Chapter 17
It’s been almost a month since we left Jackson.
Riley stumbled into the hotel room at six the morning after the party, and we shared a tearful goodbye in the boatyard.
I told her about Callum and she wouldn’t stop smiling.
‘You’re finally gonna get some’ she kept saying.
She’s been urging me to get over Reid by getting under someone else for a long time now.
I’m not sure Callum and I are there yet, or if we ever will be.
But I’m ready to try. We’ve been texting back and forth ever since.
Reid and I have barely been talking. Things have been weird between us since that night in Wyoming.
It keeps getting worse, more and more tense the longer we’re stuck on this road trip together.
He got an official invite to Red Bull Rampage.
It wasn’t surprising in the slightest, but it was surprising that he didn’t tell me.
I found out through Instagram, and not even his Instagram.
No, I saw it on Red Bull’s page. Obviously I knew things were weird between us, but I didn’t realize how weird.
Maybe it’s for the best. It might finally be time for us to drift our separate ways, even if it hurts.
I also found a new therapist. It was time; Susan and I just didn’t mesh. Breaking up with a therapist was one of the most awkward things I’ve ever had to do. But it was clearly the right choice, because I swear I made more progress through the breakup than I had in any session with her.
My new therapist is someone who could be my friend—she told me that’s illegal though.
We’ve been meeting twice a week, which seems like a lot, but I wish it was more.
On the days we don’t meet, she has me journal.
I didn’t know how to do it at first, but I’m a bit addicted now.
She said just to jot down my thoughts, feelings, or even what happened that day— as if I’m telling my story to my future self. I want to make it a good one.
For the first time in my life, I’m finally making progress. It feels good. I’m ready to chase happiness and stop waiting for it to find me. It’s about damn time.
Our camping locations in Montana are otherworldly.
Full of big open skies and silence. The quiet is as painful as it is beautiful.
I haven’t had so much time alone with my thoughts since I was a kid.
I’m always filling my ears with some form of stimulation.
Constantly playing something through the van speakers, audiobooks, podcasts, music—you name it. I don’t want to hear myself think.
The texts and phone calls with Callum have been a pleasant distraction, but it’s not enough.
I’m suffocating out here with Reid. I’ve barely seen him smile since Jackson.
We’ve been training together nonstop, but that’s about it.
We exchange meals and pleasantries, but no lighthearted moments.
Most of the words he says to me pertain to my squat form.
We have yet another weight training session this afternoon. The only problem—we don’t have any weights, so Reid makes me lift the bike up over my head repeatedly. It’s cruel and unusual torture, but it’s working so I can’t complain too much.
My legs are more toned than ever, and my biceps are growing too.
The impact from biking is easily absorbed by my new muscles, making me feel more confident than ever on my bike.
I’m also feeling more confident in my clothes—everything is a bit more snug than usual, but in all the right places.
I finally have someone who might be interested in looking at what’s underneath my clothes… maybe.
I owe it to myself to try with Callum—give it my all and see what else is out there. It might not work out, but at least I can say I tried.
It’s muggy inside Willa today, since the early morning dew hasn’t dried up yet.
The sun is up though, which means Reid is too.
He’ll be slamming his fist against the side of Willa any minute now, reminding me of our scheduled suffering.
How could I forget? My thighs are still trembling from yesterday’s session.
Right on cue, a stern “Addie!” breaks through my peace.
My groan is guttural. “I’m coming.”
Reid grumbles, “I can go without you. I’m not the one who needs training, right?”
There’s my temperature check on his mood for the day. He’s still pissed about my harsh words in Jackson.
I shout back, “I said I’m coming.”
Tripping multiple times, I finally yank my shorts over my ass. It might be time for a shopping spree—the squats have been a bit too effective. I swing the door open as I finish tugging my shirt down over my head.
When I look up, Reid is staring hard—right at my abdomen. He wants to be snarky? Then so will I. “Nope. No abs yet. As you like to remind me, I’m not as fit as you.”
His jaw is ticking—this is good. He always trains me harder when he’s annoyed. He’s been annoyed with me a lot lately. Hence the almost abs.
Reid disappears around the back of the van, probably to retrieve his chosen weapons for the day. I follow, needing to see what’s in store for me. Instead, I see Reid resting his forehead against the cold metal of the van, and it looks like he’s whispering to himself.
“Whatcha doin?” I startle him, and the shock on his face is so satisfying that I can’t restrict the laugh that bubbles out of me.
His cheeks go pink as he says, “Uh. Nothing. It’s just so fucking hot already.”
Hot is an understatement. I thought it would feel cooler up here.
He unloads the bikes and sets them off to the side by a few trees. The shade is calling to me, and I rush over to sink my back against a trunk. The reprieve doesn’t last long before he’s spraying me with water.
The hose from Willa barely reaches, but he manages. I’m soaked head to toe with freezing cold water—it feels wonderful. I stick my tongue out at him and crinkle my nose. “Jokes on you! That shit feels great.”
