9. Chapter 9
Chapter 9
Ginny
Well, it’s official. The first week of school sucked.
Everyone looking at me, judging me, finding me lacking in one way or another. Thank goodness my teacher friends have been there. Which is why tonight we’re gathering at Zach’s to celebrate the survival of the first week. We’re a mesh of different subjects, but all of us have one common goal. We love the kids and want to help them succeed. Quinn Kapostasy teaches history, Nicole Adams teaches humanities, Linda Pichler teaches science, and the former home economics-turned-kindergarten teacher, Miss Paula, are meeting me tonight. All of us started teaching around the same time and immediately clicked.
Davis has us set up in the corner, away from the Friday night masses, with two high-top tables. As soon as he sees me, he yells to Mack in the kitchen to start the appetizers. He doesn’t want five hangry teachers in his face. Smart man. Trish has him trained up good.
“Hey, sis.” He smiles, giving me a one-armed hug over the bar. “How are you?”
“As well as I can be, I guess,” I tell him. “Thanks for moving us to the corner this year. Probably easier that way.”
Both of us look around the bar and notice the patrons not even hiding their looks in our direction. He rolls his eyes and pours me a drink from the pitchers he already has waiting.
“How are they treating you at school?”
“They’re treating her like shit,” Linda says, sitting down at the bar next to me. “I mean, it’s like she has the plague or something.”
“Well, what are we going to do about it?” Davis asks, leaning on the bar to give Linda a kiss on her cheek, which makes her blush.
“I think she just needs to tell them all to fuck off. She’s so much better than that place, anyway.”
“Here, here!” Nicole adds, sitting on my other side and putting an arm around my shoulder.
“Guys, come on. I’ll be fine. It’s nothing I can’t handle.”
“It’s nothing you should have to handle.” Linda drills her finger into the bar. “It’s bullshit that nobody is looking at the bigger picture and seeing why you did what you did.”
Davis winks at me before turning to Linda. “And why did she do it?”
“I’m here, keep going. I already know what we’re talking about,” Quinn says, sitting on the other side of Linda and waving at me.
“Anyone who has ever been in a bad relationship can see another bad relationship from a mile away. He kept you from us. Strike one, big red flag. He changed how you dress and wear your makeup and hair. Strike two, red flag. He talked down to you like you were an object. Like he owned you. And he did it in front of others. Strike three, red flag. You’re out.”
“You know there aren’t any red flags in baseball, right?” I ask, trying not to let on in front of Davis how right she is.
“Doesn’t matter. I’m still not wrong.”
“You know, I know this other woman named Linda. Remind me to never let the two of you be in a room together. I don’t think the world would survive,” Davis jokes.
“Why don’t we move over to the tables?” I ask, ready to be away from my brother for any other conversations I’d rather he not hear. “Snacks should be up soon. It’s almost hangry o’clock.”
“I’ll bring the pitchers over.” He smiles at me. He knows exactly what I’m doing, but he’s letting me off the hook. He’s a pretty good big brother sometimes.
Once we’re situated around the table, I look at Quinn. “Where’s Paula?”
“She’s running a few minutes behind.” She grabs my hand, giving me that look. “How are you, really?”
“Why does everyone keep asking me that?”
“We ask because we want to know,” Nicole says.
“You all, maybe, but what about everybody else?”
“Does everybody else really matter?” Linda adds.
“Well, I’m okay. That’s how I am. I’m just fine.”
“You look like you’re not sleeping.”
Quinn adds, “You do look a little tired.”
“So you’re saying I look like shit?”
“I would never say you look like shit, just that you look tired.” Nicole gives me a soft smile.
“Have you met someone new?” Quinn asks, a look of hope in her eyes.
“What? No!” But I can’t help but think of Joker.
“Wait, what’s that look?” Linda asks.
“What look?”
“The one that looks like you’re hiding something from us. That you might have met a guy. Maybe even have a crush?”
“I don’t have a crush. Can we talk about something else?”
“Sure,” Nicole says easily. Too easily. “At least until Paula gets here. She has questions.”
“Of course she does.” I roll my eyes.
Davis places a new pitcher of frozen goodness and our platters of apps on the table, each of us digging into the mozzarella sticks. We catch up, talking about how the kids are this year. Who the troublemakers are going to be and who our favorites are. What? Teachers have favorites. We didn’t birth them, we’re allowed.
“Have you all heard any rumors about bad stuff going on?” Quinn asks.
“What kind of bad stuff?” I ask. “And I can promise, I haven’t heard anything since no one is talking to me.”
“I heard a couple of kids talking about picking up some stuff for this weekend. You know the first week party out at the field?”
“You mean the party that’s been happening since my grandparents were in high school that we pretend doesn’t happen every year when all the high school kids get drunk and smoke some pot?” I smile, remembering my own years on that field.
“That’s the one,” Quinn confirms.
“So, they were talking about pot?”
“I don’t think so. Seemed to be something more than that. Sounded more like X or something. I heard them say it pumps you up so you can go all night.”
