Chapter 20 #2
Can’t be helped. I think first of Jamie, then of Nina. Then me.
My stomach flips. “What about my feelings?”
Brody seems genuinely confused by the question, his brow furrowing.
“Are you not at all responsible for how I feel? You, your actions, your partial truths?” An adjustment of facts; a spinning of the narrative he’d like others to see.
Brody opens his mouth and shuts it again, realizing he’s about to walk into a trap. When he tries again, it’s clear he’s choosing his words with care. “Jamie and I explored the idea of something at some point, but it never amounted to anything. Whatever she’s saying now is a lie.”
I lean forward on the bed. “Who said she’s saying anything?”
“Why else would you bring her up? She clearly said something upsetting, and you’re taking it out on me.”
I continue down the path of no return. “Brody, what exactly happened between the two of you?”
There’s an exasperated huff, a glance at the ceiling, and then a tumble of words.
An explanation, palatable or not. “We hooked up once after far too many drinks. Epic mistake given our work together on Rush, but she didn’t see it that way.
When you spend that much time with a person working on the same goal, it’s easy for lines to get blurred. ”
Part of me understands what he means. It’s how he and I got together, and proximity from work started a confusing mixture of emotions with Nate. But I focus on what I need to know. “When was this?”
I can see Brody crunching the numbers in his head.
What I can’t tell is if he is trying to recall a precise timeline or if there is something more sinister behind his calculations.
My uncertainty stirs something I’ve known about our relationship but have ignored.
Emotions I’m still trying to ignore even as they keep rising.
“Season two,” he offers finally.
Season two. So, a year ago. A few months before we got together, but not by much in the grand scheme of things. Of course she wouldn’t be over him yet. She had caught actual feelings, and he expected her to just move on.
Worse, by having me come to Fiji, I’m unintentionally complicit in rubbing Jamie’s heartbreak right in her face. I’d hate me too.
“Why didn’t you tell me before? You let me come here with her, oblivious to what went on between you two. And Nate is just as clueless! Were we never supposed to find out?”
Brody gives a small shrug. I’m sure it’s intended to seem casual, but it’s at odds with the rest of his stiff posture. “It’s over and in the past. No point in digging up old dirt, or whatever they say.”
“That’s definitely not a thing people say,” I correct before getting us back on track.
“So, when were you planning on telling me the truth? Once we got back from Fiji? Three years from now?” I hurl the questions like accusations—like we’re in a final round of dodgeball, and I’m waiting for him to trip up.
I don’t have to wait long. He looks away from the screen, and I have my answer without him saying anything.
“You were never going to tell me,” I say as the realization hits me, snapping Brody’s attention back to the screen.
“Of course not. Why would I when there’s nothing to tell? It’d be hurting you for no reason.”
“You should have at least given me a heads-up.”
“So you could what? Back out of the trip? Turn into a jealous girlfriend? Avoid ever being on set? Tell me, Abby, which of those should have enticed me to tell you when my entire career is on the line?”
“You don’t get to choose which truths you share just because it might be inconvenient or uncomfortable for you, Brody. That’s not how relationships work.”
“I know,” he says, his voice softening. “It was just this once, though?—”
“Except it’s not,” I interrupt.
Brody raises an eyebrow in interest but knows better than to say anything.
“It’s not the first time you’ve lied to make something easier for you or to manipulate me. Most of this trip has been a lie; one manipulation after the next!”
“Now you’re being ridiculous.”
“Am I? You talked Nate and me into running this twin-switch plan of yours. Then you tell the crew I’d take part in the show without asking me first. You check in regularly to ensure we’re not messing up your precious show or blowing Nate’s cover as you. What would you call it?”
Brody lets out a long sigh. “You wouldn’t understand.”
“Try me,” I cut in, my words packed with venom. “I’m full of surprises.”
“Abby, I’m becoming more famous, and there are things I need to do if I want to maintain forward momentum in my career. I can’t let anyone, or their feelings, get in the way. I need to do what’s best for the show and my brand.”
“I fully understand the importance of your brand, Brody. Clearly more than you do, because your brand isn’t just who you are on screen. It’s your reputation outside the spotlight as well. Lately, that person is someone I don’t recognize.”
Brody groans and then stands. He paces a few strides, taking him on and off screen until he sits back down and levels his gaze at the camera. “I need to do whatever it takes for the show to succeed. Surely you get that.”
“I know you want the show to succeed. We all do. But the rest? No, I don’t get it because I’m not just anyone. At least I’m not supposed to be to you. Neither is Nate, yet you’ve blindsided us both. Not anymore, though.”
Brody at least has the decency to pause and take stock of the conversation, treading more carefully when he speaks next. “What are you talking about?”
I’m not sure I know what I meant when I first said it, but now it’s crystal clear. “This is over, Brody. You and I are done.”
“We can’t be done! We’re on set together!”
I don’t have the energy to contest him, even though I am obviously here with Nate.
“I won’t mess up your precious brand,” I say, leaving out the part where anything else would be bad for both our careers.
“I’ll finish filming the season ‘with you’ and our happy relationship, and then we can release a joint statement later about a conscious uncoupling or whatever. ”
“No one is going to believe that, Abby.”
“Fine, tell them I dumped you. Whatever the angle, it’s over between us.” I reach to close my laptop and end the call before another thought strikes me.
“And it’s Abigail,” I snap before slamming my laptop shut.