5. Chapter 5
Lark
I shift restlessly in my office chair. It squeaks, and I catch Hannah’s lips tightening into a thin line, though her eyes stay trained on her computer screen.
I refocus my energy on my own monitor to try to input the grades from the final I gave yesterday, but the letters aren’t registering.
Can I just give everyone an A? Surely this would make all parties involved happy—I could be finished with grades, the students would get a bump in their GPA…
No. I can’t. For a million reasons, not least of which is because an adjunct professor in the math department was fired a few years ago for grade inflation.
But also because once I eventually come to my senses, I’ll kick myself for allowing Cade Peyton—resident class clown and king of doing the least amount of work possible to eke out a C minus—to get a better grade than he deserves.
Hannah clears her throat loudly enough that it’s obvious she wants my attention. I slowly drag my eyes away from my screen to meet her brown ones, which are narrowed on me.
“What?” I ask after a few seconds of silent staring.
“What is wrong with you today?” she finally asks exasperatedly.
My chair squeaks again as I rear back in it. “Nothing. Why?”
“You haven’t stopped fidgeting and grumbling to yourself since you came in here. You are an absolute cacophony of noises over there, and not in a good way.”
Running through the past hour in my head, I have to admit she’s probably right.
I have been fidgety today. I was up late last night trying to persuade myself to click Buy on the plane tickets to LA.
It’s not that I don’t want to go; it’s just that I’m not sure it’s the best idea.
What if staying with Lennon for two months is weird?
We’ve never roomed together for longer than a weekend before.
What if Jessica doesn’t like the audition I send?
Not that I’ve recorded that yet, either.
I can only hype myself up to do one thing at a time.
What if Lennon wants to spend time at the beach?
Of course he’ll want to spend time at the beach.
It’s Los Angeles, for fuck’s sake. It’s basically the whole reason he went out there in the first place.
And here I am without a single swimsuit to my name. What if…
“Am I attractive?” I blurt out without thinking.
Hannah barks out a harsh sound that I think is a laugh, but it’s hard to be sure. She slaps a hand over her mouth, then smacks her other hand over that one as if she can physically contain more of those sounds from escaping.
I frown deeply and find a pen to play with on my desk so I don’t have to look at her eyes, which are now undoubtedly full of mirth. “Damn. I mean, I know I’m older and have popped out a kid, but I didn’t think it was that bad.”
Hannah’s shoulders fall away from her ears as she removes her hands from her mouth and rests her elbows on her desk. “Shit, no. I’m sorry, Lark. I didn’t mean it like that. That was just maybe the world’s most unexpected question.”
“Not if you’re in my brain,” I grumble.
“Well, I’m not in your brain, so how about you walk me through how you got there?” she asks, her voice overly sympathetic as if she’s trying to make up for her outburst.
I take in a deep breath, hoping the extra oxygen will help organize my thoughts. It doesn’t.
“I might be narrating an audiobook this summer.”
Hannah blinks a few times, then stares at me blankly. When I don’t elaborate, she pinches her brows together. “You do know no one can actually see you narrate an audiobook, right?”
I let out a frustrated puff of air. “Of course I know that.”
She closes her eyes and draws in a slow breath through her nose as if she’s counting to ten and trying not to lose it.
When she opens them again, her expression is carefully neutral.
“Are you asking about whether or not your voice is attractive? Because when you’re saying things that make sense, I happen to think your voice is super hot—”
“No,” I interrupt, shaking my head. “No. Okay, let me back up. Lennon asked me to narrate this audiobook. Or rather, audition for it.”
One corner of her mouth ticks up as if she’s suddenly very interested in where this conversation is going. “High school Lennon?”
“How many Lennons do you know of?” I ask, my voice flat.
“Aside from John?”
Even though Lennon’s hippie parents did, in fact, name him after the famous singer, he hates the comparison.
Unluckily for him, it’s the first thing anyone brings up whenever they meet him.
Richard used to call him Johnny when we were in school, until I made it clear that we couldn’t date unless he stopped antagonizing him.
Now he only uses the nickname when Lennon’s not around.
I raise an eyebrow, unimpressed. “I’m not dignifying that with a response.
” Hannah chuckles to herself while I pin her with a glare.
“From what I can gather, he’s the sound engineer for this project.
