Chapter 19
OLIVIA
W hen I woke up the next morning, I wondered if had all been a dream. Had I really spent the entire night surrounded by some of the most influential people in the food industry, pretending like Jake hadn’t just given me the most intense orgasm of my life? And on a public beach?
My body still tingled where he’d had his mouth and hands on me, and I knew I hadn’t imagined it. I was practically vibrating like one of the girls in those spicy alien novels that Callie loved to read.
The unexpected arrival of Jake’s guests had also meant that we couldn’t continue where we’d left off. I’d spent most of the dinner trying not to climb on his lap while he’d sat with his arm draped over my chair or his hand lightly stroking my thigh while everyone else talked about themselves.
There was no doubt in my mind that he still wanted me last night. But now I was worried. What if he woke up this morning and regretted what happened?
I pulled out my phone and called Callie, who in addition to being best friend and big sister, was now going to be promoted to the role of sex therapist. She picked up the phone after the first ring. “Please tell me this is the call I’ve been waiting for.”
“Let’s just say, I took Levi’s advice and made him an offer he couldn’t refuse.” I rolled onto my back and stared at the ceiling. “And I had the most mind-blowing orgasm on the beach.”
“Holy shit, Liv!” Callie cackled. “You had sex on the beach?”
“No, not sex.”
“Oral?” I heard dishes clattering behind her.
“Are you at work? I can call back later.”
“No, a vicarious sexual thrill is just what I needed to take my mind of this new asshole chef they brought in. Hold on.” Her voice was briefly muffled by her hand over the phone. “Okay, tell me everything. I just stepped outside.”
“I don’t know where to start.” I told her the whole story, from the terrible beginning of the day to the boneshaking orgasm followed by the surprise birthday dinner.
“Liv, I can’t believe you fooled around in public. Never in a million years would I have pegged you for an exhibitionist. He must have lost it when you took your top off,” she cried. “Wow, I wouldn’t have the guts to do that. Look at you going after what you want!”
I shook my head and laughed, amazed at my own brazenness. It had felt amazing.
“I haven’t seen him yet this morning. Lucie and Spencer spent the night.” I bit my thumbnail, wondering if they’d already started the photo shoot.
“So? Jump on him as soon as they leave.”
“I’m afraid this will give him too much time to overthink things. He always pushes me away when he’s had time to feel guilty.” I wandered over to the window and pulled back the curtain. There wasn’t a soul in sight.
“Not this time. I think you’ve convinced him that he’s ready for some fun. The question is: are you going to be okay with that? I know you. You get attached so easily.”
I had thought about that. Sure, in the beginning, I’d just been lusting after him, excited by the idea of being with someone more experienced. I never really believed anything would happen. But now, I’d started to care about him, and it would be so easy to fall in love with him.
I could still reconsider, but who was I kidding? I wanted him too much. “I’ll deal with feelings later.”
“Hmm, famous last words,” Callie warned. “Oh shit, chef’s here. Gotta go! Love ya.”
I was still deep in doubt when, a few minutes later, there was a knock at my window. Jumping from the bed, I threw on my robe and, heart fluttering, opened the door. Lucie stood outside with a big cup of coffee in her hand.
“Good morning! Jake said you take your coffee black.” She beamed up at me as she handed me the cup. Even after the late night we’d had, she was elegant in a striped shirt tucked into white linen pants, her understated gold jewelry glinting in the morning light.
I couldn’t help but feel a little jealous. I knew that there wasn’t anything between her and Jake anymore—Lucie was getting married after all—but I didn’t want to imagine him with her, or anyone else for that matter.
I gestured toward the little table outside. “Do you have time to join me?”
“Yes, gladly, ma belle .” As soon as we sat down, Sly appeared out of nowhere and, with a plaintive cry, began to weave around my legs.
“ C’est incroyable !” Lucie cried. “Is this the same cat that’s been hanging around the past two years? He was always so furtive before. You tamed him!”
“Oh, tame is a big word. I’ve been buying him off with fresh sardines and cans of tuna. His affection is entirely self- interested. I don’t think it has anything to do with me,” I said as I stuck my nose into the coffee cup and took a sip.
“I don’t know about that. He gave me a nice scratch when I tried to pet him before.
I believe you know how to make people—or in this case, animals—love you.
” She slid her oversized sunglasses off and placed them on the table.
“So, tell me, are you still coming back to Paris this summer? Or has the situation here with Jake changed?”
