Déjà Vu
Ananya
The garden of the Taj Palace hotel had been transformed into a runway. India’s fashion elite and a few prominent Bollywood stars sat just a few feet away, clapping as models glided past in Suraina ma’am’s breathtaking designs.
For the first time in my life, I was in the audience at a fashion show instead of running around as an intern.
I should be grateful even to be here. Instead, I was miserable.
This entire event was a glittering, colourful reminder of what could have been.
I was supposed to be a part of the team that made this happen.
I was supposed to be Suraina Mukherjee’s assistant.
‘Didn’t like it?’ Rishi asked as we left the garden.
‘I loved it.’ I forced a smile on my face. ‘Let’s see the exhibition.’
The hotel’s ballroom was hosting House of Advani’s Legacy Exhibition. The moment we entered, I was blown away.
Light spilt across the marble floors, collecting in warm pools. Crystal chandeliers hung overhead. Soft music drifted in the background. Servers wove through the crowd with trays of champagne.
The ballroom was divided into sections, each devoted to a day of Diwali.
‘Isha is going to be so jealous,’ Jasmine murmured when we entered the first section.
The room glowed in saffron and rose. Marigold garlands hung from carved teak panels.
An earthy sandalwood scent floated in the air.
In the centre stood three showpieces: a deep crimson Banarasi sari with delicate lotus motifs in pure gold threads, a midnight-blue sherwani with antique silver and tiny diamonds along the collar, and an ivory silk lehenga with gold zardozi, the needlework shimmering like sunlight on water.
We’d seen them at the fashion show. But up close, they were extraordinary.
‘Everyone will be jealous,’ Rishi murmured, looking around.
Employees from only certain departments were invited. And unfortunately, among all our friends, only the three of us had made the cut. The rest would have to hear all about it later.
‘I heard you were the one who came up with this exhibition idea,’ Jasmine said. ‘Is that true?’
‘Yes.’ It was almost surreal. And to think it was going to be on display in all the major Indian cities for a month.
‘Forget being an assistant, you should be in marketing,’ she said. ‘This is a hell of an idea.’
No, I should be in design, and I’d be much better at it.
I forced a smile. ‘Maybe.’
We were on our way to the next section when my gaze snagged on Jai. Clean-shaven, his sharp jaw looked like it could cut through glass. His hair was styled to perfection. His charcoal bandhgala suit clung to his broad shoulders – sinful perfection.
He was talking to Romit Kulkarni, one of the best fashion designers in India’s Indo-western segment.
Our eyes met. His attention was locked. I’d been careful not to look for him tonight, but it didn’t matter anymore. He was headed my way, and the crowd parted for him.
He stopped in front of us with a dazzling smile. ‘Good evening.’ His eyes swept over me. Hunger flared in them.
‘Good evening, Jai sir,’ Jasmine sighed, her eyes practically heart-shaped.
Rishi elbowed her and offered his own greeting.
‘Thank you for attending the event. I hope you’re enjoying it,’ Jai said graciously. ‘If you don’t mind, I’d like to borrow Ananya for some time.’
‘Of course,’ I murmured.
He led me out of the ballroom through an emergency exit door. In an instant, the noise vanished, leaving only the two of us in the hush of an empty stairwell.
The next thing I knew, my back hit the wall, and Jai’s mouth crashed onto mine, hot and demanding. My pulse quickened as my nerve endings hissed and crackled.
His hand curled around the nape of my neck, angling me exactly as he wanted. He teased the seams of my lips until I parted for him, his tongue slipping in, slow and claiming.
He tasted of champagne and desire, and I wanted more. A moan crept up the back of my throat, swallowed by his kiss.
It wasn’t just a kiss; it seared into my bones, rewiring the way my body understood craving. I lost all sense of the world until only Jai and my need for him existed.
When we finally pulled away, our harsh breaths echoed between us.
‘Staying away from you all evening has been a special kind of hell.’ The intensity in his eyes burned into me.
For the first time this evening, a real smile curved my lips. ‘I missed you too.’
His eyes drifted down my body, slow and deliberate, before meeting mine again. ‘Did I mention how beautiful you look?’
I’d worn a deep emerald silk sari with a zari border and gold jewellery. It had an understated elegance to it that drew compliments every time I wore it. It was also the only outfit I owned that felt appropriate for the event.
‘You sent me a text,’ I said softly, brushing off an imaginary speck of lint from his shoulder. ‘You look very handsome too. I love this suit on you.’
‘I’d rather have you on me,’ he murmured, making me smile again. ‘But unfortunately, we need to go back.’ He rubbed the corner of my lips. ‘Just realised I messed up your lipstick. Sorry.’
‘It’s okay, I’ll fix it,’ I said. ‘You should go. I’d hate for you to miss your own event.’
