Chapter 22
TATUM
“It’s just clothes,” I mutter. “Why is this so hard?”
“Because you want to make a good impression,” Liz says, digging in my wardrobe to pull out an emerald-green dress.
She holds it up, and I consider it before shaking my head.
“At this rate, I’ll end up meeting his friends nude,” I grumble.
“I bet he’d love that,” Brynn says wagging her eyebrows from her perch on my bed.
I laugh in spite of myself. In only a few hours, Ethan will arrive for the weekend with his friends.
His college friends. The same ones who were kind enough to drop him off when my car broke down, but I’ve never formally met.
Which means this isn’t just about clothes.
It’s first impressions—Ethan’s approving smile versus his tight-lipped frown.
It’s the difference between belonging and standing awkwardly on the periphery of inside jokes and shared memories.
Soon, I’ll be going to the same school as them, which means I need to fit into their world.
My fingers stop on a hanger holding the sapphire-blue dress I’d bought last spring off the sale rack. The fabric is soft and thick beneath my fingertips; it’s the same brilliant shade I wore the day I met him.
“Maybe?” I say, pulling it from the closet.
Charlotte eyes it from her spot at my desk. “I like it.”
“Let’s see it on,” Samantha agrees.
I lift the dress over my head, and it slips over my body like silk, the material falling into place around my curves.
I turn to face the full-length mirror and feel a flutter of confidence.
The color makes my eyes pop and complements my dark hair.
The slight V-neck is flattering without being too revealing, and the fit is perfect around my waist.
Behind me, Avery clasps her hands in front of her and smiles. “I love it.”
“Yeah?”
She nods. “The only thing I don’t like is that you won’t be hanging with all of us tonight.”
I sigh and remove the dress, placing it back on the hanger and slipping into my robe before I make my way onto the bed beside Brynn. “I know, but you know I can’t.”
“We get it,” Charlotte says. “Doesn’t make it suck any less, though.”
Beside me Brynn nods. “We’re like kids from a broken marriage. One night, you get custody, and another night we get Brandon.”
I can’t help but smile even though the thought of Brandon makes my heart ache. “Did you just compare yourselves to our kids?”
“That’s us,” Charlotte says with an eye roll. “One big crazy family.”
“Do you really think you’re going to avoid Brandon forever?” Liz asks, sinking down onto the rug in front of my wardrobe. “And what about us? Once you transfer, will you at least come back to see us?”
“Yeah. It seems unfair that we finally get to really know you just when you’re leaving.”
“Of course I’ll come see you guys. And you can come visit, too. As for Brandon . . .”
I bite my lip, thinking about my answer.
They’re not asking anything I haven’t already thought about.
And the truth is, I’m not sure I have an answer.
Cutting Brandon from my life permanently feels impossible—like some kind of cruel and unusual punishment I’m not sure I deserve.
But I also can’t imagine a world in which he and Ethan will ever be friends, so I’m at a loss as to where that leaves us.
“Do you miss him?” Samantha asks.
How could I not?
I glance down at my hands, picking at the peeling polish.
I miss him like the dessert misses rain. Like a half-finished song aches for the last note. I miss him like a tree in winter misses its leaves. Like he’s a phantom limb. Without him, I’m a ghost, continuously searching for the warmth of its own body.
But I can’t always be Brandon’s buddy.
I want love—a real relationship where I can build something beyond college. I want a family and kids in my future.
And a best friend can’t give me that.
“You know I do,” I say, shaking off the heaviness my thoughts leave in their wake. “But this is just how it has to be.” I shrug, feeling helpless. In a perfect world, Ethan and Brandon would become best friends, and I wouldn’t have to lose either of them to keep the other.
The silence stretches between us, heavy with unspoken words. I’m about to suggest we try on more outfits simply to lighten the mood when my phone chimes from the nightstand.
I reach for it, grateful for the distraction from this conversation that’s veering into territory I’d rather avoid. But whatever short-lived relief I felt at the interruption vanishes as Brandon’s number appears on my screen.
“Who is it?” Liz asks, noticing my expression change.
“Brandon.”
Charlotte winces. “He’s still texting you?”
I nod, hating the way my chest instantly tightens at the sight of his number. “Though not as much as before.”
“What does he want?” Brynn asks, her face softening with sympathy.
“I don’t know.” I chew my lip, debating whether to open it. After a moment, I reluctantly click on the text, frowning as I try to make sense of the screenshot he sent me.
