14. Chapter 14 #2
She stands too, moving toward me. “We both know that’s not all there is between us. We have history, Adam. Everyone has always known we belong together.”
“Everyone except me,” I say, but she doesn’t seem to hear.
“I’ve never stopped loving you.” Her hand reaches for my face. “And I think deep down, you feel the same way. Why else would you be here with me instead of with her?”
I step back, bumping against the wall. There’s nowhere else to go. “Millie, stop.”
She doesn’t. Instead, she presses herself against me, her lips finding mine in a kiss I don’t return. For a moment, I’m too shocked to move. Then reality crashes in, and I push her roughly away.
“What are you doing?” My voice comes out louder than I intended.
“What we both want,” she insists, reaching for me again. “What everyone wants for us.”
“No.” I hold her at arm’s length. “This isn’t what I want. I’m engaged to Caitlin. I love her.”
“Then where is she?” Millie challenges. “You left her, Adam. You left her to be here with me. Deep down, you know who you really want.”
Anger flares, sudden and hot. “Stay away from me, Millie.” I move toward the door. “I mean it. This, whatever you think this is, it’s not happening. Not now, not ever.”
Her expression hardens. “You don’t mean that. You’re just feeling guilty because of that—”
“The only thing I feel guilty about now is that I ever allowed you to come in between Caitlin and me. Listen to me very carefully, Millie: I’m in love with Caitlin, and I have been since the day I met her.
The only reason I’m on this cruise is that I let everyone else’s expectations dictate my choices instead of listening to what I actually want. That stops now.”
Tears fill her eyes. “Adam, please—”
“No.” My voice is steady now. “I’m sorry for your loss, Millie. I truly am. But I can’t be what you want me to be. I won’t.”
I grab my key card and phone, yanking open the door. “I’m finding somewhere else to sleep tonight. Anywhere else.”
When I reach the lounge, I lean against the wall, breathing hard. My phone buzzes with a text from Lauren: What happened? Millie just called Hailey, crying.
News travels fast. I ignore Lauren’s text and drop into a nearby chair, resting my head against its cushioned back. My head is pounding, and I’m shaking, and I need a moment to calm myself.
I don’t know how much time has passed when I finally pull out my phone again, hoping against hope to see Caitlin’s name on my screen.
I ignore the string of unread texts from my mom, Hailey, and Rhonda.
Nothing from Caitlin. Out of habit more than anything else, I pull up Instagram again.
And there it is — a new post from Rachel, uploaded twenty minutes ago.
My favorite person is here to celebrate my birthday with me this year! Happy birthday to me, and let the party begin!
The picture shows Caitlin, Rachel, and a group of other women I don’t recognize, obviously dressed for a night on the town, standing with arms around each other’s waists and big smiles on their faces.
I study Caitlin. She’s wearing a short, silvery-white dress I’ve never seen, and her blonde hair is loose around her shoulders. She looks carefree and beautiful.
There is another post from just a few minutes ago. I pull it up, and my heart stops.
Caitlin sits on a man’s lap, leaning back against him, his arms wrapped around her, both of them mid-laugh. He’s handsome with dark blonde hair, tanned skin, strong jaw. His hand rests on her waist, casual and possessive.
The caption reads: @CaitlinHughes finding her smile again! @JacksonPrice showing her how Cedar City boys do it better!
Jealousy hits me like a physical blow. I drop my phone and run for the door, making it out to the deck before I lose the contents of my stomach over the edge. Eventually my stomach stops cramping, and I slide down until I’m sitting on the deck.
“You all right? Had a little too much to drink, did you?” Someone a few feet away calls and I nod, waving them away.
The worst part isn’t that she’s with someone else; it’s that she looked happy. Genuinely, radiantly happy in a way I can’t remember seeing since Colorado. Since before I dragged her to Mount Pella, before I started letting my mother dictate our lives, before I put everyone else’s needs above hers.
I’ve lost her. Through my own stupidity, my own blindness, my own cowardice, I’ve lost the best thing that ever happened to me.
A couple walking by give me curious looks. I pull myself to my feet, and head back into the lounge.
For the first time, I see with perfect clarity what I’ve done.
I chose my family’s expectations over Caitlin’s happiness.
I chose Millie’s grief over my fiancée’s needs.
I chose the path of least resistance, again and again, until Caitlin had no choice but to forge her own path, one that leads away from me.
With shaking hands, I pick my phone back up off the carpet.
Tomorrow, this cursed boat will dock back in Miami.
I start looking up flights from Miami to Portland.
I can’t accept that I’ve lost her without even trying to get her back.
I’ll show up at her aunt and uncle’s, get on my knees and beg for forgiveness if that’s what it takes.
I’ll make sure my family treats her right, and I’ll cut out anyone that won’t.
I’ll spend every day of the rest of my life showing her how much I treasure her. If only she’ll give me another chance.