“You think someone here in Boulder Canyon got ahold of some ecstasy?” Nicole asks.
“Or a little blue pill.” Linda snorts, causing us all to laugh.
“I don’t know,” Quinn says when she’s got the giggles under control. “But I think we probably need to keep an eye out, don’t you? Pot’s one thing. I don’t know of anyone dying from an overdose of that, but anything stronger? I think we need to pay attention.”
All of us are thinking of what could happen with illegal substances in the hands of high school kids when Paula rushes in.
“Oh, my gosh, I’m so sorry I’m late!”
“It’s alright,” I smile at her. “Hey, what’s wrong?” Her eyes are wild, and she looks terrified.
“I don’t want to tell you.”
“Well, now you have to,” Linda smirks.
She blows a breath out. “I just saw…Keith,” she whispers his name.
“I mean, he does live here. It’s not that unusual to see him around, is it?” I ask.
“He, um, well, he wasn’t alone.”
“Anyone we know?” Quinn asks.
“Bethany McGraw.”
“The fifth-grade teacher?” I know that’s who it is, but I want clarification.
“That’s her. She was kind of hanging all over him.”
“Good for them,” I flippantly reply. “Maybe that means he’ll keep leaving me alone.”
“You’re seriously okay with this?” Linda wants to know.
“Why wouldn’t I be? I walked away from him. And I’d like to go the rest of forever without actually having to talk to him. So if he’s busy with someone else, that’s good news for me.”
“Have you talked to him at all?”
“No.”
“He didn’t try to contact you after…?”
“He did not. And I didn’t call him either. He had some words for all the nurses in the hospital that day about how horrible I was, which started all the rumors, but he hasn’t talked to me or any of my family or friends.”
“How are you avoiding him at school?”
“There’s no need for him to come into the music room, and I don’t go searching him out, either. I come in, go to my class, stay there all day, and leave when the final bell rings. I don’t stick around like I used to.”
“Good for you.” Nicole gives me an encouraging smile.
“Can I ask you all something?”
There are four head nods in the affirmative.
“What happened to you all this summer? Where have you guys been?”
“Ginny, we were in the same place we were last summer. Right here,” Quinn offers.
“You never called.”
“We weren’t sure you wanted us to,” Nicole says.
“How can you think that?”
“You didn’t call us, either,” Linda points out.
“I didn’t think you’d talk to me. I kind of felt like he got everyone when I left.”
“He didn’t get us, promise.” Quinn smiles. “But you also know how it is sometimes for teacher friends. Summer hits and we all do our own thing for a few weeks before it’s already time to think about the next school year.”
“Does that mean if any of us ever quit our jobs, we won’t be friends anymore?” Paula asks, looking like she wants to cry.
“Are you thinking about leaving?” I reply.
“No!”
“I might be,” I confess.
“Why?”
“I don’t know. It’s really fucking hard when all the parents look at you like you’re some horrible person and then all the kids look at you like they don’t have to listen because it’s you . And of course, the moms who told me to my face this week that they don’t want me anywhere near their child because of what I did.”
“What you did? You ended a personal relationship!” Linda smacks the table.
“No. I left him. I walked away from him. And that makes me a horrible person.”
“Why did you walk away?” Paula asks, having missed the earlier conversation.
The alcohol has started to settle nicely in my stomach, giving me that comfortably numb feeling in my limbs. This is why I’m not a big drinker. It doesn’t take much.
“Did you know that you’re the first person to really ask me that? Wait, second. Joker asked while we were out of town. He took me away from the church.”
“Joker helped you get away? Why him?” Linda wants to know.
“My dad asked him to.”
“Now that man is a dreamboat. Broody and hot,” Quinn adds.
“Keep going,” Paula encourages.
“I was standing there in a dress I hated, with hair and makeup I hated. I didn’t look like me. I didn’t feel like me. And I realized if I walked down that aisle and said yes, that was going to be my life. Doing only things he liked. Wearing only what he would let me. And what would happen if I did something that he didn’t like? What would he do to me? And everyone acted like it was more of a funeral than a wedding. When my dad told me I could walk away, it was the push I finally needed.”
“Wait a minute,” Linda stops me. “He had done something already, hadn’t he?”
I looked down at the table, running my finger across the wood
“Should we take your non-answer as an answer?”
“He pushed me a couple of times, alright? Slapped me. But it was totally my fault,” I hurriedly add.
“How is it your fault?” Linda demands.
“I did something wrong.”
“Nothing that you do warrants a hand on your body that you didn’t ask to be there. Ever.”
“I agree. That’s abuse,” Nicole says quietly.
“You guys, I know, but—”
Quinn cuts me off. “He was mentally, emotionally, verbally, and now you’re telling us physically abusive. What an asshole.”
“Look, bottom line is I’m not with him now. I’m never going back to him again. It’s over, okay? I would just like to live my life in peace and move on. And some days I don’t know if I can do that and continue to work in the same place as him.”
