Chapter 5 #2
"It was. They were so grateful they at least got to have my mom.
" Grace's voice grew tense as she continued.
"My dad's mom gave birth to a still born child when my dad was three, and it wrecked her.
She couldn't bring herself to try again after that.
She was barely able to function enough to care for my dad. "
Grace had opened the door to something Damon had been wondering about but wasn't sure he had dared to bring up.
"Where is your dad now?"
Grace gripped the saddle horn again, her knuckles white.
"He walked out when I was fourteen after having an affair for two years with his secretary, who was considerably younger than him, and he decided he'd rather be with her than us.
" Her tone was matter of fact, but Damon sensed deep pain in her words.
He wanted to reach out and pry her hand off the saddle horn and hold it in his, but she was too far away. Besides, it took every ounce of his focus to keep a tight rein on Trigger. The stallion wanted to run, but he didn't want Grace to have to worry about holding Honey back.
"I'm sorry. I can't imagine how difficult that must have been." The words felt trite, considering how much pain it caused Grace's family. "Do you still have a relationship with him?"
"No. We did the court-mandated monthly visits for a while, but then Gabe turned eighteen, and I hated going alone to our old house where my dad lived with Allonah.
Then shortly after I turned sixteen..." Grace lowered her gaze to the pommel where her grip grew even tighter.
"He decided he didn't want to see me anymore, and I was perfectly fine with that. "
The hitch in her shoulders and tension in her voice said otherwise. She might not want to admit it, but she'd been hurt deeply.
A twinge pricked Damon's chest. He was touched that Grace felt she could be vulnerable with him. "Is that why you decided to move to Providence when Gabe moved here? He's the only family you have, isn't he?"
"Him and my mom." She gave a sad smile as her eyes filled with tears. "It's been just the three of us for so long, I couldn't bear the thought of being left alone after he got married and my mom—" Emotion choked off her voice.
The twinge that pricked Damon's chest moments ago was a full-on piercing stab now.
"Whoa." He pulled Trigger to a stop and dismounted.
Honey stopped too. Keeping a tight grip on Trigger's reins, he stepped to Honey's side.
"What's wrong?" Alarm filled Grace's voice. "Why are we stopping?"
"Because my heart is breaking for you, Grace, and I need to give you a hug." He lifted his arms up near her waist, his chest tight as he waited to see if she would accept his offer.
She stared down at him for several long moments as a myriad of emotions flitted across her pretty features and more tears flooded her eyes. Then she leaned down and put her hands on his shoulders.
Fresh tears blurred Grace's vision as she looked down at Damon.
She'd never met a man so in tune to her emotions; first in the elevator and now here in the middle of this beautiful ranch. He knew when he could joke and tease, and he knew when she needed a hug.
Which I do right now.
With his help, she slid down from the saddle and right into his arms. A sob escaped her as his strong arms closed around her. The scent of horses, fresh air, and his woodsy cologne surrounded her. She felt so comfortable and safe, she gave into the emotion she'd been holding back for weeks now.
Talking about her dad and what ultimately ended their relationship brought back deep emotions. Because of Allonah’s fertility problems, he wanted Grace to let them raise her baby. But she couldn’t do it. In her eyes, he didn’t deserve a do-over.
Damon was so kind and empathetic, she'd almost told him everything. But she'd stopped herself. Not everyone agreed with the choices she’d made.
Then there was her mom.
The move wore her out, but Grace kept expecting her to bounce back. She hadn't yet, and Grace wondered if moving to Providence was a mistake.
When they first got the news that her mom's cancer was terminal, she'd cried in her brother arms, but now that he had Paige, she didn’t want to impose on them.
Her friends and coworkers in Richland knew how hard the news was on Grace, but the distance made it difficult to turn to them.
"I'm so sorry you're going through this Grace." Damon gently caressed her hair.
Grace feared agreeing to be friends with Damon was a mistake. Not because he wasn't amazing friend material, but because he was exactly the kind of guy she could see herself falling for.
Except he leaves in two weeks.
