3. Chapter 3
Caitlin
Adam’s been a ghost in our apartment since the funeral, gone more than he’s here.
He spends most of his evenings with Millie, staying for dinner, coming home with red-rimmed eyes and collapsing into bed without a word.
I get it. Grief isn’t tidy, and Millie needs support.
But we’ve long crossed the line of compassion and support into something else.
And with every day that passes with Adam gone more than he’s here, I feel more and more like I’ve been abandoned.
I try not to count the hours we’ve spent apart, but the math happens in my head. Mount Pella, feels like it’s closing in on me. I’m realizing I’m never going to belong here, not truly.
It’s not that I’m not trying to find my place. I go to the weekly dinner at Adam’s parents’ house. I join Adam when he hangs out with his friend group from high school. Which of course, includes Millie. While they haven’t been rude, they also haven’t exactly been welcoming.
Finding a job has been another challenge. I’ve put in applications at what feels like every restaurant in town, but no one has called back. Failing that, I’ve applied for any other job in my skill set that’s come up. But again, no one ever calls me back.
I can’t quite shake the feeling that everyone is hoping I’ll leave. That in the eyes of the people who have known and loved Adam and Millie their whole lives, I’m a temporary detour in their hometown love story.
Today I’m meeting Lauren for lunch, and I’m grateful for the invite.
Grateful for anything that gets me out of our apartment, where I spend most of my days alone.
But I can’t seem to concentrate on our conversation as I check my phone for the fifth time in as many minutes.
No texts from Adam. Lauren watches me from across the table, her brown eyes, so like her brother’s, filled with concern.
I force myself to put the phone down and smile, though it feels brittle on my face.
“Sorry,” I say, reaching for my water glass. “I’m not very good company today.”
Lauren waves away my apology. “Don’t worry about it. I’m just happy to see you. I’ve been worried about you since the funeral.”
“I’m doing okay,” I reply. “It’s just…Adam is gone so much.” Lately, I’ve felt like an outsider in my own relationship.
“He’s still spending a lot of time with her?” Lauren asks, though it’s not really a question. She’s seen her brother’s behavior as clearly as I have.
I nod. “He’s at her house right now, actually. Rhonda wanted to go through some of Eric’s things to donate.”
“That’s…” Lauren pauses, choosing her words carefully. “That’s nice of him, I guess. But you’d think my mother or some of their other relatives could help with things too.”
“You would think,” I agree, unable to keep the edge from my voice. “I’m sorry. I don’t want to spend our lunch complaining about your brother.”
“Hey,” Lauren reaches across the table to touch my hand.
“If anyone gets to complain about my brother, it’s his fiancée.
And me, of course.” She smiles, and I feel a rush of gratitude for her company.
Lauren has been one of the few bright spots in Mount Pella, one of the few people who’s attempted to befriend me since Adam and I moved here.
“I just…” I struggle to put my feelings into words that don’t make me sound like a jealous, paranoid harpy. “I feel so isolated here. Adam’s gone all the time, and everyone in this town looks at me like I’m some kind of interloper.”
“You’re not an interloper,” Lauren says firmly. “You’re Adam’s fiancée. You’re going to be his wife.”
“Try telling that to the ladies at the funeral who kept telling me all about how Adam and Millie were high school sweethearts,” I mutter.
Lauren rolls her eyes. “Those old biddies need to get a life. High school was over a decade ago.”
“So you don’t think—” I hesitate, almost afraid to voice the question that’s been haunting me. “You don’t think he still has feelings for her?”
Lauren shakes her head without hesitation.
“No way. Look, if Adam wanted to be with Millie, he’s had ample opportunity over the years.
He broke up with her after high school, not the other way around.
She was hoping for a proposal. And she’s made it painfully obvious she was waiting for him every time he came home to visit. He never took the bait.”
I feel the small knot of tension in my chest loosen slightly. “Really?”
“Really,” Lauren confirms, taking a sip of her iced tea.
“My mom and Rhonda have been pushing those two together since they were in diapers. They had this whole fantasy about their kids growing up and falling in love, joining the families officially.” She makes a face.
“When Adam and Millie actually dated in high school, Mom and Rhonda were practically picking out china patterns.”
“And then he broke up with her,” I say, remembering what Lauren just said.
“Mom never quite got over it,” Lauren nods. “She thought they were perfect together. Or rather, she thought the idea of them was perfect. I’m not sure she ever paid much attention to whether Adam was actually happy with her.”
“I don’t think your mom likes me very much.” I tell her, voicing another fear I’ve had.
Lauren winces slightly, and I know I’ve hit on something true.
“It’s not that she doesn’t like you,” she says carefully.
“It’s just that Paula Kelley has a very specific vision of how things should be, and she doesn’t adjust easily when reality doesn’t match up.
She had this picture in her head of Adam marrying Millie, the daughter of her closest friend, someone she’s known forever, someone who fits into her idea of what our family should look like. ”
“And I’m not that,” I say flatly.
“No, you’re not,” Lauren agrees. “But you make my brother happier than I’ve ever seen him, and that’s the important thing. Mom will come around. She’s stubborn, but she wants us kids to be happy when it comes down to it.”
“Even if that happiness doesn’t match her vision?”
Lauren laughs. “Eventually. She might kick and scream the whole way, but she’ll get there.”
I’m about to respond when I feel a prickle on the back of my neck. I glance toward the restaurant entrance just as Adam walks in, holding the door open for Millie. My heart gives a painful lurch.
“Speak of the devil,” Lauren mutters, following my gaze.
