31. Chapter 31
Lark
When I left the hospital last night, the doctors were pretty sure they could discharge Devin today, so Richard and I are up early to get there as soon as visitor hours start.
Rachel opts to stay home with RJ, so Richard drives me there.
I slept most of the way to his house from the hospital last night, so it’s really the first time we’ve been alone for any significant amount of time since the divorce.
It’s awkward for a million reasons. I can’t stop thinking about Lennon, for one, and Richard clearly doesn’t know what to say to me.
Which is super great, because the drive from his house to the hospital is thirty minutes on a good day, and we run into traffic about ten minutes in.
“So,” he starts slowly, “Devin said you’ve been in Los Angeles this summer?”
“Yeah. I’ve been recording an audiobook with Lennon.”
He nods, drumming his fingers on the steering wheel. “Nice.” After a long pause, he adds, “You had fun?”
“We don’t have to do this,” I quickly reassure him as kindly as I can. “You don’t have to pretend to be interested in the shit I’ve been doing. It’s really okay.”
Frowning, he glances at me before returning his attention to the road. “I’m not pretending. It sounded really cool.”
I lean my head against the headrest, looking out at the scenery slowly passing by his car. “It was.”
We’re silent for a while longer. Richard’s phone buzzes in the center console.
At a stoplight, he takes it out to look at it, taps it a few times, then returns it.
He smirks to himself briefly, but it’s gone as soon as it came on.
Just when I think we’re going to settle back into silence, he takes a loud, quick breath in.
“Kind of incredible you and Lennon have remained friends for so long.”
My eyebrows pinch together in thought, but I don’t take my eyes off the landscape. “What do you mean?”
“He was in love with you in high school,” Richard says matter-of-factly. “I always kind of thought you’d get together after we split.”
I eye him sidelong before shrugging and slumping farther down in my seat. I’m not in the mood to have a conversation with my ex-husband about my best friend and our complicated reality. They don’t even like each other.
“Yeah, well…” I trail off. “You can’t be right about everything, I guess.”
“Hmm,” he hums, unconvinced. “Okay.”
The way he says it grinds my gears. He doesn’t buy it, but he also doesn’t want some kind of confrontation about it. Which is fine, because I’m lying, but I also don’t need to sit in a car with him for the next twenty minutes while he’s all smug about it. I’m already miserable enough.
“I know you don’t believe it, Lark,” he says after a while, “but I do want you to be happy.”
“I am happy,” I retort without thinking. Another lie.
“Really? You don’t seem very happy.”
“It’s been a long couple of days,” I counter. Not a total lie.
He nods thoughtfully. “I was jealous of Lennon back then. You two have always had something special. If he makes you happy, you should run with it.”
Dammit. Am I always this easy to read? I slowly face him with my mouth agape as we finally pull into the hospital parking lot. “Thanks, Richard,” I finally manage. “That’s…really decent of you.”
He smiles at me, and then he’s out of the car while I’m still sitting there, dumbstruck and very confused about where that conversation came from and what to make of it.
By the time we’re in Devin’s room again, I’ve shaken off most of the weirdness.
The three of us chat for a few minutes before Richard goes off in search of some coffee.
The nurse comes in to check the machines Devin is still hooked up to and then leaves with assurances that the doctor will be by shortly and that she should be able to leave the hospital later today.
It’s great news, but it also means I need to figure out what I’m going to do quickly.
Noah will be needing those pickups soon, and I have to find a place to stay that isn’t my ex-husband’s couch.
On the way out of the room, the nurse stops. “Good morning, sir. Can I help you?”
A muffled voice comes from a little farther down the hall, but I could swear he says he’s looking for room 405.
Love really does turn mortals into fools, because I want so desperately to believe that it’s Lennon out there, asking to be let in.
That, somehow, he found me. That he can forgive me for leaving in the middle of the night.
But Devin goes still at about the same time I do, and we both look at each other. She must have heard it, too. Her face lights up, and mine might look like a deer in headlights because she cackles.
“I’m sorry, sir, but only family is allowed in at this time. You’ll have to come back later,” the nurse is saying, and I’m on my feet in a heartbeat.
But then I hear Richard’s voice, clear as day. “He’s family.” My heart soars, just as he says, “Come on in, Johnny. She’s just inside.”
I cringe. Devin woefully shakes her head.
I guess Rome wasn’t built in a day.
None of that seems to matter when Richard swings the door open and announces, “Look who I found outside.” He winks at me, and that’s when I know exactly where that conversation in the car came from. Lennon must have texted him to ask where we were. He knew this whole time.
As soon as Lennon steps out around Richard and into my line of sight, I want nothing more than to launch myself at him, bury my face in his shirt, and cry. But I hold my ground.
His hazel eyes meet mine, the gold flecks shining in the morning light. “Hey,” he says, clearly uncertain.
“Hi,” I respond before glancing at Richard, then Devin. “Um…do you want to take a walk?”
“Actually, I’m here to talk to Devin.” He gives me a shaky smile, his dimples appearing under sandy stubble that tells me he must have flown overnight to get here.
Richard claps him on the shoulder, and I can tell Lennon tries desperately not to make a face. “I’ll give you three a minute,” Richard says. “This coffee sucks anyway. Good luck, man.”
Lennon mumbles something incoherent as Richard leaves.
And then it’s just the three of us. Lennon’s open-sky scent makes its way to me, and it takes all my strength not to wrap my legs around his torso and kiss him as he crosses over to Devin’s bed.