The original female narrator has to get her tonsils out, and Lennon doesn’t want the project to die, so he asked if I could do it. ”
“What’s the book?”
“Irrelevant to this conversation.” I don’t want to share that information if I can help it.
“Incorrect. I’m an English professor. Books are always relevant to the conversation.”
I sigh. “ Sizzling Secrets by Jessica Jordans.”
Hannah’s eyes practically bug out of her head. Her jaw slackens, then her mouth curves up into a sinister smile. This is exactly why I didn’t want to tell her.
“No fucking way,” she practically whispers.
“Oh, so you’ve heard of it,” I ask drolly.
“Heard of it? I’ve read it twice. That book is…” She fans herself as she leans back in her chair.
I bury my face in my hands and groan. “Fuck,” I mutter.
Hannah pops up in her seat to tip forward again. “She self-published and topped the charts.”
“I know.” My voice is muffled by my palms.
“She’s had publishing houses beating down the doors for rights but won’t sell because she’s making too much money.”
“I know.”
“Lark. Honey. This could be huge for you.” Her voice has an edge of excitement I don’t usually hear from her, and it makes me peek out at her through my fingers. Her eyes are wide, and her eyebrows have shot up her head. It would maybe be encouraging if she weren’t so overeager.
“No pressure,” I grumble as I hide behind my hands again.
“Okay, okay, okay.” She waves at the air in front of her as if wiping the conversational slate clean. “Lennon thinks you’ll be good for this project, and you’re going to audition, but you’re worried about sounding attractive while narrating a sexy audiobook?” she guesses.
Her eyes go impossibly wider like something just occurred to her.
She picks up the framed picture I have of Lennon from my desk, the one of him standing in a sleeveless shirt and board shorts next to his Jeep with a gorgeous beach and the ocean behind him.
His tattoo stretches in black ink from his elbow to just under his shirt, and another one of a compass is visible on his forearm underneath it.
He’s squinting into the sunlight and smiling an easy smile, his shirt is tucked to give a hint at washboard abs, and his dirty-blond hair is mussed up and wavy from the salt water.
She studies it and turns it to me. “You’re worried about Hot Lennon from high school listening to you narrate a sexy audiobook since he’s the one who has to do all the edits and sound mixing and all that?
Because if that’s the case, don’t be. I think this could actually be good for you to maybe break through something in your relationship with him—”
“Good lord, Hannah. No. Stop.” I put up my palms to face her as if that could put a dam in this river of her thought process.
Truthfully, I hadn’t thought about Lennon listening to me narrate the steamier parts of this book, and now that the seed has been planted, it has my heart trying to beat nervously out of my chest. “At least, I wasn’t worried about that, but now that you mention it, it’s super weird, and I don’t want to go.
” I don’t even want to touch whatever she meant about breaking through something in our relationship.
I can only deal with one problem at a time.
“Wait,” she backpedals. “Go where?”
“Los Angeles. When he brought it up, I told him it’s hard to record here. The college kids are loud, even over the summer. So, he suggested I go to LA, stay with him for a while, and record out there. If they want me to do it, that is.”
She waves this away. “They’ll want you. Even if they weren’t desperate, your voice is perfect for Gia.”
“Who’s Gia?”
Hannah blinks at me a few times in disbelief. “The woman from the book,” she says, as if that should be obvious. To be fair, it probably should be, but I haven’t had a chance to read any part of it yet.
“Oh. Thanks.”
“Okay, then you’re worried about Lennon seeing you again after, what, a decade or so and not thinking you’re hot?”
“Fuck, Hannah. I do not care if Lennon thinks I’m hot!
It’s Los Angeles, where beautiful people go to play.
There will be time at the beach, possibly in a bathing suit.
People will see me. Men , specifically. Attractive ones.
” I circle my hand in the air in front of us, willing her to put the pieces together.
She tilts her head and regards me. “Let’s say I believe you when you say this is about men in general and not one man in particular.
” I start to protest, but she talks over me.
“And let’s also say I can put away my lecture on body positivity and self-love about how every body is a beach body for just a minute. ”
“Super excited to hear that lecture before I leave for the day,” I mutter.
“Oh, I’m sure you are. Regardless of all that, I’m going to say this only one time, because I truly do not think it matters one bit, but I can tell it’s wearing on you.”