Adam scans the restaurant and does a visible double-take when he spots us. His expression shifts from surprise to something that looks uncomfortably like guilt. Millie, on the other hand, looks almost smug as she touches Adam’s arm, leaning in to say something to him.
Lauren raises her hand in a wave, and they make their way over to our table. I suddenly wish I were anywhere else.
“Hey,” Adam says, sounding uncertain. “I didn’t know you were here.”
“Clearly,” I reply, trying to keep my voice neutral.
Millie hovers at his side, her hand still resting possessively on his forearm. “Adam was helping sort through some of Daddy’s things, and I got hungry,” she explains, her voice carrying that fragile quality it’s had since the funeral. “So we decided to get lunch.”
“What a coincidence,” Lauren says dryly. “Why don’t you join us?”
Adam’s gaze flicks between me and his sister, obviously sensing the tension. “We’d love to. As long as we aren’t intruding on your lunch—”
“Nonsense,” Lauren cuts him off. “There’s plenty of room. Right, Caitlin?”
I force a smile. “Sure.”
Millie’s face falls slightly, but she quickly recovers. Adam slides into the booth next to me, leaving Millie to take the seat beside Lauren. I notice Millie doesn’t seem happy with the seating arrangements.
“So,” Lauren says into the awkward silence that follows, “how’s the sorting going?”
“It’s…” Adam glances at Millie. “It’s going.”
“It’s so hard,” Millie says, her eyes filling with tears. “Every little thing I pick up reminds me of Daddy. I don’t know how I would get through this without Adam.” She reaches across the table to squeeze his hand.
I stare down at their joined hands, then at my plate. Beside me, I feel Adam shift uncomfortably.
“I’m just helping out where I can,” he says, extracting his hand from Millie’s, and picking up a menu. “Anyone want to split an appetizer?”
Lauren shoots me a sympathetic look across the table.
“How have you been, Caitlin?” Millie asks, her tone solicitous but her eyes sharp. “I haven’t seen you since the funeral.”
“I’ve been fine,” I say shortly. “Working on job applications.”
“Any leads?” Adam asks, seeming eager to change the subject.
“A couple,” I reply, not elaborating. The truth is, I’ve been too preoccupied with my spiraling relationship to focus properly on my job search.
“Adam mentioned you’re hoping to find a job in a restaurant, right?” Millie asks. “Well, the guy who owns Garden Grill is a relative of mine. You know the really nice place that just opened? I’ll ask Mom to put in a good word with him.”
“Thanks,” I mumble, although I don’t believe for a minute that any word Millie puts in for me will be good.
What follows is the most uncomfortable lunch I’ve ever had the misfortune to be part of. Millie keeps bringing up shared memories with Adam, reaching over to touch him whenever possible, while Adam tries to include me in the conversation and Lauren shoots daggers at her brother with her eyes.
“I just don’t know what I’d do without Adam,” Millie says after the bill has been paid and we are packing up. “He’s the only one who really understands what I’m going through.”
I’ve had enough. I place my napkin on the table and stand up. “I need to go,” I say, not meeting anyone’s eyes. “I have some stuff I need to get done.”
“Caitlin—” Adam starts as he stands up to let me out, but as soon as I’m free, I walk toward the door.
Outside in the parking lot, the summer heat hits me like a wall. I take a deep breath of the humid air, trying to calm the storm of emotions brewing inside me.
“Caitlin, wait!” Adam calls, jogging to catch up with me. “What was that about?”
I spin to face him. “How often have you been having cozy lunches with Millie while I sit at home alone?”
His face hardens. “It wasn’t a ‘cozy lunch.’ It was two old friends getting something to eat after doing a difficult task together. I texted you where I was going.”
“You what?” I pull out my phone and check my messages. Sure enough, there’s a text from Adam that I must have gotten soon after I stopped checking my phone: “Finishing up at Millie’s. Going to grab lunch at Miller’s Deli if you want to join.”
My anger deflates slightly, replaced by exhaustion. “I didn’t see it.”
“Yeah,” Adam says, running a hand through his hair in frustration. “Caitlin, I’m trying here. I really am. I know it’s been tough since the funeral, but I need you to trust me.”
“It’s hard to trust you when you’re never home,” I say, hating how small my voice sounds. “When you’re always with her.”
Adam steps closer, taking my hands in his.
“Listen to me. You are the only woman I want to be with. The only one. Millie is an old friend who’s going through something terrible, and yes, I’m trying to be there for her.
But you—” He squeezes my hands. “You’re the one I’m going to marry.
You’re the one I want to spend my life with. ”
I look into his eyes, searching for the truth. “I want to believe that.”
“Then believe it,” he says simply. “Because it’s true.”
A car door slams behind us, and I glance over Adam’s shoulder to see Millie standing by the restaurant entrance, watching us with an unreadable expression.
Adam follows my gaze, then turns back to me. “Let me make it up to you. Let’s spend the rest of the day together, just the two of us. I’ve been missing you too, you know.”
Part of me wants to refuse out of stubbornness, but a larger part just misses him. “What about Millie?”
“Lauren can take her home,” Adam says firmly. “I’m all yours for the rest of the day.”
I hesitate, then nod. “Okay.”
His face breaks into a relieved smile, and he leans down to kiss me quickly. “Great. Let me just go tell them we’re leaving.”
As he jogs back to the restaurant, I watch him go with a mixture of hope and unease.
I want to believe everything he’s saying.
I want to believe that I’m the only one he wants.
But as I see Millie’s face fall when Adam speaks to her, then watch her reach for his arm again as he tries to leave, the knot in my stomach tightens once more.
Still, when Adam returns to me, his face happy as he takes my hand, it’s easy to push those doubts aside. At least for now.