It’s of the BookTok I posted last night, and I try to avoid the full body reaction to the fact he’s still following me and viewing all my content despite us not speaking. My gaze flickers over the screen. In the right-hand corner, he’s circled the view count—600k.
“Holy sh—” I cover my mouth, sucking in a breath.
“What?” Charlotte scrambles off the chair and peers over my shoulder. “Oh my god!”
“What is it?” Samantha and Avery ask in unison, moving closer.
“The BookTok I posted this morning. Brandon sent me a screenshot of it, and it has tons of views.”
“How many?” Brynn asks, leaning over my screen to see.
“It’s at over half a million views already,” I murmur, feeling slightly numb.
Liz gasps. “Is that the one you showed me about your review of the Paramour series? Because it was freaking fantastic.”
I nod, already navigating in the app when Liz motions to my phone. “Check it now.” She waves her hands, her expression giddy as I open my profile.
My eyes widen as I check the screen. “It’s at six hundred seventeen thousand now.”
I stare at the screen in shock.
I’ve never gotten this many views in such a short time before, and when I refresh the screen, the number goes up again. “Six hundred eighteen.”
I laugh and refresh again. And again.
Every time I refresh my screen, my views jump by hundreds.
“I’m going viral,” I whisper, torn between shock and elation.
“Ah!” Liz squeals. “What’s it at now?”
“Almost six hundred twenty-five thousand.”
The room erupts in excited squeals and congratulations. “Our girl is going to be BookTok famous!” Brynn yells.
I laugh, tears clouding my vision as I can hardly believe my eyes. Years of hard work. Years of waiting for this moment.
My gaze flickers to my follower count, and holy shit, it’s up by almost fifty thousand.
“This is it! This is your moment,” Charlotte says, grabbing my hands and pulling me to my feet.
All five of us rise, holding hands, giggling, vibrating with excitement like a bunch of preschoolers.
“We need to celebrate!” Samantha declares, eyes bright.
“But we can’t.” Liz groans, and some of the excitement fades from her face as she adds, “Your man will be here soon, and we’re going out with the guys.”
“I’m sorry,” I say, meaning it. Because the only thing better than celebrating this monumental win with the ladies would be celebrating it with Brandon.
The thought stings, and the fact he’s been checking up on me and knew what this would mean to me . . . well, I try not to think about it.
“You’ll just have to celebrate for us,” Brynn declares. “Tell that man of yours to buy you as many drinks as you want tonight because you earned it.”
I grin, wondering what my view count will be up to when he gets here and what he’ll think when I show him. I picture him, beaming with pride as he shows his friends, and my smile widens. Maybe Ethan will finally understand what I’m trying to accomplish.
For the first time all night, my nerves about Ethan’s friends take a back seat to the giddy rush in my chest. Tonight might be about making a good impression with his friends.
But maybe it could also be about finally being seen as more than just a girl with a silly hobby.
Maybe tonight is the night he’ll finally take my passion seriously.
I’m applying a final swipe of mascara when my phone chimes with a text, and Ethan’s name lights up the screen.
ETHAN:
I’m here.
I snatch up my phone and type back: Coming.
Quickly capping the mascara tube, I leave the bathroom as I navigate to my TikTok account, wanting to check where it’s at before I see him.
The page loads, and my heart leaps in my throat at the number in the corner of my screen?one million, three hundred thousand. In just twenty-four hours, I’ve amassed nearly one-and-a-half million views, and several hundred thousand followers.
Somebody pinch me.
I leave the suite and bound down the stairs to the main floor, where I find Ethan waiting for me just outside the dormitory doors. “Hey you,” I say when I swing them open, and fall into his arms.
He gives me a light squeeze, then drops a kiss to my lips before he pulls back, his eyes sweeping over me with an appraising look I’ve come to recognize.
“You look nice,” he says, and I’m relieved because I wasn’t sure if the jeans and thigh-high boots were too casual or if he’d prefer me in a dress.
“Thanks. So do you,” I say, noting his usual polo and jeans. “Where’s Brady and Mike?” I ask, glancing behind him, barely restraining the urge to blurt out the news about my viral post.
“They’re just a few minutes behind me. We drove separately since I’m staying the weekend and they’re not.”
I nod, practically bouncing in my shoes as I ready myself with the big news. “That’s just as well because I have some amazing news,” I blurt out, unable to contain myself any longer. “You won’t believe what happened with my latest BookTok.”
His eyebrows lift, the slight quirk of his lips telling me he’s amused. “What’s that?”