24. Seat Warmers and Sweet, Hot Coffee…
Allie - Thursday
It’sfour a.m. and I’m already dressed and ready to go for the day. I’m a bundle of emotions, partly from lack of sleep, but mainly from being in love and being extremely confused about being in love. On a scale of one to ten, I’m a thousand confused. He seems to have feelings for me. That kiss certainly felt real. And the hand holding. But then he backed off so easily, it’s made me realize I have to accept the fact that nothing is going to happen between us. Whatever that was on Saturday night, it’s over. Dead. Turned to dust and blown into the wind. Not coming back. We’ve taken three steps back to acting like very professional work colleagues, which is better, even though I hate every minute of it. It’s nearly impossible to pretend I’m indifferent to him, not with all these thoughts of all the things I want to do with him floating in and out of my mind without my permission.
I just have to survive the next two weeks with him, then I can move on with my normal life. He’ll go back to L.A., the trolls will move onto someone else, and I can start the process of forgetting all about him. But first, I have to get through a very long day alone with him without confessing my undying love. Should be no problem, right? Even though this desperate part of me wants to blurt it out every few seconds whenever I’m around him.
Hudson and I are on our way up to Black Creek so I can show him the radio telescopes. It’s over five hours each way and when we get there, I’ll be relieving the small team that works there, so they can all have a day off at the same time. They’ll come back around dinner time, and Hudson and I will start the long trek back.
I’m standing at the door with a small overnight bag packed and two travel mugs filled with coffee. He pulls up in his truck and I sneak out the front door, hoping not to wake my parents. There’s a cold wind that whips my hair around and chills me to the bone by the time I reach his truck.
Hudson’s already standing at the passenger door, holding it open. Damn him for being such a gentleman. He takes the coffees from me and sets them in the console cup holders, then slips my bag off my shoulder. “Good morning.”
“I’m still calling this night,” I tell him as I climb into his Range Rover.
Opening the back passenger door, he puts my bag on the seat, then hurries around to get in out of the cold. I immediately notice that my seat is toasty against my back and thighs. “You pre-warmed my seat for me, thank you.”
“And you brought coffees. Thank you,” he says. “Which one is not going to give me diabetes?”
I chuckle a little and point to his. “Black like the soul of a man who breaks his Nan’s gravy boat, then blames an imaginary raccoon.”
He laughs, then pulls away from the curb. “How are you feeling this morning?”
“I haven’t decided yet. I’m still forty percent asleep.”
“That’s oddly specific.”
“I’m a scientist. We’re a specific bunch,” I answer. “How are you feeling?”
“Good. I’m used to long days from being on set.”
Of course he is. Mr. Perfect. Oh dammit, I can’t be sarcastic about him. He actually is perfect. He has a sip of the coffee, then replaces it to the console. “I really appreciate you taking an entire day away from work to go with me,” he says. “Not that you had much of a choice in the matter.”
“I might as well go. Frank and I need a bit of a break from each other,” I answer, yawning. “We’re not exactly getting along right now. Besides, I’m happy to go. I like it up there. It’s very peaceful.”
“Have you spent a lot of time there?”
Nodding, I say, “Just after grad school. Keenan sends everyone up there for a few months so they can learn how to monitor and troubleshoot any equipment problems. It’s important that each team member knows this stuff so we can keep the telescopes working.”
“Makes sense. He’s a great boss.”
I let out another yawn, covering it with my hand. “The best.”
“That’s one of the weird things about being an actor. No real boss, no team that you stay with. I mean, there’s always the director, but that changes every job. Unless you’re doing a series, that is, which I haven’t done since I got my start.”
“Do you miss it?”
“Yes, and no. I like trying new things. I love the freedom of what I do, but I miss working with the same people every day. When you’re doing films, you get really close to the cast and crew, then a few weeks later, it’s over. It reminds me of graduating from high school over and over. You’re excited that it’s over but you’re also sad because you have to leave everyone behind.”
I nod, thinking about what Zia Fernanda said about him picking a woman on each set, then ending the relationship. Another good reason for me to not get involved. “Sounds difficult.”
“It can be, for sure. You get to see each other again on the press junket to promote the movie, but it’s not the same as sticking with a team year after year.”
“Although working with the same people has its drawbacks too. I mean… Chad?” I ask with a wry smile.
Hudson laughs, then says, “Aww, he’s not so bad. A little goofy but he means well.”
“Try being a woman who works under him.”
His phone pings and he grunts a little. “That’s a reminder from Brittany, my publicist. Would you mind doing me a giant favor and taking a picture of me driving, then posting it on Instagram? She wants one as early in the morning as possible to prove how dedicated I am to science.”
“Sure.”
I take his phone and hold it up to his face to open it, then take a few shots of him looking absolutely delicious in a dark green fleece jacket and a white T-shirt. How? How can anyone look this good at this hour?
Opening his IG app, I select the best one, which is hard to do since they’re all pretty much perfect. “Okay, what do you want to say?”
“Out the door at 4:30 this morning to drive to the Black Creek Telescope Array. Can’t wait to get there and learn all about them. Hashtag SETI, hashtag galaxy studios, hashtag radio silence the movie.”
I quickly type what he said, then hit the post button and put his phone back on the console. “There, done.”
“Thank you. That ought to make her happy for a few hours. I’ll have to get some video and pics when we get there.”
Ooh, it’s so cozy in this seat. And so dark outside. My eyelids drift down but I snap them back open again and have a few sips of coffee.
“Feel free to have a nap, if you want.”
“No, I couldn’t possibly.”
“Can’t sleep in a car?”
“Oh, I can sleep, but then you’d see me with my mouth hanging open and drool on my chin.”
“You spent an entire day looking at me like that,” he says, smiling over at me. “When you think about it, it’s really only fair if you have a nap in front of me.”
“Okay, but only for your sake,” I tell him, snuggling into my seat. “And not because I need it.”
When I wake, it’s fully light out. And bright. I blink my eyes a few times, then realize it’s snowing. Like, really snowing. “Wow,” I say. “The forecast called for a little snow but nothing like this. This is serious.”
“Yeah, hopefully it lets up soon.”
“Good thing we’re in your big SUV and not my little car.”
Glancing at the navigation map on the dashboard, I see that we’re only a few minutes from Black Creek. “Oh my God, I slept for over four hours.”
“You must have needed it.”
“You must have been so bored,” I say, then realize how that sounds. “You know, because it’s such a thrill ride to be around me and all.”
“I know you’re joking, but you’re actually a very interesting person.”
Interesting. Blech. I don’t love that description. It’s very bland.
When I don’t say anything, he adds, “In the best way possible.”
I look over at him, my heart swelling at the very sight of him. “Do me a favor, okay?”
“Sure.”
“Don’t be too nice to me today.”
He narrows his eyes and glances at me for a second. “Why not?”
“I just… I don’t think I can explain it, but it’ll just be easier for me.”
He nods and lets out a sigh. “I think I understand.”
“See? That. Right there. You should say something like ‘that makes no sense at all,’” I tell him.
He chuckles a little. “Sorry. I’ll try harder to be an obtuse jerk.”
“Thank you. That means a lot to me.”