Chapter 32 Daisy
DAISY
The drive back to campus is a quiet one.
The air is heavy with unspoken words and emotion.
Even though I want to discuss what I just witnessed, I’m not sure how to broach the subject.
And Carter hasn’t said a word. His eyes are pinned to the road in front of him.
Everything about his demeanor is closed off and shutdown.
My brain whirls anxiously trying to come up with something that will smooth this over, but I keep coming up empty.
Nothing I say will make it better.
From the corner of my eye, I glance at his hand resting on his thigh.
Every so often, he flexes his fingers. There is so much pent up agitation in that movement.
My heart feels like it’s going to burst with unspoken emotion.
I want him to know that he isn’t alone. That he has me, but there’s a yawning distance between us. One that feels insurmountable.
Even though it feels like a risk, I reach out and thread my fingers through his. Carter’s gaze cuts to mine. So much is conveyed without either of us speaking a word. He squeezes my fingers and some of the distance falls away.
As our eyes lock, I’m slammed with a realization that knocks the breath from my lungs.
All the times I’ve seen Carter sporting a blackened eye, a bruise on his cheek, or a split lip come crashing back to me.
He wasn’t involved in some underground fight club or messing around with another guy’s girlfriend.
His own father was laying hands on him.
I blink away the wetness that has gathered in my eyes as my mind flips through all the times I’d looked at him, saw the damage, and shook my head in disgust thinking that he was nothing more than a hotheaded jerk.
How could I have been so blind?
Why didn’t I ask more questions?
This is the reason why Carter is so guarded with his privacy and keeps everyone at a distance.
He has one of the most recognizable faces at BU.
College football has thrusted him into the limelight.
Everywhere he goes, people want to talk with him, they want to have a brush with greatness.
Carter is going places, places that most of us can’t dream of, and everyone wants a piece of that.
Of him.
They want to know Carter Prescott the football player, the guy destined for the NFL, but they don’t. They only see what Carter allows them to. A handsome athlete with prowess both on and off the field. A guy who will graduate at the top of his class and comes from a wealthy, privileged family.
He doesn’t allow them to glimpse behind the carefully crafted facade.
I’ve known Carter for years, he’s Noah’s best friend, and still, I was oblivious.
I never suspected a thing. I fell into the same trap as everyone else.
It’s a disturbing thought that pricks at my conscious.
Not once did I attempt to scratch beneath the surface.
I was content to believe the paper-thin version he presented me with, and I promptly dismissed him as not being worthy of my time or energy.
Carter squeezes my fingers drawing me back to the present. “Hey, are you all right?” The sound of his voice is like a gunshot in the silence.
Laughter bubbles up in my throat and aches for release.
The question seems absurd. I’m the one who should be asking if he’s okay. Not the other way around.
“I’m fine.” Our gazes collide. So much emotion swirls in his gray eyes. So much more than what I’m used to seeing from him. “What about you?”
He sucks in a breath before slowly expelling it from his lungs. His chest rises and falls with the movement. “I’m okay.” He shifts on the seat and his voice dips. “I’m just sorry you had to see that.”
A dull redness creeps over his cheeks and my heart constricts. It kills me that Carter is embarrassed about this.
He falls silent and I can tell by the way he clenches his jaw that he’s getting lost in the turmoil of his thoughts.
I squeeze his fingers to pull him back to me.
I don’t want him going there. “You have nothing to be embarrassed about.” When he remains silent, I continue.
“None of this is your fault.” I chew my lower lip before blurting, “Your dad is a jerk. He’s the one who should be embarrassed. ”
“He’s not.” His voice is flat, stripped of emotion. “Hopefully now that the police have intervened, he’ll take the restraining order seriously.” He flicks another glance in my direction. “My mom filed for divorce and he’s not happy about it.”
I nod, having gathered as much from the conversation that ensued after the authorities arrived.
It boggles my mind that this is Carter’s reality.
An avalanche of guilt nearly buries me alive.
I’m no better than the BU masses. I only saw what he wanted me to.
I never bothered to dig deeper or question the little things that weren’t adding up.
I clear my throat and croak, “I’m sorry.”
He frowns. “For what?”
The rioting emotion within me struggles to break free. I shake my head, unsure if my feelings can be adequately translated into words. Only now am I realizing how strong Carter is. To deal with a situation like this, you would have to be.
“For not seeing the man you truly are.”
He remains silent for so long that I wonder if he heard me. “I never wanted you to find out about this.”
“Why? Do you think I would have judged you for it?” It hurts that he would think that. “Maybe I could have done something to help.” What exactly? I don’t know. But I hate the thought of him going through this alone with no one to lean on.
His left hand tightens around the wheel. “Because I was ashamed.”
“Carter…” I fight back the tears that rush to my eyes. I don’t want him to think that I pity him. Somehow, I know he wouldn’t want that.
He glances in the rearview mirror before slowing the Mustang and pulling it to the shoulder of the road. The wheels spit gravel as he cuts the engine. He unsnaps his seatbelt and angles his body toward mine, sliding one hand into my hair.
“I spent all this time pushing you away because I never wanted that kind of ugliness to touch you.” His voice lowers. “All I’ve ever wanted is to protect you, Daisy.” He pauses for a beat. “Even from myself, if need be.”
My heart shatters into a million jagged pieces. “Don’t say that.”
“You deserve so much better than me.” His other hand rises to cradle my cheek.
A fierce solemnness flares to life in his eyes.
“You have to know that everything I’ve ever said or done was never meant to hurt you.
I needed to keep you at a safe distance and that was the only way to do it.
I’m sorry for that.” He shakes his head as his lips twist bitterly.
“But no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t stay away. I ached to be around you.”
“The only thing I need protecting from,” I admit. “Is my own stupidity. I should have seen what was in front of me the entire time.” My gaze clings to his. “I’m the one who doesn’t deserve you. Not the other way around.” I swallow down the rising emotion that threatens to break loose.
“You’re wrong about that but I’m not going to argue.” His lips lift as he tenderly strokes the side of my face. “None of it matters anymore.”
My heart clenches. I don’t want him to push me away again. I don’t think I could stand it. Not anymore. Not knowing everything that I do.
Instead, he says, “Because you’re mine now.”
The breath rushes from my lungs as I sink into his touch. When his lips feather over mine, I open, needing the contact. Needing to reaffirm that this really is happening. That he’s mine and I’m his.
When he pulls away, a determined look fills his eyes. “Let’s get out of here. We’ve got one more thing to take care of before I hustle your sweet ass off to bed.”
Right.
I expel a breath.
Somehow, in the midst of all this, I forgot about my cousin.