“What would you do if you weren’t teaching?” Linda asks.
“I don’t know.”
“Sounds to me like you got a few things to figure out.”
“No shit. I just feel like everything is fucked up right now and I’m not sure I should be making big decisions until some of the fuckery goes away.”
I raise my eyes and lock on two beautiful dark brown eyes staring back at me. Intently. The terrifying face firmly in place. How much did he hear? I need out of here.
“I, uh, I need to go to the bathroom.” I stand up quickly, not looking at anyone. “I’ll be back.”
I turn away and escape down the small hallway that leads to the bathrooms. Going into the women’s room, I close the door behind me and sag against it, taking deep, calming breaths. When I have my breathing under control, I push off the door and stand in front of the sink, staring at my face in the mirror. “It’s fine. Everything is fine,” I tell myself. “Everything is going to be just fine.”
“Virginia.” The deep voice vibrates through the door, just like I knew it would. And when he pushes the door open, my first thought is he’s come to rescue me. My second is, oh, no, he’s come to yell at me.
“Get out of here!” I screech. “It’s the women’s restroom!”
“I’m not going anywhere. We are going to have a discussion.”
“No. No, we’re not. I need to get back to my friends.”
“Wait—”
“I don’t want them to wait. You can wait,” I interrupt him.
“You are gonna listen to me.”
“Well, if you’re gonna keep giving me that look, I guess it’s a good thing I’m in the bathroom when you make me pee my pants.”
“Don’t be funny.”
“What do you want?”
“I want to know why none of us ever knew that bastard laid his hands on you.”
“Because I didn’t want you to know. I didn’t tell anybody.”
“And why didn’t you want us to know?”
“Because you would’ve made me walk away.”
“You’re fucking right we would’ve,” he growls.
“This isn’t up for discussion, Harrison, and this conversation is over.”
“You know he didn’t love you. If he could hurt you, he didn’t love you.”
“You think I don’t know that?” I explode. “I know he didn’t love me. Guess what, genius, I didn’t love him, either! I know it was a horrible relationship, okay? I also know that I don’t need your lecture on shit that’s past. You aren’t my father. You definitely aren’t my boyfriend. You don’t get to tell me shit about things that have already happened!”
I finish and take a breath. Before I can exhale, his lips are covering mine, and he’s pulling me into his arms. This is a fantasy come true. This man is kissing me. Why is this man kissing me? Oh, my God, he tastes like heaven. Is that…? Is that his penis? He’s hard? While he kisses me? What is going on? What is my life right now?
It takes me a minute to fully understand that Joker, Joker , is kissing me and his body is absolutely having a reaction to it. And then I pull back, pushing against his chest with my hands until he lets me go, which happens immediately.
“What…what was that?” I ask him, still stunned, my body buzzing from his touch.
“Something I’ve wanted to do for over two fucking years.”
“But, why?”
“Because—”
“No. I need you to never do that again.”
“What?”
“Kiss me like that. You came in here to bitch me out for not telling you that Keith was abusing me and the first thing you do is kiss me. Without my consent. Guess what? I didn’t consent for him to abuse me. I didn’t consent for him to touch me like he did. And I didn’t consent for you to kiss me in this bathroom. The next time you do that, you better have my fucking permission.”
“Ginny. I didn’t realize. God, I’m so sorry.” The look on his face almost makes me crack. The pain in his features. My heart hurts.
“I need you to leave, Joker. Turn around and walk out that door. I need a minute before I go back to my friends and act like everything is fucking fine with my life, okay?”
“I’m so fucking sorry.” His voice is raw with emotion.
“I know. I know you’re sorry. And I’ll forgive you, but I need you to walk away right now.”
“Okay, Beautiful. Please know how sorry I am. I never…I never want to hurt you, Ginny.” He steps back, his face drawn, and I can only imagine it matches the sadness mine must show. He gives me one more lingering look before pulling the door open. As he turns away from me, he leaves with the words that give me something I haven’t had in a long time. Hope. “I’ll get that consent one day, Virginia. No matter what I have to do, I swear I’ll get it. I’m so fucking sorry that that’s going to be your first memory of me touching you. I’ll do whatever it takes to replace it with something even better.”
The tears finally fall as he leaves the bathroom and I sag against the wall. Not sure what to do, I allow myself a couple of minutes to cry because I just told off the hottest man I’ve ever known in my life. I just yelled at him for kissing me and fulfilling a fantasy that I’ve had for two and a half years but refused to acknowledge.
I clean my face and compose myself and go back to the girls still at the tables. Joker sits at the bar with a whiskey glass in his hand. He looks up and makes eye contact with me and the pain in his eyes kills me. I don’t know how to fix it, or if it’s even up to me to fix.
I sit down at the table, but the happiness of being with my friends is no longer there. I think I just fucked up something that could’ve been something wonderful. Because I wasn’t prepared for him to do that. And how did I react? By telling him to never do that again. What if he actually listens and decides it’s not worth it? What have I just done?