He pulls up a chair and sits next to her. I lower myself to the couch in a daze.
“Hey, kiddo. How are you feeling?”
“Better now.” Devin is trying unsuccessfully to hide a giant grin. “Pretty cool I got not one but two of my favorite people to fly all the way across the country just because I got a useless organ removed.”
Lennon chuckles deeply, and the sound of it pools in my stomach like honey—sweet and thick. “Well, you’re pretty important to your mom, and your mom is pretty important to me,” he says.
“She’s a special lady,” Devin agrees.
“That she is.” He leans forward and rests his forearms on his knees. “I want to ask you a question, if you’re up for it?” Devin nods, and he pulls in a steadying breath before he continues. “Before your mom came to LA, you asked me to take care of her.”
“You what?” I exclaim. They both ignore me.
“You weren’t supposed to tell her that,” Devin mutters.
Lennon shifts in his seat. “Sorry.” He winces apologetically.
“Anyway, at the time, I couldn’t think of any reason I’d have to not fulfill that promise I made to take care of her.
But when she found out you were sick, she didn’t hesitate.
She booked a flight and came right out here.
” He swallows hard. Devin glances at me, but before she can say anything, Lennon jumps back in.
“I messed that up. I panicked and asked her to stay with me instead. I knew you’d be fine, and I didn’t want her to go.
That was dumb, because she’ll always be your mom and you’ll always be her kid, and if she feels like she needs to see you for any reason, I should go with her. Don’t you think?”
“Sure,” Devin says slowly. “But you two can’t be showing up at college unannounced or anything. There has to be boundaries.”
A harsh laugh escapes me, and I’m not at all surprised to find it’s wet.
Lennon leans in conspiratorially. “I promise I won’t let her do that,” he whispers.
“Hey!” I shout, but they continue to ignore me.
“I think she thought that I was asking her to choose between me and you, which was never my intention,” Lennon assures her.
“That’s not even a choice. It’s you, every time.
I’m going to need to apologize to her in a minute for how I came off, and I will.
But I wanted to ask you first if it’d be okay with you if I love your mom for a while. ”
Devin regards him for a moment, all the playfulness gone as she considers what he’s saying.
And just for a moment, she’s six again, carefully deciding between two pieces of candy in the checkout line.
“You’ve always loved my mom,” she finally says.
“But it’s okay if you want to be in love with her, too, if that’s what you’re asking. ”
“That is what I’m asking.” Lennon smiles, and it happens to him, too. Just for a second, he’s not a forty-year-old man sitting next to my daughter’s hospital bed. He’s sixteen in the sound booth—all limbs and teeth and dimples. The boy I’ve always loved and the man I’m in love with, all in one.
“I need you to do something for me, though,” Devin interjects.
“Anything.”
“You said it’s never a choice between you and me.” Her lip starts quivering, as if she might cry, too. But her voice is steady as she says, “That was nice and all, but can you get her to choose herself once in a while? She doesn’t do enough of that.”
I let loose a shaky exhale. Lennon locks eyes with me over the hospital bed. “I’ll do my best.” He faces her again. “I think I need to go talk to her now.”
Devin wipes her eyes, nodding. Lennon hands her a tissue before he comes over to sit next to me on the couch. He doesn’t offer me a tissue, but he cups my face with his hands and wipes at the wetness on my cheeks with his thumbs.
“I’m sorry,” he whispers.
“Me, too,” I whisper back. “I shouldn’t have left knowing what it’d do to you.”
He shakes his head. “My feelings aren’t your responsibility. I was so hung up on whether or not you’d stay forever that I couldn’t see past you leaving temporarily. That’s not on you. I need to do better.”
There’s no point in arguing with him, even though I want to tell him that it’s okay if we tackle these big things together. From what he’s just said to Devin, I think he’s figured it out. “So where does that leave us?” I ask.
His tongue darts out and nervously wets his lips.
He searches my eyes, then smiles. “When we were fourteen, you told me you like L names. You said they sound musical. Do you remember that?” I nod, my skin brushing against the palms of his hands.
“You were right,” he continues. “ L words are musical. Lark . Lennon .” He pauses for a moment.
“ Love . I love you, Songbird. I should have said it a long time ago, because I’ve always loved you.
You’re my favorite person in the world, and I love you. ”
“I love you, too.” I laugh despite my tears. I don’t think I’ve ever been happier to hear something in my entire life.
“I’ll go where you go,” he promises. “Always.”
I glance at Devin, who flashes me a quick thumbs-up. She wants me to choose myself. And if money and time and a sense of obligation weren’t factors, I know exactly what I’d choose.
“Seems like a sign,” I say. “Let’s go to LA. That sounds musical, too.”
The words slowly sink in, and realization dawns on his face. “Really?” His voice is quiet, as if he’s afraid to break whatever spell we’re under.
“Really,” I assure him. “I’ve never been happier than I was out there with you. And the same person who thinks I need to choose myself would also really like to visit on breaks.” I cock an eyebrow at Devin, who rolls her eyes.
Lennon laughs. “I can’t wait.” He grows serious as he threads his fingers through my hair. “Twenty-five years,” he says, reverent. “I’ve loved you for twenty-five years.”
“And I’ll love you for at least twenty-five more,” I promise.
He kisses me deeply, then. I sink into it, grabbing his soft T-shirt to pull him closer, letting him fill my soul in the way only he has ever been able to.
I’ve waited twenty-five years to be loved like this.
And it was worth every minute.