42. Secrets
Secrets
MARY
Betty arrived and I tried not to focus all my energy on her.
I’d spend all my time trying to channel my inner rage and kept blinders on.
I knew I wasn’t allowed to touch her or stand beside her too long.
I also knew I was about to combust finally seeing her again after weeks apart.
It was so strange to pretend to be acquaintances when you had phone sex the night before and she insisted I not turn off Facetime until she fell asleep afterwards.
Betty looked divine, parading in a red and white mirrorball cocktail dress. I was back to my old standard—black trousers, boots, and the deep blue bustier Clarice said let me pass for “mostly femme”. It worked. I did feel pretty and mostly comfortable if not way too old for this crowd.
“Tongue in your mouth, friend,” Barry laughed.
“I am trying. But when she wears heels, her legs just… look so good. I suspect she knows that.”
“She does,” Alicia said. “But that’s fine. Just hold it together. And stop acting like a schoolgirl whose crush is walking over here.”
I smelled Betty’s perfume before she traversed the line of people to see me.
It thrilled me that I noticed it and remembered how she smelled on my sheets.
No one else knew her this way. It was moments like this that felt swoony, then dangerous.
I hid a smile that tried ever so hard to cross my face as she approached.
There she was, Princess Elisabeth in the flesh.
“Welcome back,” she said. “How are you?”
Fucking miserable.
“Excited to get this show on the road,” I said.
“And then… stay for a few days in our fair nation?”
We planned to spend some time in peace and quiet before I left for a show in Amsterdam. If we could just get there, I’d be over the moon. What I really wanted was to spend all day and night in her bed.
Instead, I merely nodded.
“Well, I truly wish you all well. And I will see you at the semi-finals tomorrow.”
She left with that telltale regal sway of her hips and my heart sank. I wasn’t sure what I was hoping for. Of course she was all professionalism, but I wanted for just a moment to watch the mask slip. I needed to know she fought as hard as I was to stay two feet on the ground.
I despaired until a woman in a suit appeared and whispered in Swedish, “Her Royal Highness would like a word with you shortly.”
I furrowed my brow in confusion. “What?”
“I will take you there. Come with me,” the woman offered.
I was as curious as concerned. Was I about to be deported and this was just a ploy? Did her uncle know and was he about to arrest me? I looked at the woman, then my band. Her expression suggested I had no choice.
I whispered to Clarice, “I gotta go somewhere.”
To my surprise, she didn’t ask questions.
I followed the woman down two creepy hallways and a set of frightening stairs to a utility room.
“She will be along shortly,” the woman assured.
I waited, perturbed by my lack of mobile signal, fearing I was about to end up in the fjord until a door thudded open. I heard a pair of shoes on the metal stairs before Betty’s legs slowly appeared, sidestepping down the steps so she didn’t fall. I stepped up to help her down the final stairs.
“These wedges weren’t made for this,” she grimaced. “I’m sorry this is all we get.”
“So, this isn’t an elaborate plot by the Swedes to take me out?”
“No, elskling,” she giggled. “It’s just our only chance to talk.”
“Oh… okay,” I suddenly felt like I needed to say everything, but nothing seemed enough.
She took my hands. “You deserved more up there. I don’t care about anyone else, you know? Just you.”
I cupped her face, as if needing to believe it was her. “I know. I missed you, Betty.”
“I missed you more. I guarantee it.”
Betty leaned in to kiss me, gripping my waist and pulling me closer. I bit her lip possessively, drinking her up. I missed her more with every parting kiss.
“I don’t want to deny us,” Betty pulled back. “I also don’t want to cost you this, Mary. I love you, but I’m ready to tell my family. I just… I cannot hide you. I want to love and celebrate us. It feels wrong, otherwise.”
Tears hit because it was all I ever wanted to hear.
My greatest fears faded. She loved me enough to risk everything.
Her professional behavior wasn’t an indication she pulled back.
It was a front. The people above didn’t matter, but her family did.
If she was willing to speak to them about us, she was committed.
“We cannot come out before the show. I know,” Betty said. “But my parents won’t tell anyone. I just… I want everyone to know who you are. Is that okay?”
“To tell your parents that you’re seeing me?” I snickered.
Betty breathed deeply. “Mary, this isn’t like you telling your darling father about me.
This is a big thing—about my identity but also about the monarchy.
You must remember that I’m part of an institution.
I’m not just me. No one has ever come out before.
They will love me and accept you, I am sure, but there is a certain dance that needs to happen. ”
“A dance?”
“A protocol—for everyone. Usually there’s a background check, an NDA, and then they send a car for you. By that point, you’ll feel obligated, but I don’t want you to feel overwhelmed. Let me handle this bit. I do it to protect you.”
I understood. She wanted to smooth things out for me.
It wasn’t a trepidation about telling her family, it was a concern that if she brought me in too soon, the whole thing would be much messier.
That wasn’t because I was a woman. It was because royal dating life was a minefield.
Thankfully, I didn’t mind that. I lived in a world ruled by NDAs and protocols now.
I kissed her forehead. “Skatt, I would be glad to go to family dinner and submit to all the things.”
“Really?”
“You included my dad. You saw him. Betty, that level of thoughtfulness is always just.. you. I know you will handle it with grace. And I trust by the time you invite me to family dinner, I will be ready to go.”
She grinned. “Thanks. I think they will love you. We just have to get through this.”
“We will.” I ran my fingers through her hair. “And then we can shout it from the rooftops.
She kissed me again, pushing me against the cold brick wall. Her lips moved from mine to my neck. Instinctively and out of the craving that rose from deep within me, I parted my legs slightly as if it would do any good.
“I want to fuck you, but we can’t,” Betty panted. “Fuck. I gotta—”
She couldn’t finish her statement because the woman in a suit called from atop the steps. “Ma’am, The Swedish Crown Prince is here. He wants to take a photo with you and the Swedish delegation.”
“I’ll be there,” Betty said, before whispering, “but the only Swedish delegation I care about is the one right here.”
And with that, I gave her one last kiss, and she vanished into the ether.