‘I’ll see you real soon.’ He pressed another kiss on my lips before he left.
I went straight to the bathroom and looked in the mirror.
Not too bad. Pulling a paper towel from the dispenser, I dampened it, cleaned the outlines of my lips and fished my lipstick from my clutch.
The door swung open.
Déjà vu prickled down my spine when Rekha stepped in, wearing a stunning HoA sari, not a pleat out of place.
Her gaze landed on me, sharp like a blade, slicing through my post-kiss haze.
My pulse drummed in my ears. I swallowed and tried to focus on reapplying my lipstick.
Her heels clicked softly against the marble until her reflection aligned beside mine.
‘It’s been a while since we’ve seen each other,’ she said lightly, as if we were friends who were too busy to meet for coffee. ‘I appreciate your messages. Though …’ Her head tilted ever so slightly. ‘They’ve been rather … filtered.’
I capped my lipstick, ignoring the tremble in my fingers. ‘There hasn’t been much to report.’
‘Nothing at all? Because the last time we met, you agreed to tell me everything. And yet,’ she continued, her voice as smooth as silk. ‘I knew nothing about Rivaayat until Jai told us at the family breakfast.’
‘I didn’t know either.’ My throat tightened as the lie slipped out. ‘He didn’t tell anyone. I—’
‘You’re his assistant, Ananya. And you’re telling me not one email, phone call or meeting alert came your way?’ Her eyes met mine in the mirror and landed like pinpricks – sharp and impossible to ignore. ‘Forgive me for not believing you.’
My grip on my clutch tightened. ‘I’m here to help you.’
She smiled, small and pitiful. ‘Ananya, you’re not doing me a favour. We had a very simple agreement. Information for the opportunity. I offered you the position you dreamed of.’ She touched the diamond necklace she was wearing. ‘Have I been taken advantage of?’
I shook my head.
She stepped closer, her voice dropping. ‘If you don’t hold up your end of the bargain, I’ll have to tell everyone the truth.’ Chanel N°5 replaced the oxygen in the air. ‘You can’t be trusted.’
‘No, I—’
‘This industry is small. It remembers. No one will question my judgement. They will never hire you. Your name will disappear from every guest list, every interview shortlist. And in fashion, invisibility is the same as death.’
My ears started ringing.
She stepped back again, looking at her reflection in the mirror as she fixed her hair. ‘I don’t give second chances. Don’t make me regret giving you the first.’
She turned and left, the door closing behind her with a click.
The sound swallowed all the air. My face burned bright while the rest of my body fell cold. A sheen of sweat formed on my skin.
The mirror blurred. My vision narrowed until I felt like I was looking through a tunnel.
Breathe.
Her perfume still lingered in the air, coiling tightly around my ribcage. My breath caught again and again, never quite enough.
Breathe.
My heartbeat was loud. Too loud. In my throat. Ears. Veins. Dizziness crawled up the back of my scalp. My tongue turned into a ball of cotton.
I bent forward, resting my palm flat on the cool marble counter, taking in large gulps of air. But it didn’t feel like enough.
Somewhere in the distance, footsteps passed by and a door clicked shut.
But I stayed there, paralysed between the counter and Rekha’s words.
Breathe.
In. Out. In. Out.
My shoulders loosened.
I continued taking deep breaths until the dizziness went away and my heart slowed.
I exhaled harshly and looked at my reflection. I looked the same, but felt nothing like myself.
The door swung open, and my heart lurched.
Jasmine walked in, her eyes landing on me. ‘Here you are,’ she said, sounding relieved. ‘We saw Jai sir again, and you weren’t with him. Where were you? It’s been an hour.’
I forced a smile, but my lips felt stiff. ‘I … I’m not feeling very well. I think I’m going to go home.’
Her eyebrows knitted. ‘What happened?’
‘Nothing,’ I said quickly, grabbing my clutch and moving towards the door. ‘I just need to leave.’
‘If you’re sure.’ She followed me out, still frowning. ‘Text me when you get home?’
I nodded, already out in the corridor. The air felt cooler here, but it wasn’t enough. I needed space.
I pulled my phone from my clutch and shot Jai a quick text so he wouldn’t look for me.
I was halfway to the hotel entrance when a large hand clasped my wrist. ‘Ananya.’
I looked up.
Jai was a little breathless, as if he’d chased me out. ‘What happened?’ His eyes roamed over my face. ‘Are you okay?’
My eyes stung. ‘I …’ My voice cracked. I swallowed, nodding.
His hand closed over my trembling fingers; his voice grew low and dangerous. ‘Did anyone say something to you?’
‘No.’ I was on the verge of breaking apart. ‘I just need to go home, Jai.’
His fingers wove through mine. ‘I’m coming with you.’
