Jaz asked.
“I don’t think so. I don’t even know what—”
“Give her a chance to explain. Maybe it’s not about you? But girl… if so… she’s got it bad for you. And damn those were big feelings. She loves you.”
I wanted to believe in it—to believe that I was so loved. I wanted to tell Mary that I felt the same way, but I had a different read on the song.
I texted Mary.
ME
Are you too important to talk to us? Or can we join you somewhere.
MARY
Of course not. We’re at the bus. Do you want to come back here? It’s nowhere near as cool as where you are.
I turned to Jaz. “She’s at the tour bus. She wants to know if we want to join them?”
“We could. That sounds epic!”
ME
Tell me what to do. We’re at the VIP tent owned by whatever that blue gin brand is.
MARY
I’ll send a roadie to collect you. It’s a maze.
We waited. Within minutes, a man in a Skrillex shirt appeared—looking like he’d been out in the desert all day. He knew who we were and had a plan. That was all that mattered. And, as we made it to the tour bus, my stomach churned. People hung out like it was a college kegger.
“You looking for Mary?” Alicia asked.
I nodded. “Yeah. She said to come over.”
“Cool. Grab a beer from the cooler if you want. She’s in the bus. She just got out of the shower.”
Jaz partied with the roadies, and I continued into the bus to find Mary in an old t-shirt and short-shorts, looking wiped. Though she looked tired, I found it inviting.
“You couldn’t even put on a bra?” I joked, playing off my concerns as humor.
“Are you complaining?” Mary leaned to kiss me. “I’m sorry. I had to dip in there because I was fucking gross. I didn’t know if I’d get to see you and trust me, you wouldn’t have wanted to.”
I snickered. “I am no peach coming off the back of a horse in the sun, either.”
“You smelled a lot better than I think I did—minus the horse.”
“Horse isn’t bad.”
“So you say.” She pulled me by the hips, slipping her hands in the back of my jeans. “And… you haven’t run off yet.”
“I have a flight in the morning,” I answered. “Early. Jaz and I need to head out, but…. I’m free until about 5 AM. And I’m partying with a rockstar.”
She giggled. “Oh, if you say so, skatt.”
I searched her, trying to figure out if this was her post-performance bravado emerging or just a cover for how insecure she felt. Were we in the same boat? Hell, we were even in the same post code?
“What’s up?” Mary asked.
“Uh… that song is what’s up. Can we talk about it?”
“Yeah… I want to apologize. I… it’s complicated. Here, sit.”
We camped in a bunk.
“It’s like a little tent.”
“It’s way less glamorous when you have to sleep and this thing is moving.”
“Sounds romantic.”
“It’s not,” Mary giggled. “Uh… so… the song. It’s about you. I knew you would find out. But I wanted to maybe ease into it or explain it. The problem was… before I knew you were coming, AJ added it to the set list. And then I tried to take it out but failed on that front.”
“But why? I… I don’t know what to say?”
“Why the song or why the setlist?”
“The song, Mary.”
She looked at her hands. “Because I was heartbroken and felt betrayed when you left that morning—right or wrong. I channeled it into a song. It means nothing other than what it did at that moment.”
“But we literally wave from a damn balcony. It’s on the nose. People will think—”
“Don’t worry, princess. It’s not on the EP. I have only played it once. And no one will get that. They think I’m talking about Romeo and Juliet. It’s not even that good of a song.”
“What?” I gasped. “It is! People lost it. It’s the perfect type of raunchy—”
“For this crowd. Look, I am surprised, honestly. Who would have thought anyone wanted to listen to an elder lesbian boast about cunnilingus?”
I shook my head. “Personally, you should boast, but… it’s different when you hear it. It does sound like a flex. But I do care about you. It’s not just about screaming your name. It’s not about the sex.”
Mary’s incredulous grin said otherwise.
“Okay, the sex is part of it. Fucking you is… a breath of fresh air. You make me feel amazing. But, I thought we had real—”
“We do, Elisabeth.” She took my hand. “I… I don’t want you to think this is everything.
You’re amazing in bed. I could fuck you endlessly if we had all the privilege of privacy and time—which we don’t—but it’s not what I think about when I think of you.
I think of this grin of yours and the way you bite your lip when you’re trying to be bad.
I love your bravery and how you furrow your eyebrows when annoyed. ”
“Really?”