She still couldn't believe the compassionate and empathetic man who held her was an Army Ranger.
Damon had done all kinds of death-defying things and likely gone on dozens of secret missions where he had to do demanding and difficult tasks, but there was a sensitive side to him that few men possessed.
Grace sniffled and pulled back from his embrace. She swiped at her damp cheeks and gave him a weak smile. "Thanks, I needed that."
"My pleasure."
Embarrassment warmed her cheeks. In less than twenty-four hours, she had not only kissed a handsome stranger in the elevator, but she'd also broken down in his arms. Which made him far from a stranger.
"Would you like to walk for a bit to give our backsides a break?" He pointed to a stand of trees. "I planned for us to stop for lunch there in that stand of trees by the river."
"Sure."
It had taken Grace forever to relax in the saddle, but once she did, it didn't take long for her butt to start hurting from the hard leather.
Damon pulled Honey's reins over her head and started leading both horses.
Grace fell into step beside him. "When Gabe said he wanted to move to Providence, I felt a sense of panic.
I didn't blame him. I mean his fiancée is here and he works three days a week here and only two in Pasco, but it was hard knowing he wouldn't be around much after my mom.
.." She swallowed the emotion that clogged her throat despite the tears she'd just shed.
Damon shifted both sets of reins to the same hand and reached his free hand out to Grace in invitation.
Appreciating that he let her call the shots, she slid her hand into his strong calloused one. The moment his long fingers curled around hers, she realized doing things like this would make it hard to say goodbye when the time came.
"My mom suggested we move to Providence too, saying she wanted to keep the family together.
She'd reached the point where she couldn't work anymore, so it wasn't as big of a deal for her as it was for me.
But I was surprised how easy it was to make the decision.
We listed our home in Richland and got an offer within a week.
The next day, the duplex here in Providence went up for sale, and our offer was accepted twenty-four hours later.
" She smiled as she shrugged her shoulders. "It all just felt right."
"Providence tends to have that effect on people." Damon squeezed her hand as he grinned at her. "My aunt Faith worked at the same hospital as my Uncle James in Seattle, and when he announced that he was moving back home to Providence, she felt inspired to move here too."
Grace's eyes widened. "Were they dating?"
"I don't think so." Damon shook his head. "But they were good friends. Anyway, after Aunt Faith moved here, Aunt Hope came to visit. It didn't take long for her to fall in love with Uncle James and decide to stick around. Then my mom did the same thing."
"I can see why. The people here are very nice. The slower pace takes some getting used to, but I kind of like it."
"Ah, that slow pace. It'll get you every time." Damon chuckled as he maneuvered the horses around several large boulders. "When we were young, Riley, Paige, Daniel and I couldn't wait to get out of this small town where nothing ever happened."
"And now they're all back." She gave him an expectant look. "Do you think you'll ever come back for good?" A spark of hope lit in her chest, which was ridiculous because she barely knew the man.
And yet, I'm holding his hand.
"I don't know." He stopped walking, and his gaze lingered on her face. His eyes dipped down to her mouth before meeting hers again. "Maybe."
What did that look mean?
And why do I want him to kiss me again?
Last night in the elevator was supposed to be a one-time thing. She wasn't supposed to ever see Damon again. Shocked by the intensity of the emotions he stirred in her, she pulled her hand from his. She wasn't sure what was happening between them, but she needed to put the brakes on it.
They were soon settled by the river, eating the chicken salad sandwiches, fruit salad, and veggies Charity had packed for them.
Damon again entertained her with more stories from his youth, frequently making her laugh with his dramatic storytelling.
He even managed to get her to talk about herself a little.
"So, are you ever going to tell me about the first time you kissed a stranger in an elevator?" Damon asked after a lull in conversation.
Grace tensed. She didn't talk about that because it meant admitting all the dumb choices she'd made that eventually led to her getting pregnant.
"I meant it when I said I don't talk about that." She gave Damon a tight, apologetic smile.
He must have seen something in her face that told him she was serious, because despite the disappointment in his eyes, he let it go.