‘But your event …’ I protested. ‘You can’t just leave.’
‘Yes, I can,’ he said. ‘Because if you think I’m leaving you alone in this state, you’re out of your goddamn mind.’
The car ride passed in a blur of city lights and muted sounds. Each pass of Jai’s thumb and every lingering kiss to my hand eased something deep within me.
By the time Dilip pulled the car over, the feeling of being on the verge of a breakdown had abated.
I glanced out the window. In front of me was a two-storey-high foyer with a massive chandelier and a sleek reception desk. ‘Where are we?’
‘My home,’ Jai said softly. ‘I hope you don’t mind. It’s Saturday evening, and the traffic to yours would have been brutal. I want you to be comfortable as quickly as possible.’
A smile touched my lips. ‘Thank you.’
His flat took up the entire thirtieth floor and was a testament to his great taste: a woven rug covering the marble floors, plush couches in terracotta tones and moody paintings. And most impressive of all, floor-to-ceiling windows that led to a massive balcony with a sweeping view of the city.
‘Please make yourself at home.’ Jai gestured to the sofa. ‘Let me check if Madhu aunty has started making us dinner. I’d sent her a text on the way here.’
A short woman with a round face appeared, smiling warmly. ‘I have. Just give me ten minutes; I’ll have everything served in the dining room.’
‘I’m sorry, but I’m not very hungry,’ I said weakly.
Jai gave a look to Madhu aunty, who nodded and disappeared down the hallway.
‘Come, I’ll show you to a guest bedroom,’ he said gently, leading me inside.
He paused in front of a door and slowly opened it. ‘You can rest here. I’ll bring you something comfortable to change into.’ He pressed a soft kiss on my forehead. ‘And if you don’t want to be alone … my bedroom is straight down the hall.’
I lowered my head in a nod before stepping inside the room and letting the door close behind me.
Soft light spilt from a wall sconce, casting shadows over the place. It smelled faintly of lavender and fresh linen. I took off my heels and turned towards the en suite bathroom.
Sharp white lights came on. I gripped the marble counter with both hands and stared at myself in the mirror.
Eyes too wide. Lips pressed together. Pale skin.
What have I gotten myself into?
My chest squeezed tight. A small, fractured sound escaped my lips and tears pricked the corners of my eyes.
Then, a sound too small to be a sob slipped out before I could stop it.
My shoulders caved as my head bowed down.
Hot tears spilt down my cheeks, the suppressed sobs finally bursting forth.
After forever, or maybe a minute, a knock interrupted me.
‘Ananya?’ Jai’s voice was soft. Careful.
I swallowed. ‘Just a moment.’
I turned on the tap, letting the water run as I dared to look at my reflection again.
Redness rimmed my eyes, and mascara smeared my cheeks. Shit. Grabbing the facewash off the counter, I scrubbed away all traces of make-up and the breakdown. I patted my skin dry with the towel, took a breath, then stepped out.
Jai sat on the edge of the bed, now dressed in a cotton T-shirt and navy pyjamas. A neatly folded black tee and a pair of shorts lay next to him.
‘Are you okay?’ Worry showed in his eyes. ‘You seem … different.’
‘I’m fine.’ I took in a breath. ‘Just had a long day.’
‘Do you want to tell me about it?’ he asked softly.
I knew he wanted to be there for me. And I almost let him.
But I couldn’t. Not when his mother’s words bore down, accusing and unyielding.
My teeth grazed my bottom lip as I shook my head.
‘Okay.’ He stood up. ‘I’ll let you get some rest then. If you need anything, you know where to find me.’
Jai’s T-shirt was soft, smelled faintly like him and grazed the middle of my thighs. The shorts didn’t fit me, so I left them on the nightstand and slid under the covers.
If you think I’m leaving you alone in this state, you’re out of your goddamn mind.
Sometimes, I hated how good he was. How kind.
It would’ve been easier if he were cruel. If he deserved my betrayal.
But he didn’t. Not mine. Not Rekha’s.
He deserved to know the truth.
In fashion, invisibility is the same as death.
My grip tightened around the blanket before I flung it off and padded to his room.
I knocked, then slowly opened the door.
The room was bathed in muted golden light. Jai was leaning against the headrest, the rest of him under the blanket as he read a book.
He looked up, the edges of his lips curling.
He shut the book, placed it on the nightstand, then lifted the covers in silent invitation.
I crossed the room and slipped in. Instantly, I was enveloped by his warmth and the sweet, woody scent I’d started to crave.
‘I want to know what happened, but you don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to.’ His thumb gently caressed my cheek as his eyes stared into mine. ‘Just know that I’m always here for you.’
If he knew the truth … I wouldn’t be here.
So, I tucked my guilt behind a smile and closed my eyes.