“You scare me. And that’s why I wrote the song. Sometimes, though, you face the things that frighten you. And you? You were worth facing.”
My tears welled. She cupped my face, sweetly holding my gaze.
“I love you, Betty. It’s stupid and too fast, but damn it, I held a candle for this stranger I met five years ago and… she never disappointed.”
I ran my fingers through her wet hair, pulling her towards me as I did. I didn’t even think of saying the words back as I was overcome with how much I felt each letter that hung in the ether. Her vulnerability spoke volumes and this was the best way I knew to assure her.
“Mary, I wanted to—”
Mary pulled back and turned to AJ who stared, confused.
AJ said, “And… this is… awkward. I should go.”
“You should go,” Mary confirmed. “If this can wait until we’re headed back to LA—”
AJ departed. “It can. I’ll see you in the morning.”
Mary poked her head out and down the hallway. “Well, I gotta hand it to him, he evacuated the place quick enough. I always worried he’d be a terrible cockblock. Or… whatever the alternative term is.”
“A clam jam?” I giggled. “Is that a thing?”
“Yes.” Mary turned back to me.
“Mary, I love you, too. And it’s getting harder to hide.”
The words finally rolled out. But to my surprise, they felt so natural I wanted to say them again. Rather than make a big deal, Mary smiled sweetly and kissed my hand.
“I can tell. The feeling is… mutual. All of it. I’d love to tell you how much I loved you all the time. It’s a shame the tour is going to end all of that… until we get back to Trondheim.”
I wanted that, too. I wanted all of it. I needed to soak her up, but it would never be the truth.
“We’re probably safer here. I head back to Norway in a month but… I could visit you on the road. I’d just hide and play dumb.”
“You would be bored out of your gourd.”
“No, I would be shopping and traveling and resting on my off time while I wait for my girlfriend’s show to finish so she can fuck me in the hotel later.”
“Oof, you are… so good. Aggressive in the best way.”
“And we have an entire tour bus,” I said. “And I’ve never fucked in a tour bus.”
“It is so unglamorous.”
“Well, it’s novel, elskling.”
I saw her debate it internally. She wanted to fuck me, but she worried too much. Leaning in, I kissed Mary. My hands inched down to her breasts where I rolled her nipples between my fingers. She moaned into my mouth desperately.
I pulled up her t-shirt and leaned down to suck on her nipples, making slow work. It sufficiently tortured her.
She gripped my hair and said, “You’re making me want to eat you out.”
“Then take my jeans off,” I said.
Mary kissed my neck. “Who gives the orders here, Betty?”
I shivered. “You do.”
I couldn’t have freed myself from my jeans any faster if I tried. The cramped corners made for an interesting set up.
“One sec,” Mary said.
She dipped out, pulling the bunk curtain closed before returning.
Wasting no time, she got on her knees, pulling my right knee over her shoulder and dug in.
I threw my head back but wanted to stay away.
Everything about this was hot—the way she positioned herself and the way she craved getting me off.
“Oh, fuck,” I tried to stay quiet.
She sucked hard, her upper lip bringing the sensitive spot above my clitoral hood to full attention. My legs quivered and Mary looked up.
“No… keep doing that… it’s good.” I pushed her head back down, now confident.
Mary’s tongue brought me closer to the point that I couldn’t fight my orgasm even a moment more.
I prayed the music outside was enough to cover up my gasp, “Oh fuck I love you! Fuck! Fuck!”
As it rolled over me, she dug her hands into my hips and brought herself back up, wiping her face.
“You’re so good,” Mary said. “And I have been waiting to do that for weeks, ?lskling.”
I panted, “Me, too.”
Mary settled beside me, our bodies impossibly close on the tiny bench bed. My ass dangled in the air conditioner’s cold, barely on the mattress. I kissed her and played with her nipple. She batted me away.
“What?” Mary panted. “I can hear everyone outside. The next time I see you, you can get me off a million ways from Sunday, but the next time you do, I want to curl up with you afterwards and just bask in it. This isn’t the place I get that.”
“I thought it was hot,” I admitted. “And I do love you. Loads.”
She nuzzled my nose. “I know. And I love you so much. It was hot. It was heaven, but I’d like to pat myself on the back for getting you off and think about when I can see you again—properly.”