Polaroids
Ananya
Dilip pulled over the car in front of my building. Traffic hadn’t been bad, which meant Jai had thirty minutes spare before dinner.
I turned to him and paused, my hand on the door handle. ‘Do you want to come over for a bit?’
He smiled slowly. ‘I’d love to.’
‘I should warn you,’ I said on our way up. ‘Rhea can be a handful. Don’t take anything she says personally; she means well.’
‘You’ve talked so much about her, I’m sure she’s great,’ he said good-naturedly. ‘I’m looking forward to meeting her.’
I slid the key in and opened the door.
The flat was silent – no music from songs or reels, or loud talking on the phone.
She’s not home. I fished my phone out of my pocket.
Thirteen WhatsApp notifications, twelve of which were from her, ranging from questions about my evening with Jai to an outfit check for the coffee date she was on right now. I sent some fire emojis.
‘She’s on a date, so you might have to wait a bit longer to meet her,’ I said. ‘But on the bright side, it’s just the two of us for now.’
Jai gave me a nod as he stared at the wall taped with our Polaroid pictures.
‘You look so cute in this one,’ he said, pointing to a picture in which I was grinning widely at the camera, a cake in my hand.
‘It was my twenty-second birthday.’ I remember having so much fun at that party. ‘You’re going to love this one especially…’ I looked around a bit more before I found it.
It was clicked five seconds later, when my friends had smeared the cake all over my face and were laughing at me.
‘I do.’ He chuckled. ‘I’m going to need a copy of it.’
‘No promises.’ My smile faded when he spotted my sewing machine tucked away in the corner. My sketchbook was right next to it.
Sketching designs was a way for me to express myself, relax and feel better. And with the amount of stress and anxiety I’d been experiencing lately, I’d been doing it a lot.
He moved towards it. ‘I didn’t know you could sew.’
I snatched the book and held it close to myself. ‘Only a little bit.’
‘Is that your sketchbook?’
Before I could answer, a loose sheet slipped out and drifted to his feet.
Jai picked it up before I could. He stared at it intently.
‘It’s ... it’s nothing.’ I shuffled my feet. ‘Sometimes I like to sketch my own designs. And make them. It’s … just a hobby.’
‘Can I see it?’ he asked.
I had shown my designs to a lot of people. Most were for job applications. The other times were to Rhea or my friends and family when they commissioned me to make a piece for them.
Panic crawled up my throat at the thought of showing them to Jai. Each of these sketches concealed a part of me. And I suppose if he, of all people, didn’t like them … I didn’t know if I’d ever recover from it.
And yet, who better than Jai, the COO of the largest fashion house in India? If anyone could tell me whether I had real talent or wishful thinking, it was him.
My fingers gripped the book before I handed it over.
He took his time flipping through it, his expression hard to decipher. My stomach knotted with every turn of the page.
Did he like them, or did I need to throw them all away? Did I have potential, or was I chasing smoke? Was I even worthy of working with Suraina Mukherjee?
Finally, he looked at me. ‘You want to be a fashion designer, don’t you?’
My heart stopped.
Hearing someone – him – say it out loud felt like a seam splitting open. My truth unravelled.
Yes, I wanted to work for Suraina ma’am. I wanted her mentorship to learn and grow under her guidance. But that wasn’t the end. I wanted to be a fashion designer.
I swallowed. ‘Yes.’
‘I have no idea why you are not one already,’ Jai said. ‘You are absolutely brilliant. Your designs are beautiful and inspired.’
‘Really?’ I was dreaming, surely. There was no way he liked my work that much.
He nodded. ‘I don’t have any jurisdiction over the hiring of designers, but I’ll put in a word with Meera or Suraina, whoever you prefer. I’m sure they would love to have you on their team.’
Jai basically offered me a job. This couldn’t be real. But the hopeful light in his eyes and the proud smile on his lips told me it was.
‘If you don’t hold up your end of the bargain, I’ll have to tell everyone the truth. You can’t be trusted.’
Rekha’s voice slithered in my head.
‘No one will question my judgement. They will never hire you.’
Dark tendrils wrapped themselves around my ribs. My heart slowed down. My mind blanked.
Breathe, Ananya.
‘Ananya? Are you okay?’
‘I …’ I took in a shuddering breath, but it didn’t fill my lungs.
I gripped the edge of the table. This is not the time, Ananya. Focus. Breathe.
Jai’s here. I didn’t want him to see me like this.
In. Out. In – nothing. The corners of my vision started blurring.
‘Honey, I’m home.’ The sing-song voice came from far away.
Then, a door slammed shut. Like a shot from a pistol, it startled me.
Oxygen rushed into my lungs. And with it came shame. Guilt. All of this was happening because I was betraying him, breaking his trust.
‘Ananya?’ Rhea came into view, looking concerned.
I forced a smile onto my face, picking at my nail. ‘Huh?’
‘You kind of … What happened there?’ she asked, studying Jai and then me.
‘I … um … Jai loved my designs and offered me a job,’ I replied. ‘I was just shocked, that’s all.’
She frowned as if she didn’t believe me.
I gave her a look. Please, drop this; Jai’s here.