Part of her wanted to tell him though. She wanted him to know why she’d done all the stupid things she did as a teenager.
Because she was hurting and angry after her father abandoned them.
She wanted him to understand how deeply she regretted her actions, especially when she learned her mother had breast cancer only weeks before Grace realized she was pregnant.
She’d told very few people what she’d done, and what she’d endured because of her mistakes, but she felt comfortable with Damon. His sympathy and compassion made her want to trust him.
"Earlier, you said you did a lot of things you weren't proud of." Picking up a twig off the ground, she broke it into small pieces. "Why did you do them?"
It wouldn't surprise her if he refused to talk about his past like she had.
Regret that mirrored her emotions filled Damon's face as he gave a sad smile and shrugged.
"I'm not really sure. I guess I felt sheltered, growing up in this small town.
Like I had missed out on something. When I joined the Army and was suddenly surrounded by guys who had much different standards than I was raised with, I gradually gave into peer pressure. "
He picked up a small pebble and tossed it into the river.
"I stopped attending church services and gradually distanced myself from God.
Then I started going to bars with guys from my unit.
Initially as the designated driver, but I eventually started drinking.
" He shook his head and grimaced. "It wasn't long before I started seeking out physical intimacy in relationships that were nothing more than superficial. "
His reasons had been different from hers, but she couldn't judge him, because she had succumbed to the same temptations.
"What made you turn your life around?" Her question was quiet as she reflected on how she wished she'd had the strength to change her ways before things took a drastic turn for the worse.
Dark shadows flitted through his eyes as his shoulders hiked up.
He picked up another rock—a larger one this time—and hurled it at the water.
"It’s technically classified, but six years ago, on my first assignment as a ranger, a dozen of us were supposed to sneak into.
..a certain village and raid a...safe house.
The goal was to remove...a high-value asset.
We ended up with bad intel and got caught in the crossfire between.
..uh...a militant group and insurgents."
Damon squeezed his eyes shut and shook his head. "It wasn't like I hadn't seen action before, but I have never been so scared in my life. I lost one of my buddies that night, and another was seriously injured."
He was quiet for a long moment, no doubt reliving that horrific night.
"It had been a long time since I'd prayed and never with that much fervor, but I promised God if he would spare my life and get me out of there, I would change my ways and stop doing all the things that went against the Christian values I had been raised with. "
He tossed another rock. "It hasn't been easy, but I've got a buddy in my unit—Timothy McDonald, we call him Ronald, because of his curly red hair—who is also Christian. He has helped me get back on track and stay there despite all the stuff we face."
Grace had said a similar prayer the night she was attacked at a party she should never have been at.
She'd survived what happened to her, but the damage was done and she'd suffered the consequences. In some regards, she was still paying the price for her poor choices even though she’d changed her life around too.
She hugged her knees to her chest. "After my dad left...I went through a rebellious stage, and I did a lot of things I'm not proud of either."
"Can I assume you've turned your life around too?" When she nodded, he asked, "What made you decide to change?"
Grace's stomach clenched as she pulled her knees a little tighter against her body. Despite Damon's honesty with her, she wasn't ready to bare her soul to him about that dark time of her life.
"When you hit rock bottom..." She shook her head slowly. "Up is the only direction to go. It took a while, but I realized God could lift me better than I could lift myself."
"Isn't that the truth."
They lapsed into silence, the burbling of the waterfall up stream and the flutter of bird wings in the trees above them the only noise.
"Will you tell me more about that time in your life?" Damon's question was gentle yet prodding.
"I'd rather not. But it was full of regret." She gave him another apologetic smile and a slight shake of her head. "Right about the time I hit my lowest point, we found out my mom had breast cancer."
Damon turned to look at her. "Your mom had cancer previously?"
"Yes, it was a rough year for all of us. But we rallied around each other and grew really close as a family."
"No wonder you were willing to uproot your life to follow Gabe to Providence."
She nodded but couldn't help but wonder if she'd eventually come to regret her decision, no matter how right it felt now.