25. Chapter 25 #2
Devin: Dad and Rachel are already driving me bananas. And don’t get me started on RJ. Did I ask this many questions when I was five?
I chuckle as I shake my head and type out a quick reply. She made it two weeks, which is actually pretty good.
Lark: Yes. You did. You’ll be out of their house and in your dorm soon enough. I’m excited to come help set it up with you!
Devin: Yeah, you can be a buffer when you get here.
Lark: Happy to.
I put my phone down and give my attention back to Jessica. “Sorry—that was my daughter.”
“Awww,” she croons. “I bet you miss her. Her dad’s not in the picture?”
“I do,” I agree. “And her dad is still around. She’s with him now, in New York. She’ll start at NYU in a few weeks.”
“That’s a great school,” Silas chimes in. “Is she going to study acting like her mom?”
“No. She’s declared a journalism major.”
“Will you head out there to help her get settled, then?” Noah asks.
I nod. “That’s what she was texting me about, actually. She’s ready to be out of her dad’s house.”
“I remember I couldn’t wait to be free of my parents, too. That’s how I ended up in LA, thinking I could be a screenwriter.” Jessica sighs wistfully. “Such a fun age. All that reckless abandon and trying new things on your way to your true potential.”
I laugh lightly. “Funny—I feel like you just described me this summer. Maybe she and I can do it together.”
Jessica tilts so far forward, I’m afraid her chair is going to tip right out from under her. “Yes! That’s why I love your narration on this book, I think. It’s full of new energy and bold determination. It’s like you really feel Gia’s character, you know?”
I wouldn’t peg Gia as a woman on a journey of self-discovery, but I smile and nod anyway.
Keep Jessica happy has been the mantra of the entire project, so I’m not about to present her with an alternate interpretation.
“It has been a challenging role, so I’m glad you’re satisfied with what you’ve heard so far. ”
“I am.” She reaches over to cover my hand with hers. “Which is why you simply have to come on board for the next book. Silas has already signed on—right, Si?”
Silas nods and winks at her. “I’m yours for as long as you need me.”
Jessica shoots what I imagine is her best puppy-dog look at me, though she looks more constipated than pleading. I stifle a laugh with my hand that isn’t currently trapped by hers.
“Please?” she pouts. “It would be so cool to keep my narrators consistent, and I just love you so much, Lark.”
There’s probably no harm in signing on to this project, even if I haven’t decided where I’ll be recording. “Well, how can I say no to that?” I say.
Jessica gasps and covers her red lips with both her hands. “Oh my god. Really?” she squeals. “Ah! I’m so excited!”
My phone dings again, and I pick it up while Jessica gushes some more.
Devin: My dorm will be cool, but I already can’t wait to be home for winter break. I miss you.
I read and reread that message before it fully sinks in. Home. Michigan. Our townhouse. Her safe space.
I’ve been so selfish. Lennon and I haven’t figured everything out, but I have more than entertained the idea of staying.
And yet not once have I really thought about what moving to LA would do to Devin.
She’s already left the nest, which has been scary and new for her; how is she going to feel if there’s no nest to come back to?
No comfortable place for her to call home?
There’s no question about it. I would lay down my life for my daughter.
I have gone without so she can have everything, and I’d do it again and again.
But I can’t escape the pang of regret that shoots through my entire body at the realization that I can’t stay here.
Even if Devin only comes home on breaks, she has to have a home to come back to.
She deserves that place to be somewhere she feels comfortable.
That pang turns to a physical ache when I remember what Lennon said to me the other morning. He won’t be happy in Michigan. He’d move there for me, but he doesn’t want to. I rub at my chest as if that could make the pain go away.
“Lennon will be so happy,” Jessica is saying suggestively when I force myself to tune back into the conversation. At my confused look, she explains, “That you’re staying here, I mean.”
“I…oh. Well, I hadn’t thought—”
“You two are finally an item, right?” she presses. “Noah said he saw you two kissing outside the studio.”
He had seen us. Probably multiple times. We haven’t exactly been hiding our goodbye kisses when he drops me off or our coy smiles when he picks me up. No one has said anything, but I’d be a fool to think they haven’t noticed.
“I guess, yeah. We just haven’t really talked about logistics yet,” I say, stumbling over the words.
Silas looks between the two of us, and he must pick up on my distress, because he comes to my aide. “This is really none of your business, Jess,” he warns quietly.
“I think we can take the good news that Lark is on board as a win today and come back to finish recording tomorrow.” Noah starts to stand, clearly trying to help me end this conversation.
“Sorry,” Jessica sings, completely unaffected as she stands and starts to gather the garbage from her lunch. “I was just excited to hear it. That man is a hard one to nail down, if you know what I mean. It’d be a shame if someone finally got him to commit only to turn around and leave.”