“Great. I’ll reward you with another spray if you’re good.”
My cheeks flush. I’m not used to Reid being frustrated like this—it’s fucking with my head. Suddenly my mind is wandering to other potential rewards he could give me, and my mouth has run dry.
He turns the water on himself, and the sight is downright pornographic. His chin is tilted up high as he opens his mouth to gulp down some of the water. Once it’s soaked through, he tugs his cotton shirt up over his head. His hair is messy and wet, and I can’t look anymore.
Quickly, I turn my back to him and will my brain to scrub itself clean from the past thirty seconds. Two thick water droplets hit my shoulder. He’s looming behind me, abs gleaming in the rising sun. According to my heart rate, the workout has begun.
A self-satisfied smile crosses his perfect face as he says, “You ready?”
I gulp. “Mhmmm.”
Reid’s brow rises high, and I take off in a run. He typically has us jog to warm up—I’m hedging my bet, and I hope I’m right. I won’t have to talk if we’re running.
He’s ahead of me instantly, taunting me as he passes by. “Come on, Addie. Keep up!”
“I’m fucking trying.” I can hardly get the words out, and I suffer for trying.
After a mile, I give up. Pitifully and painfully, I slow to a stop with my hands on my knees. Reid takes a minute to notice, but when he does he jogs back towards me with ease.
That annoying ass smirk is back on his face. I wave him away—I don’t want him to see me this way. I’m wheezing, soaked in sweat, and the cramps have only gotten worse. I shouldn’t have eaten that donut this morning.
“You doin’ okay down there Blondie?” he says with a laugh.
All I can do is nod but then he’s reaching down to grasp my wrist, tugging me to stand. My legs are jello as I protest, “Just leave me here.”
Never in my life have I missed the gym so badly. All I want to do is jog on a treadmill in an air conditioned room and lift some normal-ass weights. These elevation runs are going to be the death of me.
“Addie. We barely ran a mile. You’re gonna be okay.”
His tone is a twinge softer now—it has the desired effect. With a hand clutched to my rib cage, I jog at a snail’s pace back to the bikes.
Drill sergeant Reid returns the second the vans come back into view. He instructs, “Okay, five minute break, squats with the bike, then we’ll finish with a thirty minute HIIT.”
I’m solemn as I say, “I always knew the bike would kill me. I just didn’t know it would be like this.”
My dramatics are working—he rolls his eyes, but I catch a small smile forming on his lips. I’m still annoyed for how he acted at that party with Callum. He can flirt with any girl that breathes but it’s a problem when I do it? Bullshit. But I miss my best friend.
Like a starfish, I’m sprawled out across the shaded spot of grass. My phone vibrates in my pocket, and Callum’s name flashes across my screen.
I answer it immediately, forgetting to even consider how horrendous I look right now. His boyish smile is wide across my screen as he says, “Hey pretty girl.”
He always greets me like that, and it feels surprisingly good. I’m not used to casual compliments. I’m smiling right back as I toy with my sweaty hair. “Hey Callum.”
I wish I had the confidence to compliment him back, but Reid is right there—watching me scornfully as I chat with Callum.
“So, how’s the training?”
“It’s rough.” I motion down to my current state. “As you can see.”
He’s blushing as he replies, “You look great, Addie. I’m looking forward to seeing you in Whistler. Maybe we can—”
I’m distracted by Reid angrily waving his hands in front of me. “What?” I mouth.
He taps at his wrist, as if he has a watch there.
Callum notices. “What’s wrong?”
I’m shooing Reid away as I say, “Sorry. We’re on a break from our workout.”
“Oh. I can let you go.” His face falls.
Reid has his arms crossed as his eyes bore into mine. Gently, I let Callum know I have to go, ending the call with a, “I’ll call back later.”
As soon as the call ends, Reid is storming closer to me. “Addie. I’m not going to keep wasting my time if you’re not serious about this.” He’s scowling in the direction of my phone.
“So what, I took a ten minute break instead of five. It’s not like we have any other plans today.” I shrug.
Reid shoots back, “Maybe I do have plans.”
“Oh, well then. Be my guest. I can train on my own.”
“Oh please. You’ve been getting so much better since I’ve been helping.”
I have been getting better—there’s no denying it—but I won’t give him the satisfaction right now. He treats Callum like he’s some scoundrel, and it’s infuriating.
I’m bold this time. “I feel like this isn’t about me taking a longer break.”
He drops the topic there, rolling his eyes and pushing my bike into my hands.
I heave it up over my head, almost tumbling over in the process.
My hands are slick with old grease, and I almost drop the frame on my head with every squat.
Reid hardly looks my way as we struggle through the rest of the workout in silence.
Well, I struggle. He glares at my phone screen as he effortlessly squats down again and again.
I know what I’m talking about in therapy tomorrow.