Chapter 37
TATUM
The crowd’s roar fades to white noise as I watch Brandon intercept the ball, his powerful legs eating up the field.
All the intimacy we’ve shared since I broke up with Ethan and a day of wrestling with my feelings hadn’t prepared me for this—the way my heart hammers against my ribs when he scores, how my voice goes raw from screaming his number.
“Number twenty-seven is so freaking hot,” the blonde sitting below me squeals.
I glance to the row in front of me, where a group of girls dressed head-to-toe in Griffins gear wave a glitter-covered sign with Brandon’s jersey number painted inside a giant heart.
“God, I know.” The brunette—who’s completely Brandon’s type—flips her perfect curls over her shoulder. “He’s in my economics class. Always sits in the back, but trust me, those eyes don’t miss anything.”
I grip my seat, knuckles whitening as I try to focus on the game rather than their conversation.
“After the game, I’m asking him out,” she continues, and my stomach clenches like I’ve been sucker-punched.
It shouldn’t matter.
I have zero claim on him. After all, Brandon and I are just friends. Friends who occasionally sleep together. He’s a friend who makes me feel things I’ve never felt with anyone else. A friend who . . . who I’m stupidly, hopelessly in love with.
An hour later, AAU declares victory, and I lose the trio of girls in the crowd of students spilling from the stadium, and I’m relieved to get away from their fawning.
I wait for Brandon by his car, the cool metal against my back doing little to calm my nerves. The parking lot buzzes with post-victory energy, but all I can think about is how to tell my best friend I love him without destroying everything.
That’s when I see him coming through the gates, head down, with a gear bag in hand.
Moonlight casts his face in shadows, emphasizing the sharp line of his jaw, the curve of his lips, and his aristocratic nose.
He’s so beautiful it hurts, so when I see the brunette from the stands emerge from the side of the building, sign tucked under her arm, my stomach drops.
Her smile is dazzling, confident in a way I’m not, and when she calls his name, even from a distance, I can see the way Brandon smiles back—that easy grin that makes my knees weak.
He leans in close to hear something she says, his hand briefly touching her shoulder, and something inside me crumbles.
What am I thinking? Girls like her throw themselves at Brandon and his teammates every single day.
Chris, Jace, and Damon are taken, completely committed to their relationships, so rejecting them is easy.
But to Brandon, I’m just Tatum—his buddy, his confidant, and study partner. And now, his convenient hookup.
The realization cuts deep, leaving me raw.
I straighten my shoulders when he finally spots me and heads over, the brunette trailing behind with stars in her eyes.
“There you are!” Brandon’s smile is genuine, his eyes bright from the win.
“Sorry, just hiding out,” I say with forced cheerfulness. “I needed a break from the crowd to clear my head. Great game, though.”
My gaze flickers to the brunette who passes, offering Brandon a meaningful glance as she joins her friends a couple rows down, and I can’t help but wonder if he made plans to meet her later. After all, nowhere in our arrangement did I mention exclusivity.
I die a little inside at the thought.
This friends with benefits thing had been my idea. My stupid, shortsighted idea. And now I’m paying the price.
“If you wanna go”?I hook a thumb toward the brunette, who’s hovering outside her car, injecting a lightness I don’t feel into my voice?“feel free. I don’t want to hold up your plans or cramp your style.”
Brandon’s smile fades. “What?”
“I saw you talking to her.” I give a little laugh, and lean toward him, instantly regretting it because he smells like clean skin and soap and cologne and I want to lose myself in him.
“She’s gorgeous, by the way. Totally your type.
So, I don’t blame you if you wanna, you know .
. .” I offer him a cheeky wink, feeling like an idiot.
“No,” Brandon drawls. “I don’t know.”
“You know . . .” God, why is he making this so hard? “If you wanna leave with her.”
Brandon’s expression softens, and I know what he’s thinking. That he doesn’t want to leave me alone. But I can’t stand the thought of his pity. “Tate—” he starts, but I interrupt him, unable to listen to whatever it is he’s about to say, knowing it’ll only make the pain in my chest worse.
“Besides, I think I’m ready to get back out there, too. You know, date again. Maybe put some of my new bedroom skills to good use,” I say, barely avoiding another cheesy wink.
All the blood drains from his face like he’s seen a ghost, and for a moment, I think it’s something I said. Maybe the feeling is mutual and the thought of me with other guys makes him want to vomit.
But then a throat clears behind me, followed by a familiar voice calling my name, and I know it’s not what I said, but rather, the man standing at my back.
I turn to find Ethan standing there, looking like he’d rather be anywhere else.
His hair is longer than the last time I saw him, and he’s sporting a pathetic attempt at a beard that does nothing for his boyish features.
His hands are shoved deep in his pockets, shoulders hunched like he’s expecting a blow.
“What the hell are you doing here?” Brandon growls, his body still, radiating tension beside me.
“Um, can we talk for a minute?” Ethan asks me, his gaze flicking to Brandon.
Every cell in my body screams to say no.
To tell Ethan exactly where he can shove his talk.
But Brandon’s still watching me with an expression I can’t read, and the brunette is still hovering by her car, and I need an escape—any escape—before I completely fall apart and beg the man I’m in love with, who also happens to be my best friend, to love me back.
“Sure,” I say, my voice impressively steady. “I can give you a few minutes.”
Brandon’s hand catches my wrist. “Tate, you don’t have to—”
“It’s fine,” I cut him off, tugging my arm free. “Just . . . go ahead,” I say, flicking a glance toward the brunette. “I’ll catch up with you later.”
I follow Ethan a couple rows down, weaving through the parking lot past people still leaving the stadium.
“You look good,” Ethan says, rubbing the back of his neck as we come to a stop by his car.
“What do you want?” I cross my arms, determined not to give him an inch.
“I just . . .” He sighs, glancing back at Brandon. “I wanted to apologize. For everything. And to see if maybe we could try again.”
I almost laugh. After how he treated me, what on earth would make him think I’d give him another shot?
“No,” I say simply.
“Come on, Tatum. It’ll be different his time, I swear. Can you really tell me you don’t have any feelings for me? That you’ve moved on? Because I haven’t.”
“That’s exactly what I’m saying.” I growl and rake a hand through my long locks, already annoyed with this conversation.
“The truth is, when we were together, I was naive. I had stars in my eyes, and so I went along with a lot of stuff I normally wouldn’t have, just because I felt honored to be loved by you.
I became a different person with you. One I didn’t particularly like, and you treated me like shit.
You made me feel worthless, and gaslit me every step of the way.
Not to mention how you took advantage of me when I was drunk. ”
Ethan chokes. “Please tell me you’re not insinuating I—”
“It’s a pretty fucking gray area, Ethan,” I snap, pissed that he’s looking at me like I’m ridiculous. “No matter what, it was shitty of you. Especially considering how inexperienced you knew I was. But now I’ve realized what I want. And it’s nothing you can give me.”
The truth of it settles over me like a warm blanket—secure and comforting. Whatever power he once held over me is gone, replaced by something far more terrifying—my feelings for Brandon.
“Is it because of him?” The muscle in Ethan’s jaw flickers, and I don’t need to ask who he’s talking about.
I glance over at the spot where we left Brandon, only to find him gone, and the brunette, too.
My heart flies to my throat, and I cross my arms over my chest to accommodate the hollowness inside my chest. “That’s none of your business,” I say, but my voice catches, giving me away.
Ethan studies my face for a moment, then laughs before he states the obvious, “You’re in love with him.”