I choked on my coffee. “Sorry?”
“It’s all right, you can tell me. I won’t gossip. Actually, I would be disappointed if you came. I can see that you’re already making a difference in Jake’s life, and that’s exactly what he needs. We’ve been worried about him.”
Too stunned to speak, it took me a minute to decide how much I wanted to share with her. “Who’s been worried about him?”
“Jin and I. Even Chantal—well, she worried that he no longer had any appetite. He thinks he’s fooling us, but we all see he has lost all passion for life, just hides in his work now. But these things are all linked to his father’s death last year.” She lit a cigarette. “Do you mind?”
I shook my head. “I thought he and his father weren’t close.”
“No, not at all. He’s not close to his mother either. From what I understand, his parents were cold as an Arctic winter.” She exhaled and waved the smoke away. “That’s why he doesn’t celebrate his birthday, you know. He once told me they always forgot or just ignored it. Terrible, isn’t it?”
I nodded. Every time I thought of him as a lonely little boy, my throat ached. “I wish I had known it was his birthday.”
“I should have called you. I’ve just been so busy working on this issue of the magazine.
I want it to be a wild success.” She glanced at me sheepishly and admitted, “I’m afraid I didn’t play fair with Jake last night.
He can’t stand it when a woman cries, and I pulled out the water fountain. Is that how you say it?”
“Waterworks. Yes, I know what you mean.” I hesitated to ask her for more personal information about him, but now was my chance to figure out how much of my heart I could risk. “Can I ask you something? Has Jake ever been in love? Jin mentioned a Magali.”
“Ah, Magali. No, I don’t think he was ever really in love with her.” Lucie shook her head and put out her cigarette. “He was hurt more by Thomas in that instance. He saw him as a kind of brother. A competitive brother, yes, but still he trusted him. He doesn’t trust easily, Jake.”
“I see.” More pieces of the puzzle were falling into place. It wasn’t that he didn’t feel, it was that he didn’t want to. If anything, it just made me want to love him more. Yes, I was definitely headed down a dangerous path. But I was in too deep to turn around.
Lucie checked the time on her Cartier watch and inhaled. “Will you come with us to the photo shoot?”
“Yes!” My pulse raced at the idea of seeing Jake again and spending the day with him. “Just let me change first.”
* * *
If Jake was as anxious to speak with me as I was to talk to him, he sure didn’t show it. It was as if the old distant, controlled Jake had taken back residence in the same body that had devastated me yesterday.
Not that there was much opportunity for us to be alone.
We spent most of the morning and afternoon at Monsieur Reynaud’s vineyard where Spencer Apsley, in the same beanie from last night, had convinced Jake to pose with the Aston Martin.
In his designer clothes, with his hair styled, Jake was devastatingly handsome—and clearly miserable.
The few times he allowed himself to glance at me, I could feel his mind spinning.
It was exactly what I had feared: he regretted what we’d done, and I was in for another rejection tonight.
Or maybe I was making too much of it.
The arrival of Anne-Sophie Granger, the journalist interviewing Jake, did nothing to improve my spiraling self-doubt.
A stunning blonde who reminded me of a chicer version of my cousin Brooke, Anne-Sophie had a jaw-dropping resume.
The list of magazines she’d worked for was longer than my arm and included Vogue , Elle , and Vanity Fair .
While she interviewed Jake, I scrolled through her Instagram where she posted photos of herself in designer clothes pouting next to celebrities at Paris Fashion Week or the Met Gala or posing languidly beneath the carefully curated art in her London apartment.
She was an It girl, for sure, one I probably would follow on social media and be low-key jealous of all the time.
And she was clearly into Jake. I couldn’t take my eyes off them, and it was making me nauseous. Sick of hanging around in the shadows observing, I joined Monsieur Reynaud on his terrace where he was watching the photo shoot, getting a kick out of Jake’s misery.
“You’re enjoying this, aren’t you?” I asked as I poured him a lemonade. We’d become friends now and I knew that, even though he was tough on him, he liked and respected Jake.
“Yes, it’s better than TV,” he said, settling back in his chair.
“I was surprised you agreed to having the photo shoot here.” I pulled up a chair next to him. “I know you don’t like publicity.”
“Why not?” He shrugged. “Maybe then he will accept my offer. I told him this could all be his. I won’t let him sell my wine, but I would leave him this.” He waved a mottled hand at the vines.
“Your vineyard?”