‘That’s such great news!’ Rhea’s tone was excited, but I could tell she didn’t mean it.
I forced another smile. ‘Yeah,’ I said, turning to Jai. ‘Thank you, it means a lot.’ I wasn’t entirely lying. It really was amazing.
Jai didn’t look like he believed me either.
‘But I think now isn’t the time for it. I’ve signed a contract to stay until Kavita is back, and I don’t want to leave you high and dry,’ I said. ‘It’s only a couple of months anyway.’
‘Are you sure?’ he asked. ‘I can get a temp to fill your position.’
If I left, there was a good possibility that Rekha would fill this position with someone who would actually spy on Jai.
And I couldn’t let that happen. I didn’t know what her intentions were, but I had a feeling they weren’t good.
I’d waited all my life for this opportunity; I could wait for Kavita to return and make sure he was in good hands.
‘I am.’ I nodded.
Somehow, the three of us ended up on the sofa, and Rhea was telling us about her date.
‘… so I order a matcha—’
‘Just like a goat,’ I chimed in.
‘It is not a grass smoothie!’ She chucked a pillow at my head. ‘And this dude pulled out a shaker bottle and a protein powder sachet from his bag.’
‘He didn’t.’ My eyebrows shot up.
‘I wish he didn’t,’ she muttered. ‘Then he asked the barista to shake almond milk and the protein powder in his bottle and use it to make coffee. I felt like the whole café stopped to judge me. The server definitely did.’
Jai and I burst out laughing.
‘I wanted to crawl under my table and die,’ she groaned, hiding her face in her hands.
‘And this doesn’t even make the top five of her most disastrous dates,’ I told Jai.
‘No way.’ He shook his head with a chuckle. ‘If that’s what’s out there, you deserve a medal for your patience, not judgement.’
‘Thank you!’ Rhea said and then glared at me. ‘That’s how supportive you should be. Be a better friend.’
‘You’re stuck with me as I am forever.’ I giggled.
‘See what you’ll have to deal with?’ Rhea asked Jai.
He caught my eye, smiling. ‘Consider me warned.’
Soon it was time for Jai to leave.
‘I’ll see you tomorrow.’ He pressed a soft kiss on my lips. ‘Have a good evening.’
Warmth returned to my heart. ‘You too.’
I shut the door and leaned back against it. He’s so damn perfect!
Rhea was looking at me, her face even. No smirk. No teasing me for blushing or being cringe. Just a frown.
I blinked, my high faltering.
‘What is it?’ I asked, sitting on the sofa and hugging a cushion.
‘You’re happy,’ she said softly. ‘And he seems like a great guy. He looks at you like you hang the damn moon.’
Her tone made my smile waver. My grip on the pillow tightened.
‘So why …’ she continued, ‘did you look like you were going to pass out when I walked in?’
My stomach twisted. I wanted to laugh it off, to deny it, but something deep within me had already split. Memories from the event resurfaced. The bathroom. Rekha’s threats. Her hand on my arm. The suffocating fragrance of Chanel N°5. My panic attack.
‘Rekha—’ A thick knot formed in my throat.
‘She cornered me in the bathroom at the event.’ I dragged in a breath and told her about the threats.
About the weight pressing in on me until the world seemed to tilt.
How I couldn’t breathe. I had to grip the bathroom counter to hold myself up through the panic, fogging my brain.
Rhea’s face grew more concerned, but she didn’t interrupt.
My vision blurred. ‘I was about to have another panic attack when you walked in.’ My heart stuttered.
‘I wanted to accept Jai’s offer; of course, I did.
But all I could think about was that Rekha would ruin my life if I accepted it.
I can’t lose Jai.’ My voice cracked. ‘And I can’t give up on my dream. ’
‘Oh, Anu.’ She pulled me into a hug, her chin resting on my shoulder. ‘I’m so sorry.’
A sob escaped my mouth.
She pulled back, her thumbs brushing away the tears on my cheeks. ‘Listen to me. You cannot let Rekha toy with you. And Jai …’ She hesitated, then said softly, ‘He’s not the kind of guy you risk like this. You love him. I can see it all over your face.’
I did. I loved him. I really did.
I swallowed. ‘What do I do?’
‘You tell Jai the truth and hope he forgives you,’ she said, as if it were that easy. ‘You can’t keep splitting yourself in half like this. You’ll break. And if you keep going like this, you won’t just lose him or your career. You’ll lose yourself.’
‘Jai …’ A sob escaped my lips. ‘He will never forgive me. I …’ All the air escaped my lungs. My chest caved in. ‘I’ll lose him forever.’
He valued honesty and loyalty deeply. I’d seen how angry he was after what Lehenga Bazaar had done. His competitor. If he found out what I had done … I sobbed harder.
Rhea pulled me into another hug.
‘I’ll lose everything.’
‘Jai seems like a good guy. If you’re honest with him, he might forgive you.’ She rubbed my back. ‘And until you come clean, you’ll always fear the worst. That’s no way to love.’
The thought made my stomach twist. My breath shallowed, and I felt like the air had thinned. ‘I … I can’t tell him, Rhea. I can’t.’
‘Then end it with Rekha. And pray to God it doesn’t come back to you.’