Chapter 31 #2
“Liv, you can’t ignore him all night,” Levi said, removing my hand and making a beeline toward the redhead.
“Traitor,” I mumbled as I ducked through the crowd and slipped out onto the terrace.
I took a deep breath of cool night air and stared up at the stars blanketing the sky.
My mind flashed back to laying under the night sky in the garden with Jake.
A homesickness for Moustiers came over me, so intense it made my chest ache.
You know this isn’t real, right?
“Olivia.” The sound of Jake’s voice behind me jolted me back into awareness. I turned around to face him. His eyes were shadowed and his forehead creased. It was the same expression he wore each time he’d told me why we couldn’t be together. I couldn’t stand it if he said it again now.
Shivering, I wrapped my arms around myself.
“You’re cold,” he said softly, slipping his suit jacket off and placing it on my shoulders. It smelled like him and made me want to bury myself against his chest and feel his arms around me again.
“You don’t have to do this you know,” I said.
“What? Talk to you?” he asked, his tone incredulous. “You say that as if it’s some kind of annoying obligation.”
“Isn’t it?”
“No,” he said adamantly. “I’ve been trying to talk to you for the past half hour. You’re the one intent on avoiding me.”
I didn’t correct him, just turned my face toward the massive pyramid, glowing like a beacon in the courtyard.
Jake sighed, thrusting his hands in his pocket. “I saw you talking to Dominique Force.”
“Lucie’s trying to get me a job at her restaurant once I finish in the spring.”
“Is that what you want?”
I shrugged, and he drew nearer until I could feel the heat of his body.
“It’s going well then? The school?”
“Yes. It’s intense, but I’m enjoying it.” He was too close. There was an intensity radiating off him that was confusing me, filling me with hope and dread in equal measure. I couldn’t think straight, so I moved away. “I do intend to pay you back, you know. Every penny.”
He stared down at his feet sheepishly. “I shouldn’t have paid your tuition without speaking to you first. But I wanted to help. I didn’t want to leave things like we had.”
“Well, you could have called me. When did you get back from Shanghai?” I interrupted him, wondering if he would lie to me again.
“Two weeks ago.” He winced.
Two weeks ago. Even longer than I’d thought. He’d been back in France two fucking weeks , while I’d been making excuses for him, so certain that he would call me or text as soon as he got back from China. Would I never learn?
I felt so foolish. He ignored me, then he lied to me, and he’d paid my stupid tuition so he wouldn’t have to feel guilty about it. The anger kindling inside me threatened to turn into a righteous fire.
“Olivia, I . . .”
“No, I understand.” I cut him off before he could rip my heart out again.
“It’s fine. I’m fine. You were right, it’s better this way.
We would never have been compatible in the long-term.
I’m glad you made me realize that I could never be happy with someone as emotionally unavailable as you are.
It would only have been a terrible disappointment in the end. I should thank you actually.”
Suddenly every hurtful word I’d wanted to say to him came rolling off my tongue. “Anyway, I’ve been so busy I haven’t had time to think about you or Moustiers. It’s funny how new projects help you forget past mistakes.”
Lies, lies, lies. But I couldn’t help it if they were coming faster and bigger.
He narrowed his eyes and glanced back into the ballroom where Levi was wandering around with a glass of champagne. “New projects or new boyfriends?”
“You said I should move on. And I have.” I stuck my chin up so it wouldn’t tremble.
“If that’s true then I’m happy for you,” he said softly, moving closer. His warm hand skimmed my waist. “Is it true?”
I swallowed hard and nodded, fighting down the hysteria that was rising in my chest. “I should go . . .”
“No, I’ll go. You should stay. Enjoy yourself.” He placed a kiss on the top of my head and whispered, “I’m sorry, Olivia, if I hurt you.” And then he turned and walked away.
I stood woodenly, unable to speak or breathe. As I watched his tall form retreating through the crowd, my vision blurred, and I had to stop myself from running after him.
I’d done it. Stood up for myself, hurt him like he’d hurt me. It didn’t feel good though, not like I thought it would.
I closed my eyes and slumped against the stone balustrade and stayed there as a strange numbness wrapped itself around me.
A low-pitched buzzing shocked me out of my stupor. I patted at my jacket—Jake’s jacket—I was still wearing it draped around my shoulders. Great, so much for a clean break.
I took the phone out. When it buzzed again with a new message, the screen lit up, and my heart thudded against my sternum. I stared at the screen trying to make sense of what I was seeing.
It was the photo of the two of us—the one Claire had taken at the vineyard—I’d forgotten about it, and now here it was: the glorious sunset, Jake’s arm around me, my head thrown back as I laughed at the mess King was making with his muddy paws on Jake’s pants.
My throat seized up at how happy we were, how obvious it was that I’d already fallen deeply in love with him.
He’d kept this photo as his screensaver? The man who hid all his family photos in boxes? This was the photo he looked at every day?
My head and my heart reeling, my grandmother’s words echoed through my mind.
When he realizes what a fool he’s been, be gentle. Deep down he’s still that lost little boy who doesn’t know how to ask for love.
Oh God, what had I done?