Maybe I’m reading into it, but she says it like he has something fundamentally wrong with him.
Like he’s a loose cannon or someone people need to tie down.
And despite the turmoil of all the possible decisions floating in the ether, protectiveness surges up and cuts through them.
“He hasn’t always had it easy, you know. ”
Jessica tilts her head and looks down at me. “What do you mean?”
“It’s not really my story to tell, but he keeps a lot of people at arm’s length.
Especially ones he’s not sure he can trust.” The implication hangs in the air between us.
I’ve probably just thrown keep Jessica happy right out the window, but I don’t care.
Our relationship is not her business, no matter who she is.
No one suggests my best friend is anything less than amazing.
Jessica slinks back into her chair and covers her hand with mine again.
“I’m sorry, Lark. I didn’t mean anything by that.
Lennon is such a great man, but you’re right.
I don’t know him, or you, very well.” She laughs, but there’s no humor in it.
“I’m a romance writer. I exist in boy-meets-girl, boy-kisses-girl, boy- and-girl-live-happily-ever-after.
Sometimes I forget it’s more complicated than that. ”
Her eyes widen, and her perfectly groomed eyebrows pinch upward slightly as she squeezes my hand. She’s being genuine, and I probably overreacted as a result of all of these choices weighing down on me at once.
I dig deep for a sense of lightheartedness, for a joke that might clear the air. “Don’t forget boy-fucks-girl.” I smile weakly. Everyone barks out surprised laughter, which snaps the tension between us.
“I bet it’s good, too,” she says under her breath so only I can hear.
“You have no idea.”
The door to the back patio bursts open, and Lennon steps out into the sunlight. My insides go all gooey at the sight of him in his sleeveless muscle tee and backward baseball cap. A slight metallic scent comes off of him. He must have gone to the gym before stopping by.
“Well, speak of the devil,” Jessica teases. She squeezes my hand once more before letting go to finish gathering her trash.
“I’m glad you’re here,” Noah starts, always business. “I have a few notes to go over with you.” He holds the door open, and they go back inside. Silas follows, tossing his water bottles into the recycling bin on the way.
I stand to also dispose of my garbage. Jessica lingers, and I can feel her dark eyes on me the whole time I’m gathering my things.
“You’re not mad at me, are you?” She sounds so much like a lost, scared little girl that my heart breaks for her.
“I’m sorry. I have a hard time making friends.
Probably because I keep putting my foot in my mouth.
” She shrugs. “But I’ve been thinking of us as friends.
I thought it was just a friendly conversation. ”
I shake my head. “No, I’m not mad.” I sigh, searching her features for any sign of disingenuousness or malice. I come up empty. Maybe she really does want to be friends, so I give her the benefit of the doubt. “I have a whole life back home, you know? I haven’t decided what I’m going to do.”
Jessica’s expression goes slack, and I’m almost certain there are tears glistening at the corners of her eyes. “Yeah,” she says shakily. “I missed home a lot when I first got here. Still do sometimes.”
“Where is home for you?” I ask.
“A tiny town in northern Maine. Population two-thousand-eighty-one. We don’t even have a stoplight.” She leans forward conspiratorially. “My name isn’t even Jessica. My mom begged me to use a pen name so I didn’t embarrass anyone out there with my smut.”
I can’t hide the look of surprise as it crosses my face. “Whoa. I never would have guessed.”
“I know, right? Everyone out here is good at playing a part, and I’m no exception.” She chuckles at herself, then gets serious. “That’s what I like about you, Lark. You’re playing a part in there”—she waves at the studio doors—“but out here, you seem really real .”
I soften at her compliment. Admittedly, I have had my reservations about her since we met, but her willingness to open up and show me a piece of herself I get the sense she doesn’t show many people warms me.
“Thanks.” I smile a little. “I try.”
“It’d be cool if you stayed.” She shrugs. “I’d love to get to know you better if we had the chance.” Her bright crimson lips split into a grin for a moment, then she nods and lays her manicured hand on the doorknob.
“What’s your real name?” I blurt out. “You know, if you want to tell me. Between friends.”
She faces me fully, her eyes shining with mischief. “Tanya Jacobs,” she whispers, as if there were anyone else out here to hear her secret. “But if you tell anyone, I’ll personally make sure your tea is only lukewarm for the rest of your life.”
I burst into loud, bright laughter just as Lennon comes back out onto the patio.
He looks between us, his wide eyes betraying more than a little apprehension.
Maybe it’s intimidating to him—Jessica still wearing an impish smirk and me bent over cackling.
He smiles cautiously. “Noah said you’re done for the day. Ready to go?”
I wipe the corners of my eyes. “Sure. Let me just grab my purse.”
As I pass by both of them and back into the studio, I hear Jessica say quietly, “Hang on to that one.”
And Lennon responds, “I plan to.”